Status: Standalone
Never Gonna Hold the Hand of Another Guy
Never gonna hold the hand of another guy (1/1)
“Hey, I’m Alex, may I take your order?” the coffee brown haired boy asks, looking down at the other boy, who is sitting there, looking slightly shy and so Alex gives him a caring smile.
“Just a cup of coffee please.” The other boy mumbles mutely and Alex nods and writes the order onto his scratchpad.
“Few Minutes.” He smiles again and then he turns around and leaves to refer the order.
He leans on the counter, while he is waiting for the coffee to be done and keeps an eye on the guy.
“Here”, Ellen, the barista, shoves the cup of coffee carefully over the counter in Alex direction.
“Thanks.”, he takes the cup and carries it over to the table the young man is sitting at.
“Here.”
“Thanks...uhm.” the other boy hesitates a moment and takes a deep breath. “I...I know this may sounds totally weird...but...but would you mind sitting down for a bit? If you’ve got time for that...but...it would be really nice.”
Alex looks around. The little coffee shop is nearly empty and so he nods, not exactly sure why, because usually he doesn’t do things like that.
The other boy gives him a thankful smile and nips carefully on his coffee.
“So...what’s your name?” Alex asks, his voice low but warm.
“Jack.”
“So Jack...and why are you sitting here alone? Asking waiters to keep you company?” Alex asks jolly, slightly highlighting Jacks name.
The other boy just shrugs, takes another sip of his coffee.
“Just came home from my army base and there’s nobody waiting for me.”
Alex gasps in surprise.
“You’re in the army?”
“Hm. Since I graduated high school” Jack’s tone is totally calm, but he refuses to look into Alex’ eyes.
“Wow.”
“It’s not a Wow thing.” Jack off-presses him quickly. “It’s not that great when you’re gay, just like I am, because you can’t be yourself. Don’t ask. Don’t tell, ya know?”
Alex just stares at him with wide eyes and in this moment Jack seems to recognize what he just said.
“Shit.”
“No. No. No. It’s okay. I’m bi. Don’t judge you for being gay.” Alex smiles and Jack sighs in relief.
“I’m...just shocked that it’s still like this...you know...in the army.” the waiter stammers and again Jack sighs, but this time gloomy.
“Some things never change. But it’s okay. I’m used to it. Never mind. So, what are you doing for a living, except serving?”
“I’m still in college. Trying to get a major in math.” Alex explains and Jack just nods.
“I always sucked at math in high school” he laughs slightly and Alex blushes.
“Well...I was always the nerd you know? Good at math and science.”
“Well I bet for a nerd you were pretty cute. You still are.”
And now Alex cheeks are burning red, while he smiles sheepishly.
The doorbell tears them apart and instantly Alex looks up and sees a young couple that just enters the cafe.
“I’ll be right back. Have to work.” He smiles at Jack and the other guy just nods.
Alex goes to the table the young couple is now sitting at, with quick steps and smiles when he achieves it.
“Hey, I’m Alex, may I take your order?” he asks.
“Sure, I would like to have a cup of cappuccino and a piece of cherry pie.” The man tells him and so Alex writes the order down on his scratchpad, than he looks to the girl.
“Same.” She smiles and he writes a two behind the order.
Again he leans at the counter while he waits for the drinks and the cake and again he looks into Jacks direction, who returns the look, smiling softly, while playing with his teaspoon.
When the order is done Alex brings both to the young couple and returns to Jack.
“I didn’t ask how old you are. That just came to my mind.” Jack says the moment Alex sits down on his chair again.
“22. You?”
“26.” Jack answers and Alex smiles.
“You look younger.” Alex blushes when the realization of what he just said hits him, but Jack just laughs.
“That’s something I get to hear very often.” He laughs and Alex sighs in relief.
“Most of the time I decide to take it as a compliment.”
“It totally was.”
“Well then thank you”
“You’re very welcome old man.” Alex jokes and again Jack starts to laugh.
**
“Just a cup of coffee please.” The other boy mumbles mutely and Alex nods and writes the order onto his scratchpad.
“Few Minutes.” He smiles again and then he turns around and leaves to refer the order.
He leans on the counter, while he is waiting for the coffee to be done and keeps an eye on the guy.
“Here”, Ellen, the barista, shoves the cup of coffee carefully over the counter in Alex direction.
“Thanks.”, he takes the cup and carries it over to the table the young man is sitting at.
“Here.”
“Thanks...uhm.” the other boy hesitates a moment and takes a deep breath. “I...I know this may sounds totally weird...but...but would you mind sitting down for a bit? If you’ve got time for that...but...it would be really nice.”
Alex looks around. The little coffee shop is nearly empty and so he nods, not exactly sure why, because usually he doesn’t do things like that.
The other boy gives him a thankful smile and nips carefully on his coffee.
“So...what’s your name?” Alex asks, his voice low but warm.
“Jack.”
“So Jack...and why are you sitting here alone? Asking waiters to keep you company?” Alex asks jolly, slightly highlighting Jacks name.
The other boy just shrugs, takes another sip of his coffee.
“Just came home from my army base and there’s nobody waiting for me.”
Alex gasps in surprise.
“You’re in the army?”
“Hm. Since I graduated high school” Jack’s tone is totally calm, but he refuses to look into Alex’ eyes.
“Wow.”
“It’s not a Wow thing.” Jack off-presses him quickly. “It’s not that great when you’re gay, just like I am, because you can’t be yourself. Don’t ask. Don’t tell, ya know?”
Alex just stares at him with wide eyes and in this moment Jack seems to recognize what he just said.
“Shit.”
“No. No. No. It’s okay. I’m bi. Don’t judge you for being gay.” Alex smiles and Jack sighs in relief.
“I’m...just shocked that it’s still like this...you know...in the army.” the waiter stammers and again Jack sighs, but this time gloomy.
“Some things never change. But it’s okay. I’m used to it. Never mind. So, what are you doing for a living, except serving?”
“I’m still in college. Trying to get a major in math.” Alex explains and Jack just nods.
“I always sucked at math in high school” he laughs slightly and Alex blushes.
“Well...I was always the nerd you know? Good at math and science.”
“Well I bet for a nerd you were pretty cute. You still are.”
And now Alex cheeks are burning red, while he smiles sheepishly.
The doorbell tears them apart and instantly Alex looks up and sees a young couple that just enters the cafe.
“I’ll be right back. Have to work.” He smiles at Jack and the other guy just nods.
Alex goes to the table the young couple is now sitting at, with quick steps and smiles when he achieves it.
“Hey, I’m Alex, may I take your order?” he asks.
“Sure, I would like to have a cup of cappuccino and a piece of cherry pie.” The man tells him and so Alex writes the order down on his scratchpad, than he looks to the girl.
“Same.” She smiles and he writes a two behind the order.
Again he leans at the counter while he waits for the drinks and the cake and again he looks into Jacks direction, who returns the look, smiling softly, while playing with his teaspoon.
When the order is done Alex brings both to the young couple and returns to Jack.
“I didn’t ask how old you are. That just came to my mind.” Jack says the moment Alex sits down on his chair again.
“22. You?”
“26.” Jack answers and Alex smiles.
“You look younger.” Alex blushes when the realization of what he just said hits him, but Jack just laughs.
“That’s something I get to hear very often.” He laughs and Alex sighs in relief.
“Most of the time I decide to take it as a compliment.”
“It totally was.”
“Well then thank you”
“You’re very welcome old man.” Alex jokes and again Jack starts to laugh.
**
Rain’s pouring down and his shoes are soaked with water and mud, but Alex doesn’t care. Tears are running down his cheeks and a loud sob escapes his mouth.
It’s cold and he will probably get pneumonia but again Alex doesn’t care. Nothing really matters anymore.
The only reason to live for him is gone now and nothing in this world will ease the pain he is feeling in every part of his body.
**
“So, what’s this thing with your parents? You have a lot of pictures of your whole family here, but you never really talk about them”, Alex asks. They are in Jacks living room, Jack sits on the sofa and Alex has his head in Jacks lap.
For a moment there is complete silence in the living room and immediately Alex regrets his question because Jack probably has his reasons not to talk about his parents and maybe he just crossed a border.
They’re together for a couple of months now and Alex has told Jack every little detail of his life, whereas Jack never said a thing about his childhood or his family. And Alex wants to know more about his boyfriend, but maybe he just has pushed it too far.
“I don’t talk to them anymore.” Jack answers his voice flat and low. “They kicked me out a few years ago.”
Alex gasps in shock.
“Why?” he whispers, still in shock.
“Because I’m gay. I came out to my family after I graduated high school. I know I’m gay since I’m fourteen but I didn’t want to be the gay kid in high school you know? So I’ve waited ‘til I graduated and then I told my parents about my sexuality. And they didn’t take it so well. You have to know my family’s very religious, so my mother just cried and almost begged me to say I’m just joking, but my father started screaming and called me quite ugly names. And he ended up screaming that from now on he’ll only has one son, namely my older brother Joey, and that I have one hour to be out of his house and that I should never come back.”
Alex stares at Jack with wide eyes. He doesn’t know what to say. His parents are absolutely okay with his sexuality and his “lifestyle” as they like to call it. They’ve always supported him no matter what and he loves them to death and so do they.
“And that’s the reason I ended up in the army.” Jack continues in this moment. “Well, to be honest there were three reasons I ended up there.
First was that I was homeless. Second was that I needed money really quick and third was that I hoped my parents would take me back as soon as they realized that even if I’m gay I’m still someone they could be proud of, but that never happened.” Jack stops and now his voice is throaty.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.” Alex whispers.
“No, it’s okay. Most of the time I’m over it, sometimes it hits me, but nowadays it’s not as bad as in the past.”
Again they share a moment in silence. Jack’s tracing circles on Alex stomach with his fingertips and Alex closes his eyes, while he tries not to think too hard about everything Jack just told him.
“You should move in here.” Jack suddenly says and Alex eyes snaps open.
“W-what?” he stutters, totally caught off guard.
“I mean my apartment stays vacant most time of the year and you always complain about your dorm and your roommate and we’re together for quite an amount of time now. So why not?”
Alex just stares at his boyfriend with wide eyes and doesn’t know what to say.
“You can think about it for a few days and talk to your parents about it. Just tell me when you’re ready okay?” Jack smiles and Alex just nods.
“Just don’t throw big student parties. I think my neighbours wouldn’t be too pleased about that.”
And now Alex has to laugh, that’s so typical for Jack. In a minute he’s able to turn a serious moment funny.
**
“So, what’s this thing with your parents? You have a lot of pictures of your whole family here, but you never really talk about them”, Alex asks. They are in Jacks living room, Jack sits on the sofa and Alex has his head in Jacks lap.
For a moment there is complete silence in the living room and immediately Alex regrets his question because Jack probably has his reasons not to talk about his parents and maybe he just crossed a border.
They’re together for a couple of months now and Alex has told Jack every little detail of his life, whereas Jack never said a thing about his childhood or his family. And Alex wants to know more about his boyfriend, but maybe he just has pushed it too far.
“I don’t talk to them anymore.” Jack answers his voice flat and low. “They kicked me out a few years ago.”
Alex gasps in shock.
“Why?” he whispers, still in shock.
“Because I’m gay. I came out to my family after I graduated high school. I know I’m gay since I’m fourteen but I didn’t want to be the gay kid in high school you know? So I’ve waited ‘til I graduated and then I told my parents about my sexuality. And they didn’t take it so well. You have to know my family’s very religious, so my mother just cried and almost begged me to say I’m just joking, but my father started screaming and called me quite ugly names. And he ended up screaming that from now on he’ll only has one son, namely my older brother Joey, and that I have one hour to be out of his house and that I should never come back.”
Alex stares at Jack with wide eyes. He doesn’t know what to say. His parents are absolutely okay with his sexuality and his “lifestyle” as they like to call it. They’ve always supported him no matter what and he loves them to death and so do they.
“And that’s the reason I ended up in the army.” Jack continues in this moment. “Well, to be honest there were three reasons I ended up there.
First was that I was homeless. Second was that I needed money really quick and third was that I hoped my parents would take me back as soon as they realized that even if I’m gay I’m still someone they could be proud of, but that never happened.” Jack stops and now his voice is throaty.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.” Alex whispers.
“No, it’s okay. Most of the time I’m over it, sometimes it hits me, but nowadays it’s not as bad as in the past.”
Again they share a moment in silence. Jack’s tracing circles on Alex stomach with his fingertips and Alex closes his eyes, while he tries not to think too hard about everything Jack just told him.
“You should move in here.” Jack suddenly says and Alex eyes snaps open.
“W-what?” he stutters, totally caught off guard.
“I mean my apartment stays vacant most time of the year and you always complain about your dorm and your roommate and we’re together for quite an amount of time now. So why not?”
Alex just stares at his boyfriend with wide eyes and doesn’t know what to say.
“You can think about it for a few days and talk to your parents about it. Just tell me when you’re ready okay?” Jack smiles and Alex just nods.
“Just don’t throw big student parties. I think my neighbours wouldn’t be too pleased about that.”
And now Alex has to laugh, that’s so typical for Jack. In a minute he’s able to turn a serious moment funny.
**
Wind lashes rain in his face and now his whole body trembles thru the cold.
Again a loud sob escapes Alex, while he falls to his knees and buries his hands in the dirt.
“It’s not fair.” He cries, but his voice is almost scarcely audible, because of storm and rain.
“Why’d you have to leave me?”
**
The sound of somebody unlocking the door lets Alex flinch.
With shaking knees he walks out of the kitchen to the floor and in the next moment he’s face to face with Jack.
“W-what are you doing here?” that’s the first thing that comes into Alex mind, while he stares at Jack with wide eyes.
“I’m happy to see you too and yeah I’ve missed you too.” Jack says, but his tone is serious and not joking how it should be.
Alex just waves with one hand. “You know I’m always happy to see you and you know I always miss you when you’re not with me. But right now you should be at your army base in California and not here!”
“I’ll explain it to you in a minute, but first I have to change.”
And Alex has to agree, because Jack’s still in his army suite and has his backpack still over his shoulder.
“So?” Alex asks when Jack comes into the living room and takes a seat beside Alex on the sofa.
He can hear that Jack takes a deep breath and then:
“I’m drafted to Afghanistan.” Jack says but he refuses to look into Alex eyes, which are now wide in shock and tears start welling up.
“No.” Alex voice is just a shaky whisper, while tears are running down his cheeks now.
“No. Jack. No”, he grabs Jack hand, squeezing Jack’s fingers hard. “No please. You can’t”
“I have no choice Alex.” Jack whispers while he replies the grip Alex has on his hand.
Alex let’s his tears flow freely and buries his face in Jacks t-shirt. Loud sobs escape his throat, while Jack strokes his back fondly.
“If something happens to me.”
“Don’t talk like that.” Alex voice is only a whisper, his fingers clutching the cotton of Jacks army suite hard. “Don’t say something like this. You have to come back to me.”
“If something happens to me I want you to keep the apartment. It’s bought, so you don’t have to worry about rent.”
“Stop it.” Alex whispers, but Jack continues to talk, ignoring Alex.
“You’re going to be informed when something happens to me. I managed this.”
“Stop it Jack! Just come back to me.”
A quite sigh escapes Jack. “I’ll try.” He whispers before he kisses Alex. There are tears on Alex cheeks again. He had cried most of the time in the past days.
“I love you.” Jack whispers against Alex lips.
“I love you too. So much. Come back to me.”
**
The sound of somebody unlocking the door lets Alex flinch.
With shaking knees he walks out of the kitchen to the floor and in the next moment he’s face to face with Jack.
“W-what are you doing here?” that’s the first thing that comes into Alex mind, while he stares at Jack with wide eyes.
“I’m happy to see you too and yeah I’ve missed you too.” Jack says, but his tone is serious and not joking how it should be.
Alex just waves with one hand. “You know I’m always happy to see you and you know I always miss you when you’re not with me. But right now you should be at your army base in California and not here!”
“I’ll explain it to you in a minute, but first I have to change.”
And Alex has to agree, because Jack’s still in his army suite and has his backpack still over his shoulder.
“So?” Alex asks when Jack comes into the living room and takes a seat beside Alex on the sofa.
He can hear that Jack takes a deep breath and then:
“I’m drafted to Afghanistan.” Jack says but he refuses to look into Alex eyes, which are now wide in shock and tears start welling up.
“No.” Alex voice is just a shaky whisper, while tears are running down his cheeks now.
“No. Jack. No”, he grabs Jack hand, squeezing Jack’s fingers hard. “No please. You can’t”
“I have no choice Alex.” Jack whispers while he replies the grip Alex has on his hand.
Alex let’s his tears flow freely and buries his face in Jacks t-shirt. Loud sobs escape his throat, while Jack strokes his back fondly.
“If something happens to me.”
“Don’t talk like that.” Alex voice is only a whisper, his fingers clutching the cotton of Jacks army suite hard. “Don’t say something like this. You have to come back to me.”
“If something happens to me I want you to keep the apartment. It’s bought, so you don’t have to worry about rent.”
“Stop it.” Alex whispers, but Jack continues to talk, ignoring Alex.
“You’re going to be informed when something happens to me. I managed this.”
“Stop it Jack! Just come back to me.”
A quite sigh escapes Jack. “I’ll try.” He whispers before he kisses Alex. There are tears on Alex cheeks again. He had cried most of the time in the past days.
“I love you.” Jack whispers against Alex lips.
“I love you too. So much. Come back to me.”
**
But Jack never came back.
Nine months had passed. Nine months full of angst, panic, tears and nightmares and then the letter had arrived.
The letter that had told Alex that Jack had died in battle.
The moment Alex had read the words, his world had turned black. Nothing would ever be the same.
He knows he’ll never love another man like he loves Jack.
And he knows that it’ll take a long time ‘til the scars will be healed.
“Excuse me, but who are you?”
Immediately Alex is on his feet again, turning on his heels and now he’s face to face with an older couple.
They are Jacks parents; Alex recognizes them from the pictures in Jacks and his living room.
“I-I’m Alex.” He whispers. “Jacks partner.”
“So my son still was a faggot, even in the army?” the older man says and Alex eyes wide in shock and anger.
“No.” He spits out. “No! Jack never was a faggot”, his voice is cold, while he stares at Jacks parents. “He was –no he is-the love of my life! He doesn’t deserve to be called such names.”
Alex can see that Jacks mother raises an eyebrow depreciatory.
“He was all I ever wanted. He was my everything. My world – for more than four years!” Again the tears are welling up in Alex eyes, but this time in anger. “And it’s alone your fault he’s dead now!”
“Excuse me?” Jacks mother asks in a high-pitched voice full of disgust.
“The only reason he went to the army was that he hoped you would be proud of him despite the fact that he was gay.
But you two never cared. I would have more than that damn fucking flag, because he would never have gone to this stupid war if you hadn’t kicked him out when he was younger.
He still would be with me.
He still would be alive if you just had accepted him.
He still would be by my side.
So yes, it’s all your fault he’s dead now!”
And with these words Alex turns around, leaving Jack’s parents on their spot, while he walks into the direction of the exit with quick steps, wiping away the tears on his face.
He knows he’ll be never the same again and his whole life will never ever be the same again.
Not without Jack by his side.
♠ ♠ ♠
Thanks for reading <3Comments would be really really nice :)
Greets :) <3