Status: Live
Holding Hands Won't Be Enough
Chapter 80: The Mige Prophesy
Two cars, six adults, one hour, one toddler and a potential logistical nightmare later, the had finally left the house. Not wanting to cause favouritism rivalry between grandmothers, Milly nipped it in the bud before the door had even closed behind them and suggested the grandparents all travel in Kari’s car with Oscar, and Ville and her would follow behind in her car. The suggestion went down a storm, the Grandmothers declaring they would travel in the back either side of Oscar, leaving the Grandfather’s to “discuss” the best route in the front seats. Milly barely felt the exchange of her son for the thermal bag full of cocoa flasks Anita had been holding it had happened so quickly. After making sure they had put him in his travel seat correctly Milly joined a waiting Ville, cocoa bag safely between his feet on pain of death from Heli if any of it spilled en route, and they set off.
Having not spent a night apart from Oscar she was naturally maternally stressed, mentally going through the items she had packed in his bag in her head trying to remember if she had forgotten anything as she autonomously drove. “Milly.” Ville said sharply, she turned her head quickly, noticing his bemused expression and quickly realising she had phased out completely. “Is it nice, wherever you are right now?” he laughed softly.
“Sorry, I was just trying to remember if I packed everything Oscar needs. He’s just not stayed apart from me before and I’m worried because he’s staying somewhere stran- I mean, diff-, I mean new..” she fumbled for words that didn’t seem hugely offensive and indelicate to him not having stayed .
“Even if you didn’t, he’ll be back with you safe and sound tomorrow.” he said apologetically, slightly bluntly.
“No, Ville, I.. I didn’t mean it like that.” she apologised, “I’ve just.. It’s my baby, and it’s Christmas, and this is new, okay..”. She gripped the steering wheel a little tighter and focused hard on the road, the snow was setting in and she didn’t want to lose Kari in traffic.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.”
“Do you remember what Mige prophesied when we were teenagers?” he asked, anxiously twisting the ring on his index finger. She did remember, and it made her breath catch in her throat slightly.
“Yeah.. I do.” she nodded, chewing on her lip in agitation. “That you would fuck my life up if we ever got together.” she said, begrudgingly. It’s not something that she would ever forget. As much as she adored Mige to his very bones, he was protective - almost to a fault - of his friends, and often said things in the heat of the moment without realising the lasting sting they would have.
“I feel like I should get him a certificate or merit, or a soothsayers degree plaque, or something.” he stated dryly. Milly’s lips twitched at a smile that she forcibly got under control with further lip chewing. Ville’s dry humour had always been able to make her laugh, even at the worst of times. She exhaled and felt her grip loosen on the wheel, she had been thinking about everything that had happened at the wedding all day and felt now was as good a time as any to say what had been playing on her mind, not just in the last 24 hours, but the last 3 years.
“Ville, at the wedding… when I was shouting at you, I was wrong to say you ruined everything.” she began, turning her head to attempt eye contact with Ville who was staring worriedly out the windscreen. “I had my part to play too. This isn’t all on you, by any means.”
“Yes but I pulled the pin on our metaphorical grenade didn’t I? I was the one wh-“ he said, gesticulating wildly.
“No, shut up.” she said demandingly, “Just listen, for a minute to what I have to say, please?” he nodded, setting his arms in his lap, wringing his hands together as he always did when he was nervous or uncomfortable, “Shut up was mean, sorry, but I need you to listen to me because all I’ve been doing since last night is thinking, and thinking, and this needs to end… This mess.” she turned her head quickly and looked at Ville, who looked up into her eyes which even in the quick intense glance dazzled from the street lights. “We fucked up.” she nodded. “Royally. Royally, royally.” Ville continued watching her as she appeared to be having a mental argument with herself as she drove; one hand grasped around the wheel, the other rubbing her forehead pressure point. “We had it all and it all came around so quickly we couldn’t control it. I was horrible to you, just awful, whilst I was setting up the company - I tried to remember a single nice thing, that didn’t end in us arguing or screaming at each other, that we did in those few months before-“
“I cheated.” he interjected.
“Before we lost it.” she corrected seriously. She shook her head, “I couldn’t remember a single thing.”
“Because I was on tour or in the studio, all the time. I was never home, I was never with you, supporting your dream.” he said, his voice filled with shame, his head hung low as he fiddled with his fingers. “You always supported me. Always.”
“Well when you were home, I was horrid.”
“Because I was a drunk mess, treating our home like a green room.”
“Because I wasn’t making it feel like a home.” she countered. “We lost it. We went from being life long best friends, to not speaking because we were fucking idiots, to lovers, to engaged, to home owners, to busy; then we were too busy, too tired and too self-involved. I pushed you straight to her.” she shrugged helplessly.
“Milly, you didn’t push me to her-”
“Then what?” she interrupted, “You willingly walked into fucking her with the clarity and vision of what would happen to us?”
“Definitely not.”
“Then, I did.”
“Mil-“
“I don’t want for this to be an open discussion, I just need you to know that I don’t just blame you for this. All of this. Having to split our son on Christmas, having to strategically plan Grandparent time, not knowing what's going to happen next, having to know that this is our sons life. I don’t blame you. I don’t. I-” she was rambling emotionally, tears catching in her throat and mid-sentence when Ville placed his hand on top of her hand that was holding the stick-shift, and squeezed. She appreciated it and did not mean for the conversation on the drive to get so heavy so quickly, but the parental guilt of Christmas was setting in on the both the closer they got swapping charge of Oscar, properly for the first time, so it was bound to happen. Ville took his hand back when she changed gears and they remained silent; Ville hoping and praying to any god, malevolent or otherwise, that would listen that Jonna just stayed away tomorrow to let them navigate this first foray into dual-parenting; Milly wishing on every star above them she would gain some sense of clarity in the days to come of what the hell she was going to do next, praying to anyone for a sign. The radio rambled on a low volume, only interrupted by the "click-click, click-click" of the indicators for almost ten minutes before Milly finally spoke again, “Mige is an idiot.” she stated clearly.
“You know, I always thought so.” Ville replied without missing a beat, causing Milly to expel a wild burst of laughter. Ville had almost forgotten what that sounded like, and in that instant all the most cherished days of his past washed over him, rendering his heart warmer than any of the flasks of cocoa at his feet.
Having not spent a night apart from Oscar she was naturally maternally stressed, mentally going through the items she had packed in his bag in her head trying to remember if she had forgotten anything as she autonomously drove. “Milly.” Ville said sharply, she turned her head quickly, noticing his bemused expression and quickly realising she had phased out completely. “Is it nice, wherever you are right now?” he laughed softly.
“Sorry, I was just trying to remember if I packed everything Oscar needs. He’s just not stayed apart from me before and I’m worried because he’s staying somewhere stran- I mean, diff-, I mean new..” she fumbled for words that didn’t seem hugely offensive and indelicate to him not having stayed .
“Even if you didn’t, he’ll be back with you safe and sound tomorrow.” he said apologetically, slightly bluntly.
“No, Ville, I.. I didn’t mean it like that.” she apologised, “I’ve just.. It’s my baby, and it’s Christmas, and this is new, okay..”. She gripped the steering wheel a little tighter and focused hard on the road, the snow was setting in and she didn’t want to lose Kari in traffic.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.”
“Do you remember what Mige prophesied when we were teenagers?” he asked, anxiously twisting the ring on his index finger. She did remember, and it made her breath catch in her throat slightly.
“Yeah.. I do.” she nodded, chewing on her lip in agitation. “That you would fuck my life up if we ever got together.” she said, begrudgingly. It’s not something that she would ever forget. As much as she adored Mige to his very bones, he was protective - almost to a fault - of his friends, and often said things in the heat of the moment without realising the lasting sting they would have.
“I feel like I should get him a certificate or merit, or a soothsayers degree plaque, or something.” he stated dryly. Milly’s lips twitched at a smile that she forcibly got under control with further lip chewing. Ville’s dry humour had always been able to make her laugh, even at the worst of times. She exhaled and felt her grip loosen on the wheel, she had been thinking about everything that had happened at the wedding all day and felt now was as good a time as any to say what had been playing on her mind, not just in the last 24 hours, but the last 3 years.
“Ville, at the wedding… when I was shouting at you, I was wrong to say you ruined everything.” she began, turning her head to attempt eye contact with Ville who was staring worriedly out the windscreen. “I had my part to play too. This isn’t all on you, by any means.”
“Yes but I pulled the pin on our metaphorical grenade didn’t I? I was the one wh-“ he said, gesticulating wildly.
“No, shut up.” she said demandingly, “Just listen, for a minute to what I have to say, please?” he nodded, setting his arms in his lap, wringing his hands together as he always did when he was nervous or uncomfortable, “Shut up was mean, sorry, but I need you to listen to me because all I’ve been doing since last night is thinking, and thinking, and this needs to end… This mess.” she turned her head quickly and looked at Ville, who looked up into her eyes which even in the quick intense glance dazzled from the street lights. “We fucked up.” she nodded. “Royally. Royally, royally.” Ville continued watching her as she appeared to be having a mental argument with herself as she drove; one hand grasped around the wheel, the other rubbing her forehead pressure point. “We had it all and it all came around so quickly we couldn’t control it. I was horrible to you, just awful, whilst I was setting up the company - I tried to remember a single nice thing, that didn’t end in us arguing or screaming at each other, that we did in those few months before-“
“I cheated.” he interjected.
“Before we lost it.” she corrected seriously. She shook her head, “I couldn’t remember a single thing.”
“Because I was on tour or in the studio, all the time. I was never home, I was never with you, supporting your dream.” he said, his voice filled with shame, his head hung low as he fiddled with his fingers. “You always supported me. Always.”
“Well when you were home, I was horrid.”
“Because I was a drunk mess, treating our home like a green room.”
“Because I wasn’t making it feel like a home.” she countered. “We lost it. We went from being life long best friends, to not speaking because we were fucking idiots, to lovers, to engaged, to home owners, to busy; then we were too busy, too tired and too self-involved. I pushed you straight to her.” she shrugged helplessly.
“Milly, you didn’t push me to her-”
“Then what?” she interrupted, “You willingly walked into fucking her with the clarity and vision of what would happen to us?”
“Definitely not.”
“Then, I did.”
“Mil-“
“I don’t want for this to be an open discussion, I just need you to know that I don’t just blame you for this. All of this. Having to split our son on Christmas, having to strategically plan Grandparent time, not knowing what's going to happen next, having to know that this is our sons life. I don’t blame you. I don’t. I-” she was rambling emotionally, tears catching in her throat and mid-sentence when Ville placed his hand on top of her hand that was holding the stick-shift, and squeezed. She appreciated it and did not mean for the conversation on the drive to get so heavy so quickly, but the parental guilt of Christmas was setting in on the both the closer they got swapping charge of Oscar, properly for the first time, so it was bound to happen. Ville took his hand back when she changed gears and they remained silent; Ville hoping and praying to any god, malevolent or otherwise, that would listen that Jonna just stayed away tomorrow to let them navigate this first foray into dual-parenting; Milly wishing on every star above them she would gain some sense of clarity in the days to come of what the hell she was going to do next, praying to anyone for a sign. The radio rambled on a low volume, only interrupted by the "click-click, click-click" of the indicators for almost ten minutes before Milly finally spoke again, “Mige is an idiot.” she stated clearly.
“You know, I always thought so.” Ville replied without missing a beat, causing Milly to expel a wild burst of laughter. Ville had almost forgotten what that sounded like, and in that instant all the most cherished days of his past washed over him, rendering his heart warmer than any of the flasks of cocoa at his feet.