Holding Hands Won't Be Enough

”What the hell are you doing here?” Bam asked highly confused as to why Milly had entered her own kitchen.

”Seth was apparently too busy with meetings to come and get me, so I got a cab..” she replied, setting her bag down on the counter, he frowned.

”Dude, I would have got you, you just had to call.”

”Thanks Bam, but you’ve evidently got your hands full..” she laughed. Bam’s hands were covered in pancake batter, the whisk he was holding dripping beige gloop down onto the many bracelets adorning his wrist. Oscar sat quietly at the table chopping bananas, they were making breakfast together. It truly warmed her heart how much Bam had taken to her child, these past few weeks he had spent more time hanging out and playing with him than Seth had in two years. If she didn’t find it so adorable, she would be jealous that they spent so much time playing without her.

”I haven’t made pancakes since.. I don’t even remember. I had to call Ape.” he chuckled, ”But things are going good with the 'Bamcakes', hey bud?” he directed at Oscar.

”Bamcakes! Yeah dude!” he grinned, pushing a piece of banana into his mouth.

”My son said dude...” she pouted, putting her hand to her chest proudly. ”I knew he was cool.” she gushed in jest. "You however, 'Bamcakes', you big loser." she laughed, playfully hitting Bam in the chest. He laughed and waggled the whisk in her face before getting back to the job at hand.

”Where’s Wille?”

”He left around midnight, said he had to go work on some things. Something was bothering him though, he’s gotten shitty at hiding it from me.”

”Mige said you made him call Jonna, that’s probably what was wrong.” he said, passively. The notion that nobody liked Jonna was ever present, not that Milly could boast being her number one fan, but ultimately it was Ville’s choice, she told herself. ”You want some?” Bam asked as he started pouring the batter onto the griddle.

”You know what, I’d love some. I’m starving.”

As they sat at the table and ate together, Milly had to admit, she didn’t know what to expect from Bam cooking, but they were delicious. Oscar had cut up banana and strawberries, granted he had cut them into the smallest, mushiest pieces he could possibly try to, but she loved that Bam had included him.

”Linde said that Mige went off at you?” he inquired quietly. She nodded, swallowing her mouthful of food before talking.

”Yeah..” she set her fork down and rubbed her eye, ”He said I have to tell Ville before he does.” she touched Oscar’s head and pushed the hair back from his face, ”I just.. I don’t know how. Everything has happened so quickly, I’ve barely had time to think for myself, you know?”

”If you want some time, we could leave for Philly tomorrow.. I was only sticking about with the guys, but it’s totally cool.” she nodded, truth be told, she had thought about asking Bam if they could leave sooner herself.

”So long as it is cool?”

”Yeah.” he smiled. ”Hey, can I ask your advice?” he said, his voice getting a bit louder and sitting up straight.

”Of course you can.”

”You know how I told you that Missy and I were kind of estranged..?” she nodded politely, the whole woeful tale of them arguing so much it drove them to see other people whilst remaining married perplexed her. ”Since Ryan... you know.. We’ve been speaking a lot more, we call each other every day, text constantly, it’s kinda like we’re dating for the first time again.”

”That’s good, Bam. That’s progress.”

”I just..” he started, before dropping his head and ruffling his hair, ”I don’t want her to think I’m just falling back to her because I need someone now that Dunn’s gone – it’s not like that.”

”Then what is it?” she asked, not maliciously, but to get him to say it aloud.

”I just realised when we went to the crash, that, I fucking love her to death and I don’t want to lose her and that I’ve been a total fucking jerk off to her. I don’t know what to do to make it right again?”

”I’m hardly in the position to give you any kind of advice, Bam.. You’re hugely aware of the situation I’m in.” she laughed, somewhat sadly, averting her eyes to Oscar who was happily stuffing banana in his mouth at speed and squeezing it back out through his teeth into his hand to then wipe onto the pancake before eating – simply mashing the tiny cubes would have had the same effect, but he was enjoying himself.

”But you’re a woman, you should know how I should approach her with it..?” she nodded.

”So, why did it go wrong?” he turned and looked at Oscar, he reached over and rustled his curly mop of banana-ry hair.

”I wanted a kid.” he said bluntly. This shocked Milly, she would have thought it would be the other way around, with Missy wanting kids and Bam not wanting a bar of it.

”And she didn’t? Why?” she asked, unable to mask her shock. He just shrugged and shook his head, visibly looking concerned, ”Oh, Bam..” she offered, placing her hand on his, his many rings slightly cold to the touch.

”Well this is all very cute.” Seth remarked, Milly pulled her hand back and Bam sat taller in his chair. Seth, Ville and Mige were standing in the open patio door looking questionably on the scenario that they were faced with.

”Mmm..” Mige added, bitterly.

”Oh fuck off both of you.” she snapped, standing to abruptly, her chair noisily moving back, ”We were talking about Ryan.” she picked up her plate as well as Bam’s and set them in the sink angrily. It wasn’t just his choice of entering words that had pissed her off, she had been home around one hour and now he was home, after apparently not being able to pick her up because of ’all his meetings’. He really made her blood boil with his thoughtlessness sometimes.

”I, uh.. Sorry.” Seth stammered, obviously embarrassed at his ignorance.

”Thanks..” Bam said quietly.

”Oh, actually, Seth.. I’ve been meaning to ask you, I need to steal Milly away sooner than next week, we only have a small window where Glomb can build, so we kinda need to bail ASAP, like, tomorrow ASAP.”

”Oh, of course dude, no doubt it’s cool with Milly, right babe?” she nodded, phasing out as Seth began to ask how Glomb had been, her mind was completely taken back with amazement at Bam’s power of manipulation - how he had observed Seth’s possessiveness and need for control and completely used it to his favour – not to mention saved her from having to initiate that inevitably awkward conversation with Seth. Not in a million years would she have imagined that Bam would be her closest ally through this. She wondered if he would relay any of the things she had said to Ville, but that was her nature, she wasn't quick to trust people, even though she knew with Bam that he would never do something like that, it was literally her life that depended on it. There wasn't a waking moment of the day when she wasn't scared that somebody would say something, or that Ville would work it out for himself. She even went so far as to casually and slowly take down and hide all the photographs of her and Oscar without Seth even noticing; Bam did catch her one morning and had subtly helped until the only ones remaining were in her study or her bedroom. Her head was aching and all she wanted to do was sleep, she didn't want to spend another waking minute under the judging glare of Mige, biding his time before erupting and telling all to Ville; she didn't want to spend another waking minute wondering what was bothering Ville and wanting to ask him and comfort him; most of all she didn't want to spend another waking minute around Seth, knowing that since the main cast of her old life came back, she had realised more and more everyday that she had made a mistake in choosing a partner that was so opposite to her - as it killed her to know that she had not only wasted Seth's time and life, or Ville's in not knowing Oscar, but her own, in not working on forgiving Ville.