Status: Live
Holding Hands Won't Be Enough
Chapter 75: Can't Help Falling
Oscar quietly walked his dinosaur over his father’s arms that were looped around his middle, holding him gently in place as they sat in the carefully aligned chairs on Sonja’s side of the ceremony. Ville could hear Jussi talking but wasn’t listening at all, his eyes were fixed on James standing there nervously in his suit, smiling, readjusting his tie, looking at his bare ring finger for the last time, laughing happily with his groomsmen… His stomach had been sunk since Sonja asked him to stay; in a way he felt hurt that maybe this was her own sly way of punishing him for what he had done to her baby sister; and in another felt that it was the perfect revenge, having to see her in a wedding procession before his own.
“Dude.” Jussi snapped curtly, standing up. Ville shook his head to attention, clearing his foggy mind.
“Sorry- what were you saying?”
“We have to stand up.” he laughed, Ville’s mind finally registering that the procession music had started playing Canon D. He balanced Oscar on his boney hip and turned him towards the aisle; suddenly it dawned on him that his stomach was fluttering in anticipation of seeing Millie - seeing what she was wearing, seeing her smile, seeing her move… Since the day he first saw her he had been bewitched by every thing she did and in not having been witness to it for so long only to be given the opportunity once more, every thing she did in his eyes was amplified. He longed for every movement and felt guilty for doing so.
“Mummy!” Oscar yelped happily when Millie appeared last in the bridal party procession, her arm linked with James’ brother, the best man. Naturally she found Oscar immediately and smiled excitedly at him before smiling politely at everyone else. The long satin garnet red dress she was wearing fell against her frame perfectly accentuating every curve of her body; her hair curled and tousled at the ends, resting delicately against her bosom. She looked like a classic Hollywood movie star, she took Ville’s breath away. The entire service he couldn’t take his eyes from her as she watched her older sister in perfect adoration; her head ever so slightly tilted, her smile filled with love. A few times she naturally looked over at Oscar, happening to make eye contact with Ville as his eyes hadn’t moved from her once. It wasn’t a long ceremony, once it was over the wedding party went out for photographs and the guests were ushered through to another part of the building for drinks - the grand reception area Millie had meticulously decorated.
“Jesus.” Jussi exclaimed, taking in the majesty of the room. “We need to hire her to do our videos, fuck Bam.” he laughed, leading the way towards the open bar. They chatted for a short while about upcoming video shoots and tours, as they always did, before they noticed everyone was gathering in formation around the middle of the room. With Oscar on Ville’s shoulders and Jussi to his left, he followed the other guests to the dance floor, where lights were dimmed and Millie's meticulously hung fairy lights twinkled above. "Daddy, why is everyone quiet?"
"Your Aunty and Uncle are about to have a dance, pikku." He said quietly, dipping side to side and tickling Oscars legs with his fingers as he held them, making Oscar giggle very audibly.
"Ladies and gentlemen, the bride and groom." Ville paid little attention as guitar music gently began playing, instead he manoeuvred through the guests scanning them for Millie. Jussi shrugged, knowing definitely who Ville was searching for. Ville craned his head to scan the rest of the guests in the warehouse.
"Wise men say," the back of Jussi's hand slapped into his chest and he turned his head to the stage, his lips parting in disbelief at hearing the voice singing, "only fools rush in. But I can't help falling in love with you." He reached up and moved Oscar from his shoulders to his hip, holding him close to his body tenderly as his attention was now fully on Millie. He hadn't heard her sing in years, her voice haunted him so desperately, they way she emoted love with her voice was always with such heartfelt honesty and sadness that it rendered him speechless. Instinctively, he moved through the guests to the front of the circle formed around Sonja and her husband. Millie stood besides Jyrki, who was sat with an acoustic perched on his thigh, her hands were gently gripping the mic stand before her.
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“Millie, please, you have to, for me…” Sonja begged, gripping her baby sisters hands tightly. “Please.”
“Sonja, there’s so many people out there.” she worried.
“Millie, please.”
“What would I even sing?” she sighed, Sonja’s eyes widened, Millie raised her finger, “I’m not agreeing, I’m just asking.”
“Can’t help falling in love.” a voice piped up from behind her, “Your parents song.” she turned around menacingly, angrily staring at her friend.
“How might I have guessed you had a hand in this?” she scowled, pushing against Jyrki’s chest.
“No hand.” he said truthfully, “Just answering the call of a blushing bride.” she turned on her heel and stared once again at her sister.
“Have I not done enough for you for today? Honestly?” she asked, “I really don’t want to sing that song, let alone sing it in front of my whole family.”
“It would mean everything to me for you to sing it, that’s why I called Jyrki, because I know you’ll be comfortable singing with him.” she went to argue, but the purity in her sisters eyes melted her heart. She sighed with exasperation and swallowed nervously whilst shaking her head. “You’ll do it?!” Sonja squealed.
“Only because it’s your wedding.” Her sister grabbed her and hugged her tightly.
“Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!” she danced.
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"Mummy!" Oscar squeaked loudly, governing her attention.
"Shall I stay? Would it be a sin, if I can't help, falling in love with you..." His eyes were transfixed, hoping with every inch of him that she would look at him. Her eyes fell then she turned to her parents and smiled a dazzling bashful smile as she progressed to the chorus. "Like a river flows, surely to the sea; Darling so it goes, some things are meant to be."
"Mummy!" He laughed with a clap, before waving his hand at her. Ville took a hold of his hand in his first and hushed a 'shh' at him. When he looked back at Millie, he caught eye contact and immediately he felt frozen to his core, the lyrics hurting, yet swelling, his heart at the same time as she sang with a gaze of empty sadness at him, "Take my hand, take my whole life too; For I can't help falling in love with you."
"Dude," Jussi gawked, "what the fuck? I didn't even know she could sing. Incredible. She's making me feel feelings," he said patting his chest, "in my heart."
"It's breaking my heart." Ville said simply, honestly. Jussi didn't want to ask why she looked sad too, but he knew from the way her eyes fell on Ville that it would undoubtedly have something to do with the lyrics. "I sang this to her after I asked her to marry me." Jussi placed his hand on Ville's shoulder, that said more than he could have. He couldn't listen to it anymore, he could feel his throat tightening and desperately needed some air. Instinctively Jussi reached for Oscar and took him from Ville, sensing his shift in demeanour. "I can’t…” He said, turning and dipping his hand into his pocket desperately searching for his lighter as he navigated through the guests to the exit.
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She tried to ignore that Ville walked out, she was telling herself she was glad he walked away, this was her parents song before it was theirs. She focused her I tire attention onto her sister, onto her parents who had now joined them to dance. She smiled and smiled beautifully to try and mask the fact that she wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and cry. Her eyes couldn't help but scan the room quickly for him, she wished she could help it. "....I can't help, falling in love, with you."
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His heart pounded and his head was spinning, he couldn't breath, he imagined this was what a panic attack felt like, was he having one? He didn't even know. He couldn't even tell someone his address if they had asked him at this moment. He wanted to be sick. The same despair and guilt that initially washed over him when Millie had come home and found him that night was washing over him again as if it were brand new. He had always loved her, but these past few weeks he had fallen in love with her all over again, he had tried and tried to not let himself acknowledge that, but hearing her sing that song hit it home, hard.
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"Darling..." Jryki offered sympathetically upon seeing Millie's expression when she handed him the microphone, though it wasn't an expression he could place.
"Excuse me." She said sternly pushing past him, clutching handfuls of her dress in her hands, hitching it higher, so as not to inhibit her purposeful stride in the same direction as Ville had hightailed. His eyes met with Jussi's just after she had b-lined past him and Oscar intently. Jussi winced and shook his head, signifying that they should leave them to it, knowing that whatever was about to happen would no doubt involve shouting and that their involvement would be superfluous.
"Why is Mummy angry?" Oscar asked quietly, Jussi bounced him up and down and tickled his sides with his fingers.
"She's not angry. She just has to go do something very important."
"Did Daddy have to do something timportan too?" He mumbled.
"He sure did. They have to call Santa about where you'll be on Christmas! They've gone to call him right now." He felt so stupid saying it, but it came to him in an instant and the smile that spread across Oscar's face melted his heart.
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“Mil-“ he couldn’t get another syllable out before her hand struck him hard across the face.
“You did this to us.” she shouted, “I can’t do this any fucking longer Ville.” she growled angrily, “I can’t fucking do this. I can’t do this.” she yelled, not realising how much her hand hurt from how hard she had slapped him nor how cold she was from marching into the outer warehouse without a coat, only her fury keeping her warm. “I can’t watch you doing the perfect Daddy routine, I can’t have you being nice and helpful and fucking thoughtful after what you did. You ruined everything and now you swan around getting everything you ever wanted anyway and I just put up with it, Ville, because I want everyone to be happy.” she paused for a second to draw a large breath and shook her head adamantly, “I’m not fucking happy!” she shouted admittedly.
“I’m not happy either.” he offered, evidently in mortal shock at her slapping him but at the same time looking deserving of it, his facial expression offered empathy and lament.
“No! You can’t be sad. You don’t get to be sad!” she shouted loudly and bitterly over Whitney Houston’s ‘One Moment in Time’ aptly playing over the sound system from the reception, as a few tears tumbled from her eyes. “You ruined everything! You ruined every moment like this that we could have shared - this could have been our wedding!” she sniffed and tilted her head back, not wanting to ruin her makeup, but it only made her cry more out of frustration that she shouldn’t. “You ruined every important moment of Oscar’s life by not being there from what you did. He called another man Dad before he called you Dad. Do you know how that made me feel?” she wiped her face with the back of her hand before dropping her arms to her sides defeatedly, "How could you be so fucking selfish?! How could you fuck her in our bed?!" she gripped her head and stared at the ground, “You ruined my life because I’ve had to live it without my best friend and I hate you for it, I hate you so. fucking. much.” she wept bitterly. “You fucked everything up. Everything-”
“Dance with me.” he interjected.
“What?” she scowled, her chest rising and falling angrily as she cried.
“Matilda,” he said sadly, glassy tears threatening in his eyes, his voice trembling, holding out a hand for her to take, “please, dance with me.” she stared at him, confused and angry, his eyes begging her to just take his hand, “Please.” he repeated, “Please…” he begged. She felt her shoulders relax as she watched his eyes, full of sorrow, stared into her very core. Without realising she found herself reaching out and taking it, moving closer to him. He initially grasped it firmly and allowed her to get closer before gently pulling her in. Their fingertips traced over each others hands delicately, taking in every line and crease; Ville’s other hand softly held her lower back gingerly and hers rest on his shoulder - his hair brushing over them. Their faces barely inches from each other, their familiar scents reminding them of home. Ville’s lips rest on her forehead as he nuzzled his cheek and nose against her hair, taking in the smell of lavender that relaxed him in any situation. She felt a drip roll down her hair against her face before he pulled her closer against his body, lacing his fingers with hers, pressing his lips firmer against her head. She could feel his body jerking slightly as he cried and instinctively held him tighter too, her hand moving from his shoulder to the back of his neck, her thumb rubbing back and forth over the tendon soothingly. “I’m so sorry…” he sobbed, “I’m so so sorry.”
“I know…” she whispered, crying again herself.
“I’m so sorry.” he repeated and kept repeating.
“I know baby.” she hushed through her own tears, trying to swallow them back as best she could, running her hand through his hair comfortingly “I know.”
“Dude.” Jussi snapped curtly, standing up. Ville shook his head to attention, clearing his foggy mind.
“Sorry- what were you saying?”
“We have to stand up.” he laughed, Ville’s mind finally registering that the procession music had started playing Canon D. He balanced Oscar on his boney hip and turned him towards the aisle; suddenly it dawned on him that his stomach was fluttering in anticipation of seeing Millie - seeing what she was wearing, seeing her smile, seeing her move… Since the day he first saw her he had been bewitched by every thing she did and in not having been witness to it for so long only to be given the opportunity once more, every thing she did in his eyes was amplified. He longed for every movement and felt guilty for doing so.
“Mummy!” Oscar yelped happily when Millie appeared last in the bridal party procession, her arm linked with James’ brother, the best man. Naturally she found Oscar immediately and smiled excitedly at him before smiling politely at everyone else. The long satin garnet red dress she was wearing fell against her frame perfectly accentuating every curve of her body; her hair curled and tousled at the ends, resting delicately against her bosom. She looked like a classic Hollywood movie star, she took Ville’s breath away. The entire service he couldn’t take his eyes from her as she watched her older sister in perfect adoration; her head ever so slightly tilted, her smile filled with love. A few times she naturally looked over at Oscar, happening to make eye contact with Ville as his eyes hadn’t moved from her once. It wasn’t a long ceremony, once it was over the wedding party went out for photographs and the guests were ushered through to another part of the building for drinks - the grand reception area Millie had meticulously decorated.
“Jesus.” Jussi exclaimed, taking in the majesty of the room. “We need to hire her to do our videos, fuck Bam.” he laughed, leading the way towards the open bar. They chatted for a short while about upcoming video shoots and tours, as they always did, before they noticed everyone was gathering in formation around the middle of the room. With Oscar on Ville’s shoulders and Jussi to his left, he followed the other guests to the dance floor, where lights were dimmed and Millie's meticulously hung fairy lights twinkled above. "Daddy, why is everyone quiet?"
"Your Aunty and Uncle are about to have a dance, pikku." He said quietly, dipping side to side and tickling Oscars legs with his fingers as he held them, making Oscar giggle very audibly.
"Ladies and gentlemen, the bride and groom." Ville paid little attention as guitar music gently began playing, instead he manoeuvred through the guests scanning them for Millie. Jussi shrugged, knowing definitely who Ville was searching for. Ville craned his head to scan the rest of the guests in the warehouse.
"Wise men say," the back of Jussi's hand slapped into his chest and he turned his head to the stage, his lips parting in disbelief at hearing the voice singing, "only fools rush in. But I can't help falling in love with you." He reached up and moved Oscar from his shoulders to his hip, holding him close to his body tenderly as his attention was now fully on Millie. He hadn't heard her sing in years, her voice haunted him so desperately, they way she emoted love with her voice was always with such heartfelt honesty and sadness that it rendered him speechless. Instinctively, he moved through the guests to the front of the circle formed around Sonja and her husband. Millie stood besides Jyrki, who was sat with an acoustic perched on his thigh, her hands were gently gripping the mic stand before her.
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“Millie, please, you have to, for me…” Sonja begged, gripping her baby sisters hands tightly. “Please.”
“Sonja, there’s so many people out there.” she worried.
“Millie, please.”
“What would I even sing?” she sighed, Sonja’s eyes widened, Millie raised her finger, “I’m not agreeing, I’m just asking.”
“Can’t help falling in love.” a voice piped up from behind her, “Your parents song.” she turned around menacingly, angrily staring at her friend.
“How might I have guessed you had a hand in this?” she scowled, pushing against Jyrki’s chest.
“No hand.” he said truthfully, “Just answering the call of a blushing bride.” she turned on her heel and stared once again at her sister.
“Have I not done enough for you for today? Honestly?” she asked, “I really don’t want to sing that song, let alone sing it in front of my whole family.”
“It would mean everything to me for you to sing it, that’s why I called Jyrki, because I know you’ll be comfortable singing with him.” she went to argue, but the purity in her sisters eyes melted her heart. She sighed with exasperation and swallowed nervously whilst shaking her head. “You’ll do it?!” Sonja squealed.
“Only because it’s your wedding.” Her sister grabbed her and hugged her tightly.
“Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!” she danced.
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"Mummy!" Oscar squeaked loudly, governing her attention.
"Shall I stay? Would it be a sin, if I can't help, falling in love with you..." His eyes were transfixed, hoping with every inch of him that she would look at him. Her eyes fell then she turned to her parents and smiled a dazzling bashful smile as she progressed to the chorus. "Like a river flows, surely to the sea; Darling so it goes, some things are meant to be."
"Mummy!" He laughed with a clap, before waving his hand at her. Ville took a hold of his hand in his first and hushed a 'shh' at him. When he looked back at Millie, he caught eye contact and immediately he felt frozen to his core, the lyrics hurting, yet swelling, his heart at the same time as she sang with a gaze of empty sadness at him, "Take my hand, take my whole life too; For I can't help falling in love with you."
"Dude," Jussi gawked, "what the fuck? I didn't even know she could sing. Incredible. She's making me feel feelings," he said patting his chest, "in my heart."
"It's breaking my heart." Ville said simply, honestly. Jussi didn't want to ask why she looked sad too, but he knew from the way her eyes fell on Ville that it would undoubtedly have something to do with the lyrics. "I sang this to her after I asked her to marry me." Jussi placed his hand on Ville's shoulder, that said more than he could have. He couldn't listen to it anymore, he could feel his throat tightening and desperately needed some air. Instinctively Jussi reached for Oscar and took him from Ville, sensing his shift in demeanour. "I can’t…” He said, turning and dipping his hand into his pocket desperately searching for his lighter as he navigated through the guests to the exit.
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She tried to ignore that Ville walked out, she was telling herself she was glad he walked away, this was her parents song before it was theirs. She focused her I tire attention onto her sister, onto her parents who had now joined them to dance. She smiled and smiled beautifully to try and mask the fact that she wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and cry. Her eyes couldn't help but scan the room quickly for him, she wished she could help it. "....I can't help, falling in love, with you."
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His heart pounded and his head was spinning, he couldn't breath, he imagined this was what a panic attack felt like, was he having one? He didn't even know. He couldn't even tell someone his address if they had asked him at this moment. He wanted to be sick. The same despair and guilt that initially washed over him when Millie had come home and found him that night was washing over him again as if it were brand new. He had always loved her, but these past few weeks he had fallen in love with her all over again, he had tried and tried to not let himself acknowledge that, but hearing her sing that song hit it home, hard.
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"Darling..." Jryki offered sympathetically upon seeing Millie's expression when she handed him the microphone, though it wasn't an expression he could place.
"Excuse me." She said sternly pushing past him, clutching handfuls of her dress in her hands, hitching it higher, so as not to inhibit her purposeful stride in the same direction as Ville had hightailed. His eyes met with Jussi's just after she had b-lined past him and Oscar intently. Jussi winced and shook his head, signifying that they should leave them to it, knowing that whatever was about to happen would no doubt involve shouting and that their involvement would be superfluous.
"Why is Mummy angry?" Oscar asked quietly, Jussi bounced him up and down and tickled his sides with his fingers.
"She's not angry. She just has to go do something very important."
"Did Daddy have to do something timportan too?" He mumbled.
"He sure did. They have to call Santa about where you'll be on Christmas! They've gone to call him right now." He felt so stupid saying it, but it came to him in an instant and the smile that spread across Oscar's face melted his heart.
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“Mil-“ he couldn’t get another syllable out before her hand struck him hard across the face.
“You did this to us.” she shouted, “I can’t do this any fucking longer Ville.” she growled angrily, “I can’t fucking do this. I can’t do this.” she yelled, not realising how much her hand hurt from how hard she had slapped him nor how cold she was from marching into the outer warehouse without a coat, only her fury keeping her warm. “I can’t watch you doing the perfect Daddy routine, I can’t have you being nice and helpful and fucking thoughtful after what you did. You ruined everything and now you swan around getting everything you ever wanted anyway and I just put up with it, Ville, because I want everyone to be happy.” she paused for a second to draw a large breath and shook her head adamantly, “I’m not fucking happy!” she shouted admittedly.
“I’m not happy either.” he offered, evidently in mortal shock at her slapping him but at the same time looking deserving of it, his facial expression offered empathy and lament.
“No! You can’t be sad. You don’t get to be sad!” she shouted loudly and bitterly over Whitney Houston’s ‘One Moment in Time’ aptly playing over the sound system from the reception, as a few tears tumbled from her eyes. “You ruined everything! You ruined every moment like this that we could have shared - this could have been our wedding!” she sniffed and tilted her head back, not wanting to ruin her makeup, but it only made her cry more out of frustration that she shouldn’t. “You ruined every important moment of Oscar’s life by not being there from what you did. He called another man Dad before he called you Dad. Do you know how that made me feel?” she wiped her face with the back of her hand before dropping her arms to her sides defeatedly, "How could you be so fucking selfish?! How could you fuck her in our bed?!" she gripped her head and stared at the ground, “You ruined my life because I’ve had to live it without my best friend and I hate you for it, I hate you so. fucking. much.” she wept bitterly. “You fucked everything up. Everything-”
“Dance with me.” he interjected.
“What?” she scowled, her chest rising and falling angrily as she cried.
“Matilda,” he said sadly, glassy tears threatening in his eyes, his voice trembling, holding out a hand for her to take, “please, dance with me.” she stared at him, confused and angry, his eyes begging her to just take his hand, “Please.” he repeated, “Please…” he begged. She felt her shoulders relax as she watched his eyes, full of sorrow, stared into her very core. Without realising she found herself reaching out and taking it, moving closer to him. He initially grasped it firmly and allowed her to get closer before gently pulling her in. Their fingertips traced over each others hands delicately, taking in every line and crease; Ville’s other hand softly held her lower back gingerly and hers rest on his shoulder - his hair brushing over them. Their faces barely inches from each other, their familiar scents reminding them of home. Ville’s lips rest on her forehead as he nuzzled his cheek and nose against her hair, taking in the smell of lavender that relaxed him in any situation. She felt a drip roll down her hair against her face before he pulled her closer against his body, lacing his fingers with hers, pressing his lips firmer against her head. She could feel his body jerking slightly as he cried and instinctively held him tighter too, her hand moving from his shoulder to the back of his neck, her thumb rubbing back and forth over the tendon soothingly. “I’m so sorry…” he sobbed, “I’m so so sorry.”
“I know…” she whispered, crying again herself.
“I’m so sorry.” he repeated and kept repeating.
“I know baby.” she hushed through her own tears, trying to swallow them back as best she could, running her hand through his hair comfortingly “I know.”