Love the Loveless

Jacky had gone insane. I was so scared. I didn't mean for it to go this far I was just going to see if he was going to admit that he was actually jealous! I didn't mean to make him so mad. I was heartbroken when he kissed that girl at the concert. I thought that two could play at that game so I situated myself on Ryan's lap. When we all got back on the bus I started to play with Charlie trying to get my mind off of it. 

"Well, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS STARING AT, BLOODY HELL CAN I NOT GET A FUCKING DRINK!?" Jacky hissed and my head shot up. He stormed into the back and I heard a crash jumping. I started crying silently. Ryan ran over and pulled my into him and I sat on his lap bawling my eyes out into his shirt. I heard Jacky come back up but I didn't dare look up. Why does everyone I love do this?! I thought That Jacky was different. But now I was afraid that he'd start beating me just as my dad had. The only guy I'd fallen in love with. I was deathly afraid of.

Ronnie stood up and went over to Jacky.
"Jacky what has gotten into you? I have never seen you so pissed!"He said
"Nothing Ronnie."Jacky snapped.
"Jacky what the hell!?" He snapped back.
I couldn't understand what he was saying but I swear I heard my name. I couldn't suppress my quiet sob but he didn't hear.
"I'm Done Ronnie i am not going out with anyone until they prove that they won't hurt me but until then. I'm a free man." Jacky said.
"That's understandable but what did Hayden-" Ronnie started but was cut off. I felt eyes on my back but I didn't dare look.
"Perfect yeah?" Jacky said and stormed to the bunks again and I let my sobs pass My lips and into Ryan's chest.

"I hate myself! I'm so stupid Ry!! He probably hates me!!" I sobbed clinging to his shirt. I didn't feel comforted. I wanted to cuddle with Jacky and have him say that it'll be okay. But that wasn't going to happen.

"Well why don't you go tell him then? I'm sure he'll understand Jacky doesn't hold grudges." Ryan said and I nodded getting up. I tried wiping my face and clearing my throat as I walked back. I looked in our Jacky's bunk but he wasn't there. I looked in Ronnie's next holding Jacky's pillow to my chest protectively.

"J-Jacky? I-I'm really sorry I-I didn't mean to hurt you." I said quietly. He turned over and gave me a creepy smile and yelled, "LIKE FUCK YOU'RE SORRY YOU'RE JUST TOYING WITH ME SO YOU CAN USE ME JUST LIKE THE OTHER GIRLS YOU'RE ALL THE SAME!!" more tears poured down my cheeks and I shook my head, "N-no Jacky I didn't me-" I started but he cut me off. "NO YOU'RE ALL THE SAME NOW GET OUT OF MY FACE YOU FUCKING CUNT!" my eyes widened more and I couldn't stop the sob that passed. "YOU'RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE JACKY! I can't believe I loved you.. And still fucking do!" I yelled and ran out running off the bus. I can't stay in a place where everyone hates me. I don't know how far I ran, I don't know where I am, and I don't know how to get back. I just know that I only have shorts, a sweater, and Jacky's pillow, while it's getting cold and dark.

I kind of hope someone will just shoot me tonight.