Holding Hands Won't Be Enough

Anita insisted on cooking a large family breakfast and took great delight in involving Oscar in the process. Conversation ranged from Oscar stories to Christmas plans then back to Oscar. It was now one thirty in the afternoon and she finally had a moment to herself. She sat with her legs curled under her in the corner of the antique red leather couch that sat by the fireplace in the living room, the Christmas tree twinkling in the corner against the backdrop of the snow falling outside the window. Anita had Christmas carols playing throughout the house and Milly listened to the harmonies of the voices singing ‘Rejoice’ as she stared at the tree, holding onto Blinky, taking in the warmth of the fire. As her eyes meandered to the fireplace she saw photos of her and Ville, still there, from their teen years and beyond - she didn’t need to get up and see them to know what they were. She pulled her cardigan tighter around her body and slid onto her side, tucking her feet behind a large throw pillow to keep them warm. She couldn’t help but think how different things would have been if Ville hadn’t done what he had… Oscar would have been here as a baby, his photos would be on the mantel, he would have had a family that wasn’t just her. She would have had Ville... Anita’s attitude towards him stuck in her mind and for the first time in weeks, she was angry at him too. She cuddled Oscar’s small elephant to her chest, rubbing the ear between her fingers for comfort, the smell of her son soothing. She cried softly and quietly until she fell asleep.

————

“Where did you hide Mummy, huh?” Ville asked Oscar, toting him around the house by having him stand atop of his feet and holding his hands above him.

“Nowhere!” he giggled, thoroughly enjoying his new mode of transportation. Kari and Anita had left to buy groceries, leaving Ville free to play with his son without having to share him with anyone, he relished in it. It wasn’t until a half hour had passed that he wondered where Milly had taken herself off too. “There’s Mummy!” Oscar exclaimed excitedly, yanking his hand away from Ville and pointing at his mother as he tried to speed off towards her. Ville swooped forward and scooped him up into his arms, holding him like a bundle of sticks.

“Shh, shh.. She’s sleeping.”

“Sleeping beauty!” he grinned sweetly. Ville kissed his head and smiled.

“She certainly is.” he replied, spinning Oscar around to look at the Christmas tree. “Do you like Mummo and Ukki’s tree?” he nodded surely, his eyes dazzled by the lights. Ville looked at the mantel, a sight he usually avoided looking at, but today, he wanted to. He gasped, having forgotten the funniest of the bunch, “Osi, look.” he balanced Oscar on his hip and picked up the photo frame, holding it close to the both of them, studying it with admiration. “Do you know who the pretty lady is?” he asked, pointing at the photo of two teenagers. “Can you see?” he smiled, moving it closer, watching Oscar’s face carefully study the picture, recognition finally clicking.

“Mummy!” he giggled, taking ahold of the picture himself and turning to stare at his sleeping mother then back to the photograph.

“And who else?” he imagined this one would be harder for him than the woman he had looked at every day since birth, “It’s me.” Oscar laughed. “Look a bit silly don’t I?”

“You look like a girl.” he cackled. Ville took the frame from him and looked at it for another moment, it was himself and Milly in the emergency room both wearing arm casts, holding hands and grinning naughtily. The odds of them both having broken their arms falling off a roof they had would have been slim to none, but they arrived, were x-rayed and were told they’d broken their left and right wrists respectively - much to the amusement of everyone. “Mummy..” he said, reaching out to another. It was Ville’s favourite, he standing behind Milly, his arms draped around her waist, holding her close with one arm and holding her left hand out with the other; her fingers extended showing off her ring. Anita had taken it the night they told them about their engagement. They glowed with happiness. He ran his thumb over the photo and took a seat on the opposite couch to Milly, plopping Oscar into his lap and holding the photo in front of them. “Daddy..” he smiled proudly, pointing at Ville in the photo. “You’re both doing big smiles.”

“This is my favourite photo of your Mummy and I.” he said, swallowing forcefully, a little taken back at remembering it so vividly. “What do you think of Mummy with different hair?” he chuckled, “Do you like the black, or this.. blonde..” he chortled, remembering the annoyance she experienced that her hairdresser had given her ‘gold’ hair rather than blonde the day of this photo being taken, “or the red?”

“Red!” he said, craning his neck to look up at Ville, “Like a mermaid.”

“Me too..”

“Why aren’t there Mummy with red hair pictures?”

“Because young man, she hasn’t been to Finland with red hair before. But I’ll bet there are pictures at your house with her with red hair.” he nodded.

“And black hair.” he nodded. “Why do you have this now?” he asked, turning quickly and grabbing Ville’s facial hair.

“Hey, ouch.” Ville laughed, taking his tiny hands and enshrouding them in his own. “Why?” he asked, comedically cocking an eyebrow and pursing his lips at him, “Do you not like it?”

“You look like a pirate.” he beamed. “Pirates and mermaids are my favourite.”

“Is that so?”

“Can I have one?” he asked, touching Ville’s moustache. He thought for a second and as if it was meant to be, Anita’s travel bag was perched on the arm rest of the couch. He reached over and fumbled for her leather glasses case he had purchased her for her birthday, she had wanted one she could keep her eyeliner in. “Big moustache or little moustache?”

“Ummm..” he thought.

“We’ll go medium.” Ville chuckled, “Hold still pikkuinen.”

————

She could hear chuckling and slowly opened her eyes to see Oscar sitting on his father’s lap, legs either side of his hips facing him dead still; the look of concentration on Ville’s face was short lived but sweet. She remained quiet and kept her head down so as she could watch them without disturbing them; putting aside any feelings she had about or towards Ville, she loved to watch them interact with each other, “Perfect.” Ville grinned.

“I want to see.” Ville stood and held Oscar under the arms, hoisting him into the air before sitting him on his shoulders. “Woaah!” Oscar laughed, holding Ville’s hands tightly.

“Ready?” Ville asked, standing in front of the mirror.

“Yeah!” he ducked down to allow Oscar to see himself, he laughed manically, Milly peeped her eyes open to look quickly at her son, “I look like a pirate too!” he cheered, pressing his fingers to his ‘moustache’.

“Yo-ho! Yo-ho! A pirates life for us!” Ville sang quietly, lifting him down from his shoulders and bobbing him up and down before placing him on the ground.

“I want to show Mummy!”

“Mummy is sleeping beauty, remember.”

“She wakes up with a kiss!” he said proudly remembering.

“Ahh, but only from a prince..” Ville explained solemnly, “And we are pirates.”

“But she’s a mermaid. So it’s okay.” he reasoned. Milly couldn’t help but chuckle, she tried to hide it but Ville noticed. Now knowing that she was awake, he played to it, encouraging Oscar to want to wake his mother.

“So if you’re a pirate prince, that would mean that I am a pirate king?” he thought for a second, chuckled, then nodded. “Are you a bad pirate or a good pirate?”

“Ummm.. good!”

“Well then quick! The mermaid must be saved and woken gently, before I, the bad pirate king wakes her horribly!” Milly stayed perfectly still, sensing Oscar slowly walking towards her, being careful to not wake her by making any noise as he approached. She felt his hand clumsily try and move the hair from her face before hunching himself inwards as he stood tall to whisper in her ear.

“Mummy..” he whispered, with a slight giggle. He turned to look at Ville who was watching him with adoration. “Mummy wake up, I’m a pirate prince!” she smiled and stayed perfectly still, wanting to play along and see his reaction. “Mummy are you asleep forever?” he gasped, turning and running to Ville worried. He crouched next to him and kissed his cheek.

“How did you tell me Sleeping Beauty wakes up?”

“With a kiss!” he ran back over and kissed her head. She still didn’t move.

“Maybe two kisses.” Ville laughed. He kissed her again and she waited until he turned to face Ville again to grab him around the waist and pull him up onto the couch onto of her. He screeched out in shock and laughter as Milly tickled him before cuddling him close to her and kissing his hair.

“Wow! You grew a moustache whilst I was asleep?!”

“No, silly! Daddy drew it!”

“Ahh.” she glanced at Ville and smiled as he watched them together.

“He did it black like his.”

“His is brown monkey.”

“No. It's black. Like your hair.” he said seriously, pointing his hand at the mantel then to his lip.

“Were you looking at pictures of me when I was young?” he nodded.

“And of Daddy.”

“Oh yeah.” she smiled sweetly.

“And you and Daddy! He showed me his favourite.”

“Did he?” she asked, her tone dropping as she looked at Ville, knowing exactly which picture he’d have shown him. He looked her and stood to his feet.

“Well now, Oscar reached for it as he liked our bigs smiles-”

“We’re back!” Anita hollered over the rustling of grocery bags, cutting Ville off, “Come and help please, Ville, your father is being stupid.” she called. Milly could tell there was something Ville wanted to say, but she couldn’t pick what it might be; his demeanour had certainly changed since speaking with Kari just as hers had no doubt changed since speaking with Anita.