Holding Hands Won't Be Enough

Bam had insisted on having a second get together at The Note the morning after for breakfast and as she'd come to learn very quickly, he usually didn't go without what he wanted and as such found herself bundling Oscar into the Hummer to head into town.

She sat quietly behind Missy's chair, her left hand placed at the back of Oscar's neck, his soft curls of hair nestling under her palm, she thought about the night before.. Not so much what they had done, because it was the second time they had done it in as many weeks, but what they had said. It played over and over in her mind how brutally honest she had been in saying that she loved him. It was like a broken dvd, constantly skipping and replaying snippets of their encounter in Bam's office. She made her excuses and left with haste shortly after, catching a cab home to curl up with the only other male she would endlessly reciprocate love for.

"Yo, Matilda!" Bam hollered, breaking her trance of thought. Her head snapped her vision to the rear view mirror to make eye contact with him, "Earth not good enough for you?" he questioned.

"What?" she asked, confused, defogging her mind. "I'm sorry I was miles away."

"No shit." he laughed, "How'd things go talking with Ville last night?"

"Oh.." she sort of remembers the reason they gave for being in the office, "Strange. I feel like I'm being thrown through a loop into the Twilight zone, actually." she sighed, rubbing her neck.

"We can take you back home, can't we babe?" Missy said, placing her hand on Bam's leg. He shook his head.

"Hell no."

"Babe..!"

"Nah uh." he reiterated.

"I want to come.."

"See!"

"It's fine.. really. I'm just a little drained."

"Too late anyway, because we're fucking here already." he laughed, pulling into his spot at the back of the venue. Oscar was impatient to get out of the car, whilst she was getting ready Bam filled him with notions of playing with his new friends, Glomb and Dico, and it had excited him no bounds.

"Stop squirming little egg." she scowled, trying to unbutton his seatbelt, "Oscar." she said sternly, "I mean it."

"Sorry." he said sadly, ceasing to move.

"You don't have to be sorry, just listen to me when I ask something of you." he nodded glumly, it wasn't often he got the 'annoyed mummy' voice, because he was so well behaved, but when he did, he didn't like it.

"Okay." he nodded. She scooped him up under his arms and plonked him down on the ground. He instinctively raised his arm up to hold her hand but Missy took it instead. He giggled menacingly, he loved attention from her.

"Are you going to be my handsome breakfast date?" Missy sweetly asked him, he nodded with a large grin and cuddled up to her leg, at that moment Milly finally found his wooly hat in her bag and crouched to pull it onto his head.

"Now young man, what do we do when we hold a pretty ladies hand?" she smiled.

"Be good." she smiled and kissed his forehead.

"Absolutely correct!"

"Come on!" Missy squeaked, "Let's see if we can find you some yummy french toast." Milly watched as they ran off together in search of sweet breakfast treats and turned to Bam with a knowing smirk.

"I know. I know."

"I can see it.. Very cute, very very cute." she took the cigarette Bam offered her, "Thank you."

"So, I hope you guys didn't spill any seed on my badass couch." Milly choked and spluttered. She patted her chest and tried to take it a big breath of air.

"Excuse me?"

"You wanna do the whole 'what, huh, no, okay yes' exchange?"

"Humour me." she replied, swallowing and breathing in through her nose.

"You guys fucked in the office." he stated, stalely.

"No we didn't."

"Yes you did."

"Yes we did." she said dryly as if it were of no surprise to him, which it evidently wasn't. "I told him I loved him." she said this as if it were a surprise, which, even to her it was. He was taken back and just looked at her wide eyed. "Mmm.." she nodded, "yep."

"Fuck."

"Uhuh."

"Now what?"

"Pretend like it never happened, I guess.. I can't torture myself. Jonna is having his kid.. I can't deal with that, I know I can't. I booked flights home leaving tomorrow morning. Don't say anything."

"I won't." he shook his head, "I'll miss you and the kid being around."

"5 hours away Bam. I've a big house that will be a lot emptier once I sort this Seth mess out." she chuckled.

"Yeah, what's going on with that dude?" she shook her head in disbelief.

"It's like I've slipped in the snow and I keep tumbling, you know.." she shrugged, "I haven't even tried to digest that curve ball. To be honest I'm more worried about the effect it'll have on Oscar.. Do I still let Seth see him? I just don't know how I'm going to explain this."

"Seth isn't his dad."

"He has been.." she rolled her head on her tense shoulders, "For over two years I've been the other woman.. He has a daughter." she scoffed disbelievingly, "but he wanted to adopt Oscar and marry me to keep me from having anything to do with Ville.. How selfish and-"

"Twisted?"

"..well, yeah. I don't get it."

"It's not impossible that he loved you too, Milly. He wouldn't have kept it up if it was just nothing.. Guys do dumb shit like that, I'm sorry as hell to admit it."

"Doesn't make it hurt any less."

"Are you going to tell this other woman?" he asked seriously.

"No. Absolutely not. It's not her fault.. I could never inflict that kind of pain on someone, it almost killed me Bam. If I hadn't have been pregnant, well, it would have been very easy for me to shuffle myself off this mortal coil, let's just say that. I couldn't imagine being knowing he'd had a whole other life."

"You're too good for these men, Millhouse. Really. You're a fucking saint."

"I've slept with the love of Jonna's life twice in less than 10 days; who am I a saint to?" she frowned.

"Ville has allowed a very one sided relationship to develop there and you fucking know it." he said quietly, she dropped the cigarette butt to the ground and extinguished it with her foot as she crossed her arms comfortingly.

"Yeah, well…" she shrugged, "life, huh?" she smiled, biting her bottom lip. "I told you, Twilight Zone." Bam smiled fondly at her, admiring her strength in the face of these situations. He could only hope that any child of his would one day bring it out in him.