Tap-Dancing on God's Piano

I stared at the clock on my nightstand, watching the numbers glow in the darkness of my room, willing them not to change, willing for time to stop.

Why did it matter, anyways? No matter what happened, Allie was dead. My sister, my best friend, was gone. Just like that, a simple accident involving a girl without a helmet riding home from tap dancing practice and a drunk driver, and bam. The driver had lost his car, and my family had lost their beloved daughter.

My parents had retired to bed, no doubt hoping that sleep would relieve their pain, at least for a little while. I couldn’t understand how they could bear it; just lying there in silence, in the dark, feeling the hurt and sorrow and grief pulling over them like a strong wave until, at last, sleep took them under.

Finally, I rolled over onto my side and gripped my stomach. It felt like I was being stabbed in the gut with a knife each time I thought of my older sister, riding her bike in the dark, and then, with a flash of headlights and a screeching of tires, maybe she screamed; we’d never know; my sister was gone.

And maybe what had been the worst part of everything was when the officer said to my family, “I’m sorry for your loss.”

Our loss. As though my sister were a pair of keys, or a book, or maybe a picture frame. Something unimportant that could be found if we looked hard enough, not a human life that was irreplaceable and now gone.

I could feel the tears starting to slide down my face, burning hot at first but then freezing cold. I grabbed my phone, my hands shaking as I turned it on and went to the “L” section in my contacts.

I dialed the number before pressing the phone to my ear and listening to the dial tone.

At last, he answered, sounding groggy and tired. “Hello?”

“Liam?”

“Addie?” Now Liam sounded wide awake. “Are you okay?” He had that protective, firm voice on now, the same tone he’d been using since the day of the accident.

Sadly enough, that tone was one of the many reasons why I relied on Liam Payne so much. He was my best friend, but also my protector. He’d gladly punch anyone who made me cry, boy or girl, friend or foe, adult or five-year-old. He made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt, but at the same time he comforted me and made me feel okay again.

“No,” I whispered. “No, I’m not.”

“What do you need me to do?” That was typical Liam, ready to do whatever I wanted him to do at any moment’s notice.

“I need you to come over.” I said without really thinking. I immediately bit my tongue. Liam and I hung out a lot, both day and night, without it being weird or anything. One time, I went over his house when his parents went out to the movies, and I stayed over there until two in the morning. We’d made cookies and played Guitar Hero and prank called people, having the time of our lives.

But now, with Allie’s death hanging over my head, things had lately been a lot . . . different. It was blurring the lines between me and him, and it was confusing me. Sometimes, when he held my hand or hugged me, it seemed to whisper more than just friends-comforting-friends.

To my surprise and relief, he didn’t seem to think that was weird. “I’ll be right over.”

Sure enough, a few minutes later, there was a soft tap at my window. I opened it and found Liam perched on my roof, looking down at the ground nervously. “Hey,” he said, looking at me with his warm brown eyes.

“Having fun out there?” I asked, smiling in spite of myself.

“Not really,” Liam admitted, casting another scared glance at the darkness below.

I stepped aside and helped him inside my room. When he managed to climb in without knocking anything over, I shut the window and faced him.

For a second, we didn’t say anything. But then, I burst into tears and covered my eyes with my hands.

Liam reached out and pulled me into his arms, patting my back and holding me close. I cried and cried, soaking his t-shirt with dark splotches of water, letting the tears pour down my face as I let out all the grief and pain I felt for my sister.

A long time later, we were lying on opposite sides of my bed, stretching our legs out so the bottoms of our feet were pressed together, wrapped up in a big blanket.

I was telling him about Allie, which was surprising considering the fact that since the accident, her name was practically a swear word now around my house.

“She liked tap dance a lot,” I told him, my voice shaking slightly. “She loved it. One time, at church, we were up in the choir section and she got up on the piano and starting tap dancing on it, right in the middle of a song. The choir was so mad but everyone thought it was hilarious.”

Liam smiled sadly and didn’t say anything.

“I just miss her so much.” I rubbed my eyes and sighed.

“What do you think she’s doing right now?” Liam asked.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I hate thinking about that, and picturing her just wandering around, not knowing where she is or what’s wrong . . . or why we can’t see her.”

“You don’t think she went up there?” Liam pointed to the ceiling and raised his eyes up.

“What, you mean heaven?”

He nodded.

“I dunno. I mean, I’d like to think that’s where she is, but I’m just so confused . . .”

“Listen, Addie,” Liam said seriously, leaning forward. “Don’t tell me you’re gonna believe all that Ghost Whisperer bullshit and think she’s one of those lost souls.”

“But Liam -”

“You know what I think?” Liam interrupted. “I think she is up there. And no doubt she’s giving the angels a wild time.”

I smiled, imagining my beautiful sister in a long white gown, rocking out with a harp to the surprise of all the other angels up with her.

“In fact,” Liam said, giving me a tiny grin. “I bet she’s tap dancing on God’s piano, just for you.”

I laughed. “You think?”

“I do,” he answered. “I really do.”

I giggled again and gazed fondly at Liam. He looked right back, and it got quiet. I started to feel a little nervous. “Thanks for coming over, Liam,” I whispered. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“No problem, love,” he said. “You look tired.”

I yawned, realizing that I was indeed.

“I’ll stay if you want,” Liam offered. Even though both our parents probably wouldn’t love the idea, I wanted him to stay.

So I lay down in his arms, feeling warm and safe. Just as I drifted off, he kissed my head very softly and said, “I will always be here for you.”

“Thank you,” I whispered, and I fell asleep dreaming of Allie, only this time, it didn’t hurt anymore. As long as I had Liam with me and God had a piano, everything was going to be okay.