Tiptoe Through the Tulips

“Carol said you fell saving her. She said you didn’t get up.” Andrea huffed, rolling her eyes and sitting heavily on the wooden chair opposite.

“You didn’t even wait to see if I was still alive.”

The relieved mood of earlier had changed dramatically upon our entrance to the farm house.

“I tried, I swear it Andrea, but we were so unprotected, Rick wanted us to leave. Hershel left a gun, just in case.” my voice, starting out passionately and ended barely more than a whisper.

“We thought you were gone.” I finished, my voice breaking at the last syllable.

She nodded, frowning deeply, her hands lay on the table, broken nails tapping lightly against the hard surface, Tyreese and Michonne, who had quickly and rather awkwardly introduced herself were in the living room, clearing listening but out of sight.

“Who made it?” Andrea asked eventually, her voice as strained as the look in her eyes,

“Patricia and Jimmy didn’t.” she nodded, trying to cover up the relief that flooded her face.

I kept my eyes firmly on the table. My upper teeth grating into my lip, the last name was on the tip of my tongue, begging to be released.

“And Shane.” I blurted out, my eyes only flickering up quickly to watch the shock spread over her tanned features, to see the tears instantly flood her eyes.

“What happened?” She said eventually, the atmosphere between us heavy.

I didn’t want to tell her.
Tell her the truth about that night.
______________

I stepped carefully into the bathtub, Beth’s bubble bath and shampoo stood exactly where they had been before.
It was strange being back here, I had never thought I would ever see this small farm again, be in the same rooms, it didn’t seem right, for a place we had spent so long in, the longest I had spent in once place since the outbreak.
Without everyone here it was wrong, creepy.
I had been looking out at the woods, imagining another army of Walkers descending upon us, the thought made me shudder and I sat down, wincing as the hot water opened my pores.
How much more could we take of this?

I leant back completely, sinking my head under, my hair spreading around my head like a halo. I only came back when I could no longer hold my breath; the water was already tinged with a hint of brown as the grease and dirt lifted from my skin and hair.

A knock startled me and I rushed to cover myself before the door opened, relaxing as Andrea, face still stained with tears entered.
“You wouldn’t lie to me would you?” she asked simply, her back turned slightly to me.

“Not about this.” I answered quickly, honestly.
She nodded, raising her hand to wipe her face as she sniffed slightly.

She moved slowly, sitting with her back against the porcelain the same way Beth had just a week beforehand.
“You’re going to find them aren’t you?” she asked quietly, I nodded yes, her head turning to catch my slight movement.

“I don’t know if that’s smart or not Ariella.” I paused rinsing my hair, staring at her as I tried to comprehend what she could mean,

Why would she not want to go back?
They were our friends, the only people we have.

There was only one thought I could manage to let spill from my lips, “They think we’re both dead.”

She nodded her voice little more than a whisper, “Maybe that’s for the best. I don’t like how this group was going.”

“Are you kidding me?” I exploded, pulling myself up and causing a small monsoon to spill over her seated form as I yanked a towel around my body.
“How in the hell is that for the fucking best? We grieved for you Andrea, we ran with no idea, ended up worse than before and now there’s a new plan”

“It’s a stupid plan.” she said simply, standing herself and facing me, her stance much less aggressive than my own. “They’re trapping themselves, like we did here. We stayed here too long, and we weren't defended enough!”

“It’s a prison!” I spat, water still cascading from my hair as I tried to understand her reasoning,
“What place could be safer than a prison?”

“A prison is to keep things in, there could be hundred of Walkers in there, for all we know, if they even made it there they died Ariella. We can’t go running after false hope.”

Her words were so similar to Tyreese’s I instantly knew they had been talking behind my back.

“And Tyreese convinced you of that did he?” I growled, shoving past her and towards the stairs, my heart beating, every vein on my body felt fit to burst.

“What is wrong with you?” I screeched, the tension that had been building since I had met him finally releasing. Michonne stood quickly; obviously fearful I was going to leap at him.

He rolled his eyes, rubbing a hand over his tired, but a lot cleaner face.
He looked defeated and I felt my anger lessen slightly.

“Why are you so against going back there?” I asked, teeth gritted.

“For the reasons I have been telling you, the same ones I told Andrea and Michonne. We don’t know what were getting into, they left you both for dead and I sure as hell don’t trust them. We don’t even know if they are alive. You saw your friends note. Your boyfriend or whatever may have died in that town. We cannot go running on a whim of yours we need a logical plan.” his voice was calm, his points were valid, well thought through.

I hated it.
I hated that I could practically feel my willpower slipping away.
Myself giving up hope of ever seeing them again.

Daryl.

His name was the only word I managed to choke out before tears overcame me.
Arms wrapped around me, voices murmuring something I couldn’t understand.
I cried until I could no longer stand of exhaustion.

And as Andrea told me in a false jovial manner as I awoke, I slept for over twenty hours.
Oh, and they had seen a helicopter fly over to somewhere, a settlement was rumoured.

Randall’s people.

____

“You trusted him when he was here.” She was arguing, her face had a red tinge but no sweat glazed it, the weather was turning, growing colder when before it had been stifling deep into the night.

“When he went into the woods with... Shane,” Andrea visible flinched, “He said he would take Shane to his people, and you know what he said to Daryl, about what they did to those girls...Maybe I was just being naive.”

“People act in strange ways to stuff like this,” Tyreese reckoned, “I mean, fuck, you saw the people in that town.”

“I think it’s our best shot at finding a large strong group.” Michonne adding, causing Andrea to nod, she had the grace to send me a guilty look as she did so.

“Three against One,” Tyreese made a show of counting, “Ariella, the choice is yours, but I know damn well I am not going looking for that prison.”

Again the other two nodded.

I felt my head move of its own accord, my subconscious will to survive overtaking me.

I stared out of the window, to the path where we had buried Dale, it felt so long ago, what would Dale have done? What would he have said was the best chance?
Dale was loyal.
But he wasn’t stupid enough to go running off with a crappy old map alone to find people he didn’t even know were alive anymore.

I thought of Marc.

It was in that second that I truly believed I was never going to see Daryl Dixon again.

________________

I popped the small white pills into my mouth, sipping on the warm water and forcing them down my throat. When I had grabbed the painkillers as we made our escape before I had left a lot of boxes.

This had been a mistake when I had finally given the ones I had gotten to Hershel.
Now it was a lifeline, the pills I had taken a few hours earlier had already greatly weakened the pain from my ribs and knee, and they were invaluable to have in this new world.

“Are you ready?” Came Michonne’s voice, I called back a hesitant yes, glancing again in Beth’s mirror before I left.
I was wearing her clothes, the trousers were a bit long but they were decent, one’s obviously made for working on a farm and the wilderness.
I had retrieved my bag, checked my phone which had been dead for nearly five months now.

It was still habit, however stupid that sounds.

We had shared rations between us, weapons that had been left, food, water, clothes, and medicine.
I had found Daryl’s crossbow and resolved to take it with me.
As a memory just as much as a weapon.

We were ready to go and hunt for this settlement, Randall had said it was a few miles East, so that’s the direction we were heading.
We had decided to take a car for as long as possible, it was small, one of Maggie’s old rust buckets.

Neither Andrea nor I could bring ourselves to go in the RV, to clean up what left of Jimmy and then have to be in Dale’s place.
He still played firmly on our minds.

We left the farm, the other two were already in the car when Andrea paused, I copied her eye line as she stared at the house, “I thought we were safe here/” she murmured.

“I don’t think we’re safe anywhere.” I answered, turning from her and clambering into the car.

Fuck everything.