Love the Loveless

I was curled up on the couch feeling numb. Why does he have to keep rescuing me if he doesn't even fucking want me? I hate him but I love him. I could feel the tears running down my face but I dared not make a sound. I just, in all honesty, wanted to be home. Those beatings from my father were easier then this. They didn't break my heart, my father had always been abusive. So it wasn't different.

Yet Jacky had been so sweet and kind. But now he's just... I don't even know. All he does is yell at me when I try to apologize, and he won't let me fucking die. I feel like now his life goal was to kill me from the inside out. Well he's almost there now he only has to break through my skin. But no. He's going to make me suffer through it all. As if he's taping my eyes open while drilling through my heart. I won't be able to stand it much longer. Maybe next concert I can sneak off and find something. An empty beer bottle or even a sharp stick?! Just anything to end this pain. Or wait... The bottle of vodka Jacky broke earlier. That's still crashed somewhere in the back I hope! I can use that! Way to go Hayden your brilliant! Using Jacky's own materials to die. Oh god I hope he knows what I'm going to do. Maybe he should think twice before creating sharp objects for me to use.

I had been acting to be asleep for almost an hour and now I'm pretty sure that everyone was asleep. I got up and silently walked to the back of the bus and looked for a slight shine. When I saw one I smiled a bit and grabbed the piece. It looked like someone tried to clean this but missed this shard. It wasn't big, but it was far from small. I walked into the bathroom and hoped up on the counter. I pulled my pants down slightly to expose my hips. This was something I hadn't done in a while.

I smiled and mumbled to myself, "Will you be my little cut? Will you Be my thousand fucks?! Just look at me now Jacky! I'm a fake, genuine fucking fake."

I pressed the shard against the exposed skin and slowly drug it across. I giggled as the small red drops flowed down my side. I pulled my pants down a bit more so that there was no blood that stained them. I did five more deep cuts and pulled up my pants once the blood stopped. I chucked the glass into the trash and went back to the couch and laid down. My dreams were filled with the horrific but romantic sight.

"Hayden I really do love you please don't leave." Jacky whispered holding my bloody and half conscious form in his arms.
"Jacky you mean everything to me. I love you too... I'll see you soon." I said with my last breath. I heard a scream as someone stabbed him in the back. We'd be able to stay together now... With no one else.

I heard an actual scream and I shot up on my spot on the couch. That caused my cuts to open slightly and I tried to put pressure on them to get the bleeding to stop. Ronnie ran out holding the shard of glass with blood on it. Jacky ran out after and drew his hand back and I curled into myself ready for the slap. I whimpered but the pain never came. I looked up and say his emotionless face, but he had tears rolling down his cheeks.

"why?" was all he said. I looked down and mumbled. "Because you hate me and think I tried to hurt you when I was just seeing if I could get you jealous and say that you wanted to be with me. I-I'm sorry." I said and hung my head tears flowing. I heard him literally growl at this. He grabbed anything from plastic spoons to blankets and throwing them at me. I sat there quiet sobs passing my lips but I didn't yell at him, I didn't even ask him to stop. I deserve anything I got.

I heard a thump and sobbing. I looked up and saw Jacky. I slowly got up and sat next to him and kissed his head. "Jacky don't cry... T-the girl that will treat you right is out there somewhere. I just wanted to say I-I'm sorry.." I said and kissed his head again. He shook his head.

"no I know the girl I love, but she isn't the one that's now pregnant with my fucking child!" he yelled. My eyes went wide. Then I was in darkness. Complete and utter darkness.