Status: ACTIVE!!!!
Promise Me You'll Never Feel Afraid
Helpless
CINDER’S POV
Dammit, Cinder! You’re so stupid! You can’t even protect your own sister! Why the hell do you even stay around then? Protecting Lyric was the only thing that you were good for, and you can’t even do something as simple as that. A voice whispered inside my head. I kept walking down the hallway, trying to find a bathroom.
I never let anyone know about my…problems. I’d always had an addiction to self-harm and cutting, but I always did a good job of hiding my cuts from Lyric. I had to stay strong for her.
That was the thing. I knew that the voice in the back of my head was right. I was good for nothing besides keeping Lyric safe. I mean, I had no talent. My sister was the one with everything. The brains, the looks, and not to mention that she could play a million different instruments.
Then why don’t you just kill yourself? You’re just a burden. Lyric has other people that she can rely on now- she’d move on. Everyone would.
“Sh-shut up!” I whispered, stumbling into the bathroom that I finally found. I closed the door and locked it, diving under the sink. I rummaged around for a bit until my hand closed around the exact thing that I was looking for.
A razor.
I grabbed a can of shaving cream and slammed the bottom down on the head of the razor. I put the can back in the cabinet before peeling one of the blades out, ignoring the blood that spilled out of my fingertips. I smiled, letting that twisted feeling take over my body. I dragged the razor across my forearms, relishing the feeling of pain that came with it.
Eventually, I was done. I tossed the bloody razor in the trashcan and wiped the blood off the white, marble counter. As I reached for the doorknob, my head started pounding.
“Shit.” I muttered, grabbing the edge of the counter for support. I looked down towards my arms. Maybe I went a little too far this time.
You deserved it. The voice hissed. I looked up and stared hard at the mirror.
“You’re right.” I said softly, pushing off the counter. I took about 5 steps out of the bathroom before I found myself being shoved against the wall.
“Who the fuck said you could go to the bathroom?” Brian seethed in my face. I growled.
“I didn’t know I needed to ask.” I snarled back. He pulled back his hand and whipped it across my cheek. I didn’t care. I liked it.
“Do that again.” I whispered. He looked taken aback.
“…What?”
“Hit me again. Please.” I begged. He took a step back and did a double take.
“What the fuck happened?” He asked. I followed his gaze and found him staring at my arms. Shit. I almost forgot about that.
C’mon think of something…
“Um…nothing?” Was all I managed to squeak.
Nice going, Cinder.
“I’m pretty sure I already know what happened. I just want to know why. But come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” He sighed.
“Please don’t tell Lyric.”
“I won’t.” He said, knocking my knees out from under me and picking me up bridal style.
“The fuck do you think you’re doing?” I hissed. He didn’t look down.
“Normally I’d be on your ass about calling me ‘sir’, but I’d feel like a dick under these circumstances. So shut up.” He replied simply. I opened my mouth to reply, but he cut me off.
“Don’t.”
Dammit, Cinder! You’re so stupid! You can’t even protect your own sister! Why the hell do you even stay around then? Protecting Lyric was the only thing that you were good for, and you can’t even do something as simple as that. A voice whispered inside my head. I kept walking down the hallway, trying to find a bathroom.
I never let anyone know about my…problems. I’d always had an addiction to self-harm and cutting, but I always did a good job of hiding my cuts from Lyric. I had to stay strong for her.
That was the thing. I knew that the voice in the back of my head was right. I was good for nothing besides keeping Lyric safe. I mean, I had no talent. My sister was the one with everything. The brains, the looks, and not to mention that she could play a million different instruments.
Then why don’t you just kill yourself? You’re just a burden. Lyric has other people that she can rely on now- she’d move on. Everyone would.
“Sh-shut up!” I whispered, stumbling into the bathroom that I finally found. I closed the door and locked it, diving under the sink. I rummaged around for a bit until my hand closed around the exact thing that I was looking for.
A razor.
I grabbed a can of shaving cream and slammed the bottom down on the head of the razor. I put the can back in the cabinet before peeling one of the blades out, ignoring the blood that spilled out of my fingertips. I smiled, letting that twisted feeling take over my body. I dragged the razor across my forearms, relishing the feeling of pain that came with it.
Eventually, I was done. I tossed the bloody razor in the trashcan and wiped the blood off the white, marble counter. As I reached for the doorknob, my head started pounding.
“Shit.” I muttered, grabbing the edge of the counter for support. I looked down towards my arms. Maybe I went a little too far this time.
You deserved it. The voice hissed. I looked up and stared hard at the mirror.
“You’re right.” I said softly, pushing off the counter. I took about 5 steps out of the bathroom before I found myself being shoved against the wall.
“Who the fuck said you could go to the bathroom?” Brian seethed in my face. I growled.
“I didn’t know I needed to ask.” I snarled back. He pulled back his hand and whipped it across my cheek. I didn’t care. I liked it.
“Do that again.” I whispered. He looked taken aback.
“…What?”
“Hit me again. Please.” I begged. He took a step back and did a double take.
“What the fuck happened?” He asked. I followed his gaze and found him staring at my arms. Shit. I almost forgot about that.
C’mon think of something…
“Um…nothing?” Was all I managed to squeak.
Nice going, Cinder.
“I’m pretty sure I already know what happened. I just want to know why. But come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” He sighed.
“Please don’t tell Lyric.”
“I won’t.” He said, knocking my knees out from under me and picking me up bridal style.
“The fuck do you think you’re doing?” I hissed. He didn’t look down.
“Normally I’d be on your ass about calling me ‘sir’, but I’d feel like a dick under these circumstances. So shut up.” He replied simply. I opened my mouth to reply, but he cut me off.
“Don’t.”
♠ ♠ ♠
Thanks for reading!