The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows

When Evan picked me up, I instantly felt better again. It was strange how he had the ability to do that like you could, and how in awe I was. We walked slowly and silently at first, because either he was too scared to ask what was wrong, which I doubt, or he was waiting patiently for me. I figured the latter, so I looked at him, moving the hood of my sweatshirt back so I could see him more fully. It was chilly, the summer night sky overcast with grey clouds, and a slight wind swept through the town.

"So... Now that we're almost to your house, I guess I'll tell you what's wrong," I began, shoving my hands into the front pocket of my grey sweatshirt.

"Yeah? I was waiting for you, wasn't trying to push you to do it or anything," Evan responded, running his fingers through his shaggy hair as he took his beanie off.

"Well, I don't remember if I told you but... My mom skipped out a couple weeks before my birthday a few years back, and it really fucked my dad and I up, until he met Margo, and... Well, she showed up earlier today and tried to weasel her way back into our lives because, my guess is, she needed somethin'. It got ugly, I yelled, made her scared, and she left and it really just irritated me more so than made me sad, to be honest. I was sad for my dad, because he drank and he never drinks, and I mean never, and so I guess I did us both and Margo a favor," I explained, my fingers balling the sleeves of my sweatshirt up as they made fists. I clinched my hands, feeling my knuckles start to hurt, then released, trying my hardest not to freak out even more.

"Damn, El... I'm sorry. That shit's the piss. If my dad showed up, I'd have done the same thing, though. Rat bastards, they are, ya'know? Just leaving their fuckin' families behind for no real god damned reason other than selfishness. Wanna smoke a bowl? It'll make ya feel better," The dark haired teen replied, wrapping his arm around my shoulders as we walked. I sunk into him, feeling his warmth and relaxing into it.

"To be honest, Evan, I don't want to be too dependent on weed, and also... You already have made me feel better... Jerk," I laughed, smiling as I punched his arm softly to make it not sound so cheesy.

"I also kind of want to talk about something, but I'd wait when you're sitting down and warm," Evan said, then it got silent again until we got to his trailer.

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When we arrived, it was half past eleven. Everything was quiet in Evan's trailer, and dark-- save for his dimly lit black light in his room you could see from his window. I walked through the door once he opened it and looked around, still as I had imagined it to be. This time, it smelled like Lysol and cigarettes, Cathy had been cleaning I assumed. We walked through the trailer, trying not to make any sound, then slipped into Evan's room and he quietly pulled the door shut, throwing his beanie down on his mattress on the floor.

"So, have a squat, El," hazel-eyes chuckled, motioning toward the bed. I obliged, plopping down onto it and leaning against his wall. I tucked my feet underneath of me, sitting cross-legged as I eyed the scruffy teenager sit down next to me.

"Alright, alright. What is it?" I inquired, smiling as I waited for a reply. It didn't come fast enough, so I dropped the smile and furrowed my brow slightly, pulling my hood off.

"When you and I had sex, the night the whole thing with Joey happened, did you mean it? Did you actually want it? Or did you do it because you were angry?" The question sort of stung, but it was an honest question and I'm glad he had asked. I pulled my knees up to my chest and locked my hands on my shins, rubbing them softly and slowly as I concentrated on an answer. I really had no real answer, because I wasn't sure myself. I thought about how you and I were before it happened, and then how Evan and I were during it happening.

"Well... I-I'm not too sure, to be honest. I don't know why I did it. Don't get me wrong, I had fun and it was a very good way to lose my virginity, but we had zero to no connection before that.. I guess it just happened like it did because I felt vulnerable and I was pissed off and I needed to feel something, anything or else I'd get numb. And you did just that, and I don't want you to think I used you because that is far from the fuckin' case, Evan, I swear. You're so much different than Joey, so, naturally, I wanted that in that moment. But from what I remember before we fucked, we had a connection when we were in that bedroom, smoking weed and drinking excessively, and I felt something there between us or else drunk me wouldn't have came onto you like that. I feel something now between you, and it's different than what I felt with Joey. Before, I was pretty sure I was in love with Joey, but then when he did exactly what he said he wouldn't, I just lost that feeling. I still love him, Evan... But I think he's over it and I really fucked up bad. I don't want you to think I used you, please don't think that. I care a lot about you over the short period of time we've spent together, and honestly you are different than anything I've ever experienced and you're so humble. I like you, a lot, alright?" I finished, shaking slightly that he would become upset and leave like you did. I waited, and I swear I could see the gears in his head turning as he processed all that I had said. After a very tense moment, he looked at me and smiled.

"That's all I wanted to know... I really like you, Ella. I have since before we first got high together but in a creeper-stalker way," Evan replied, chuckling. "I mean that, but not really creeper-stalker-ish, ya'know? I dunno, I just would see you and think you were very beautiful, and the way you'd be with Joey, I knew you liked him a lot and it pained me because I could see the way you would stare at him, and how pained you looked whenever he would notice other girls... You're special, El, and I want you to give me a shot... Make it more official, even though it's only been no longer than a week, at least," Evan said, clearing his throat as he swallowed the lump in his throat. That was the cutest way, I thought, for a guy to ask a girl out. Indirectly asking her out-- I wondered how you would have asked me out, if you ever wanted to.

"Alright, this is very new to me, and life is about new experiences, so, alright," I replied, nodding. I didn't think about it, because I didn't feel like I needed to. I wanted Evan, and I wanted him in the most platonic and in the most sexual ways. "So, I can call you pookie-bear and hunny-bun?" I smirked, laughing at his horrified expression.

"Please God, no..." He replied, shaking his head as he looked at me. I smiled, then he smiled, and I kissed him. I kissed him hard and my hands flew into his hair as he kissed me back just as hard. I didn't know what came over me, so I let it flow and safe to say, I liked the freedom it gave me.

"Damn, you kiss so good... Got me all hot and bothered," I said once we pulled away, giggling as I fixed my hair.

"Yeah? Watch this," Evan smirked, bringing his hand up to my face. It still felt rough, but the way his fingertips grazed my cheek lightly made me shake, my breath and heartbeat slowing down as he softly placed his lips against my own, kissing me tenderly. I melted into him, leaning toward him more as I grabbed at his shirt. It was a solemn moment, one I'd remember for the rest of forever. He pulled me on top of him, and I straddled his lap as I ran my fingers through his shaggy dark hair, my heart beat quickening.

"Fuck..." I panted out, biting my bottom lip as I looked at Evan. I was in awe, and it felt nice to have a boyfriend. "I'm so incredibly inexperienced," I laughed.

"You're not, you're not. You kiss good, El. You're always so poetic, even with your tongue... It's sexy," he murmured, his lips flocking to my neck so he could trail kisses down the skin. It was soft and careful, and I gripped gently onto his hair. I flushed, because no one had ever called me sexy. Not even you.

"S-Sexy?" I asked, staring at the wall behind him, nervously gulping.

"Yeah... Does that bother you?" Evan whispered against my right collar bone, his hands sneaking up the back of my sweatshirt and shirt, dancing along my skin. I shook my head.

"No, just-- just, well, different... I've never considered myself sexy in the least," I said. I pulled my sweatshirt off and fixed my hair, pulling away to look at him. "But thank you, Evan, really."

"You're welcome, and it's the truth. You're sexy in a quiet and beautiful way," he said, his hands gripping at my sides now. I reached down to grab the zipper on his jacket, slowly pulling it down until it unhooked from itself. I pushed the clothing off of his shoulders, taking it off of him. "I take it you find clothing as a mild inconvenience like I do at this point?" He asked, chuckling as he kissed me, his hands gripping the material of my shirt. I nodded, breaking the kiss so I could take my shirt off.

"I think nudity is everyone's right and I think you have that right," I giggled, grabbing his hands and placing them on my chest. "I wanna experience sex when I'm not mad and when I'm sober, and I think this is as good as time as any," I added, blushing slightly.

"We can do just that, then," Evan mumbled before kissing me eagerly and hungrily. The rest of our clothes were stripped away like petals on a dying rose, a condom flashed and I nodded and just like that, we found ourselves swept up into each other, but this time I had coherent thoughts and was focused on him more so than anything else. You disappeared, my mom disappeared, and everything else that was bothering me seemed to have fluttered away. We were glued together, this time I was on top of him on Evan's lap, and he was hugging me close as we moved in rhythm with each other, our breathing becoming mirrors of one another. It was romantic and gave me butterflies and I could feel myself getting more and more attached to him with each thrust and hip grind. The shaggy-hair teen snaked his fingers through my red hair and I grabbed onto his forearms as I slammed down onto him. This time, it was harder and faster, and I could feel myself get to that edge a lot quicker than before. What finally pushed me over that edge was when Evan pressed his lips against my breast, sucking slightly on the pale and goose-bump ridden skin, and I felt my body jerk. Warmth flooded from my gut all the way up to the top of my head, my breath fast and shaking.

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When we were done, Evan pulled himself out of me and we sat there, my body limp and still twitching. He was breathing heavily and sweaty, our skin sticking together as I giggled quietly and laid my head on his chest.

"That was..." I trailed off, closing my eyes as I felt my heart beat finally slow down. Evan wrapped his arm arms around my body as he chuckled, kissing my forehead.

"Better than your first time?" He asked, shaking his head as he pressed his forehead on top of my head. I just nodded and exhaled, clearing my throat as I pulled the covers up over us. I kissed his slightly-chapped lips and looked into his hazel eyes, grinning wide.

"You're a very good person for me, Evan. At least I think so. And I really like you, and it's funny how we've only really been talking for no longer than two and a half weeks," I said, running my fingers through his shaggy hair.

"You're a good person for me, too, El," was Evan's rebuttal, softly pressing his lips to my forehead once more before he ran his fingertips down my exposed back. I shivered and closed my eyes, putting my forehead against his own. "You're so sweet, can we stay like this forever? This is my ideal heaven, a beautiful girl, naked and just sitting with me on bed. It's very solemn, very surreal right now," he added as he continued to rub my back.

He was right, it was very surreal, but it was tranquil.

I, too, never wanted it to end.