What It Was

She remained motionless, curled up into a ball. Everything was just one big mess. All she ever wanted was to love him and be at his side. But they were different and time was not on their side. They told her he was no good, a broken man without morals or stability. But there was more to him than what everyone else saw. Emily knew that Syd was more than just the drugged out musician. They had so many moments of greatness and love, moments where Syd proved to be easily the sweetest man Emily had ever met. Sadly there were terrible moments, moments where his increasingly erratic behavior had her cower in fear. Things got rough and lying there Emily knew she had to move on from Syd Barrett. He wasn’t the man she should be with, it was lust, it wasn’t true love.

“It was just lust, he never loved me,” Emily whispered over and over again to herself. She had to keep repeating those words, because those were the words he spoke to her not long ago. He had hurt her, slept with other women and when she found him she was only met with cruel words. The words would haunt her, the love they had, tarnished with those hurtful words and infidelities. That was Syd, an endless pit of infidelity and fear of human connection. Tears slid down her cheeks, it was moments like this that made her miss her home. It was moments like this that made her regret the choice to stay in Britain for the year.

“Alright get up, no more of this,” a voice snapped Emily into reality. She looked up wiping the tears from her bloodshot eyes. It was a complete and utter surprise to see her friend standing there with their hands on their hips giving her a stern look.

“Rose?”

“No it’s the damn tooth fairy,” the short brunette retorts tapping her foot impatiently. “Get up, there will be none of this on your birthday.”

“What are you doing here? I thought you were in Poland.”

“Obviously I‘m not there and I am here Miss Anders. Now get up, take a shower and we are going to drink our weight in alcohol.”

“Is that your solution to everything Rose?” Emily questions.

“Not a solution just a lifestyle, now hurry I want to get into a bar before it starts pouring outside.”

Emily pushed herself out of bed and began to head to the bathroom where she hoped the shower would wash away the feelings had still held for Syd. Rose picked up the tissues and garbage that littered her friend’s studio apartment. She had heard from some others that Emily had become withdrawn but she didn’t think it would be this bad. Certainly it couldn’t be this bad, Emily was always so bright with happiness and to see her in such a state was absolutely unacceptable. Rose could only hope that she would be able to get the smile back on her dear friend’s face, a smile that belonged there always.

When Emily exited the bathroom she noticed the place had been tidied up during her time in the shower. She gave an appreciative smile to her friend Rose and proceeded to get ready. Rose waited patiently and opted to drink what was left of Emily’s tequila to pre-game for the night to come. Surely drinking with another was much healthier than to drink alone as Emily had been doing. Things were set into motion and the pair left the small apartment to head to one of the local pubs. It had been nearly a week since Emily had gone out into public wearing a proper outfit and the intention of interacting with humanity.

Both ladies arrived at the pub and took a seat at a booth where they would drown themselves in conversation and drinks. After the third shot of alcohol both were complaining about men and heart ache. That was what Emily loved about Rose, she could complain and Rose would be right there with her with a rebuttal of her own.

“Fuck that puto! He doesn‘t know how groovy of a lady you are! I mean honestly fuck that puto! Fuck him with a Volkswagen bus!”

“Fuck ‘em all! We are rad ladies we deserve some good lovin‘!” Emily jeers holding up her glass for a toast. Rose clinked glasses with her friend.

“Fuck ‘em all!” Rose smiles triumphantly. They downed what was left of their drinks and slammed the empty glasses on the table with big smiles. Things began to blur for the young women as they went to one of the popular clubs to continue their party. Between the drinking and smoking it was all too much to focus or comprehend. Broken hearts were the worst ones to be drinking or partying, they were focused on forgetting the ones they vied for and made names for themselves on the party scene. Emily and Rose continued their partying only to become more rambunctious by the minute.

Syd Barrett had gone to the trendy club on a sheer whim and when he did he took notice of his Emi dancing with other men alongside a short brunette woman. He grew jealous of the other men but soon the jealousy subsided when the two women looked uncomfortable. The shorter one having a threatening look on her face as she shoved the two men away from Emily and herself. Syd quickly got up with his friend William who had taken notice of the scuffle occurring merely twenty feet away on the dance floor. They were quick to stand in between the men and the two ladies. Their fierce gazes caused the two sleazy men to walk away and Rose let out a growl of disapproval.

“We could of taken them,” she states throwing the so-called knights in shining armor dirty looks. William gave a chuckle at the small woman’s anger while Syd‘s eyes focused on his Emi. Having been pumped up by the night’s events Emily met his longing eyes with angry ones. She grabbed Rose by the arm just as her friend began to talk to the man who insisted on introducing himself to her. It only took having to see Syd to sober her up long enough to get them out of the club. Syd followed after them but he knew he has hurt her. He watched from the club sidewalk as the two women climbed into a taxicab. Syd had fucked up his chances with her. His choice to break things off made him just as miserable, the words he said to her were not easy to say and even if they were just words they had left a bad taste in his mouth. Emily was a woman he loved dearly but his lifestyle and reputation was not worthy of her, he was not worthy of her.

In the morning they woke with painful headaches and aching bodies. It was safe to say their day would be spent in bed, listening to records. Both took turns showering and then returned to their self loathing on the bed while listening to bluesy voice of Muddy Waters. The music made them feel like they were in a darkly lit bar that was clouded by smoke. In reality they were in a darkly lit room smoking so really it just was what they were doing, nothing really poetic or symbolic just the type of room people with hangovers should be in. Unfortunately for them a knock interrupted their pipe dreams and Rose was the one forced to answer the unwelcome interruption. Rose looked at the tall man with gingery hair and blue eyes, she remembered him vaguely from the night before but what she didn’t understand was why he was there. William smiled rather largely reminding her of a shark, his smile was ridiculously large and his face rather handsome.

“You dropped this last night,” he spoke in an Irish accent. Rose’s eyes went wide briefly when she saw that he held her leather bound book. “Quite the lovely artwork. Do you sell any of your pieces?”

“No, it‘s a hobby. How‘d you find me here?” Rose counters snatching the book from his hands and kept cautious of his presence.

“Emily is a friend of mine.”

“Okay, that‘s nice, thanks for bringing my book back,” she says as she began to shut the door. Rose went back to the bed and there was another knock on the door. She let out a groan but looked to Emily. “You‘re turn.”

“Aw man,” Emily mutters getting out of the bed. She was surprised to see William standing behind her door. Of course she knew him, it was through him that she met Syd. He was the strangely put together friend of Syd’s that worked for a big construction company. William looked over her shoulder attempting to see where Rose went.

“Will what are you doing here?”

“I brought back her sketchbook,” Will replies then looked down at Emily. He spoke quietly hoping to get some information out of his friend. “Does she have someone back home?”

“Who? Rose? No, wait do you dig her?” Emily says all at once. Will put his hands in his pockets and looked down a little embarrassed.

“She‘s lovely, but I don‘t think she‘s interested. After all she just shut the door on my face before I could ask her out.”

“I‘ve never seen you pursue anyone before,” she replies as she headed out the door and closed it behind her. Emily wanted to have a talk with William to gauge how serious he was about taking Rose out. She looked up at him trying to figure out what this was about. “What gives?”

“I don‘t know Em, I just fancy her.”

“You met her once and she was about to fight some guy for grabbing me in an unwanted fashion.”

“I know it‘s crazy but I just had a feelin‘ that I needed to know her better. What‘s she like?”

“Rose is well a little crazy and is hesitant regarding relationships, other than that I consider her one of my closest friends. Might I add she is just visiting,” Emily states.

“Does she like flowers?”

“She‘s never received any from a potential date. But yes like all ladies she does like flowers just don‘t get roses, I think that‘s cliché so stick with lilies, she thinks those are lovely.”

“So you‘ll help me get her to go out with me?” Will smiles.

“Be back here tomorrow at noon, you can show her the older buildings, Rose loves architecture.”

“Thanks Em you‘re the best,” he says giving her a hug. Even though Emily was heartbroken she wanted her friend to experience what it was like to go out with a gentleman. She knew William was for the most part very shy and let women pursue him but the fact she saw a certain glimmer in his eyes she decided to help. It would Emily’s mind off of things by focusing her attention to assist William in wooing Rose.

Rose was falling asleep on the bed when Emily came back into the apartment and began to cook dinner for them. Emily opted to play it cool and not tell Rose about her date until the day of. Under the pretense that Emily was just bored and wanted to do Rose’s makeup on sheer whim, she readied Rose for her date an hour before William was to arrive. She lied saying that they were going to go site seeing but in reality, only Rose was going with William a factor in the plan Rose was not told of until there was a knock at the door.

“Oh could you answer that Rose,” Emily smiles sweetly. Rose shrugged sensing how weird Emily had been acting but answered the door regardless. William stood clean shaven and with his hair gelled back holding a bouquet of lilies. He smiled at her but he soon realized how surprised she was to see him even more surprised when he handed her the flowers. She looked back over at Emily but only was greeted by her purse and Emily taking the flowers to be put in a vase. “Have fun.”

“Wait-what?” Rose stutters out before Emily shut the door and locked it. Rose attempted to open the door and she let out a growl of discontent. “Emily Augusta Anders open this door!”

“I will be here when you get back Rose, just humor me,” Emily responds from the other side of the door. “Please, it‘ll make me have something to look forward to.”

Rose let out a sigh, her ear to the door having heard her friend’s words of request. She only agreed to give Emily some purpose during her time of heartbreak. If it would please Emily and cheer her up, Rose was all for the date regardless of the fact she was thrown in without warning. Rose didn’t do dating well and often found herself quiet or verbally abusive to the other party involved in the attempt at romanticism.

“I thought you knew, I understand if you don’t want to go out,” William states secretly hoping she would not bail on the plans to go out for lunch and site seeing.

“It‘s alright, let‘s head out, the fact she kept it under wraps this long means she put a lot of effort into this,” Rose says giving a feeble smile at William. He nodded and smiled at her, glad that she was not canceling on the whole ordeal even if she was clueless on the matter prior to his arrival. Emily smiled to herself knowing that this was a good match romantically and she stayed by the door until the pair left the hallway for their date. While Rose was out, Emily focused on her errands and tasks for her work.

The sun started to set and Emily fell asleep writing at her apartment yet Rose had not arrived back from her date with William. Eventually the door jingled and the brighter, happier Rose arrived at the apartment. Emily smiled knowing she had done right by helping William out. However the smiled faded when Rose let out a sad sigh.

“What is it? I thought it would go well with you two.”

“It went fine, just not there in the cards, we live in two different places. I‘d rather save ourselves from the possible heartache.”

“You can‘t honestly let go just for one moment can you?” Emily demands shooting her friend an incredulous look.

“I‘m not here for long Em, why should I get invested when I‘m only here for a couple of days?”

“Because love shouldn‘t be logical! That‘s not how it works, it should be inconvenient and hard to obtain that‘s why it‘s love!”

Rose looked at her friend. Suddenly it became clear to Emily and Rose that they gave up too easily. Emily more so was in the moment, she let go of Syd too easily and it was not what she should have done. She had to fight for their love if they were to be happy together as she always wanted. Leaving the apartment in a rush, Emily Augusta Anders was going to fight for their love.