The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows

I wasn’t too mad that Miranda was there, just that she was looking at you like you were some type of chew toy and she was a playful puppy. A bitch, if you will. She was everything I was not and she was the reason for many girls’ insecurities. Five-seven, olive-toned skin, green eyes, flawless blonde hair and pearly white teeth that could blind even an Astronaut, no hormonal teen-aged boy could keep his eyes off of her advanced-developed body. The girl had gotten boobs in the seventh grade, and they got bigger each year it seemed like, then her hips filled out in the eighth and then in the ninth you dated her the entire year. That summer, though, you two broke up because she wanted to have summer flings and you were pretty much heartbroken.

But Miranda wasn't just some girlfriend that had broken your fast-beating heart in two; she was the girlfriend that gave you a taste of what most beautiful girls are, and you were only in the ninth grade. Not only did she tear your heart out, keep it for a long twelve months, then shatter it into a million pieces, she was the first girl. The first time, the first everything, and the first love when you didn't even know what the concept of what love was. It was big and it happened so fast that I was dizzy from everything, my head spinning like a merry-go-round.

I could feel my breath catch and my fists clench, fingernails digging little crescent-moon shaped indents into my skin. I closed my eyes softly once, and then opened them. I was mad that she was luring you in like a siren, and that you were going over to her to say ‘hi’ and to ‘catch up.’ Just as soon as I was getting ready to go over there as well, I felt a light hand grip my shoulder and a red Solo brand cup being held in front of my face, wiggling back and forth gently to not spill the liquid inside. I turned around and Evan was there, a bright smile on his scruffy face. I couldn't help but grin back, taking the drink from him and nodding.

“Thought I’d be nice and mix you your first drink. What’s up, El? How’re you this fine evening?” The dark-haired boy asked, hazel eyes sparkling like he just saw something big and brand new with his name on it.

“Well thank you, Evan… And I’m alright, I suppose, just a bit more alert than usual,” I replied with an exhale that he noticed. After that, he tilted his head with a questioning look on his face and I gave him a small smile.

“You need to relax, Ella, alright? Calm down, breathe, just ease your shoulders and not be so tense. You know what I think you could use? A bong hit,” he grinned.

“Ah, but I don’t know how to do that…” Frowning, I looked down at the drink he had given me and took a sip, shrugging. “What is this?” I inquired.

“Vodka and cream soda, and I’ll teach you,” Evan then proceeded to grab my wrist and drag me down the hallway into a back bedroom, no one in there but a girl who looked knocked out. “Alright, sit,” he instructed.

“Is she going to be alright?” I asked, sitting down as he told me to do so. The girl turned over and flung her arm onto the nightstand, knocking over an alarm clock and a picture. I winced and looked back at him, a bright smile on my face. I thought about you then, thinking about how that was the first time I was getting high with just Evan.

“Peachy, I’m sure. Anyway, I’ll explain this to you,” Evan stated, reaching over into the closet, filled with clothes and trophies that were all adorned with Trevor’s name, and pulling out a bong. It was rounded at the base, clear glass and filled with murky water, then it had a blunt cylinder-shaped neck coming out of it. He packed it, and then taught me how to smoke out of it.

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Fifteen minutes after I had my first hit, Evan and I both were on about our sixth. I felt pretty high, my eyes warm and dry-feeling and my head light. I giggled quietly and coughed up the smoke in my lungs, shaking my head.

“Wow, you get really good bud,” I said with a lazy smile, leaning back against the foot of Trevor’s bed, arms resting at my sides as I looked up at the ceiling. Evan just laughed, blowing the smoke out into the room in little circles.

“Yeah, my uncle grows quality shit. It’s for medical reasons, but he gives it to me for free,” he replied, chuckling quietly. Then, he turned his head to look at me and grinned. “Why were you so tense, anyway? And where the fuck is Joey?” Evan asked, waiting on a reply from me.

“Well, I uh… I got pissed because Joey left me after he said he wouldn't. And you wanna know where the fuck he is? He’s probably drinking shots with his ex-fucking-girlfriend, laughing it up and having a good time… Completely oblivious to the fact that she is just going to fucking chew him up and spit him out like raw meat,” I said through gritted teeth. I don’t know why I got so pissed at that, maybe because of how involved with each other we were starting to get, and that you could just drop me like a heavy potato or however that analogy goes, like it was no big deal. I sighed, rolling my eyes.

“Oh, shit, what ex-girlfriend?” Evan asked after a moment, coughing and waiting for a response again.

“Miranda Huel,” I said instantly. I looked at him and frowned, itching my arm and silently fixing my hair.

“Oh, her… I fucking hate her. She’s such a bitch, playing guys like instruments. She swept me off of my feet and a month later swept me under the rug. I’ve always had a bad nerve in my body toward her ever since. The venom in her veins runs thick,” he said. “Say, why are you so mad anyway? Besides the fact that Joey ditched you,” he added.

“Because… He doesn't really seem to mind the fact that he promised to take care of me. Once he saw her, he just got into a trance,” I said carefully-- I didn't want to reveal my deep-rooted feelings toward you to Evan because I didn't want to break his heart.

“Well… I’ll take care of you,” the dark-haired guy then scooted closer to me, exhaling as he pulled off his beanie. “Promise I won’t leave for some slut,” he held out his pinky and I hooked mine onto his own, nodding.

“Thanks, Evan, I appreciate that. Say, will you go get me another drink? And one for yourself? This time, make it stronger. In fact, just sneak the whole bottle away,” I insisted. He obliged, got up, and went on the quest to get more alcohol. Moments later, he returned with both the bottle, two empty plastic cups, a bag of ice, and some cream soda. I smiled wide and patted next to me, beckoning for him to come join me by my side once more.

“Here, I’ll make us drinks,” offered the quiet young-man. I giggled and watched him, eyes focusing on his rough hands. Beneath his beanie and hood, slightly baggy pants, and worn out DC shoes, Evan was actually quite attractive. He had this sort of unkempt roughness about him that was unlike you; you were always shaven, always neat, and always extroverted. Evan was everything that you were not, and that’s why I found myself wanting to explore that. Explore him.

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We finished off the fifth of 60-proof vodka, the entire liter of cream soda, and the rest of his bud. I was feeling sloppy, dizzy, lazy, hazy, swimmy, dreamy, and relaxed, the seven dwarves of being cross-faded you had once said. I looked over at Evan and wrapped my arm around his neck, fingertips rubbing his jacket’s material.

“You know, Evan, you have some pretty pretty eyes,” I slurred out, leaning my head against his shoulder. He chuckled and wrapped his own arm around my waist, fingertip slipping slightly up into my dress, over the top of the side of my underwear. I felt my body quiver, a feeling I couldn't quite explain, when he ran it over the lining of it. I guess we were both pretty gone, and I was pretty pissed, and he was pretty warm. I cleared my throat and reached my hand up, fingers going through his messy black hair.

“Pretty pretty? Is that even grammaticacc- grammaticatly- grammatically correct?” He asked, the stumble over grammatically very admirable. I giggled and shrugged, rolling my eyes as I brought my other hand up to grab his own hand. I didn't do anything with it besides slide my fingers over his knuckles, eyes looking at his light-pink lips. “Ella, you’re beautiful,” he whispered into my ear. That’s when I think I let my drunken and high half take over my rational and sober half, my hormones also mixed in with my cross-fadedness.

“ Mm, you’re prit-tee beautiful yourself,” I sad in a fake British accent, laughing as I licked my lips.

“Stop, El, don’t do this to me,” Evan whispered with a smirk.

“Do what?” I questioned, frowning. I didn't think I was doing anything, but then again I was drunk.

“Make me have this uncontrollable urge to kiss you roughly like they do in movies,” hazel-eyes replied. I grinned, my fingers still playing with his hair and the other set still on his hand. “I've always liked you, always sin-since I-I started talking to you,” he whispered.

“Drunken mouths speak sober thoughts,” I murmured back, turning my body so I was facing him more. And then I did something I didn't think I had the guts to do. I kissed him. I kissed him and it was a rough and wet and sloppy kiss and he kissed me back, his hand on my side slipping to the small of my back and his other hand fixing itself on my thigh. I leaned into him more, and I thought to myself how different it felt. He was so rough and so ragged, not holding back and being gentle like you did when we kissed. Evan’s hand that was on my thigh then gripped my hip and pulled me onto him, kissing me with tongue and pulling my body as close to his own as it could get.

What happened next would make nuns blush, and it made me blush and get really tingly. His hand that was on my hip ran itself down to my thigh, then up to against my pink panties, rubbing slightly as our lips gnashed hungrily at each other. I heard myself moan, my breathing speeding up. Just as soon as that had happened, I heard the door open and Miranda’s voice sound, the pit of my stomach now turning into an iron block.

“Come here, Joey, there’s people making out in Trevor’s room!” I heard her yell, a giggle escaping her lips and sauntering into my ears. Then I heard you, and I nearly puked as I shoved away from Evan.

What did I get myself into?