The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows

Jeanie, the wretched witch, looked at me as if I were a ghost. I didn’t know what to do other than wait for a response. I crossed my arms and blinked, eyes waiting for a retort. When she didn’t give me one, I gave up and stood, huffing away into the kitchen.

“I can’t fucking believe she’s here,” I heard my father say, his study’s window more than likely open. "Did you know about this? I didn't know about this, and now she's here and this is just a fucked up situation," he added. I heard a glass clink and then some scuffling and then my dad grunt in anger. "Oh for fuck's sake, I just spilled the last of my scotch!" He yelled, and I sighed and leaned over the sink, hands gripping the edge of the counter tightly. I clenched and bit my bottom lip, bouncing slightly as I breathed out 'fuck' and slammed a plate in the sink. I rushed back out to the living room and stood right in front of her, pointing my finger at her.

"Listen to me, Jeanie, this is all I'm going to say to you and then I want you to get the fuck up and leave, and never come back, clear?" I asked, staring dead-on into the older woman's eyes.

"Wha- Ellie, dearie, don't do this. You don't dare disrespect your mother, young lady!" She said, sitting straight up. I could see the fear in her eyes, and that's when I knew I could defeat this demon that had been living in me for too long.

"No, fuck you! Okay?! Fuck. You! You stopped being my mom the moment you left. You stopped before that, even! Dad and I are doing fine since you left, and dad and I are happy! We're happy, Jeanie. You fucked me up in the head, and now you're fucking back after what, two years? No words, no nothing. I took that as a fuck you so here's mine to you! You're such a shit person! You lie, you fucking mock dad and his aspirations and you mock me! You always have. You were too doped up on whatever fucking pills you had taken to even be there for us! So no, you are definitely not my mother, or my friend, or even a passerby on the street! You're that little annoying speck in someone's eye where every time they try to look at you, you disappear. You vanish, you're gone, and then you come back when we look away and are just lingering there. Festering until we rub our eyes so hard that it hurts! That's what you do! You hurt people! You messed up our lives, and you can't just waltz in here like you were just at the fucking store and then expect us to be hospitable to you, to even treat you like a guest when you're not even welcome ten feet in front of that god damned front door. Every night since you left I've had bad dreams, and I wake up crying. You terrorize me even when I don't think about you! And believe me, that's a lot. So fuck you if you think I'm going to even call you my mom, let alone respect you. Now get the fuck out of our house and don't bother turning around or saying anything. Dad doesn't want you here or in our lives, so just leave! You did it once, you can do it again!" I said, tears welling up in my eyes as my hands wrung my shirt. I pointed toward the door as I huffed, staring straight at the dumbfounded woman as she quietly got up, gathered herself and her things, and headed toward the door. Maybe I was too rough on her, but then again, she deserved it. But also maybe half of that anger was built up toward myself, for doing what I did to you. Jeanie turned around and looked at me, her lips pursed and her brow furrowed.

"You ruined my life, too, you know. I didn't even fucking want you, but your dad insisted. You were just a fucking accident, so you did this to me! I'm this way because of you!" The woman spat back, clutching her purse to her tightly as she narrowed her eyes at me.

"Don't you fucking dare say I ruined your life, you fucking cunt. I'm sorry you were too fucking gone to use your birth control, and too fucking ignorant to know any better. You aren't getting to me, because I know I'm wanted. I know dad actually loves me. My happiness does not depend on you, and if it did then I would have fucking hung myself the night you fucking left. Now push repeat and leave. Crawl back to whatever crack you crawled out from," I replied, placing my hand on the small of her back and shoving her toward the door. When the ball of mess slammed the door behind her, I sat down onto the couch and buried my face in my hands, letting out yell before beginning to sob uncontrollably. It wasn't long before I felt a decompression in the couch next to me and a soft hand on my back, rubbing it in circles soothingly as I cried.

"El, I've never heard you talk like that in my life..." My dad murmured, wrapping his arms around me and kissing the side of my face, tucking my head under his chin. He ran his hand through my hair softly, not saying anything else. I guessed he wanted me to say something.

"I-I don't know... I don't know where that came from..." I said, pulling my hands away to wipe my face off, my breath shaky as I slouched against the couch to look up at my dad.

"Honey, it's okay... Just... Thank you, alright? That was a lot, and I don't appreciate you cussing, but we all do when we get mad. Go upstairs and wash your face with cold water, alright?" My dad said, kissing my forehead and giving me a slight shove. I nodded and rose, heading toward the stairs to go into my bedroom and take a nice hot shower.

-----
I got out of the shower and then called you, which probably wasn't the best decision. I sat down on my bed as your cell phone rang. And rang... And rang. When it went to voicemail, I decided to leave one.

"Hey, Joey.. It-It's Ella... I just wanted to try and talk to you. Look, I.. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, oh God. I did some stupid shit, and I hope you want to talk to me. Just call me back or text me or just come shoot me, something. I don't want you to hate me because I was drunk and dumb. And I.. I hate being in the wrong, you know me. But I was so wrong and you didn't deserve that. I figure you're just still blowing off steam or something, so yeah. Call me-" I got interrupted by that computer voice you always hear.

"We're sorry, your message is too long. Try again after the beep." The lady said, and then the beep sounded and I sighed.

"Joey, it's Ella.. I mean I guess you know it's me. What the fuck, I'm so dumb. Please call me back, please. I did some stupid shit, and now that we've had a couple days to blow off steam, I want to talk to you-" I got interrupted, again, but this time by a beep that said someone was on the other line. Up front I hoped it was you, but a part of me hoped it was Evan. And it was. "Alright, well, I have to go now. Bye.." And I hit one to send the message, letting Evan's call go to voicemail so I had a chance to call him back and make up some lame excuse. So I hit redial and it rang.

"Well it's not like I haven't been trying to call you endlessly since I got home," Evan chuckled. I could hear his brothers in the background. "Shut up you guys, I'm on the phone!" The teen shouted back.

"Well hi to you, too, you dick," I laughed, shaking my head as I pulled my legs up to my chest.

"Hi, hello. How are you? Splendid weather we're having! Anyway, 'sup, El?" Evan asked, and instantly the cheeriness in his voice pepped me up.

"Oh, just got out of the shower. So uh, I was wondering if you didn't mind me sneaking off to your place for a bit. Some shit went down and I kind of don't want to be here tonight, kinda don't want to sleep in my bed and just go to an unknown location," I said, swallowing. A known location would be your house, or the look-out point my dad would always take me to when I was little.

"Yeah, sure. What's wrong? Did your dad bitch at you or something? Because from what it sounded like, something was wrong," He stated.

"Nah, just... Personal shit involving my mom popped up, don't wanna talk about it over the phone. I'll explain it to you when I get to your house, 'kay?" I played with my toes, wiggling them nonchalantly as I sighed and waited for a response.

"Yeah, just be quiet. Mom took her sleeping pill so she'll be asleep in like thirty minutes. Want me to come pick you up? 'Cause I will, be like some fucking knight or some shit," Evan laughed.

"Sure, come pick me up. Say... About two hours from now?" I asked.

"Yeah, sounds like a plan, El. I'll see you in two hours," he said, hanging up before I could reply. I set my phone down, looking out into the street toward the way your house was. On nights like these, I'd just sneak out to your house. But this was different.

Evan was so different.