Holding Hands Won't Be Enough

He didn’t want to do it, more than anything in the world he didn’t want to admit that this was his life now. He looked up at his apartment, his old faithful; no matter how much money he made, he would never give up this place. Though Jonna had altered the appearance of it in the last two years, it still held all some of his most treasured memories, so he couldn’t let go. He stood in front of his front door, his hands clasped behind his neck, his head leaning back. He hated the blue front door Jonna had picked, every day he walked up to it he missed his old red door more than he suspected a human had missed a door before. He had been given the job of replacing it, even though it was Jonna who had caused the old door to be kicked in - granted, it was him who had kicked it in, but that wasn’t the point. He smiled briefly and ran his hand down the door frame, inching closer to it and seeing two faint lines, one red and one black, that he had purposely left visible when he repainted, but only if you were to look for them. His thumb ran over the lines just as the door swung open.

Helsinki, 10 years ago

“You love me.” he said, smirking disbelievingly as they turned onto his street. They had snuck out from the party after the show and walked the streets like nervous teenagers, silently, awkwardly, holding hands, the whole way.

“No, we are not having this conversation.” she said, covering her face with her hand and shaking her head. He giggled. “I’m serious, no, Ville. This doesn’t change us.”

“Well, I think it does.”

“No.”

“Yes.” he nodded with a grin.

“How?”

“Because we’ll see each other naked.”

“Ville, I have seen you naked many-a-time.”

“Because I’ll see you naked.” he said, not missing a beat. “And also, because I can do this now.” he turned seamlessly, swooping her in his arms, dipping her into a Hollywood style kiss. He brought her back up, still supporting her neck and smiled happily. She blushed and took his hand, preparing to carry on with their walk. “You know what’s good about that?” he asked as they passed a particularly well lit building.

“That you’re a terribly good kisser?” she smirked.

“Nope.”

“What then?” he chuckled to himself.

“That I can do it whenever I like.”

“Is that s-“ she started, only to be interrupted. Again, he swooped and dipped her, his lips smiling against hers, “See…” he said, momentarily parting their lips. She nodded and gave into another kiss, her knees weakening at his touch. After a minute or so, she patted his chest and he brought back to an upright position.

“You do love me.” he stated, surely.

“Yes.” she replied, matter-of-factly, flashing a coy smile at him.

“Why?”

“Well that’s a silly question.” she laughed.

“Since when?”

“Also a silly question.”

“Milly.”

“Ville.” she smiled, repeating his tone, she had always been fond of his persistent and inquisitive nature, though right now she wished he would just drop and accept it.

“I’m just finding it very difficult to believe, that you, love me.”

“Well I do, so, suck it.” he laughed, he knew she hated when conversations got too serious - she would always resort to humour to take herself out of it, but he still couldn’t help but want to know more. It felt like dream to him. He had always theorised and dreamt that one day they would realise that they should have been together all along, but he never wanted to hurt her the way he seemed to hurt every woman, he realised now, that he had been with since meeting her. He never wanted to risk what they had, but it wasn’t something he was clueless too.. he just kept it buried in a box deep inside of him, that was until Jyrki kept tapping and tapping on the lid of that particular box-lid, then he realised that he should have risked it, long ago, when he first knew he loved her.

“Why now?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. It took being seconds away from Jussi entering me for me to realise that I was madly in love with you.”

“Vuori was that bad, huh?” he chuckled as they climbed the six steps to his buildings entrance.

“Ville, I realised in that moment that every relationship I’ve had, has failed because none of them were you.” she explained, coming to a stop next to him as he fumbled for his key in his pocket. Her words caused him to stop and just look at her, at how honest and raw she was in this exact moment. He smiled sweetly.

“You sound like Jyrki telling me why all my relationships have failed…”

“He got to you too, huh?” he nodded.

“That man,” she scoffed “such a meddling old woman.”

“I’m surprised his meddling didn’t extend as far to toss me a box of rubbers as we left.” Ville said jovially, finally locating the key and putting it to the lock.

“Oh, I see how it is.” she teased, “Get the girl, get laid? Is that the plan?”

“Oh absolutely, darling,” he winked, holding the door open for her, “the day we met I set into motion a chain of events that would lead to me porking you.” he jested as the elevator doors closed behind them. He pressed number 4 and smirked, “You should know tomorrow morning, we’ll no longer associate with one another.”

“A very long chain of events indeed.” she remarked, amused. The doors opened and naturally, Ville motioned for her to exit first, as a gentleman should, ”Pity about tomorrow though..” she chewed on her lip, smiling, as they walked the corridor, “I was kind of hoping we could get breakfast.”

“By breakfast, do you mean in a place… with people?” he grimaced, pulling his apartment key out of his back pocket.

“Oh god no - get it then take it straight home to eat in bed.” his arms fell to his sides and he stared at her. “What?”

“I’m so sorry, Milly.” he stated bluntly, “I really, really, fucking love you.”

“What are you sorry for?” she frowned.

“That it took me until now to realise that it’s been you all along.” she raised her hand to his face and ran her fingers along his hairline, she smiled.

“Took me just as long to admit it.”

“What fools we are.” He mused, picking up her hands and kissing them. “Will love me until I am a short, squalid, cantankerous, bastard little man, whom you can’t possible love another for another second?”

“How short are we talking, because the tall thing really does it for me?” he stepped towards her, leaning her against his red door, running his hands up her arms, the softness of her skin and her lavender shampoo sending his senses into overdrive. She backed her feet to the edge of the singular step and got onto it, becoming eye height with Ville. She curled her fingers over the lips of his jacket pockets, pulling him closer towards her.

“Quite short; grumpy old men are always short.”

“That won’t do at all.” she replied, shaking her head as her lips brushed against his collar bone, “Unless I get shorter too.”

“You’re already short.” he laughed silently, the rush of warm air from his nose brushing over her face.

“Well so long as you’re still in this apartment and you still have this step, we'll work it out.” her fingers brushed against objects in his pocket, she fumbled and found them to be two pens. “Draw a line above my head now, then in forty years, we’ll see where we're at.” she raised her eyebrows suggestively, “Unless this really is a case of long-plotted-porking?” he pouted his lips amused and took the pen from her hand, carefully he drew a thick red line above the top on her head on the right of the door, “Now you.” she ordered, turning him around so as his back was to the frame - she used the black pen for his line as he remained on the ground and she on the step. She stood back and admired the two lines, clear as day and couldn’t help but feel that it stood for a lot more than a silly joke - it was them together, theorising a future, being hopeful for their love.

“Ville..” she said, barely above a whisper.

“Yeah?”

“Take me inside.”