Heaven and Hell

I refused to let go of my dad so soon. I knew he was right in front of me and I was actually touching him but a part of me didn’t believe it. I kept thinking if I let go I wouldn’t see him again.

“Ranger Rick is your dad?” Glenn asked out loud. I laughed into my dad’s shoulder and turned my head. Glenn was standing to my left with Shane right behind him looking at the three of us. I turned my head and squeezed my dad one last time before letting go.

“That’s the most affection I’ve gotten from you in 19 years,” he said quietly. I gave him a blank stare. His jokes were never funny. “God, I thought I’d never see you two again.” He leaned down to give Carl a kiss on the top of his head. My dad finally noticed Shane’s presence and went to embrace him. The two of them looked like they were about to smooch when they finally let go of each other.

“Thank you for watching over them, brother.”

“With my life,” Shane replied. “Almost didn’t get that one to come with me though.” He was pointing at me which caused me to glare at him. “I practically had to drag her kicking and screaming.” I scoffed loudly and started walking away from the group that was now forming around my dad.

“Where have you been?” Carl asked.

“I left the hospital about a week ago,” my dad said. “I went home to find you guys but you were gone and my guns were gone.” He looked in my direction. My dad hated anytime I got near his guns even though I knew how to use one and when to use one.

“They’re safe and sound if that’s what you really care about,” I said turning around. “We haven’t even used them much.”

“I went back to the station and took as much as I could,” he said holding up the duffle bag in he dropped at his feet. “It wasn’t much. I almost lost it back there. Glenn saved my ass a few times.” He looked over at Glenn gratefully which caused him to grin.

“Anytime Ranger Rick.”

“Why do you keep calling him that?” I asked. “He’s not a ranger.”

“Yeah, I know. But it sounded cool,” Glenn said. I really wanted to laugh but my emotions were shot. I didn’t know whether to be happy, sad, or angry. I was so happy my dad was back because that meant I really wasn’t an orphan, but I was so upset at the fact I was lied to. I couldn’t stand looking at Shane any longer. I had put all my trust in him all this time and he had the nerve to lie to me. I wanted to blame this entire walker situation on him as well.

“You’re so retarded,” I said to Glenn. I pat him on his chest and started walking towards the tent. I just needed a few minutes to myself. I went on my usual position on my back with my hands resting underneath my head. My anger came back when I heard Shane’s voice outside boomly loudly.

What I really wanted to do was punch him in his face; maybe break his nose, anything. The only reason I ever wanted to be close to him in the way we were was a pathetic reason; I felt guilty about the last time I was with my dad. It wasn’t a Daddy issue I was having; I just needed to be close to someone in a way Carl and Glenn couldn’t help me with. When I was with Shane it was like our past never existed and he wasn’t my dad’s best friend, he was the one person in this entire fucked up world that knew me and actually cared for me.

It was 9 o’clock. My dad told me to be home at 6 but of course I didn’t give a shit. I stood out later and I wanted to stay out later but smoking weed and eating junk food was getting boring. I wanted to go home and make sure Carl did his homework and talk to strangers online.

“Sure you don’t want to stay over tonight?” Dean asked. I wanted to but I knew my dad would most likely barge into his house in the middle of the night, pistol in hand yelling for me to come home. He didn’t care at the fact I was 19 and had left the house at one point. In his eyes I was still a child. I shook my head.

“Not tonight,” I told him. “Maybe this weekend when my dad’s home with Carl.” I leaned over and kissed him on his lips. “Call me when you get home. I’m sure he’s going to give me a lot of shit tonight.” I opened the car door and slammed it shut. Dean revved the engine once and blew a kiss at me before taking off in his bright orange Challenger. I noticed my neighbor peak her head out the window and shook her head towards me. I flipped her off and started walking towards the porch where my dad stood watching the entire thing. He moved from the door when I approached it and leaned against the banister of the stairs once I closed the front door.

“You were supposed to be home three hours ago,” he said. “You said you were going to eat dinner with us for once.” I shrugged my shoulders and noticed Shane was sitting at the dining room table and Carl was in the living room in front of the TV.

I walked over to Carl and ran my fingers through his hair. “Did you finish your homework?” He looked up at me and nodded his head. “Good.”

I walked past my dad who hadn’t moved from his position. “I asked you a question, Olivia.”

“I need to change,” I said quickly and ran up the stairs before he could say anything more. Knowing him he would not yell anymore then he has already with Carl and Shane downstairs. I ran to my room, shut the door and started stripping out of my clothes. I grabbed a t-shirt and my black leggings and slipped into them. I threw my hair up and hesitantly walked back downstairs. I walked to the dining room where my dad and Shane were. They stopped talking instantly when they heard me walk up to them and sit down.

“So what’s for dinner?” I asked. I pulled my knees up and leaned back on the chair. My dad let out a long sigh which caused me to laugh. “I lost track of time.”

“Clearly.”

“Rude,” I replied. I pursed my lips as I looked back and forth between Shane and my dad. “So, Shanester. What’s up? How’s the blond?” Shane let out a small laugh and stopped abruptly when my dad glared at him. “Jeez dad. I was trying to be sociable.” He continued to glare at me and it was starting to get old. “You know the only reason I’m still here is because you’re always working so lose the attitude father dearest. You know you need me more then I need you.”

“That’s enough Olivia.”

“No, it’s not,” I snapped. “You’re always acting like I’m a kid. The only thing I wanted to do was go to college away from here but clearly that didn’t happen. You should think about getting a new career or at least a desk job because if you die I’m not going to watch Carl by myself. I’m nobody’s mother.”

“Where is this coming from?” he asked. I noticed Shane was starting to look uncomfortable and starting to stand up. He slowly started inching his way into the living room with Carl. “What right do you have to act this way with me?” I continued to stare at him.

“You treat me like a tenant. Not your daughter. You’ve always loved Carl more than me. Sometimes I wonder if you regret that your condom broke when it came to me.” I noticed his nostrils flair. He looked as if he was restraining from strangling my neck.

“Is that what this is about? You think I love you less than Carl?”

“You always have!” I shouted. “I did everything I could to please you throughout my life but that was never enough. Mom never told me she was sick. You never told me. Why else would I not be around her last year? You two were a bunch of pricks about me leaving Georgia but I was so goddamn glad I wasn’t here. And then you had the nerve to ask me to stay after her funeral to watch over Carl. You should have just sent him to grandma and grandpop’s if you can’t handle raising him.”

“If you don’t want to be here then leave,” he said standing up and glaring at me inches from my face. “Go see how far in life you’ll get with your bitchy attitude and ridiculous boyfriend. Take a hike, sweetheart.”

“Whatever,” I replied angrily. I stood up and started walking towards the stairs. I saw Shane was trying to distract Carl by turning the TV louder but I knew he heard everything. He turned his head quickly when he heard footsteps walking towards the stairs. I leaned against the wall by the stairs while Shane leaned on the other end. “I don’t know how you two are friends. He’s an asshole.”

“Be easy on him,” Shane said. “You didn’t just lose your mama. He lost his wife. He probably feels like he’s losing you too.” I rolled my eyes and sighed.

“I didn’t ask your opinion anyways,” I said. “Your opinions are just as bad, old man.” I turned away from Shane and stomped my way up the stairs.

“Hey why did you leave?” Glenn asked. He walked into the tent and lay down next to me. “Your dad is pretty damn cool. I feel bad for him though, he really had no idea about all this shit going down.” I stood quiet still reliving all the horrible shit I said to my dad. I never realized how much I probably hurt him with my words. “Does this mean you’re kicking me out of the tent? Your dad probably doesn’t want me in here, huh? I mean, you know we don’t do anything since Carl’s here anyways but…”

I sat up and looked down at Glenn with a big smile on my face. “You said you two saved each other’s asses a few times?” He nodded his head. “So that means he might actually like you. You can stay. If not… well I guess Dale wouldn’t mind you sleeping in his RV. What’s one extra body, right? Or the old man can go stay with his butt buddy. I’m sure my dad’s happier to see Shane than me.”

“Are you kidding me?” Glenn asked. He sat up and crossed his legs. “Your dad kept talking about his kids and mainly his daughter. He didn’t say the name so of course it didn’t click but I should have seen it. You two have the same bright blue eyes.”

“You sound like you’re in love with the guy,” I said. “Is he your man crush or something?” Glenn turned red which caused me to laugh. “Oh my god. This is perfect.”

“I don’t have a crush on him,” Glenn said. “He’s just really cool and stuff…”

“I won’t tell anyone,” I said tickling his knee causing him to break into a fit of laughter and start tickling me himself. He pinned my arms down with one hand and used the other to continuously tickle my stomach. “Stop Glenn!” My stomach started hurting from laughing so much but I tried to wriggle out.

“This is our tent,” I heard Carl say. The tent flap opened and Carl stood there with my dad and Shane behind him. Glenn still had me pinned down but stopped once he realized it wasn’t just Carl. He sat up quickly and cleared his throat. “That’s Glenn, but you already know that. He sleeps with us.”

“Does he?” my dad questioned.

“The key term is sleep, dad.” He stared at me and smiled.

“Well at least you had someone to protect you,” he said. “He’s pretty good with a baseball bat.” I saw Glenn turn red again which caused me to laugh. “So this is nice.” He looked around the tent and then back down at Glenn and I.

“Well, I’m going to go,” Glenn announced. “Let you guys talk.” I really didn’t want Glenn to leave but he got up quickly and left. My dad went to sit where Glenn was and Carl followed.

“I’ll get you some clothes,” Shane said. “You might want to take a shower in Dale’s RV. Better than nothing.”

“You’re sure quiet,” my dad said. He reached forward to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “You alright, babe?”

“No dad.”

“Shane said he got you guys out before the things took over the city. He said you didn’t see many of them?” Carl shook his head while I continued to sit there not sure how to act or what to say.

“Have you eating, Liv?” he asked.

“Liv went fishing today with Daryl,” Carl piped up. “You think we can cook them soon?”
“Go ask him,” I said with little enthusiasm, “Assuming you haven’t told him about Merle.”

“Merle’s this Daryl guy’s brother?” my dad asked. I shook my head. “Maybe I should talk with him. Tell him what’s going on.”

“Don’t bother,” I said. “He’s going to want to kill you if you had anything to do with leaving him behind. You should let Shane do it.” My dad frowned while he looked at me. I refused to look at him so he pulled my face to look at him.

“What’s this about?” I kept my lips sealed while he continued to stare. Glenn was right. Every day when I looked in the mirror I noticed my bright blue eyes but I never noticed how much they mirrored my father’s. “Liv?” I really wanted to tell my dad about everything Shane and I did. Maybe he would beat him up for me. I didn’t know if I wanted that or not.

“He told me you were dead,” I finally said. “He said you were dead and that’s why he wouldn’t let you come with us. I was so upset with myself because of everything I’ve said to you and you were supposedly gone. I never got to apologize to you and now here you are. He lied!”

“I’m sure it was some sort of miscommunication,” he said. He leaned forward to pull me towards him and he squeezed me tight. “Maybe I did die for a minute.”

“That’s such bullshit,” I said into his chest. I pushed him away from me and crossed my arms. “Stop defending him. You can die and then suddenly come back without those paddle things or whatever.”

“Maybe it was just a faint pulse and he couldn’t feel it,” he said. He always had an answer and it pissed me off more than anything. I was about to open my mouth when I heard yelling outside. The three of us quickly got up and ran out to where everyone was at. The yelling was coming from Daryl who was currently in a chokehold from Shane.

“Let go of him,” I yelled at Shane. I walked closer to the two of them while everyone was spread out avoiding them. “Shane!” He finally let Daryl drop to the floor and backed away. “What is your problem?”

“He was going after T-Dog with a knife,” Shane said angrily. “You expect me to sit back and do nothing?”

“That bastard left my brother to die,” Daryl spat out. He rubbed his neck still fuming.

“Your brother was a danger to us all,” my dad said. He was standing behind me and tried giving Daryl a hand but he shoved it away.

“I made sure the door was chained shut from the outside,” T-Dog muttered. “He’s probably still up there.”

“He better be,” Daryl snarled. “Y’all are going to go back there and get him or I swear I’ll put in a bullet in you all in your sleep.” He stomped away from everyone and I felt so bad for him.

“We should go back,” Glenn suggested. “We can’t just leave him up there.”

“I agree,” my dad said, “Not to mention I was looking at the guns you have. We’re going to need a lot more ammo.” He looked over at me. I was completely stunned that he really wanted to leave again after he literally just came back. “You spent a lot of time in the city. Did you happen to remember any gun shops?”

“I might have seen one,” I said. I tried to think of one but I wasn’t coming up with anything.

“There’s one on 38th and 3rd,” Jim said. He never spoke much so everyone looked at him surprised.

“Then we’ll go there tomorrow,” my dad said.

“I want to go with you,” I said. “And if you say no, I’m still going to go with you.” I walked away from everyone to find Daryl. He probably didn’t want to see anyone but deep down I knew he wanted someone to be there for him.

I walked towards his tenet and lightly tapped on the outside. “Daryl?” I heard him flicking open and close his pocket knife. “Can I come in?” He didn’t say anything but I took a deep breath and walked in anyways. “Hey Daryl.”

He continued to sit there flicking his knife. I just hoped he wouldn’t stab me. “What do you want?”

“Just wanted you to know…” Daryl didn’t look the type to talk about feelings or anything but he looked extremely upset about hearing of his brother. “I’m going to go with them to get Merle.” His head snapped up and he looked at me.

“You trying to get yourself killed?” he questioned.

“You don’t think I can handle myself?” I asked offended. “If guns attract too many of them I’m pretty good with a machete.”

“Wouldn’t want to piss you off,” he said sarcastically. He went back to flicking his knife.

“I can see you’re going to be chatty today.” He looked up at me and glared. “Come on Daryl. We had such a nice day. I’m the last person you should treat like this. I’m the only person that actually enjoys your presence.”

“Yeah, well you have some serious issues if that’s the case,” he said. He folded his knife and slipped it into his pocket. “I don’t know who this sheriff thinks he is. He can’t boss us around and make rules like we’re his bitches.”

“He’s always like that,” I said. “You’ll get used to it eventually.”

“And how exactly do you know this?”

“He’s my dad,” I said. Daryl stared at me and shook his head.

“I don’t see it.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You’re nothing like him,” he said.

“Meaning?”

“Meaning,” he said rolling his eyes, “Meaning nothing. Just take it as it is.”

“Okay then…” I started to walk out of his tent when I heard his voice again.

“Thanks for caring,” he said. “Just remember don’t get yourself killed.” I smiled to myself. I know deep down Daryl is a good guy. I just wished everyone saw the guy that came out when it was only the two of us. I turned around and went back into his tent. Catching him off guard I bent down to give him a hug. “You need to stop.”

“No,” I said. I laughed as I continued to squeeze him tightly but he didn’t bother throwing me off. “We’re going to find your brother, okay?”

“If we don’t?”

“Then you can kill Shane or something,” I said. I let go of him and shrugged my shoulders. “Or we can do what we always planned; go towards the coast and live on a ship in the middle of the ocean.”

“That was your plan,” he said. He fixed his tank top and shook his head at me. “I never said I’d go with you.”

“Who’s going to catch fish for me then?” I asked. “Because clearly you think I’m the worst fisherman ever.”

“You ain’t that bad,” he muttered. “Maybe you should just stick with opening cans though. It’s all your good at.”

“Shut up,” I said jokingly as he elbowed him. “You’re so mean to me.”

“You think that’s mean?” he asked. “You ain’t seen shit unless you grew up in my house.”

“What happened at your house?”

“Nothing,” he said quickly. “Weren’t you on your way out?”

“I can see I’m not welcomed anymore,” I said. I stood up and walked out of his tent, walking right into Shane.

“What were you doing in there?” he questioned. I completely ignored him and started walking away. “Liv!” I felt him grab my arm which pissed me off.

“Let go.” He released his grip on my arm right away.

“What’s your problem?” he asked. “What are you doing spending your time with him anyways?” I stared past him trying my best to ignore him. “Olivia?” He was reaching out for me again but I was quick enough to slap his hand away.

“Don’t touch me.” I saw Daryl peak out of his tent and start walking towards us.

“There a problem here?” Daryl asked. Shane stared at me, nostrils flaring.

“Maybe you should mind your business,” Shane said.

“The girl said back off,” Daryl said, “Maybe you should leave her alone.” Shane turned around finally to stare at Daryl.

“What are you going to do about it?” he seethed. “Maybe they should have left you behind with Merle as well.”

“Jesus Christ,” I shouted. I pulled Shane’s arm so he was looking at me. “Quick being a prick and leave him alone Shane or I swear to God I’m going to kick you so hard in your goddamn balls.”

Shane was still visibly angry but he leaned down close so Daryl couldn’t hear him. “The only reason you’d be sticking up with him is if you’re fucking him. You better hope your daddy doesn’t find out about that.” I leaned back and slapped him across his face.

“I wonder what he’ll say when he finds out about you then,” I growled at him and angrily walked back into my tent.