Holding Hands Won't Be Enough

Jyrki had been wandering around the hall admiring the architecture, but mostly getting away from Jonna’s overbearing friends, for almost an hour with Mige, who was equally unimpressed by the whole affair. The had decided to return to the ballroom and were making their way along an ornately decorated corridor when they spotted Milly sitting in a decadent armchair, sobbing.

“Kulta..?” Mige asked, worried, hurrying over to her. She waved her hand dismissively.

“I’m fine.” she said, dabbing under her eyes carefully so as not to ruin her make up.

“Kulta, you’re crying and they’re not happy tears because there’s no freshly brewed coffee in sight.” he chuckled, calmingly placing a hand on her shoulder and squeezing. She looked up at her friends and didn’t have to say a word, she knew they knew and they knew she knew that they knew. Jyrki took a seat in the chair opposite her and reached across to move her hair from her face. She exhaled heavily and looked from Jyrki’s eyes to Mige’s eyes, both filled with worry and sadness for their dear friend.

“He just makes me so angry sometimes.” she growled. “I can’t believe this is where we’re at in our lives..” she said softly, before beginning to tear up again. Jyrki picked up her hands and kissed them comfortingly. “Why wasn’t it right? It was falling apart and when it would have been fixed it cracked.. Oscar would have fixed everything.”

“You don’t know that it would have been fixed, Mil..” Mige said seriously, “A baby doesn’t fix everything, you guys were passionate, too passionate if anything, it blind sighted you. Your career took off and I don’t think Ville knew how to share you with your job like you shared him with his. You think sharing you with a baby would have been different?”

“I was a drinking wreck, being pregnant would have changed how we had gotten.” she added, drinking having been her crutch for when she was stressed, whether it was with work or Ville. “I pushed him straight to her.”

“No you didn’t.” he said sternly, “She wormed her way in when she could see the relationship was vulnerable.” he added bitterly. “And you both were wrecks. Why do you think he’s sober now? It all happened so quickly, you both saw tiny cracks in your perfect relationship and freaked the fuck out, it was like a car crash that took months to reach impact.” he finished, smacking his hand slowly into his palm. She had forgotten Mige’s flare for gesturing.

“It just wasn’t the right time for you both.” Jyrki interjected.

“The right time? I was having our baby.” Milly grimaced, confused by Jyrki’s logic.

“Plot points, darling.”

“Huh?”

“You remember that French film we watched when we were stuck in that god awful truck stop during the storm in Stockholm? Where the man and the woman were perfect for each other but they kept missing each other? And in the last scene they meet on a plane because that’s the way it was destined to be?” she nodded, “Remember how you said that that was going to be you?” she didn’t move, but he nodded, “Now I’m not saying that perfect person is Ville and I’m not saying it’s not, but maybe you’ve met them already and just don’t know it. Darling girl, you’re just in the middle of your movie. This is all a plot point.” he smiled, “There’s still time, it’s just intermission. You will have your happy ending.”

“It seems so out of reach, Jyrki.”

“Then relax, let it come to you because I promise you it will come. You just have to let it. Now, come here.” he said extending his arms as she tilted her head back and closed her eyes, relieving them of the pressure from holding back tears.

“Uh-uhh.” she said, shaking her head, he grabbed the arm rests and tilted the entire chair forward, forcing her to fall towards him. He kissed her head and hugged her.

“What do you say we go get a drink?”

“I have to take care of my child.”

“He’s with his father is he not?”

“Well, yes..” she said, as Jyrki returned the chair to a safe position.

“Then let him worry, just for tonight. Let your hair down.” Mige insisted. “Come on, we’re all here together, we miss you. Ville can do Daddy dearest duties.”

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She hadn’t even needed to ask Ville, Anita had Oscar on her lap drawing on the table cloths, amusingly without a hint of distain for the damage he was doing to the linen. She found herself sitting alone at her table as Jyrki excused himself to go to the bathroom, the rest of the guys were sprinkled about the bar and the smoking area, naturally. She watched her son with his grandmother, laughing and giggling and wondered if he knew what was going on around him; if one day he’d be angry at her for making it happen. “Do you mind if I sit down?” she turned her head to see Jukka standing next to her with two glasses.

“Of course not, welcome to the loners table.” she laughed, turning her body to face him as he took a seat. “I’m so sorry about Ville before, he hasn’t had much time with Oscar today..” He extended a glass towards her and she welcomingly took it. “Thank you.” she held the glass to her face and inhaled, “Oh, smokey.”

“Just as good scotch should be.” he smiled dashingly, “And don’t worry about it. Cheers.” she returned the smile and clinked her glass against his. “Perfect night cap.” he affirmed.

“Oh, are you leaving?” she asked, not wanting to loose company. He bowed his head.

“I’m afraid so, I have a flight to catch it the morning.”

“Going somewhere warm I hope.” she chuckled.

“Hardly.. Stockholm for a few days of meetings.”

“Stockholm..” she repeated, the word resonating from what Jyrki spoke to her about. “Huh.”

“What?” he smirked, curious about her reaction. She shook her head.

“Nothing..”

“So, this may be forward of me, but I would like to take you for dinner perhaps? When I come back..” she knew he was bound to ask, but she didn’t think she’d find herself flustered when she was.

“Uh, well I’m awfully busy with my sisters wedding and Oscar-“ her eyes glanced away from Jukka for the first time since he had sat down and they were met with Ville and Jonna posing for a photograph for her parents, she watched as Jonna placed Ville’s hand on her stomach. “-so, that would be lovely, yes.” she finished, smiling forcefully.

“Excellent.” he smiled, retrieving a pen from inside his jacket and picking up a napkin, “Here is my number.” he said as he carefully wrote the numbers down. He picked up the napkin and tore it down the crease, Milly furrowed her brow confused as to what he was doing, “And, may I have yours?” he asked, sliding the torn half and his pen to her. Her eyes again flicked to Jonna and Ville and her fingers tightened to her hand, she picked up the pen and wrote her number down neatly before sliding it back to him. “It was so good to bump into you, Matilda.” he said, folding the napkin and putting it behind his pocket square. “I almost want to run the risk of missing my flight so I can stay and have another drink with you.”

“Oh now, don’t do that.” she laughed, he stood to his feet and she copied, “Have a safe trip, Jukka.” he nodded and placed his hand on her elbow, bowing in to kiss her cheek, his lips lingering a fraction longer that common.

“I’ll call you.” she smiled, nodded and waved her hand delicately, nervous that she had so willingly agreed to a date with him.

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“Can you please try and smile, once, please Ville. For fucks sake.” Jonna growled, “Be present with this child for a few fucking seconds.” Ville was too busy watching every move Jukka was making. He was glad he and Milly were in the same line of eye sight as his mother and son. Jonna grabbed his hand and held it against her stomach, standing taller to pose for the photo. Ville looked at the camera for a second and forced a toothless smile.

“I’m just keeping an eye on Oscar, Mum’s had too many ports.” he quickly lied, turning back to them. He watched as they swapped numbers and a rage rolled through him like it used to when it came to Jukka, “How could she be entertaining him?” he mumbled to himself.

“What?” Jonna growled, “They’re drawing Ville, he’s perfectly entertained.” he sighed and turned his attention back to the action at hand, but couldn’t help a moment later looking back over his shoulder again, this time seeing Jukka slowly kissing her cheek. He stood rigid, causing Jonna to turn. “Ville!”

“Jonna, I am a father, I am trying to keep an eye on my fucking child, which is slightly more important than this right now. I’m sorry.” he snapped pulling away from her boney frame, she and the photographer looked stunned, as did standing by friends. He ran his hands through his hair before curling his hands into small fists and then flexing his fingers by his side, “Just, give me a minute.” He manoeuvred through the crowd, passing Milly unnoticed as she sat pensively at her table, to reach his mother who was reading to a sleepy, slumped child on her lap. “Mum..”

“Oh darling, there you are.” she cooed, “I think little man is getting tired, I didn’t want to interrupt you or dear Milly as I do enjoy being with him.” he smiled, loving that she looked so content. “However I need to get your father home, he’s been enjoying the port a little too much…” she said quietly, motioning at Kari who had his head resting on his hand, dozing in and out of sleep. Reaching down, he plucked Oscar’s tired body from his mother and held him close to his chest. His smell encapsulated him every time, it was like nothing else, it was the scent of unfaltering love and devotion.

“Thanks so much for sitting with him.” she waved her hand.

“Don’t you even think of mentioning it.” she stood and kissed Ville’s cheek, then Oscar’s. “I love you both.”

“Thank you for coming.” she hardened slightly.

“I didn’t come for you darling..” she said as she picked up her purse and woke Kari, who sat straight in a daze, “Home husband of mine.” she smiled. He stood to his feet collecting his jacket and approached his son and grandson, kissing them both as Anita had done.

“We’ll see you soon son.” he nodded before taking Anita’s extended hand and following her. Oscar began to grumble and fidget so Ville turned his attentions to him.

“Are you tired now Pikkuinen?” he nodded and palmed his eye, “Did you have a fun day?”

“Yes…” he nodded again, “Where’s Mummy?” he asked, resting his head on Ville’s shoulder, clutching his little elephant to his face. Ville began to walk to her, seeing her hugging his parents before they left, she sat back down again, turning a piece of paper over and over again in her hands.

“Somebody wants their Mummy..” his voice purred over her shoulder.

“Oh darling,” she stood up immediately and stroked his head before kissing his temple, “You’re tired aren’t you? I’d better had get him home.” Ville was hesitant to relinquish him to her, enjoying more than anything the feeling of protecting his boy.

“Can I see him tomorrow?” he asked as she pulled his little coat, hat and scarf from her bag and began to dress him appropriately for the cold.

“Mum has been promised him for tomorrow, she wants him to meet his cousins and family.. I don’t know her plans, I’ll be working on the wedding with Sonja..”

“Oh..” he replied, rubbing his cheek against Oscars head.

“I’ll let you know.” he nodded and kissed Oscar before handing him over.

“Is Daddy coming to bed too?” he asked as he nuzzled into Milly.

“No darling, Daddy has to stay at his party.” she said, her eyes meeting Ville’s sadly. She glanced one last time at the table, picking up her bag and the piece of napkin Jukka had written on.

“Taking notes were we?” Ville laughed stupidly, having to say something seeing as Milly saw him watch as she put the napkin into her coat pocket.

“It’s more of a reminder.” she said dryly. “Say night night to Daddy, Osi.”

“Night night Daddy.”

“Goodnight sweetheart. I’ll see you soon.”

“Have a good night Ville. I’ll let you know about tomorrow, or whenever..”

“Yeah…” he watched as the two loves of his life left the room, one with another's number in her pocket, then moved out to the balcony to watch them enter a cab, leaving him behind, with his new life dancing and laughing behind of him. After a few minutes of staring in watching them all, thoughts of everything that had happened swarming in his head, he extinguished his cigarette, took a deep breath and committed himself to his punishment.