Love, I'd Never Hurt You

Gerard

I pushed my empty plate away from and looked at Frank. He was about halfway done with his food. I smiled, watching him eat. He had a very different way of eating spaghetti. Instead of just shoveling everything in his mouth, like I do, he actually took the time to twirl it around his fork. Recently, I had been noticing that every thing he did was amazing. The way he walked, the way he cooked, everything.

“Tell me about your parents.” We had only known each other for a few days. It only made sense to get to know him a little bit before out relationship went too far.

He sighed, putting his fork down. “Where do I begin?” He paused, looking up at me. He met my gaze before continuing, “My dad left us when I was just a baby. When I got older, I would go spend the summer with him. He got remarried when I was in middle school. They had two kids together. That's when I decided I didn't want to see him anymore.” He shook his head, “I don't even know my step-siblings. My mom never remarried, so it was just the two of us. She died a few years ago. It was really hard on me, because we were so close.” He smiled.

Our stories were so similar it was scary. His dad left him, in almost the same way my dad left me. He had a great relationship with his mom, just like I did. “How did they react when you told them you were gay?”

“Well, my mom laughed and said she always knew I was gay. I didn't tell her until I was almost eighteen, and by that time I had had two boyfriends. I never thought she suspected anything, but she knew the whole time.” He laughed, shaking his head. “My dad on the other hand, I didn't tell until after Sam proposed to me. I didn't want to tell him, but I knew he deserved to know. He wasn't upset, but he always acted differently toward me after that. He never even showed up to the wedding.”

I just nodded, taking everything in. I was about to ask him another question when he spoke, “What about you? Tell me about your parents.”

I should have seen this coming. Me asking him about his life, it was only fair that I tell him something about mine. I decided on the truth. “Well, my dad left before I was even born. I don't even know who he is, and I don't care. Obviously he didn't love me or my mom. My mom remarried when I was sixteen,” I paused, thinking about what I should say. “Let's just say things didn't end well. He was really abusive to the both of us.” I shuddered thinking about it. “Then two years later, she died of cancer.”

Frank shook his head and grabbed my hands. He squeezed them gently, “I'm really sorry.”

I shrugged, “Don't be. It's not like it was your fault.”

“Did you ever tell her you were gay?” he asked.

I laughed at the memory, “Nope. She found out all by herself.” I shook my head, I could feel my cheeks getting hot. “I had been planning on telling her for a long time, but I never did. Then one night, I brought home my boyfriend. I thought my mom was going to be out all night, but she ended up coming home early. My boyfriend and I were getting...” I paused thinking of the right words, “Let's just say we were doing things you don't want your parents to see you doing.”

Frank put his hand over his mouth, trying to hide his laughter. I noticed that his cheeks were getting red. He was just as embarrassed about my story as I was. I smiled and continued, “Anyway, she walked in on us. With a straight face she said, 'I knew it' and then she shut the door and left us alone.”

Frank shook his head, “I don't even know what to say to that.”

I couldn't help but laugh, “It's probably the most embarrassing memory I have.” I let out a breath, “So, how many boyfriends have you had?”

He shrugged, taking a bite of his spaghetti. “Well, only about five or six. I was only serious with one of them and we ended up getting married. What about you? How many men have had the pleasure of being with you?”

I sighed, “I have no idea. Actual boyfriends, I would say about nine or ten. As for just being with me... well, let's not talk about that.” I watched as his face fell. He was obviously upset with this information. It made me wonder how many men he had ever slept with. “I've never really had a serious relationship and I've never been married. Of course, I've always thought about it. More than anything I would love to settle down and have a relationship with someone.” Yea, if I wasn't a murderer. It was hard to have a relationship with anyone when you killed people for a living. Jimmy taught me that. I shuddered, pushing all thoughts of Jimmy out of my mind. I wasn't going to let him ruin my dinner with Frank.

“What about friends? I'm sure a guy like you has a ton of friends.” he asked, pushing the plate away from him. He was no where near done, and I was surprised that he was just going to let all the food go to waste.

“Actually, I don't have many friends. I don't really have any friends at all. Except maybe you and the old front desk guy.” I shrugged. It was depressing to think about that, but it was true. Being a killer, you don't have a lot of friends. “I used to have friends, I don't really know what happened. I guess we all just lost touch.”

He nodded, “Back when you had friends, which one do you miss the most?”

Without hesitating, I said, “Jimmy. He was like a brother to me.” What the hell was I saying? Yea, it was true, but I hadn't thought about Jimmy like that in a long time. Not since I tried to kill him.

He nodded, “What happened?”

I shook my head. I really didn't want to talk about it. I decided to just make something up. “Well, lets just say we had a big fight. I haven't seen him in forever.” I paused, looking up into Frank's eyes. “What about you?”

He shrugged, “After Sam died, I stopped talking to most of my friends. They all wanted to tell me to get over it, but I wouldn't listen. I doubt any of them even miss me. So, I guess I don't really have any friends either. Expect you.” He paused, “If that's what you want to call this... a friendship?”

I shrugged, “Maybe it's something more.”