Holding Hands Won't Be Enough

Milly woke with a frightful gasp, frantically searching the bed instinctively. She paused and let out a sigh of relief, squeezing her eyes tightly and clamping her hands over her face as she realised it was just a dream. She laughed to herself just as her bedroom door opened. “Laughing to yourself in bed still, at your age?” Sonja smirked, carrying two mugs of hot coffee towards Milly and sitting herself down on the edge of the bed. “My god you look clammy, are you okay?” she worried, pressing her hand to her little sisters head.

“I had the most awful dream, Son.” she laughed nervously, sitting herself up.

“Awful, or funny?” she asked, confused by Milly’s laughter.

“Well, do you remember that dogs from down the road… the big things?”

“The ones that used to terrorise us?”

“Yeah.”

“Yes..?” Milly laughed and dragged her fingers under her eyes before reaching for her coffee.

“I dreamt they somehow got in the house and found Osi, then they were playing outside and when I went out there, one of them grabbed him by his arm and they both took off running and I couldn’t catch up. And they were maybe three times bigger than they actually were, so I had no chance.” Sonja looked at her sister with a bemused smile and patted her leg.

“It’s a control dream.” she said in her doctorly tone, “Makes sense given it was your first night relinquishing parenting duty to Ville.” Milly laughed, it made sense. “Silly girl.” her sister added lovingly.

“Merry Christmas Milly, here’s your co-parenting future dream.” she laughed.

“Speaking of co-parenting, Jussi bought your phone downstairs incase Ville rang-“ she said as she pulled Milly’s phone from her pocket, “-he didn’t want it to wake you up. I spoke to him, they’ll be here in an hour or so. There’s a video on there for you.”

“Ville sent a video?” she asked, taking the phone, “My Ville? A video message?” Sonja nodded and shrugged.

“Wait, ‘your’ Ville?” she pushed, eyebrow raised. Milly shook her head in annoyed dismissal, she knew Sonja knew what she meant. Eager to see Ville’s technological advancement first hand, Milly opened the message and stared intently at the phone. All she could see was Ville’s hand holding Oscar’s, the back of Oscar’s head and the noise of rustling and stairs creaking under foot. She watched as Oscar sped off and more of the room came into frame.

“It’s snow! It’s snow! It’s snow, it’s snow!” Oscar shrieked, hopping around. She could see footprints all by the fireplace and tree. She put her hand to her mouth and her eyes and heart welled up. She watched as the camera got in closer, Ville’s hand coming into shot placing small piles of snow in Oscar’s tiny hand. “Daddy Santa was here!”, she could hear Ville gasp playfully as he focused on Oscar’s amazed and excited expression. Sonja watched her sister intently stare at the small screen, seeing how enamoured Milly was with the video made her heart burst. “So Mummy can’t touch them too?” his small voice asked sadly, which pushed Milly over the edge. She let out a small sobbed laugh and placed a hand over her heart as the video ended with Oscar hugging his grandfather. She pressed play again, but after a moment softly spoke aloud.

“I hope he hasn’t felt like I abandoned him. I feel like I’m missing half of my soul when I’m not with him.” Sonja opened her mouth to speak, but decided against it, instead raising her mug to her lips with one hand, and squeezing her sisters knee reassuringly with the other. She didn’t need any confirmation, in her heart she knew that statement wasn’t just regarding her nephew.

Not long later, Milly had made herself up for the day at the kitchen table with her sister as their mother prepared breakfast - a longstanding tradition that never ceased to warm their father’s heart, as he came in and out of the kitchen with freshly chopped wood with James. Jussi’s noticeable absence was a huge point of bashful amusement for Heli - after Milly had showered, dressed and made her way downstairs her father took great pleasure in recounting how at 7a.m. a spritely Jussi had attempted to woo Heli into a round trip to Helsinki and back for some ‘alone time’ together, despite the fact she was still in her robe. “My darlings you look beautiful.” she gushed, finally sitting down with her coffee and admiring her two adult daughters.

“Well what still needs doing in here? We’ll do it. You need to make yourself look drop dead gorgeous for a certain someone that isn’t dad from what I hear.” Milly smirked.

“Juha!” she barked at her laughing husband, blushing. “Yes well, it is nice to have a YOUNG man’s affections.” she called after him as he went back outside.

“Oooh.” Sonja cawed, laughing childishly. Heli swatted her arm with the back of her hand, “You know I teased Milly last night about men in leather jackets, seems the apple doesn’t fall too far all of a sudden doesn’t it Mother.”

“Will you stop it.” Heli chuckled, lavishing in the attention. “There wouldn’t have been room in the car anyway.” she smiled, picking up a lipstick from Milly’s makeup bag and inspecting it.

“Room in the car?” Milly questioned, screwing her mascara closed tight. “What car?”

“Your father leant Jussi his car to pick up his Christmas presents, by all accounts they’re quite sizeable.” her mother winked, toying with the edge of a napkin coyly.

“Jussi and Christmas presents?” she scoffed playfully, “I hope you all like cases of craft beer.”

“Another coffee Mil?” Sonja asked, getting up from the table. Milly shook her head and grimaced, patting her stomach which was currently doing backflips in anticipation of the Valo’s arriving.

“Once Oscar is back.” Heli instinctively touched her daughters arm and squeezed.

“The separation anxiety will pass darling, I promise.” she smiled kindly.

“Speaking of.” Sonja motioned towards the front of the house, from where she was standing she could see down the long corridor to the large front doors and could see a car pulling up through the patterned glass. “It’s not Jussi, it’s a red car.” Milly stood up so fast the wooden chair clacked on the ground as her legs pushed it away from her, it was Kari’s car. At this stage she didn’t have shoes on, nor appropriate clothing to venture outside, but this didn’t cross her mind as she dashed out the kitchen.

“Be cool, be cool, be cool..” she whispered to herself, her hand on the door handle, her forehead against the wood, regaining composure over her nerves and allowing Ville a moment to at least get Oscar out the car. She pulled the door open with every intention to stand and wait, but the moment she saw her son bundled in his coat and little wooden hat, she found herself rushing barefoot over the snow towards him.

“Mummy!” he squealed, spotting her approaching, throwing his arms out, lurching forward out of Ville’s grip. He placed his son on the ground, where he managed a few steps before Milly swooped him up and span him around, holding his head close to her face. Ville’s throat tightened as he noticed Milly’s eyes closed, taking in her baby’s scent; her fingers twisted around the soft curls peaking out the back of his hat; her arms surrounding and supporting his whole body as if she’d never let him go again.

“Merry Christmas my angel!” she exclaimed in a high pitch voice, tickling her fingers into him. “Did you have fun with Daddy? Did you?!” He squeaked and giggled, burying his face into her neck, his little hands holding her tightly. “I missed you so much.”

“Santa came!” he announced, excitedly.

“He did?!” she gasped, “Did you see him?!” she glanced up, looking towards Ville for the first time, and smiled. His heart skipped a beat.

“There were footprints, and snow, and the carrot had a bite, and no milk was there and presents, but the snow is magic so you can’t see now.” he rambled excitedly. Milly’s face felt hot as her heart swelled, as well as her eyes.

“It is?” she questioned, “Santa left all that evidence, he must’ve really wanted you to know he had been!”

“He does that for the really good children.” Ville winked, moving closer to her, putting a hand on her back with a view to giving her a polite kiss on the cheek. As he moved in, she couldn’t help herself, and threw and arm around his neck and pulled him into a hug with Oscar sandwiched in the middle. She didn’t have to say anything, he knew it was thank you.