Holding Hands Won't Be Enough

"Oscar!" she called as she searched for the ringing telephone that, once again, hadn't been put back on the cradle, "Oscar, are you getting ready for Mummy?"

"...Yes!" his small voice called back, assuredly.

"Good boy." Finding the phone when it was ringing had become an Olympic sport in her household; a race against time to find it before the caller gave up. Lifting a newspaper from on top of the fruit bowl, it finally revealed itself, "Ah-ha!" she chorused victoriously as she picked up the handset, "Hello?"

"Hey baby." the male voice purred.

"Seth." she smiled, sitting down on a kitchen stool, "I miss you."

"I miss you too, Twinkle Toes." she could tell he was smiling, he always did when he used the silly nickname he had given her.

"Don't call me that." she laughed.

"If I'm not there to be laughed at, I've got to make you laugh somehow." he reasoned.

"How's things going?"

"Oh, you know, ball-bustingly-busy, but, I'll survive. How are you and the little man?"

"Well, today, little man decided to play Seth and renovate the legs of the kitchen table." he laughed heartily, knowing full well that meant toddler destruction, "It's not funny! He was attempting to hammer pencils in with one of my boots!"

"I wish I was there to see it." he sniggered.

"Well, I did tape him for a little bit before I told him off.."

"You're just as bad as him you know!"

"Mummy.." Oscar called as he walked into the kitchen, "Mum, look." he held out a drawing for his mother, she took it and laughed.

"Here, why don't you tell Seth what you've drawn?" she picked him up and balanced him on her hip, "Here, say hello." she held the phone in front of him on loudspeaker.

"Seth?"

"Hey little man, what have you drawn for your pretty Mommy, huh bud?" he cooed.

"It's a new table with legs like it has fur.." he explained, pointing at the paper carefully.

"Oh yeah? Well, you tell Mommy to put it on the fridge, and we'll see what we can do about a furry legged table when I get home, huh? Sound like a plan, bud?"

"Yeah!" he smiled with excitement.

"Say bye-bye now, I need to talk with Mommy some more. You be good now, okay?"

"Okay.." turning off speaker and putting the phone back to her ear, she sighed.

"What time are you home tomorrow?"

"Around eleven - we can do brunch?" she thought for a second.

"Os has a play-date next door until 1, so that sounds perfect."

"Wear something sexy." he said quietly, she knew he was probably at a dinner with the guys he was currently working with.

"Just for you." she rolled her eyes, "You, wear something.. clean." she laughed.

"So cheeky." he chuckled, "Alright babe, I'll see you in the morning."

"You will."

"I love you."

"And I love you."

"Give Os a kiss from me."

"I will." Setting the phone back in the cradle, she rolled her head in circular motions with her eyes closed. It had become the norm that Seth was rarely around in the evenings or at night - she would find herself getting home to an empty and dark house five or more nights a week minimum. Seth was a music producer working out of the studio she had bought as an investment business - he reasoned as it was easier for musicians to record at night outside of potential work schedules, he could charge more, and that he wouldn't do it for long... But it had been almost a year now, and she was starting to tire of having a only a 3 year old to converse with over dinner.

"Mummy?" Oscar asked as she tucked him into bed.

"Yes darling?"

"Where's my Daddy?" she sighed. Oscar was just three, she had been with Seth for two and a
half years; he was fabulous with the whole thing of her having a child and understood that she didn't want to talk about his father, but at the same time, in not knowing, didn't want Oscar to grow up like he had, finding out at the age of 15, that the man he had known as his Dad, wasn't his biological father.

"Well, Seth isn't your Daddy, sweetheart.." she stroked his mop of dark hair back over his head, "But we love him how much?" she asked with vigor. He giggled and spread his arms as wide as he could.

"This much!"

"This much?" she asked, mimicking the width of his arms by holding her hands slightly apart.

"No!" he sniggered, pushing her hands further open.

"Only that much?" she opened them a little further than how he had placed them, "What about this much?"

"No!" he clambered from under his covers and stood on his bed, pushing one hand with each of his until her arms were fully extended. "That much!" he exclaimed.

"Oh, really?!" gasping, she clasping her arms around him and tickling his little body as he squealed in playful terror. "And how much does Mummy love her little man?" he positioned himself to sitting cross legged in front of her with his ten fingers stretched out in his lap, counting as he spoke.

"More than the sun.. and the moon.. and the stars.. and the sky.. and the plants.. and the seas.. and the foxes.. and ice cream.. and bananas.. and everything in the world. But the same as Binky, always and forever, until the end." he finished with a succinct nod. She picked Binky, his soft stuffed elephant up and kissed his head, before tucking him into the covers and moving Oscar to do the same.

"That's right, I love you both very much." she smiled, kissing his head and laying him down. "Now, the two of you go to sleep, you have big day of playing tomorrow!" she turned his lamp off and left his door ajar so the light from her bedroom down the hall would gently come in until he was sound asleep. "Night-night."

"Love you, Mummy."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

~

"Mil, that smells divine." Gwen sighed in delight as she opened the oven for a smell, Milly had invited her over after Seth had cancelled their lunch plans, yet again. "Seth may be a shitty at keeping to his word, but he sure is one lucky son of a bitch" Gwen laughed, she herself was a terrible cook, she could burn a pan of water without turning the stove on. "So," she said keenly, taking a seat on a stool as she nursed her glass of red wine, "what did you say troubled you about Oscar last night?"

"He asked where his Daddy was." she sighed, setting her glass down.

"Ohh." she nodded, knowingly.

"I'm dreading the day when he starts understanding and actually wants to know."

"But the guy, he doesn't know, does he?" shaking her head, Milly took a large sip of her wine.

"Not a clue."

"Would you ever contact him, to let him know he has a kid?"

"And say what?" she laughed nervously, "I knowingly left the country pregnant with our child, you have a three year old son. How have you been?" she shook her head, "I guess I'll tell him I used a sperm donor, or something... I don't know." Gwen was giving her that look only a caring best friend would give, and it burrowed into her mind. "Don't look at me like that!"

"I'm not, I just think that maybe, it would be better if you told the guy. I mean, what if Oscar got sick and needs a transplant or something..."

"Then I would revise my plan, but fingers crossed we never get to that point, huh?"

~

Later that afternoon, and perfectly out of character, Seth, with a bunch of flowers in hand had returned early and apologetic that he couldn't make lunch, "That was probably the best meal I've ever eaten, thank you." He smiled, leaning over and kissing his girlfriend of almost three years.

"It was just left overs of the lunch you bailed on, but I'm glad you liked what Gwen couldn't eat." she laughed dryly, reaching to pick up his plate.

"Mmm, I did." He kissed her again, getting in her way. "Now, you can go play with Oscar whilst I, wash up all this."

"Hun, no, I can do that.." he shook his head. "You'll just make a mess and if we've got people sta-." he stopped her talking by kissing her, but she wasn't enthused.

"It's the least I can do for my wonderfully understanding partner." He was referring to the fact that she had reluctantly agreed to let the guys he was working for stay for a few nights; the house they were staying it had flooded due to a burst water main running under the house, so it was out of bounds for a couple of days. He had caught her off guard asking, which explained the flowers, and put her in a position where it would cost them the studio fees if they had to reschedule, so she could hardly say no. Against her better judgement she agreed to them staying and subsequently, to Seth cleaning the kitchen, only to find a bigger mess in Oscar's playroom.

He had managed to get into the craft drawers and find himself a pot of green finger paint, covering his foam play mats and himself in the neon green goop. She stood in the doorway with her mouth agape, lost for words but not short of wanting to laugh. He was splatting his hands down on the mats and laughing, standing to his feet and showing his mum his hands when he noticed her. She crouched down and carefully picked up the paint pot before being ambushed.

"Oscar!" she gasped, having not expected him to pounce so quickly. He smacked his green paint covered hands on her mouth and chest, leaving her covered in paint before taking off running out the door behind her. "You little.." she whispered under her breath, "I am going to get you now little man!" she threatened playfully following him out the door, he turned and his little eyes widened before he ran off quickly again down the hall. Hearing her doorbell ring she ignored it, knowing that Seth would get and that it was probably Gwen having forgot something as she often did. "Oscar.." she called half amused half annoyed, hearing him giggle, "You better not be touching anything." she growled semi-seriously. "Where are you?" His footsteps echoed on the wood flooring, so she followed the noise through kitchen before coming to a halt. He was a quick little thing, but it didn't help that there were so many doors leading to other rooms and things he could hide under or behind, so she resorted to bribery, "Mummy's got something for you, come on!"

"No!" he laughed maniacally, zipping behind her legs, bolting for the front door. She could taste paint on her lips as she ran after him, laughing to herself at his gusto.

"Oh, Mal!" Seth laughed, walking in through the front door, "Come meet the guys!" distracted from her goal of catching her paint-covered son, she looked up and dropped the paint pot to the ground, splashing green finger paint everywhere. She couldn't believe it. Terrified, her breath caught in her throat.