I Can't Make You Love Me

I walked into my first class, and decided to not make it awkward and sat next to a different friend instead of Rebecca. It was only 50 minutes, no one would notice.

“Why are you sitting next to me?” Nathan asked making me wish I hadn’t sat next to him.

“Do you not want me sitting next to you?” I asked him not looking at him.

“No it’s fine, you just normally sit over there.” He stated shrugging.

“Yes, well sometimes you need a change of routine, makes like more interesting and livable.” I stated as our professor walked in. He started to talk about American music in the place we had left off of on Friday. I had to make my thoughts stay focused on what he was saying. It was hard not to drift back to Michael, it was hard not to text him. I was thinking he was feeling the same thing I was, which was anger. But I figured his anger was directed at me, some of mine was too. But it was mainly directed at my so-called friends, who were only doing what they thought was ‘best’ for me.

“Kim what did you think about that piece.” Professor Pen asked.

“Well…I” I started, Nathan nudged me and I glanced down at his paper. He wrote chromatics down and a few other thoughts.

“The chromatics were a little too much at some times, but I understood why they were there.” I said finally after reading his sentences.

“Yeah, I suppose that makes sense. Phillip do you agree or disagree.” He moved on.

“Yeah, I’d have to agree with Kim. Sometimes chromatics can be too much.”

I looked up at Nathan and smiled in return to his smirk.

“Well that’s all for today ! See you Wednesday!” Professor Pen said loudly making me and Nathan both jump.

“You alright Kim?” he asked as we both started to gather our things.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” I said pushing my chair under the desk and heading for the door.

“You sure?” he asked again.

“Thanks for asking Nathan.” I said and headed off to my next class.

“Kim!” I heard a familiar voice call from behind me as I stepped into the hallway. It was Chase, someone who I couldn’t find anything to be angry about right now.

“Are we still on for lunch?” he asked giving me a hug.

“Yes.” I smiled.
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“I really hate this for you. You guys seemed so happy.” He sighed as we finished off our meals.

“It’s my fault. I let other people get involved, and shit like this happens when you do that. I just wish I could talk to him.” I sighed

“Well then why don’t you?”

“He’s probably angry, probably won’t even respond to a text or answer his phone if I called him.”

“I bet he’s not, I bet he’s just confused. He probably wishes you would just call him.” He stated, making me wish it were that easy.

“Do it.” He stated.

“Do what?” I asked looking confused.

“Call him, right now.”

“He won’t answer.”

“You don’t know that, do it. Or I’ll do it for you.” He said reaching for my phone.

“No!” I said as he grabbed it, and unlocked it and started to look through my recent calls. It wouldn’t take him long to find Michael’s name.

“It’s ringing.” He stated, his eyes got wide then he handed the phone to me.

“Kim?” I heard his voice on the other end. My heart skipped a beat,

“Hey, um- I-“

“We need to talk.” He stated softly, it was how he got me to anything he wanted. But it was never anything I didn’t want to do in the first place.

“Yeah, I know.” I muttered.

“So 4:00 then?” he asked

“That’s fine.” I sighed.

“See you then, bye.” He said hanging up the phone.

I sighed and looked up to Chase waiting for me to tell what just happened.

“We’re meeting later at 4:00.”

“See I told you he just wanted to talk to you.” He smiled triumphantly.
_____________________

I sat waiting impatiently, part of me was anxious because I just wanted to see Michael. But another part of me was anxious because I was afraid the outcome was going to make things worse than they already were. I started to remember our first date. How easy it was.

“You look really pretty.” He grinned after we stood in my doorway for a few moments.

“You’re not bad lookin’ yourself.” I smirked.

“Yeah, I was afraid if you saw me in normal light you’d find me unattractive.” He said, his grin turning into a smirk. “You ready to go?” he said offering his hand. I laughed at his chivalry and grabbed my keys and purse and gave him my hand.

“I figured we could walk to De Sha’s. Since you live so close.” He stated as we walked down the stairs of my apartment still hand in hand. This was a good sign already, he truly wanted to spend time with me. Walking downtown instead of driving, to drive it would only take about 8 minutes. To walk it would take about 15, he also hadn’t let go of my hand as we headed down the sidewalk.

“So you sing?” he asked.

“Yes, and you waiter?” I asked as he chuckled.

“I only do that part time. I’m finishing up my masters in computer science.”

“I knew you looked kind of nerdy.”

“Thanks.” He said with a straight face and it was my turn to chuckle.

“I meant it in good way. Not like the creepy nerd, you know the one that has no life plays games all day. Has gross hair.”

“Oh good, at least my hair isn’t gross.” He smiled. “What kind of music do you sing?”

“All kinds, I mean we mainly focus on classical music here. But I like to sing all genres, except country I suppose.”

“Good, I hate country.” He laughed.

“I like some country, just not all of it.”

“Like the stuff that plays on the radio?”

“I don’t listen to the radio.”

“Seriously? Not even NPR?”

“Nope, I plug my iPod in or listen to a CD.”

“That’s interesting.” He smiled letting go of my hand and opening the door to De Sha’s. I hadn’t even realized we were there until that moment. That was another clue that this was going to be a good evening.

“Kim?” Michael said, I had been thinking and hadn’t realized he had pulled up. At that moment all I wanted was to kiss him. But I knew that couldn’t happen.

“Sorry, I was just thinking.” I said standing up. He could also look right through me, no one could. Not even people who should be able to, like my mom.

“Yeah.” He stated walking closer to me,

“I’m sorry.” I stated feeling my heart jump in my throat.

“I know.” He said pulling me closer to him.

“Why are you being so understanding right now?” I asked as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

“I’m just waiting for you to explain why you did what you did. But first,” he said before kissing me. The kind of kiss you read about in books, old romance novel kisses. I’m pretty sure he was holding me up by the end of it.

“Now tell me, was it your friends and mine? Is that why you broke up with me and gave that bullshit of a reason.” He asked hoarsely, not moving away from my face. Just enough to look me in the eye, I didn’t answer fast enough for him. So he kissed me again, same type of kiss. Making it even harder to think, about anything but his mouth and mine.

“Tell me.” He breathed. “Tell me you didn’t mean any of that. That the reason I saw you crying is because you know you made a mistake.”

“I’m so sorry.” I felt the tears welling up in my eyes.

“So am I.” He stated before kissing me again. It had been 3 days since I last kissed Michael. And at the moment I realized I was even more stupid for listening to my friends.

“I’m sorry I let my friends get to me.” I murmured as he looked at me with his piercing blue eyes.

“Mine didn’t help very much either.” I muttered brushing some hair out of my face.

“What are we going to do.” I asked laying my head on his shoulder.

“Well, I have to go to work.” I knew he was smirking.

“Will come back tonight-“

“I was going to do that whether you asked me or not.” He said making me look up at him. He kissed me again, this one not as thorough as the other or long.

“I’ll call you when I’m on my way.” He smiled kissing me on the forehead, walked to his car and drove away.