Holding Hands Won't Be Enough

Milly woke up early and by early, it was still dark. One of her favourite things about New vapour that rose from the street grates early in the morning. Oscar had also woken up early; given that he had slept through the better part of the whole evening previous, he was now, at 4:30 am, fully rested and ready for playing. By five am they were showered, dressed warm and ready to go. She tried to be as quiet as she could as she made her way through the room in the dark searching for her bag, but Ville’s voice echoed amused around the room.

”Darling, I haven’t slept, no need to creep around like Mr. Ripper.” he sounded like he was smiling. Milly chuckled, relieved that she could finally turn a light on and search as frantically as she wanted.

”Has living in that castle turned you into a night dweller or something?” she laughed as she turned on the light, surprised to see that he was wearing different clothes and his hair indicated that he too had showered.

”Well, when in Rome.”

”Why haven’t you slept?” she asked semi-seriously.

”I spent all day yesterday sleeping, my pattern is out of whack.” he replied, nonchelantly.

”That’s right.” she remembered.

”So, where are you off to at this ungodly hour?” she smiled and shrugged. He loved how whimsical she still apparently was. It wasn’t unlike her a few years back to pack their bags and take them somewhere new on the precious times they had with each other between tours she didn’t come on.

”I don’t know. Breakfast, coffee, a boat ride.. Wherever the streaming streets take us.”

”Us?” he wondered, ”Oh, Oscar, of course.” he mumbled, embarrassed, hoping she didn’t think that he said ’us’, meaning himself and her. She sniggered.

”You are more then welcome to join us.” she said as she buttoned the last button of her pea green coat. ”It’d be like Helsinki days, aimlessly wondering the streets, freezing our tits off, it’ll be fun.”

”I’ll fetch my coat.” he grinned.

”I’ll fetch the kid.”



”He loves those croissants, doesn’t he?” Ville chuckled as they sat in a French cafe, by the window so as they could watch the first stirrings of New York City life under the dusky blue sky.

”They’re his favourite, aren’t they little man?” he nodded vigorously, chomping down another bite as he frantically coloured with the other.

”Must be from his father’s side. How strange.” Ville smiled, watching the child enjoy his pastry. Milly rubbed the back of her neck and bit her tongue, she was going to have to tell him today. They would spend the morning wandering, meet Missy and Bam for ice skating, she would leave Oscar with them and tell Ville. She was resolute on the fact, it almost felt like a weight off her shoulders knowing that she was finally ready to tell him that her child was his child.

”We better get going,” she panicked, seeing the time on the large wall clock, ”we’ll miss the boat.” Ville watched amazed as in one fair swoop, she picked up her bag, her coffee and her son and was ready to walk out the door. He smirked as he cleared his throat and picked up his wallet and his coffee, stuffing the wallet in his pocket and savouring the warmth on his hand from the coffee.

It didn’t take long to walk to the ferry stop, Liberty Island at sunrise seemed like a magical idea, but the icy cold wind once on the ferry wasn’t turned out not to be so magical. Milly held Oscar’s body to her, keeping his face from the harsh winds; Ville sat rigidly with his hands stuffed deep into his pockets, his eyes squinting across the Hudson.

”I’m out of touch with this freezing weather business.” she laughed honestly.

”We don’t get winds like this in Helsinki, this is painful.” he laughed. Oscar wriggled and starting talking.

”I want to see.” he said grumpily. She turned him around so as he could see his surroundings, but it wasn’t enough. ”I want to go to the edge and see the water.” Ville’s attention spiked, he knew of Milly’s un-fondness of big bodies of water

”I’ll take you little chap.”

Before Milly could even open her mouth to protest Oscar had hopped down off her lap and was already hand in hand with Ville carefully making their way to the side of the ferry. As she watched, her heart warmed her entire body; the sight of them holding hands, walking side by side, Ville scooping Oscar up and holding him up to see – she prayed to what ever or who ever was listening, to let this be okay.



”Oscar is Ville’s isn’t he?” Missy smiled, watching the three of them hold hands and slide over the ice, all laughing and happy.

”How'd you guess?” he smiled.

"Earlier, at Liberty Island, I was watching Milly watch them together, she cried.." she noted, sadly.

"She's scared shitless to tell him, but she knows she has to and she knows she will, so that makes it okay." he reasoned.

”Such a beautiful little family, wasted because of a mistake.” she said, disappointed.

”Under their rough relationship though, they’re the perfect fit, all it takes is a little smoothing of the edges to make them just right again.. Like us.”

”Like us?” he nodded.

”Yeah, kids or not, I’ve always known it.” she smiled, bashfully. Bam was never one for words, so when they came, it was like a gift from above.

”Kids.” she stated, with affirmation, looking intently into the cup of coffee her two hands were cradling. Bam’s face could barely fit his grin.

”What?”

”I want Margera babies.” she laughed, ”And you didn’t need the Oscar ploy, as cute as it was, to win me over, just know that.. Okay? I love you.”

”I kinda want to cry right now.” he beamed.

”Don’t babe, people will talk.” she whispered jovially. He scooped her up and held her so tight and close before setting her down and kissing her.

”Margera babies are go!” he exclaimed, holding her tightly against himself.



Bam and Missy had taken themselves back to the hotel leaving Oscar, Milly and Ville skating in the dark. Most people had left now, it was mainly college students on dates twirling around giggling with one another, but they didn’t care, for once, they were enjoying the moment, with no negativity or repercussions – it had been so long. Milly picked Oscar up to spin him around, his small beanie fell to the ground as she did so, Ville, ever vigilant, skated over to pick it up and return it to Oscar’s hairy little head. Oscar giggled excitedly as it began to snow, they were so taken with his excitement that they failed to notice the young guy coming towards them.

”Do you mind?” he gestured, holding his Polaroid camera up in front of them.

”Not at all.” Milly smiled, the camera flashed and before they knew it the guy was handing them the developing film.

”Most beautiful family ever.” he waved as he skated back to his girlfriend. Ville laughed nervously, as did Milly. She slid the film in her pocket and set Oscar back on the ground, taking one hand and holding the other out for Ville.

”Come on, five more minutes I think mister.” she said to Oscar in a motherly tone that excited Ville whenever he heard it.

”Up!” he chanted.

”1..2..3..” Ville counted before the to of them hoisted him into the air as they gently skated along. ”1..2..3..”

”Can we stay here all holiday?” he asked, trying to catch snow on his tongue rather than focus on not tripping over his skates. ”Can we stay here all holiday with Ville?” he rephrased.

”Oh come now, I think Ville might have better things to do than play silly beggars with us all day.”

”But I like playing silly beggars.” Ville said, pouting.

”Well, you would have to ask nicely, I guess.”

”Please can we?”

”Yes Mum, please can we?” Ville chorused, kneeling next to where Oscar stood. If there was ever a moment she wondered who Oscar was more like, this moment right here would scream to her exactly who he took after.