Jane Doe

I watched Alex carefully as he paced back and forth across my bedroom. It was funny. I’d never seen Alex so tense and angry. I shouldn’t have felt calm and at ease. I already knew what was coming but I knew that I couldn’t help it. It wouldn’t have mattered even if I had fought against him.

I was sitting on the corner of my bed, with my legs criss crossed and my hands folded in my lap.

Why?

Why what?

Why do you always look for him? Why do you always look for him everywhere you go? Am I not good enough?

I opened my mouth to answer him but I couldn’t find the words.

You love him don’t you?

I shook my head but my heart didn’t match what I wanted to say. So I had to lie. I’d never lied to Alex before and this as hard. No. I love you.

He laughed. No you don’t. No one loves me. I’m too hard to love. I do bad shit and I hurt people. You can’t love me.

But I do.

Why?

Because I know that you aren’t bad inside. You’re capable of good.

He turned around quickly and before I could even blink, he was hovering over me, breathing heavily and staring me in the eye. I was terrified suddenly. Don’t you understand? I’m not good. I’ll never be capable of good, Lea. I can’t do good. I can’t.

Yes you can. You’ve just got to try. I can help you, Alex.

No you can’t. No one can help me. You’re stupid for being with me, Lea. Really stupid.

I frowned. Then I’m stupid.