Holding Hands Won't Be Enough

"I'll be back late this afternoon."

"I feel like a maid, Seth." she sighed, "Can't you just order takeout?"

"The guys have both commented on how amazing your cooking is." he offered, as if that made it all okay. "Please?"

She sighed before asking far too sweetly for it to be taken seriously, "Exactly, how much longer is my house going to be a hotel?" Seth laughed.

"Come on, it's not that bad, babe." he kissed her temple and picked up a cork screw, before crouching back down in front of the wine shelves, "You're surrounded by sexy dudes all day, what woman would complain?"

"This one." she smiled, tumbling the potatoes she had just boiled in a dish with a little butter and some dill. Seth pulled a bottle out and set it on the counter without standing from his position.

"Well you know what?" He said with a semi-serious chuckle, plucking another bottle out and standing to his feet, "Maybe if you gave Ville a chance rather than avoiding him at every opportunity, you wouldn't be complaining." He shot her an expectant glance, "I don't get it? Are you like, embarrassed, because you think he's hot or something?" he teased.

"Hmm?" she sounded as if she hadn't heard a word he said, making herself look extra flustered in the mess of a kitchen. She grabbed a box of microphones, though it wasn't really getting in her way at all, "Can you please move some of this shit, the kitchen is not an office." she growled, pushing the box towards him, sick of finding increasing amounts of recording equipment popping up all over her home for the past ten days.

He pulled the box off the bench top and looked at her pleadingly, "Just," he sighed, "try... Please."

"Seth, drop it. This is my fucking home and I have every fucking right to be annoyed at it being treated like Sunset fucking Plaza, okay?" He rolled his head back and exhaled, punctuating his frustration with a nod and an accentuated shrug of his arms.

"Consider it dropped." he coldly replied, tight lipped and eyebrows raised. He left the kitchen without another word, and she was glad that he did. She knew nothing would change, he was just that type of guy - too laid back for his own good. She closed the fridge door and pressed her head against the cold steel door, shutting her eyes for a moment of calm. Before she could get even momentarily caught up in her own thoughts Bam had appeared out of nowhere, as he did so well, and so often, as the case had been these past two weeks.

"You're going to hate me..." he declared, stoney faced. Having only met on a few brief occasions in the past, she had really grown to like Bam - what with Ville and Seth working together every minute of the day, and Bam not having any work on nor many remaining drinking buddies in L.A due to most of them taking up sobriety - the two of them had spent a lot of time together.

"How do you know I don't already?" she offered with a wry smile, turning slowly from the fridge, her moment to herself literally just that.

"I already know you're not going to like it, like, at all. So I can just guess that you already do, but just remember your friend Bam tried to stop it." he spat quickly, his hands up in pre-surrender.

"Bam, what's going on?" her tone serious now as she wondered what possibly had him so panicked.

"The rest of the band are coming to dinner." He winced, before witnessing the colour drain from her face.

"What? When will they be here?"

"Uh-"

"Bam!"

"They're kinda in the driveway."

"Fuck." She gasped, "Right.." she threw the towel she was holding toward the sink and started out the kitchen, pushing the large glass doors to her garden wide open. Bam followed her, confused why she wasn't taking the front door. "We need to get to their car without Seth seeing us first, Bam, please, just help me.." she begged as they quickly ran down the side gardens towards the driveway.

"Margera!" Mige hollered. Bam lifted his arm to gesture for him to shut up when Milly barged past him and rushed towards the unsuspecting men.

~

"This house is god damn gorgeous. Are you sure it's the address Seth gave us?" Linde asked, staring out the window in awe of the house they were pulling up to. Knowing Seth it surprised them all to see the beauty of this villa and not some modern arty shack.

"We practically followed him here - yes, I'm sure this is the address, idiot." Burton laughed, shaking his head at his friend.

"I need some fucking sleep, brother." Linde laughed, shrugging off the question as he brought the car to a halt.

"Nice..." Mige whispered as he took in the sight of the beautiful Spanish villa, stretching his back as he stood next to the car, "Nothing like back in Finland." he said over his shoulder, before noticing his old friend come charging towards him. "Margera!" He didn't have time to take in Bam's strange reaction as a woman with deep red hair came barging past him. Mige squinted his eyes, perplexed, "Milly?" he questioned loudly.

"Milly?!" Linde exclaimed, "Where?" he asked disbelievingly as he threw his backpack over his shoulder, turning to see her coming towards them running.

"No fucking way..." Gas said in shock.

"Oh my god." Burton mumbled, dropping the bag he'd retrieved from the boot to the ground.

"Mil, what are y-" Mige started, only to have her hand swiftly cover his mouth.

"Just be quiet!!" she exclaimed, clamping her shaking hand tighter on his mouth, frantically making eye contact with her beloved old friends one by one as quickly as possible, she let go of Mige and held his arm tightly, "I don't know you. I'm really sorry, but we'll have to do this la-"

"Ah! So I see you've met the lady in my life.." Seth called out, approaching from the garage, they all shifted nervously before her sidled up beside her, slinking his arm around her waist and pulling her closer to him. She smiled widely and humoured him with a laugh as she placed her palm on his chest.

"Yes, I was just introducing myself, as is customary when someone new pulls into your hotel driveway." she stared at the group of men, it was barely noticeable to anyone but them, given that they were staring at her in disbelief, but she was shaking her head and gritting her teeth through her large false smile. "When were you going to tell me honey? Before or after dinner?" she laughed, just as falsely as her smile.

"Didn't you leave something on in the kitchen?" Bam said, before Seth, or anyone else has a chance to speak.

"Oh, shit, I sure did." she pushed away from Seth with haste and made her way back into the kitchen hoping that nothing was burning or on fire, but instead was was met with the sight of Ville tending to the gravy on the stove. Sighing heavily and unable to ignore or avoid him as she had been doing for close to two weeks now, she poured herself a glass of red wine in the largest glass she knew she owned. She could feel Ville's eyes on her so turned to face him head on, "He can't know, Ville. I know him and I know he would be angry that I never told him. I can't deal with angry Seth, okay. So, I don't know you. I don't know them. They don't know me." she stressed anxiously, her fingers tapping the stem of the glass erratically as her mind raced, "Don't mess up my life again."

"That's the last thing I would want to do, love." he said sincerely. It was the most she'd said to him in days, but the brutality of her bitter request cut like a knife.

"Thank you."

~

"Milly," she winced at the use of her nickname, "this smells so amazing!" Linde grinned, picking up his beer glass to toast her casually.

"Milly?" Seth asked, looking at Linde amused, then back to her.

"It's a Finnish thing, babe. Matilda is Milly... Even my parents call me Milly." he nodded thoughtfully.

"Oh. Didn't realise."

"What you don't like it?" Linde asked innocently.

"No, it's not that I don't." Seth shrugged, "It's just a bit childish, Mal suits you, you know."

"I guess.." she replied, obviously not wanting to cause a reaction as she set bowls and plates down on the table.

"Where's Oscar?" Seth asked as she was half way out of the room. She turned on her heel to respond to him.

"He's fine upstairs for now. He'll have some milk before bed." Linde and the guys all exchanged a look, eager to see what Seth and her kid would look like, and all equally as overwhelmed with what was going on as each other. Ville had made himself scarce since arriving back at the house, hiding down by the pool to smoke and avoid exactly the awkwardness that was occurring. It hadn't lasted long before Bam was strong-armed into leading the guys straight to him, where he explained - albeit very briefly - what the hell was going on.

"You are almost as good a cook as Ape. God damn this shit smells good." Bam announced as she sat down besides him, finally having got everything to the table after refusing help from anyone.

"Then please refrain from referring to it as shit." she smiled, taking a sip of her wine, "Please, help yourselves." she gestured, her gaze looking around for Seth.

"Here he is!" Seth exclaimed from behind her almost immediately, she turned and scowled heavily, she could have killed him, "Dinner time." he cooed.

"Seth!" she cursed, standing up and taking him, "I told you he was fine upstairs."

"What the fuck." Mige said in one hollow breath, looking to Linde who concurred with a succinct nod. He couldn't believe what he was seeing before him. Ville had explained that she had a kid, but they had all assumed with Seth as he hadn't gone into detail, but it was quite apparent now that they were all wrong.

"Mal.." Seth asked, confused, as she took the child away from him.

"Dinner." Oscar laughed.

"Yes, baby, dinner." she said dryly, shaking her head at Seth.

"Who's the kid?" Burton asked, stunned, as he watched the boy reach for Bam's head.

Sheepishly she replied, "This is my son, Oscar." he wriggled in her arms, reaching out for his new favourite friend. Bam gestured that he would take him and she relented, passed him over before leaving the dining room quickly and returning moments later with a plastic plate and matching colourful set of cutlery. She set them between herself and Bam, and took her seat quietly, making eye contact with no-one, wanting her wine glass to swallow her whole.

Linde, Mige, Gas and Burton had played along by asking questions about hers and Seth's life for conversation to break the palpable tension, it made her feel incredibly uncomfortable to begin with, but as they started to ask about her life after Helsinki, her responses flowed a lot more freely given that she was giving them answers to questions they would have really wanted answered. In truth, it broke her heart that she was lying and in turn making them lie too, but it was for the best. However, the luck of the evening ran dry when after one too many drinks, Mige began to get animated. She tried her hardest to end dinner and get everyone up and out of the dining room, but boys being boys, Seth was enjoying the banter too much. "You mean like the time Valo and Milly crashed her Dad's car into that river!" Mige chortled as he quaffed his beer. The table swiftly jumped from Bam kicking him under the table. Her face became very hot and Seth's head snapped to look at her. She could feel his eyes burning into her skin as she held her eyes tightly closed. "Oh fuck." Mige realised.

"Milly?" Seth asked, emphasising the fact that he had already heard her referred to as such once this evening.

"Yes?" she asked, turning her head towards him, smiling sympathetically but not opening her eyes.

"You know Ville?" he asked, bitterly.

"Of course I do, he's sitting right th-"

"You know what I mean, Mal." She took a deep breath and looked down at Ville, then down at her plate, fiddling with her knife.

"Yes." she swallowed hard, she knew this would be a long, drawn out, bitter argument that would go on for days, if not weeks, "Can we talk about this la-"

"No. Now." he demanded. Everyone shifted awkwardly at the table, like naughty school children caught out by their principal.

"I've known them for most of my life."

"Why did you not tell me?"

"Lots of reasons." she replied honestly. He would've been a fool not to hear the sadness in her voice that everyone else could. He cleared his throat and rubbed his forehead with his fingertips.

"Did you guys date?" he asked, looking at Ville - who's gaze fell to his water glass. She looked at him for a long moment and considered lying, but decided there was nothing to be gained from lying anymore to him.

"Yes." he let out a single frustrated, angered, laugh. "But he broke my heart and I left. Do you want to know anything else?" she asked, matter of factly, annoyed by the laugh.

"Mummy." Oscar chimed.

"Yes, pickle." She responded, her attention fully diverted to him, wiping food from his mouth with her thumb.

"Why are you and Seth sad?"

"We're not sad honey."

"Mommy just told me a lie champ."

"Seth!" she spat angrily, like she was telling off a misbehaved dog.

"You lied?" he asked, worried.

"Oh, no... Muffin, no."

"Then why is Seth sad?"

"Because Mummy and Ville were friends a long, long time ago and I didn't tell him and that upsets him." she said quietly as Seth glared at Ville from the end of the table.

"Did he listen to the music that makes you sad too? he asked innocently. Seth turned his attention back to Milly, his brow furrowed, biting down on his lop.

"Who does she listen to, Os?" Seth asked.

"Seth, leave him out of this." she snapped, running her hand over his hair, silently begging him to stop talking. Seth cleared his throat as he busied about, fixing his knife and fork on the plate and neatly placing his napkin on top of them before standing.

"I have to get back to work, excuse me." He left the table swiftly, once he had left the room scowls and scoffs were directed at Mige loudly as Ville and Milly exchanged a guilty stare.

"Mummy." Oscar whined, picking up on the uneasy vibe at the table.

"Finish your dinner, Oscar." She said sternly, standing in order to follow Seth into the kitchen. He was standing over the sink, griping the edges of the porcelain square tightly. "Seth..." he ignored her, "Seth."

"What, Milly..." he snarled, emphasising her 'new' name.

"Look, I understand you'd be hurt that I didn't tell you about my past to you, but telling my son that I lied, how dare you."

"You did lie."

"Not telling you because it was never asked is not lying. Have you told me about every group of friends you've had? Everyone you've had relationships with? Who cheated on you in your past? No! So why should I have had to?"

"He cheated on you?"

"It's not important."

"Yes it is-" he laughed dismissively.

"Why are you fucking laughing?" she asked, become angrier and angrier with his attitude.

"I need to get out of here."

~

It was late in the evening and she padded around her garden with a cigarette in one hand and a glass of wine in the other, enjoying the tranquility and solitude the garden offered her. She heard footsteps plodding over the grass and turned to see Linde looking concerned, hurrying towards her. "Hey Lilly." She smiled, placing her glass down. She had missed having him around as a friend; a pillar. "I'm really sorry about everything that's gone on since you got here.."

"It's fine, honestly, I think I get it."

"Get what?" she asked, tentatively.

"Milly, I want you to tell me the truth." he nodded, gently touching her shoulder. She sensed what was coming but prayed she was wrong, nodding slightly she met his eyes, "Oscar is Ville's son, isn't he?" her stomach sank and her heart jumped to her throat simultaneously, she swallowed hard trying to suppress the tears she could feel coming . "Milly, he is, isn't he?" she couldn't talk, staring desperately into his eyes terror surged through her body as she continued to not be able to move, let alone think. She asked herself, if someone this close to Ville knows, how could he not? Does he already? Is this why Linde is asking? Has he said something? It was different having Gwen and Bam know, but Linde - that was terrifying to her. She nodded, first cautiously but with a begging glare from Linde it became resolute.

"Fucking Christ." He damned, grabbing at the back of his neck. "Oh, Milly... Kulta." He said sympathetically, pulling her into a hug. She began to cry as he tried to make sense of it out loud,

"Why didn't you- How did you- You just- Shit." he couldn't find the words as he stroked her back calmingly.

"Does Ville know?" she asked, worried. He shook his head.

"He's too enamoured with seeing you to put two and two together and realise that Oscar is a tiny replica of him.".

"Don't tell him, Linde. Please."

"I won't but you have to tell him before he works it out. It has to come from you."

"I've left it too long, Linde."

"He has a right to know he has a child.." Linde argued, sensitively, but sternly. She felt completely backed into a corner, and reacted badly

"No, he lost all rights the day I went to tell him the first time."