Holding Hands Won't Be Enough

“Mummy..” Oscar’s little voice asked as he stood up from laying on his belly on the sofa, and wobbled his way over his array of toy cars to stand beside her. She instinctively curled one arm supportively around him, not for a second taking her eyes off of her laptop screen as she studied the travel insurance bi-lines she was trying to make sense of.

“Yes darling?” she replied, expecting nothing less than an “I’m hungry” remark.

“Why are you mad at Daddy?” he asked, palming his hand through her long hair. She hated how observant he was over this whole situation; the three of them had not left the house since yesterday, and only minimal conversation had passed between Milly and Ville on the grounds of a large argument that erupted from the kitchen after their talk the previous morning, culminating in Milly only agreeing to his blackmail on the grounds that she would not, even once, be obliged to do anything or go anywhere she didn't want to - it would all be on her terms and that the primary purpose of their visit was to see her family.

“Well, your Daddy made a silly decision, and gave me a ridiculously selfish ultimatum,” she added through gritted teeth, “and it upset me a little bit, but it’s okay, because that happens to grown ups sometimes.”

“Are you going to make him go away?” he asked sadly, she guiltily made eye contact with Ville who was just as stunned at Oscar’s questions as she was. She cuddled him closer and sat him on her lap, kissing his temple.

“Well, he will be away for a little bit, because he lives very far away in a big tower.” he nodded, glumly, still holding her hair.

“I want him to stay here.” she saw Ville press the back of his fingers to his lips to cover him biting his lip in anguish.

“Darling, he has to go home, he has all that pretty music to make..” she couldn’t bring herself to explain the situation to him, it wasn’t needed, not yet anyway. “But..” she sang, not wanting her child to be sad, “I’ve been booking plane tickets so we'll be with Daddy for a little bit, would you like that?” he nodded, “And we’ll see Nanny and Gramps, and aunty Sonja. Does that sound fun?” he started crying, it broke both of their hearts. “Sweetheart,” she cooed, cuddling him even closer, “why are you crying?”

“I want Daddy to stay here with us.” he whimpered. Ville got up from his armchair and moved to sit next to Milly, who handed Oscar over to him in order to try and calm him down.

“Come on now, no more tears little one.” Ville purred, patting his son’s back as Oscar’s small arms coiled around his neck. Their eyes met over their child, they had caused his tears and his anguish, they felt ashamed.

"Cup of tea?" Milly offered guiltily.

————

Three Days Later

Milly sat with her head turned to the side, a small smile crept across her face as she watched Oscar sitting in Ville’s lap - his face nuzzled in his Dad’s chest - fast asleep and Ville himself asleep, his head bowed, nose gently placed atop of his sons head. She couldn’t help but snap a couple of photos, she may have hastily build a iron fortress around her heart but it didn’t mean it wasn’t still there. Moments after placing her camera back into her bag, the flight staff announced that the plane was making its decent. Having promised Oscar that she would wake him to watch Helsinki appear under him, she gently ran her hand through his hair, to which the nearness of her hand caused Ville to stir. He rolled his head back, his green eyes coming into focus and meeting hers.

“I nodded off.” he observed astutely.

“You did.” Her stomach tingled, remembering how much his voice turned her on when he was caught off guard. It was soft, but growling. She crunched her nose up, annoyed that she had felt that.

“He must calm me.” he yawned softly.

“And you him.” she touched the top of Oscar’s back and patted gently, hoping to disturb him. He nuzzled closer into Ville. “Little man, we’re going to land soon,” she whispered into his ear, “do you want to see out the window?” he nodded his head groggily without opening his eyes. “You do, huh?” he nodded again, eyes still closed. “Do you have x-ray vision?” Ville looked puzzled at this question, Oscar giggled and raised his hands from cuddling Ville to cover his eyes from his mother.

“Uh-huh.”

“I don’t think you do.” she sang, poking his side. “What do you think?” she asked Ville. She hadn’t spoken more then necessary since they had left Los Angeles, he hoped that she had started to have second thoughts during the course of the flight and felt optimistic through her playfulness.

“I think the only way to truly tell… is to tickle!” he exclaimed, his long fingers jittering up and down Oscar’s sides causing him to squeal and wriggle until he was quite clearly wide awake.

“Daddy, no!” he laughed uncontrollably, “Stop!” his cute cries were getting the attention of other passengers, but they just looked on fondly. He had made a point of making friends with everyone up and down the aisle on each trip to the bathroom, “I don’t have x-ray eyes, I don’t!” he squawked.

“Ah-ha!” Milly laughed, “We knew it all along!” at this point Oscar had wriggled himself to be laying across both of their laps, his feet in her lap, so she carefully pulled him fully into her lap and then plonked him down into the window seat, buckling him in. “Would you like a juice box?”

“Yes please mummy.” he said exhaling a deep breath, recovering from his tickle assault. She popped the straw in and handed it to him.

“Two hands so you don’t spill it.” she instructed, “Good boy. Can you see out the window okay?” she asked, tidying his erratic hair - just like his father, she thought as he nodded his head. “Now, would you like a juice box?” she laughed, turning to Ville with an amused expression, caught up in the hilarity of Oscar's reaction.

“Is the juice box highly caffeinated?”

“Ah, we only carry banana mango at this branch of Oscar’s travel bag I’m afraid.” she shrugged, “But I can offer you animal crackers or dried apple slices.”

“Dried apple slices? What vintage are they?” he smirked.

“Well, I’m told they were chopped and baked this morning, so I’m guessing around 11 or 12 hours.”

“Oh, and the chef, what information do you have on her, or indeed him?”

“Well, he, was male, Scandinavian I do believe..” she explained, he touched his fingers lightly on top of her hand, her head looked away to the side, “engaged and expecting a baby no less.” she said astutely, moving her hand away and tucking it under her leg.

“I can see cars!” Oscar squealed.

—————

“Why are they taking pictures?” Oscar asked curiously as Ville battled with a recalcitrant zipper on Oscar’s coat.

“Ville.” Milly said staunchly, stepping back from hugging Bam - who had arranged to meet them at baggage claim - she directed her eyes to a man with a telephoto lens following their path opposite them. He began waving and shouting Ville and Bam’s names, alerting other men with cameras to turn and follow suit. Without a second thought Ville gave up on the zip and scooped Oscar up, balancing him on his hip before taking Milly’s hand.

“Where’s Jonna, Ville?” one of the photographers yelled loudly at them, “Isn’t she knocked up?” His hand instinctively tried to grip tighter around Milly’s, but she pulled it away and covered her face as they hurried through the terminal, keeping their heads down. Ville was trying to conceal Oscar’s face even though he had no doubt they would have snapped photos before they had noticed them. “Romantic festive holiday with the secret child is it?” he yelled again.

“I have the car waiting just outside.” Bam assured them as they collectively pushed passed the crowd gathered to watch them. “Just get in, the driver will do the bags.” he instructed, patting Ville’s back. He expertly manoeuvred himself into the SUV without having Oscar move at all. He was thankful once inside that the windows were heavily tinted, this was certainly not an occasion upon where he would tease Bam’s flare for extravagance. Milly and Bam were seconds behind him getting into the front and rear doors respectively.

“You okay pumpkin?” she asked Oscar as he crawled over to her, cuddling up to her arm. He nodded hazily.

“My eyes are flashy.”

“Oh darling.” she cooed, “Blink them really really fast and it’ll go away.”

“How do they even know these things?” she questioned, angrily.

“Darling they’re vermin. Sneaky, untrustworthy vermin. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that, I didn’t even think.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“At least you look stunning.” he smiled, sincerely.

“Don’t say that.” she spat, “What were you doing grabbing my hand? It’ll look like we were arriving as a couple, what will Jonna think?”

“I didn’t think, I’m sorry.. It was instinct.” he apologised profusely.

“I was holding around your waist, if that makes a difference.” Bam chirped from the passenger seat as the driver entered the car. She didn’t even realise that he had been.

“You were?”

“Yeah babe.” he smiled, “If anything, we’ll look like a gay couple with their baby-mama.” she laughed softly, tucking her hair behind her ear as she watched her son blink furiously. She gently placed her hand over his eyes and ran her thumb down the length of his nose, more trying to calm herself than him. “Where to?”

“A hotel.” she replied, flustered, as she buckled Oscar into the seat between her and Ville.

“Mine?”

“No, we’ll go to my place.”

“I’ve just flown eleven hours and been accosted on arrival, I am not dealing with Jonna right now.”

“Jonna lives in the apartment.”

“I’m aware.”

“She doesn’t live in the tower, that’s my space.. No one comes there.”

“I’ve only been twice, both times uninvited.” Bam added.

“Yes, thank you Bam.” Milly sighed, wishing for a moment of quiet to allow herself to think.

“We can go there, you can sleep, shower.. I’ll look after Oscar, put him down for a nap, feed him.. Then later, if you’re up to it, we’ll go to my parents, if not, you can stay as long as it takes - alone, I’ll keep out of your hair.” he offered generously.

“I don’t feel comfortable knowing it’s your private space.”

“I don’t feel comfortable knowing you’d be spending money on a hotel when my son’s inheritance is sitting there empty and unused.”

“What will Jonna thi..”

“Milly! Fuck, what Jonna thinks, okay? You've put me into the position of having to care about that so let me deal with it accordingly.” he snapped loudly with large irritated hand gestures, it was clear that they were tired, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally, “Bam, give the man the address to the tower.”