Status: Live
Holding Hands Won't Be Enough
Chapter 77: X
“I’m going to leave you to your family, I’ve selfishly monopolised enough of your time.” Ville had offered, the prying eyes of certain family members and wedding guests burning into his skin - it wasn’t something Millie had not noticed as the gazes were falling on her too.
“O-“ she began before James’ sister pulled her arm and motioned towards were people had been standing giving speeches. She looked around and saw more rubbernecking and stares than she anticipated, just watching them. “Wait two minutes?” she asked, handing him Oscar, knowing he couldn’t leave with him.
“Uhh god, I didn’t even think of writing a speech-“ she laughed nervously, moving her hair from her face before rubbing her hands together as she pulled her thoughts together, “There was a period of my life where Sonja and I butted heads, a lot. She was headstrong on her path and I wasn’t so headstrong on mine. I took to the wayward little sister role like a duck to water, but you know, she was always watching from a far, ready to pull me up on my actions, put me down for my choices and ready to crack skulls if anyone hurt me.” she smiled, Sonja and her parents laughed, knowingly. “As a teenager, I found her to be overbearing and persistently awful to me - why couldn’t she just relax and come party with me, why couldn’t she just keep her nose out of my business, why couldn’t she be a cool older sister like other people had? I hated that she was always right. I hated that she had book smarts. I hated that I felt she disapproved of my choices. I hated that we weren’t closer… But my whole life she’s always been right there when I’ve needed her more than anything. It’s as if she has a sixth sense for it and then manifests before me; When I would fall down on the playground she was right there to pick me up; When I would come home at 4am and throw up everywhere, she would hold my hair back and get me water and advil and tuck me into bed with some elaborate story to Mum and Dad that I had food poisoning or gastro.” she giggled, “Whilst I finished my degree; When I started my business; When I bought my first house; When my heart was broken; When I went into labour halfway across the world, she boarded the first plane to L.A. just to hold my hand. My sister.. She’s my guardian angel. It took the birth of Oscar for me to realise that love doesn’t always have to show itself in traditional ways - if it’s there, it’s ever-present - I hate that it took me so long to realise that about my overbearing, bossy, outspoken sister that I was convinced was disappointed in me. Then I think about how lucky this man is that he gets a very large share of her beautiful love - that he gets her care, her diligence, her thoughtfulness - and that she gets it in return from him”. Sonja’s eyes were glittering with adoring tears listening to her baby sister talk, “The first time Son brought James to a family dinner, I was taken by how polite and attentive he was; we could all tell that this towering, broad shouldered, blue eyed, perfectly coiffed haired Englishman worshipped the ground that she walked on - and then, half way through dinner, he made her laugh a laugh we hadn’t heard since before she started on her crazed medical studies, then she started talking about travelling, taking time off school to explore the world with this adventure man who had stolen her heart - and we all knew then that we would be here one day. Love is the hardest, most taxing and most beautiful gift in the world - I’ve seen these two argue, I’ve seen them laugh and I’ve seen them cry, but most of all I see them love - through good, bad, monstrously sad and so happy I hate them just the littlest bit,” she laughed, holding her fingers up. “I could not be luckier to have a big sister as wonderful as you and I could not be more proud to now have a brother in James. Love is strange but it’s forever and I couldn’t think of two more deserving people of each others love. To Sonja and James.”
Ville found himself, along with eighty percent of the the guests, with a stiff limp in his throat at Milly’s words. He cradled Oscar’s sleepy head against his, the feel and scent of his hair a great comfort to Ville. He watched as Sonja and James weedily, but with much happiness, hug their sister - a proud family moment for Oscar’s grandparents watching on adoringly. He approached Heli and Juha tentatively, wanting to say goodbye before leaving them all to their perfect family evening.
“Ville.” Juha nodded with a warm smile that took Ville by surprise.
“I just wanted to thank you both for tolerating my presence today, I know there’s nothing I can say to erase what happened between Milly and I-“
“Nothing.” Heli iterated sternly. Ville bowed his head ashamed as he thought of something to say, “But, as she just said, love is strange and it’s forever - we all have this little boy to consider now - and his happiness is tantamount.” He looked up at her, confused but thankful. “I trust we’ll be seeing you Christmas day; are you still a vegetarian or is that silly phase over and done with?”
“Um, still vegetarian, y-”
“Will your fiance be joining us?”
“No, absol- No. Not at all. No.” he said in a fluster.
“Good.” she nodded. “Well, it should be a lovely first family lunch for Oscar.” she smiled as she ran her hand through her grandsons curly hair. “Oh, excuse me, Uncle Mikko is staggering towards the punch bowl.” she noticed, darting off quickly leaving Ville with Juha.
“You’ve done your son proud today.”
“Pardon me?”
“I was watching, as you sang to him… I remember the first crisis we dealt with with Sonja, I had been working away in Norway very heavily after she was born, left when she was a week old and came and went in very short bursts - she was a quiet baby, perfect even - but when she was 1 she tumbled down the stairs, put her new teeth through her lip and she screamed and screamed - I was beside myself, I didn’t know what to do; the thought of being calm and singing never crossed my mind, I panicked myself to exhaustion and passed out.” he laughed, “Heli will never let me forget it.”
“You passed out?”
“I did.” he chuckled, “My baby was hurt and I had never really parented before - I turned up for a week or two at a time for cuddles and baths and bedtimes - never a crisis, never anything that made me stop and think, ‘shit, my sole purpose is to protect this child at all costs’, it stoned me.” he took a sip of his whiskey and patted Oscar’s head, “I quit my job the next day and took a job that kept me local.”
“I feel like I’ll never get the hang of it.”
“That’s because you already firmly have your hands on the ropes, son.” he nodded sincerely. “I need you to promise not to let go, even after this other baby is born. Do you understand me? It’s a fear I know she has. First you break her heart, then Seth, now she’s here at her sisters wedding; she hasn’t stopped moving, she hasn’t paused, the next thing she’ll be dealing with is your wedding and your baby. I can’t bare to see her heart break again; it’s like waiting for a car crash in slow motion. She puts on this loving, ever happy exterior, but that girl is scared.”
“What are you saying?”
“I shouldn’t be saying anything,” he frowned shaking his head, “But, I’ve never known her happier than when she is with you - for all you have taken away from her, you have always given her that.” he placed his hand on Ville’s shoulder, “Don’t take it away from her again.”
“I couldn’t.” Ville said solemnly, Juha’s eye darted to Ville’s left and he stood taller and smiled.
“Good man.” he said quietly, “Darling! Your speech brought tears to this old battle axes eyes.” he exclaimed embracing Milly.
“Thanks Dad.” she replied, kissing him on the cheek. “Everything okay over here?” she asked, having seen her mother looking stern moments before.
“Just discussing Christmas day, dear.”
“Anyway, I really must get going.” Ville added, “The guys are taking me back to the city.”
“Right...” she said, not at all wanting him to go.
“Milly!” a relative called out from behind them, “Milly you’ve got to see this.” they shouted. She glanced over her shoulder then back to Ville.
“No, you go.” he insisted, “He’s out like a light.” he noted, handing Oscar over, feeling incomplete as soon as he left his arms. “I’ll see you both tomorrow?” she nodded, unable to say words to him, still processing everything that had just happened and was said away from the wedding guests. He kissed Oscars head and stroked his hand down her arm before walking over to Jussi and Jyrki who offered a blown kiss and a small wave, respectively, to her, in the understanding that she needed to be left to her family now.
The next hour felt like she as underwater - her motor skills had her smiling, nodding and casually interacting - but she heard, saw and felt nothing but what was replaying over and over in her mind. She finally had a moment to herself, sitting at a table, cuddling her sleeping child close to her body; Ville’s scent lingering on Oscar’s clothes and in his hair - intoxicating her thoughts further as she mindlessly pushed food around her plate with a fork. She lay the fork down and drummed her fingers on the table before reaching them across to her purse, pulling her cell phone from it with the tips of her fingers, careful not to move to much and have Oscar stir.
————
————
Whilst he knew they were talking and laughing, trying to lighten the heavy mood that floated above Ville like a storm cloud - he could not hear them. He stared mindlessly out the window, appreciative that they had not angled the conversation in any way to anything pertaining to Milly or the wedding. As he rest his temple against the frosty glass of the rear passenger window, he became very aware of how hot his eyes were burning from crying and ran his index fingers along his waterlines, the residual salt from his tears left on his lashes collecting on his fingertips. His phone vibrated from within his jacket pocket.
I may not know what to do next, but we can start with making Christmas Eve magical for Oscar. Talk tomorrow. M x
He stared at that letter for what felt like a lifetime; to anyone else a kind sign off to a message; to him a glimmer of hope where everything else seemed so bleak.
“O-“ she began before James’ sister pulled her arm and motioned towards were people had been standing giving speeches. She looked around and saw more rubbernecking and stares than she anticipated, just watching them. “Wait two minutes?” she asked, handing him Oscar, knowing he couldn’t leave with him.
“Uhh god, I didn’t even think of writing a speech-“ she laughed nervously, moving her hair from her face before rubbing her hands together as she pulled her thoughts together, “There was a period of my life where Sonja and I butted heads, a lot. She was headstrong on her path and I wasn’t so headstrong on mine. I took to the wayward little sister role like a duck to water, but you know, she was always watching from a far, ready to pull me up on my actions, put me down for my choices and ready to crack skulls if anyone hurt me.” she smiled, Sonja and her parents laughed, knowingly. “As a teenager, I found her to be overbearing and persistently awful to me - why couldn’t she just relax and come party with me, why couldn’t she just keep her nose out of my business, why couldn’t she be a cool older sister like other people had? I hated that she was always right. I hated that she had book smarts. I hated that I felt she disapproved of my choices. I hated that we weren’t closer… But my whole life she’s always been right there when I’ve needed her more than anything. It’s as if she has a sixth sense for it and then manifests before me; When I would fall down on the playground she was right there to pick me up; When I would come home at 4am and throw up everywhere, she would hold my hair back and get me water and advil and tuck me into bed with some elaborate story to Mum and Dad that I had food poisoning or gastro.” she giggled, “Whilst I finished my degree; When I started my business; When I bought my first house; When my heart was broken; When I went into labour halfway across the world, she boarded the first plane to L.A. just to hold my hand. My sister.. She’s my guardian angel. It took the birth of Oscar for me to realise that love doesn’t always have to show itself in traditional ways - if it’s there, it’s ever-present - I hate that it took me so long to realise that about my overbearing, bossy, outspoken sister that I was convinced was disappointed in me. Then I think about how lucky this man is that he gets a very large share of her beautiful love - that he gets her care, her diligence, her thoughtfulness - and that she gets it in return from him”. Sonja’s eyes were glittering with adoring tears listening to her baby sister talk, “The first time Son brought James to a family dinner, I was taken by how polite and attentive he was; we could all tell that this towering, broad shouldered, blue eyed, perfectly coiffed haired Englishman worshipped the ground that she walked on - and then, half way through dinner, he made her laugh a laugh we hadn’t heard since before she started on her crazed medical studies, then she started talking about travelling, taking time off school to explore the world with this adventure man who had stolen her heart - and we all knew then that we would be here one day. Love is the hardest, most taxing and most beautiful gift in the world - I’ve seen these two argue, I’ve seen them laugh and I’ve seen them cry, but most of all I see them love - through good, bad, monstrously sad and so happy I hate them just the littlest bit,” she laughed, holding her fingers up. “I could not be luckier to have a big sister as wonderful as you and I could not be more proud to now have a brother in James. Love is strange but it’s forever and I couldn’t think of two more deserving people of each others love. To Sonja and James.”
Ville found himself, along with eighty percent of the the guests, with a stiff limp in his throat at Milly’s words. He cradled Oscar’s sleepy head against his, the feel and scent of his hair a great comfort to Ville. He watched as Sonja and James weedily, but with much happiness, hug their sister - a proud family moment for Oscar’s grandparents watching on adoringly. He approached Heli and Juha tentatively, wanting to say goodbye before leaving them all to their perfect family evening.
“Ville.” Juha nodded with a warm smile that took Ville by surprise.
“I just wanted to thank you both for tolerating my presence today, I know there’s nothing I can say to erase what happened between Milly and I-“
“Nothing.” Heli iterated sternly. Ville bowed his head ashamed as he thought of something to say, “But, as she just said, love is strange and it’s forever - we all have this little boy to consider now - and his happiness is tantamount.” He looked up at her, confused but thankful. “I trust we’ll be seeing you Christmas day; are you still a vegetarian or is that silly phase over and done with?”
“Um, still vegetarian, y-”
“Will your fiance be joining us?”
“No, absol- No. Not at all. No.” he said in a fluster.
“Good.” she nodded. “Well, it should be a lovely first family lunch for Oscar.” she smiled as she ran her hand through her grandsons curly hair. “Oh, excuse me, Uncle Mikko is staggering towards the punch bowl.” she noticed, darting off quickly leaving Ville with Juha.
“You’ve done your son proud today.”
“Pardon me?”
“I was watching, as you sang to him… I remember the first crisis we dealt with with Sonja, I had been working away in Norway very heavily after she was born, left when she was a week old and came and went in very short bursts - she was a quiet baby, perfect even - but when she was 1 she tumbled down the stairs, put her new teeth through her lip and she screamed and screamed - I was beside myself, I didn’t know what to do; the thought of being calm and singing never crossed my mind, I panicked myself to exhaustion and passed out.” he laughed, “Heli will never let me forget it.”
“You passed out?”
“I did.” he chuckled, “My baby was hurt and I had never really parented before - I turned up for a week or two at a time for cuddles and baths and bedtimes - never a crisis, never anything that made me stop and think, ‘shit, my sole purpose is to protect this child at all costs’, it stoned me.” he took a sip of his whiskey and patted Oscar’s head, “I quit my job the next day and took a job that kept me local.”
“I feel like I’ll never get the hang of it.”
“That’s because you already firmly have your hands on the ropes, son.” he nodded sincerely. “I need you to promise not to let go, even after this other baby is born. Do you understand me? It’s a fear I know she has. First you break her heart, then Seth, now she’s here at her sisters wedding; she hasn’t stopped moving, she hasn’t paused, the next thing she’ll be dealing with is your wedding and your baby. I can’t bare to see her heart break again; it’s like waiting for a car crash in slow motion. She puts on this loving, ever happy exterior, but that girl is scared.”
“What are you saying?”
“I shouldn’t be saying anything,” he frowned shaking his head, “But, I’ve never known her happier than when she is with you - for all you have taken away from her, you have always given her that.” he placed his hand on Ville’s shoulder, “Don’t take it away from her again.”
“I couldn’t.” Ville said solemnly, Juha’s eye darted to Ville’s left and he stood taller and smiled.
“Good man.” he said quietly, “Darling! Your speech brought tears to this old battle axes eyes.” he exclaimed embracing Milly.
“Thanks Dad.” she replied, kissing him on the cheek. “Everything okay over here?” she asked, having seen her mother looking stern moments before.
“Just discussing Christmas day, dear.”
“Anyway, I really must get going.” Ville added, “The guys are taking me back to the city.”
“Right...” she said, not at all wanting him to go.
“Milly!” a relative called out from behind them, “Milly you’ve got to see this.” they shouted. She glanced over her shoulder then back to Ville.
“No, you go.” he insisted, “He’s out like a light.” he noted, handing Oscar over, feeling incomplete as soon as he left his arms. “I’ll see you both tomorrow?” she nodded, unable to say words to him, still processing everything that had just happened and was said away from the wedding guests. He kissed Oscars head and stroked his hand down her arm before walking over to Jussi and Jyrki who offered a blown kiss and a small wave, respectively, to her, in the understanding that she needed to be left to her family now.
The next hour felt like she as underwater - her motor skills had her smiling, nodding and casually interacting - but she heard, saw and felt nothing but what was replaying over and over in her mind. She finally had a moment to herself, sitting at a table, cuddling her sleeping child close to her body; Ville’s scent lingering on Oscar’s clothes and in his hair - intoxicating her thoughts further as she mindlessly pushed food around her plate with a fork. She lay the fork down and drummed her fingers on the table before reaching them across to her purse, pulling her cell phone from it with the tips of her fingers, careful not to move to much and have Oscar stir.
————
————
Whilst he knew they were talking and laughing, trying to lighten the heavy mood that floated above Ville like a storm cloud - he could not hear them. He stared mindlessly out the window, appreciative that they had not angled the conversation in any way to anything pertaining to Milly or the wedding. As he rest his temple against the frosty glass of the rear passenger window, he became very aware of how hot his eyes were burning from crying and ran his index fingers along his waterlines, the residual salt from his tears left on his lashes collecting on his fingertips. His phone vibrated from within his jacket pocket.
I may not know what to do next, but we can start with making Christmas Eve magical for Oscar. Talk tomorrow. M x
He stared at that letter for what felt like a lifetime; to anyone else a kind sign off to a message; to him a glimmer of hope where everything else seemed so bleak.