Accidental Penpal

To you blue eyes,

Crap, I spilled coffee all over this...

Hey look, these spots look like aliens. I hope you like my alien drawings. That one in the left hand corner has a hat and is walking a hot dog. And that one has big lips. Smiley face!

There that should fix it for now.

Hello, beautiful blue eyes person reading this. You will be holding my wonderful coffee soaked letter that was drawn and blown on with my wonderful God given blessed hands and mouth from above. My black nails look disgusting in this low yellow light. Black is so depressing isn't it? It makes me feel so goth. Why am I goth? I'm not goth. I just like morbid things some times. Yet these alien drawings are strangely adorable. Oh, yeah, nails. Should I paint ninja turtles on them instead? Arg, Molly keeps yelling at me to finish this letter already.

Alright.

Fine.

See I'm writing!

We are right now in the local diner (named the Grub Stop of all names) trying to wake up from the worst night of my life. It's three in the morning and some fat guy at the bar table keeps winking at me. Molly, quick, role playing time! Be my girlfriend! Haha, yes, fat guy leave us alone!

Ak, catsup got on this now! Gurr, my hands won't stop twitching!

Well, beautiful blue eyes. On this cold February late night, stuck in a drafty, low lit diner, ingulfing a tray full of over salted fries, I say good morning to you! That party last night was amazing! Sure, I know I'll regret it in the morning when I find myself drooling in Molly's hair and we're sleeping over at Bret's house on his couch. But, it's not like I have anything better to do with my life. My parents only praise my older sisters since they're lawyers and doctors.

What am I?

Poor little, worthless, Kendal.

I have black nail polish. A broken guitar in my bedroom closet. A bandaged hand from where I cut my hand while trying to break it. And the absolute worse buzz ever.

They said that drinking is supposed to make things better, but now I just feel like crap. My back hurts from falling earlier tonight, I keep feeling that I need to puke, but hanging out by the throne in the Grub Stop only makes me even more sick. They never clean that place here. So why am I eating their food? I have no idea.

I just don't want to go home.

So, beautiful blue eyes, why am I writing to you? A person who I've never met before? Because Molly dared me.

“Pick a random address,” where ever that is in these too large United States, “and write to a random person.”

Prank calling would have been better, but Bret reminded me that everyone loves getting a letter today. Letters are supposed to be read. Well, bills are annoying. Everyone hates those. I assurely tell you that this is not a bill. Well, ah! Here now it is! Hope you enjoy the random dollar and quarter I added in this! Maybe you can get a gumball or one of those eraser things that you see in the vending machines at the mall. I've always loved the crocodile eraser one. It had such a goofy smile, that's why I always loved it. He was always smiling. Yet I always got the annoying bird instead. Crocodiles should eat birds. The bird is annoying. If you can get the crocodile, you should send it back to me. Though I know you won't.

Well, congratulations, you got a letter and a little money from an unknown person. You'll probably just throw this away (after taking a picture of it and putting it on facebook. Everyone does that today, it's so sad).

But, even though you've gotten a worthless letter from a drunk, at least you can say that something random happened to you today.

Bret just fell asleep in the fries.

We should probably go before the diner lady calls the police too.

Well, good morning to you, beautiful blue eyes.

Have a good day, and enjoy my alien drawings, stains, and the picture of a crocodile on the other page. Moly drew the cowboy on it's back.

Uk... I feel sick now...

-The mightyily beautifully amazingly awesome Princess Kingdilly noble Kendal of the world.

You may bow at my feet now!