Holding Hands Won't Be Enough

"Seth." she was startled, she hadn't expected to see him. When she'd arrived home from the East Coast all of his stuff had gone, he had no reason to be turning up here again. She gripped the door tighter in her hand, he must've noticed.

"Don't slam the door in my face." he spat out quickly, holding both of his hands up innocently.

"Why shouldn't I?"

"You should, but I don't want you to. Please." she exhaled sharply.

"What do you want?" he sucked nervously on his bottom lip then stepped aside to reveal a small child, his daughter, Elanora. The dagger digging only deeper being reminded that he had stolen the name she and Ville would romanticise about for their future daughter.

"Nora, say hello to Daddy's friend Ma- Milly…" the girl shy'd away behind her fathers leg. Milly's teeth clenched.

"Really low, Seth." she hissed, he knew full well she couldn't get mad if a child was present. "Why bring her here?"

"I wanted you to meet her. I wanted you to see why I did what I did."

"Didn't think a lengthy apology for asking me to marry you so you could take half of everything I've worked for - for MY family - though?" she half shouted, he had nothing to say. "Why are you really here?" she demanded to know angrily.

"You have pretty hair." the little girl smiled, cutting Milly off before she became bitterly angry. Her eyes fell to the child and she smiled awkwardly.

"Seth…" all attention turned to the driveway. It was the night so Milly hadn't even noticed the car, let alone the person waiting inside. "Everything okay?" Katia asked, as her daughter skipped over to her, setting off the motion light in the driveway, illuminating them both.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" she growled through gritted teeth. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Or is it a family trip to the bank?" she scoffed bitterly. "Get off of my property." she laughed, closing the door. His foot jammed into the side of it. "Move your foot Seth, or I will call the police."

"Please, I just need you to sign the release papers for the studio."

"Oh that's fucking rich, Seth. Try again when you don't have the cast of the Walton's in tow. Move your fucking foot. Now." he pulled it out and she heard him walking away.

"I can go to a lawyer." he said loudly, these words enraged her. She swung the door open with a face of thunder and stormed after him.

"A lawyer?! A lawyer?!! Seth, you planned to marry me to steal my money. That's extortion." she bellowed, not noticing a taxi pull up behind Seth's car as her back was now to the courtyard, "You really want to open that can of worms, you fucking idiot?!"

"Don't be a fucking bitch. You said I could have it." he shouted, waving the paper work at her menacingly.

"Are you insane?! You told Jonna about Oscar, together you ruined any beautiful meeting that little boy could have had with his father… YOU, you-" she yelled, pointing her finger into his chest angrily, "took that away from a child, you arsehole!"

"You fucking took it away from Oscar by being a selfish cunt in the first place!" he screamed back, pushing her away. She, and incidentally he, didn't see it coming; next thing she knew Seth was laying sprawled on the ground, with a bloody face, barely conscious and Katia was screaming behind her.

"I would suggest you take him home, or I shall call the police and let them know that he has been threatening and assaulting Milly and our child." Ville spat, enraged.

"You have five minutes to get off my property, Katia." Milly said with disdain, she reached down and picked up the papers from beside Seth and crumpled them in her hand. "Get inside…" she spoke quietly to Ville, looking at his hand; the skin on his knuckles was split and bloody, she didn't know who's blood. He picked up his bag and followed her through to the kitchen where she immediately began filling a fabric ice bag with cubes from the freezer.

"I'm sorry I hit him in front of the child." he said morosely.

"He shouldn't have brought her here. He deserved it, if I'm honest, the bastard. Don't be sorry." she replied as she pulled a first aid kit down from a cabinet and proceeded to rummage through it, setting a bottle of iodine and cotton swabs aside. "Come here and sit." she instructed, pulling a stool around to the sink. Ville did what he was told and held his hand out for her to nurse. She waited for the water to run luke warm before holding his hand underneath it, gently running her fingers over the loose skin to get rid of the blood. He watched her as she studied his hand, the way her brow crinkled in the middle when she was concentrating always made him smile. "This stuff will sting a little."

"I'm sure it'll be-" he stopped to exclaim surprise at the sensation, "Ow." he tried to pull his hand away but she pulled it back and continued dabbing the cotton over his wounds.

"Right, just keep this ice on it for a while, Lou Farigno." she said dryly, clamping the ice against his knuckles, he winced audibly.

"It hurts more with the ice."

"You knocked a grown man out Ville, your hand is swelling, I'm not surprised it hurts."

"You're angry…"

"No I'm not." she shook her head dismissively.

"Yes you are." he argued. She sighed.

"I'm not angry." she assured him. "My mind is just elsewhere. Like why you're even here? Why aren't you in New York holding Jonna's designer baby clothes bags?" she asked, shoving the first aid kit back into the cupboard.

"Because I can't stop thinking about you. I can’t stop replaying you standing there, telling me you love me.” she gently closed the door, paused a moment and turned around. His face screamed sincerity and it unnerved her.

"Ville.. you saw your baby yesterday."

"Yes - he called me Daddy and told me he loved me. I didn't have a single thought that wasn't over shadowed by the moment you told me and the moment he told me. Not one.”

“Well you should have.” she stated matter of factly. Playing cold was her first instinct, her motherly instinct - as much as she hated Jonna, she had to sympathise with the idea of her being alone and pregnant, after all, she knew how heartbreaking it was.

"It's not as easy as that. It wasn’t right of me to say that to you.”

“Why, do you not?”

“Of course I fucking do, but it’s not right, not anymore, not now.”

"I don't think the baby is mine, Milly.." he replied blankly. It took her by surprise.

“Bullshit.” she scoffed.

“I’m serious.” his expression of seriousness was unfaltering.

“And what basis do you have for this revaluation exactly?”

"I flit in and out of Finland on a whim, now more to sit quietly in my tower than before..” she remembered the days they would decide on tour that they wanted to have a night in their own bed without fearing for a moment of complete privacy on the bus, so often they’d be home by sundown and back on the tour in time for lunch the next day, "I did the dates and don't remember being in Helsinki when she would have fallen pregnant.. I just don't."

"Ask Seppo, that man is your walking diary.” he shook his head.

“I don’t allow myself to be as accessible as I was before, you know… I just up and leave now. No mobile, no email, I just work it out myself.” he sighed, "Is there a pre-natal paternity test?"

“Any pre-natal test carries risks.”

"For who?"

"The baby, Ville."

"Oh."

"Tea?" he nodded. "Do you not think this idea is just manifesting because-"

"No." he replied staunchly, she set the kettle down on the stove and ignited the ring burner.

"Okay," she started, in a motherly tone. She plucked two mugs from the freshly cleaned dishwasher, they were so warm to touch she set them down with a lot more energy than normal, "so what's your plan Ville?"

"I stay here, in L.A.”

“You’re going to abandon a pregnant woman who lives half the world away?”

“It’s not mine.”

“You can’t possibly know that.” she argued adamantly.

"I'll find out the day it's born."

"And if it is you’ll have missed all the scans and birthing classes, the first kicks, the birth.. for a second time. Then what?"

"I will find a way to deal with it."

"And in the mean time?"

"…I can be with you and Oscar here, together, like we should be." she couldn't help but shake her head in disbelief as he said this.

"It's all a little too romanticised, don't you think?" Ville looked worried that this was her response, "Ville, she is pregnant, you are her fiance, she stormed half-way around the world to find you to make you aware of her baby-bump - she practically mowed down anyone in her way… It's your baby. You're having a baby. SHE'S having your baby.."

“Mill-“

“I can’t condone you leaving her. Boy, I never thought I’d ever fucking say that, but I can’t.. I just can’t, not now.”

"I honestly don't believe it’s my baby, Mill.” he half shouted, stared into her eyes with a seriousness that couldn't be rivalled. She nodded gingerly.

"Okay." she scratched the back of her neck as her brain processed all of this, “What if it is yours then, and this is the decision you've made, you really think Jonna is going to let you have anything to do with your child?"

"That is a hypothetical bridge that will be crossed when arrived at."

"Life isn't a cheap romance novel, you know. It's supposed to be about making a commitment and honouring it."

"Sometimes. Other times, for people, it's about passion." her heart twisted in her chest.

"So.. what now?" she asked, pouring water into the mugs. “Does she know this is what you have going on in your mind?”

“Not exactly.”

"What does that mean?”

“We were having our usual daily fight, this time I stormed out saying it was over..”

“What were you fighting about?”

“You.” he pulled his shirt collar to the side to reveal three deep fingernail gauges on the top of his shoulder where she'd obviously tried to grab him. Milly gasped and covered her mouth before touching her fingers to them. "Jesus, Ville…"

“It’s nothing. She’s done worse.”

“Then why did you stay? Why wait until she’s carrying your child?”

“I saw subjecting myself to the tortuous punishment of my relationship with her as penance for what I did to you. Every slap, scratch, gauge and broken eardrum reminded me how much I hurt you - but I stay as none of that amounts to the pain I deserve for breaking your heart.”

“You did more than break my heart; you missed the first years of your son’s life.. You really want to risk doing that again?”

“Over the risk of loosing you again, yes.”

“I will be here, Oscar will be here.. We’re not going anywhere just because you have another life. This is THE stupidest decision I’ve ever heard.”

“It’s a life I don’t want…”

“You made your bed!” she snapped, slamming her cup down. Ville jerked back, not expecting the outburst from her. She pressed her fingers to her forehead, “I’m sorry. This is just a lot to take in.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I wish you just called. I’m still reeling from you knocking Seth cold.. I just, it’s too much.. I can’t..” he put his hand on top of hers, but it only made it worse. She pulled it away quickly, balling it into a fist and holding it to her chest with her other hand. It hurt Ville, seeing her do that.

“Mi-“

“I’ve had a really long fucking day.” she said, raising her voice and looking at him sternly. She was overwhelmed, she wanted to scream and cry more than anything. She started putting things away without really thinking about where she was putting them, just to move, just to use up some energy. “It’s late… I don’t know if you have a hotel sorted - you really didn’t have anything else planned well, so I’m guessing not..” she rambled, “stay in the room you had before, you know where everything is, just don’t talk to me, don’t look at me, don’t…” she sighed, putting her hands up defensively, “I need to fucking think.”