Status: Live

Holding Hands Won't Be Enough

Chapter 40: Locked

Her breath was caught in her throat. She worried that her glass may have hit someone below as she was sure she didn't hear it hit the ground when she dropped it in shock at being pulled backwards into the shadowy doorway. She found her balance and found herself staring into a familiar set of dusk green eyes. "I'm sorry I startled you." he stated, placing his hands on her arms as if to hold her still.

"Ville you almost ga-" she started.

"I'm sorry about Jonna." he added seriously, Milly stopped, her face softened after hearing Ville's tone, "I'm sorry she's preg- I didn't want to te- I'm sorry." his face was solemn, almost scared. She shook her head and ran her hand down his arm comfortingly.

"You don't have to be sorry." he found no word of a lie in her eyes, and he hated it. He knew he did have to be, he knew this was all down to him, he knew she knew that but didn't want to hurt him by saying so, and for that he was also sorry. "You're going to have a baby.. You're going to get to experience what I didn't let you, that's amazing Ville. You should be so happy." she explained, sadly. He looked down and began to softly shake his head.

"I don't want it." he shrugged, looking back to her eyes. He looked as if he might cry. He felt as though he might; she looked so beautiful and she swarmed every area of his mind.

"How can you not want that Ville?" she pushed his curls from his face as she often did Oscar, she smiled caringly, "You'll be so amazing with a baby."

"I don't want it, I have a baby.. I have Oscar."

"Darling, don't you say that. Life goes on. You're engaged to her, she's pregnant.. You can have that and have Oscar, there's no rule saying you can't." Milly explained kindly and Ville appreciated it, but, he wanted more. "Now, come on. Cheer up old man, it's your birthday." she chuckled.

"Matilda-" he began, he wanted to say many things, so very many things, but to him in that moment, nothing summed up what he wanted to saymore succinctly than pressing his lips to hers, taking her head in his hands and weaving his fingers in her hair.

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She knew she was lying when she said he didn't have to be sorry, but more than she wanted him to be sorry she wanted him to be hers, which is why when he kissed her she didn't resist - she gave into it. He ran his fingers through her hair and sent shivers through her entire body - with her hand she found the handle for the office door. They entered, not losing contact at all, Ville closing the door behind them with his foot and leaning her against the back of it, she reached across with her hand and switched the lock with her fingers. Already, it was different to their last encounter - it wasn't rushed, it wasn't hugely emotionally charged and it wasn't going to be quick. It was as if they had been waiting for this moment since seeing each other at her doorstep.

The fingers of her right hand twisted around the lock of curls at the base of his neck, while her other hand gripped the front of his jacket, in one swift motion she pulled it down his arms, allowing it to drop to the ground; the smell of his cologne was stronger now, it intoxicated her, it hadn't changed after all these years. He moved his kisses to her neck and her eyes felt as if they could roll to the back of her head, a soft noise escaped from her lips and she felt him smile against her skin. Her hair smelt like lavender, he'd forgotten how much it comforted him to come home from a long tour, arrive in the middle of the night and slip into bed, burying his nose in her hair. "I missed you so much." he said barely above a whisper, as he did on each of those nights, into her clavicle. Her fingers met at the top button of his shirt and released it with ease, she did the same until his chest was exposed and ran her hands behind the fabric, kissing his jaw bone.

"I missed you too." she said simply. He pulled his head back and for a moment they looked at each other, smiling, remembering.

"I love you Milly." her head dropped, she knew it wasn't right that he was saying it, and she knew it definitely wasn't right that she felt the same. He picked up her chin with his fingers and repeated himself, "I love you."

"Ville…" she breathed.

"Tell me.." he said, his lips against her forehead. She exhaled gently. He could feel her heart beating against his chest, "Tell me, Milly…" he whispered.

"…I love you." she grazed her hand up his sternum, her brow furrowed at the realisation of saying it aloud; she did love him, she thought. His hands shakingly gripped her upper arms and he kissed her, his hands gliding to her hips nervously, as if one wrong move could have her retract her words.

"Tell me again." he asked, moving his hand to the zip of her dress, hidden under her long hair. As he gingerly pulled it down, her body errupted into goosebumps, she couldn't help but say it again.

"I love you."

"Again." he sighed, pulling one shoulder loose, exposing her bare milk skin. Her mouth and nose nestled in the crook of his neck, her breath brushing against his skin softly as she slid his shirt off.

"I love you." she whispered, her other shoulder being exposed. She dropped her arms to her sides, the dress shifting slightly lower, exposing her upper chest in the dusky blue light of Bam's office. Ville's chest rose and fell as he admired her, dishevelled and honest before him. He wanted to ask again, but couldn't find the words, he just wanted to take her in… She took her dress in her fingers at the hem and wiggled in that way only women do when changing and it dropped to her feet with a soft, fabric, thud. If the sight of her before took his breath away, the sight of her now had stolen his lungs. The garter belt, the stockings, the strapless balcony bra, the way her hair flowed and cascaded over her shoulders, settling at her breast. "I love you." she spoke aloud - no whispers, no sighs, just truths.

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"I love you." she stated aloud, her chest puffing out momentarily with air filled lungs, her eyes locked with his. It was as if his chest burst open and all the pain of the past years gushed out of him and out of the room, he felt elated, he felt like he was standing taller than he had for four years, he felt alive. Their lips crashed together with a force that knocked Milly into the wall, but they didn't feel it. Their hands fumbled and garments fell to the ground around them as they made their way to the large sofa. It was then for a fleeting second through Milly's mind that she knew why Bam had wanted an oversized velvet sofa as opposed to an office friendly leather couch. The vibrating murmur of the music buzzed through the walls, their skin dragged against one anothers but their bodies yearned to be closer still. Their hands explored every inch of one another as they rocked slowly and forcefully in unison. Milly's fingers could have pierced the skin at the nape of Ville's neck and Ville could have pulled all of Milly's hair out if he held it any harder, but they weren't aware, they were lost in their moment.

Even when the end came and they redressed through fear of someone attempting to come in the room, they lay back on the sofa. Milly lay her head on Ville's chest and he drew his fingers over her arm, tracing mindless patterns as he held his eyes closed and enjoyed their prolonged moment of closeness. A buzzing from beside them broke their thought trains - Milly had thrown her bag onto the sofa as they had entered the room, the buzzing was her phone. Without hesitation, being a mother who's child wasn't with her, she reached for it only to find it was a message from Bam.

Have you bailed? Need to get in the office. Locked. You have key.

She showed it to Ville who chuckled, bashfully. Neither of them had heard anyone trying to get in, but then, they hadn't been paying attention. "How are we going to do this?" she asked, tucking her phone back into her small bag.

"We walk out of this room together holding hands and dance off into the night." he offered, hopefully.

"I wish it could be that easy." she replied, squeezing his hand. "But for now, we walk out of here together, walk to our friends and if they ask, we were talking about Oscar.. about Jonna.. about your baby." his body tensed as she said the words, "I don't want to be the cause of any trouble for you with her, okay? So, we walk out of here together, as the friends we are."

"Okay." he nodded, mimicking her actions.

"Right." she smiled, standing to her feet, tidying her clothes and hair as she did. Ville did the same as she collected her bag, she started for the door and he grabbed her hand, stopping her, and kissed her longingly.

"Just one more moment before we go out there.." he asked as if a condemned man, stroking his hand through her hair. She nodded as he held her, her fingers once again found the curls at the top of his neck and she twist them around her finger tips comfortingly.

"Come on." she sighed, after a moment had passed; Ville reluctantly followed, his heart sinking as she pulled open the door, the music surrounding them, the door closing on their closeness behind them.