Through the Window
one
"Chase, get the fuck down from there!"
I answered, cold and emotionless. "No."
I ignored the shitty pop music that was blaring, I ignored the smell of alcohol on everyone's breaths. Truth is, I would be just like them under normal circumstances. But I wanted to spend my last moments sober. I wanted to know what I was doing.
Loud banging sounds were coming from the next room and I figured it was that slut Jenna fucking some guy in there. It happened every single time Kinsey threw a party. Normally I'd tell them to find a more comfortable place than a shower, but this time I didn't really give a shit.
"You're going to die!" more voices yelled.
No shit. That was my plan in the first place. Kinsey's house had four fucking floors, and I was at the top. Most people came up here anyway. But most people didn't stand on the ledge of a window, waiting to jump to the concrete below.
I was going to do it. I really was. Maybe I was a bit of a pussy when it came to pain, but I told myself that I knew it was going to be over, and life was going to be over. I wouldn't have to deal with shit anymore. I just didn't care.
A group of intoxicated people formed around me. Good. Let them see what assholes they are. Even if they didn't really do anything to me personally.
"Chase, I will pull you back in here!" Jim shouted. I doubted that he could, because he couldn't even walk straight.
"I'll jump then. You're not stronger than gravity."
The words got through to him because he stopped trying to make his way towards the window. I was numb still. I knew I should be scared, and I knew my body was in shock, but I didn't feel it, not really. I knew I had so many things I was responsible for, but knowing and feeling are two entirely different things. There wasn't much of the latter left in my life.
"Chase!" A voice broke through the crowd. A high pitched voice that ripped through octaves. It was desperate, I could tell. I recognized it. Everyone in this town did. "Chase, don't!"
"Kinsey," I said. "It doesn't matter what you say. It doesn't change anything."
Everyone felt silent. Everyone knew Kinsey was important. When she had something to say, everyone shut up. But I didn't want to hear it. I started moving my feet, readying myself for the drop.
"Chase, please!"
"I'd apologize, but I'm not sorry."
"Stop! Give me one chance, Chase," she shrieked, and I saw tears forming in her eyes. From sadness or fear, I couldn't tell. "One chance to love you! That's all I'm asking for!"
I stopped out of sheer surprise. I never knew, honestly. And for the first time in forever, I felt.
I answered, cold and emotionless. "No."
I ignored the shitty pop music that was blaring, I ignored the smell of alcohol on everyone's breaths. Truth is, I would be just like them under normal circumstances. But I wanted to spend my last moments sober. I wanted to know what I was doing.
Loud banging sounds were coming from the next room and I figured it was that slut Jenna fucking some guy in there. It happened every single time Kinsey threw a party. Normally I'd tell them to find a more comfortable place than a shower, but this time I didn't really give a shit.
"You're going to die!" more voices yelled.
No shit. That was my plan in the first place. Kinsey's house had four fucking floors, and I was at the top. Most people came up here anyway. But most people didn't stand on the ledge of a window, waiting to jump to the concrete below.
I was going to do it. I really was. Maybe I was a bit of a pussy when it came to pain, but I told myself that I knew it was going to be over, and life was going to be over. I wouldn't have to deal with shit anymore. I just didn't care.
A group of intoxicated people formed around me. Good. Let them see what assholes they are. Even if they didn't really do anything to me personally.
"Chase, I will pull you back in here!" Jim shouted. I doubted that he could, because he couldn't even walk straight.
"I'll jump then. You're not stronger than gravity."
The words got through to him because he stopped trying to make his way towards the window. I was numb still. I knew I should be scared, and I knew my body was in shock, but I didn't feel it, not really. I knew I had so many things I was responsible for, but knowing and feeling are two entirely different things. There wasn't much of the latter left in my life.
"Chase!" A voice broke through the crowd. A high pitched voice that ripped through octaves. It was desperate, I could tell. I recognized it. Everyone in this town did. "Chase, don't!"
"Kinsey," I said. "It doesn't matter what you say. It doesn't change anything."
Everyone felt silent. Everyone knew Kinsey was important. When she had something to say, everyone shut up. But I didn't want to hear it. I started moving my feet, readying myself for the drop.
"Chase, please!"
"I'd apologize, but I'm not sorry."
"Stop! Give me one chance, Chase," she shrieked, and I saw tears forming in her eyes. From sadness or fear, I couldn't tell. "One chance to love you! That's all I'm asking for!"
I stopped out of sheer surprise. I never knew, honestly. And for the first time in forever, I felt.