Status: One-Shot
Off My Shoulders
1/1
Waiting.
Waiting.
Waiting.
How much longer can I take the snow before I reach a state of hypofuckingthermia?
Another snowy evening in Atlanta. Today’s the day, according to Fred, that we will officially (finally!) be an item. Or a couple. Whatever people are calling ‘being in a relationship’ is. I’ve been waiting for this moment in forever; I’ve loved Fred since forever. I am excited. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever been this giddy before. I know it’s way too cliched, but he’s THAT guy that every girl adores but can only stare from afar. And, well, I’m the girl who moved from California with her Mom with a new beau.
Basically, the new girl.
I breathed heavily on my wool gloves thinking that it could actually make me feel warm. Brr! Still too cold. I’m struggling with the weather and Winter Fashion here in Georgia. 8:10 PM. Should I leave? He said he’s almost here. Well, from his text 20 minutes ago. Who knows? He could’ve changed his mind and turned back. I am not the prettiest girl anyway. Not even the richest. Who the hell do I think I am anyway? I have the worst self-esteem issues. Someone help me.
I spotted this extravagant table with so many delicious dishes. To think I could be eating those right now! What scrummy mushroom soup. My mouth watered literally. Unfortunately, my eyes met with the old couple who looked worriedly at me. Almost as if they feel sorry for me and want to treat me to warm tea and mushroom soup. Heck, I won’t lie. If they offered me some, I’d go in an instant. No hesitation. They looked kind anyway. Stranger Danger is real. But not in these parts of Georgia.
We were supposed to eat here at Craboto today. I reserved a table for two, thinking that it would sound classier and more adult like if I did so. Maybe Fred would actually take me seriously. But looking at how long he’s made me wait? I’m starting to feel like I really am his <i>rebound chick</i> after he broke-up with Madison just a month ago. Of course, my girls told me that I shouldn’t touch <i>THAT</i>. But there’s still a part of me hoping. UGH. I’m such a loser.
I turned around to leave.
“Jessica?”
I took a glance, and there he was in all his heavy layered clothing glory. He flashed me a smile, and all of my memories of just looking at him from a distance came back. He looked so relaxed. That’s the fucking problem. Doesn’t that mean he wasn’t even in a hurry to see me? But he’s oh so perfect. Perfect smile. Perfect friends. Perfect grades. Perfect face. Dark Brown hair. Green eyes. Someone revive my aching heart.
I’ll never forget this.
The only problem is that he probably doesn’t like me enough. Yet. Maybe. “I waited for you.” I stumbled. Still staring at him like I was a weirdo. Like I’m sort-of an animal, like a naked beaver, and that I don’t belong in these winter clothes. Okay. That just certifies that I am a weirdo. But who cares?!
He cocked his head endearingly. “I know you did.” he said. “And I’m so fucking sorry.”
When he said that, I really did believe him.
“It’s the third time.” I renounced in a sullen voice. The snow began to fall even stronger, and I felt goosebumps forming on my arms. My feelings grew dim. I never had a boyfriend before, but I knew the feeling of being stooped so many times. And I knew the look of a boy who wasn’t serious with me. I’ve had boys just wanting to date me for the dare of it.
Maybe that’s all this is.
“It’s freezing cold.” I said out loud. I could feel my lips all pursed because of how pissed I felt. Rewind back to the time when a boy told me he loved me all for a dare. He never changed, he never bothered to even feel sorry or apologize. Instead, he continued looking cocky across the halls. Like my feelings never mattered a bit. I thought that if nobody knew about it, I would feel much better because gossip wouldn’t be an issue. But I never told anyone. Not even my bestfriend. Only his group, himself and I knew. And it made carrying the burden heavier.
I swore to myself then that I would never let it happen again.
I moved with my Mom thinking that I could escape whatever happened in California. All the restless night, the lies, the heavy feelings, I thought I could escape them all. I was wrong. They were all still bottled up inside, weighing me down at each move I make. Love wasn’t supposed to be this painful.
“Come on, Jessy.” I bursted into tears. Messing up my make-up, messing up my feelings. That was how he used to say my name, too. That same proclamation. That same Jessy. When they said that, which I never told anyone to call me but Jess or Jessica, I knew that what followed was all a lie. “It’ll never happen again.”
I thought we were meant to be. And I hated that -y sound.
“You’re not strong enough to be with me.”
And at that time, I finally realized I was.
Waiting.
Waiting.
How much longer can I take the snow before I reach a state of hypofuckingthermia?
Another snowy evening in Atlanta. Today’s the day, according to Fred, that we will officially (finally!) be an item. Or a couple. Whatever people are calling ‘being in a relationship’ is. I’ve been waiting for this moment in forever; I’ve loved Fred since forever. I am excited. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever been this giddy before. I know it’s way too cliched, but he’s THAT guy that every girl adores but can only stare from afar. And, well, I’m the girl who moved from California with her Mom with a new beau.
Basically, the new girl.
I breathed heavily on my wool gloves thinking that it could actually make me feel warm. Brr! Still too cold. I’m struggling with the weather and Winter Fashion here in Georgia. 8:10 PM. Should I leave? He said he’s almost here. Well, from his text 20 minutes ago. Who knows? He could’ve changed his mind and turned back. I am not the prettiest girl anyway. Not even the richest. Who the hell do I think I am anyway? I have the worst self-esteem issues. Someone help me.
I spotted this extravagant table with so many delicious dishes. To think I could be eating those right now! What scrummy mushroom soup. My mouth watered literally. Unfortunately, my eyes met with the old couple who looked worriedly at me. Almost as if they feel sorry for me and want to treat me to warm tea and mushroom soup. Heck, I won’t lie. If they offered me some, I’d go in an instant. No hesitation. They looked kind anyway. Stranger Danger is real. But not in these parts of Georgia.
We were supposed to eat here at Craboto today. I reserved a table for two, thinking that it would sound classier and more adult like if I did so. Maybe Fred would actually take me seriously. But looking at how long he’s made me wait? I’m starting to feel like I really am his <i>rebound chick</i> after he broke-up with Madison just a month ago. Of course, my girls told me that I shouldn’t touch <i>THAT</i>. But there’s still a part of me hoping. UGH. I’m such a loser.
I turned around to leave.
“Jessica?”
I took a glance, and there he was in all his heavy layered clothing glory. He flashed me a smile, and all of my memories of just looking at him from a distance came back. He looked so relaxed. That’s the fucking problem. Doesn’t that mean he wasn’t even in a hurry to see me? But he’s oh so perfect. Perfect smile. Perfect friends. Perfect grades. Perfect face. Dark Brown hair. Green eyes. Someone revive my aching heart.
I’ll never forget this.
The only problem is that he probably doesn’t like me enough. Yet. Maybe. “I waited for you.” I stumbled. Still staring at him like I was a weirdo. Like I’m sort-of an animal, like a naked beaver, and that I don’t belong in these winter clothes. Okay. That just certifies that I am a weirdo. But who cares?!
He cocked his head endearingly. “I know you did.” he said. “And I’m so fucking sorry.”
When he said that, I really did believe him.
“It’s the third time.” I renounced in a sullen voice. The snow began to fall even stronger, and I felt goosebumps forming on my arms. My feelings grew dim. I never had a boyfriend before, but I knew the feeling of being stooped so many times. And I knew the look of a boy who wasn’t serious with me. I’ve had boys just wanting to date me for the dare of it.
Maybe that’s all this is.
“It’s freezing cold.” I said out loud. I could feel my lips all pursed because of how pissed I felt. Rewind back to the time when a boy told me he loved me all for a dare. He never changed, he never bothered to even feel sorry or apologize. Instead, he continued looking cocky across the halls. Like my feelings never mattered a bit. I thought that if nobody knew about it, I would feel much better because gossip wouldn’t be an issue. But I never told anyone. Not even my bestfriend. Only his group, himself and I knew. And it made carrying the burden heavier.
I swore to myself then that I would never let it happen again.
I moved with my Mom thinking that I could escape whatever happened in California. All the restless night, the lies, the heavy feelings, I thought I could escape them all. I was wrong. They were all still bottled up inside, weighing me down at each move I make. Love wasn’t supposed to be this painful.
“Come on, Jessy.” I bursted into tears. Messing up my make-up, messing up my feelings. That was how he used to say my name, too. That same proclamation. That same Jessy. When they said that, which I never told anyone to call me but Jess or Jessica, I knew that what followed was all a lie. “It’ll never happen again.”
I thought we were meant to be. And I hated that -y sound.
“You’re not strong enough to be with me.”
And at that time, I finally realized I was.
♠ ♠ ♠
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