Be Free, Be You

The second I walked through the front door after practice Steph practically jumped me with relationship questions. I just let her follow me up to my room as I stripped myself of my clothes and slipped into a fluffy robe, she didn’t even notice. She then followed me to the bathroom but I shut the door before she could follow me in there too.

“Come on, Val I need advice!” She shouted from the other side of the door.

“And I need a shower! Go ask mom!” I shouted back over the roar of the water before stepping in and meeting the steaming hot droplets.

“She left for her book club!” I heard the bathroom door open and a shadow crossed over to sit on the closed toilet lid. “Come on, I need advice.”

I let out a dramatic sigh as I lathered the shampoo in my hair. “It’s about Puckerman isn’t it?”

“I said that already,” I could practically hear the eyeroll in her voice. “Did you listen to anything I said?”

“Nope.” I answered simply. She groaned and explained to me about her situation with Puckerman and how she really liked him but wasn’t sure if he was just trying to get the P and their fights today, etcetera, etcetera. “I personally hate Noah Puckerman.”

“I know that but still, what do I do?” She said and I again could hear the eye roll.

I sighed and spoke, “I don’t like you with him. It’s just bad news Steph. He’ll only hurt you.”

I saw her shadow cross its arms, “You think that about every guy you’re with, why is Artie the exception? Maybe Puck is my exception.”

I couldn’t help but get a bit annoyed, “We’re not talking about me, we’re talking about you. And Puck is not an exception, sorry Steph. You need to learn that now.”

She huffed in annoyance and I could see her turn towards the door in frustration, “Maybe I’ll be the one that changes his way, Val. Ever think of that?”

“Ever thought of of this thing called Reality?” I snapped at her, sometimes she just pressed my buttons. “You need to wake the hell up. Stop dreaming and thinking the world is like your little stories. Puckerman is a player who will only hurt you. He has a rep. and you can’t change him. Sorry.”

I turned off the water and grabbed my towel from the hook right near the shower curtain. I stepped out to see her glaring at me. “You have a reputation, does that make you everything people say you are? A slutty bitch who has no real friends?”

There was a foreign coldness in her eyes and the venom in her words was a close mimic to the venom I could possess. I shoved her aside as she rose to get in my way of leaving and stormed into my bedroom, being sure to slam the door so hard it shook the wall. I spent the rest of the night trying to work off my rage by doing push ups, sit ups, running in place, stretching and doing handstands against my bed.

When I finally tired myself out I got into bed and crashed. I dreamt of nothing and when I woke up the rage was still there. I couldn’t step out of my room without getting pissed so I canceled on Artie saying I didn’t feel good. I skipped school the following day, out of spite so she’d have to take the bus because she refused to call Puck and our parents were leaving for work. I did however show to Cheerios practice only to not have to do anything because Coach Sylvester was focusing on the people that needed to practice their tumbling.

***

When Cheerios practice ended and after everyone, except for Santana and Brittany, and myself left the locker room we all changed into black jeans, black tank tops and for me, red pumps but for them black ones. We put my hair down and fluffed it out, straightening the parts where my ponytail holder had bent the golden locks while they pulled theirs into tight low buns. I redid my makeup so that I had a nice, sultry smokey eye, put on dark red lipstick and strutted over to the auditorium and they did the same.

We moved to the auditorium to find that the band kids we rounded up were waiting in suits of black in position with the lights of the stage turned off. I confessed to Mr. Schue what Steph and I had done and that I was so, so sorry. He was angry at first, but when I told him I wanted to join as myself he accepted with a smile but said I’d have to perform for him and the Glee Club and be accepted in officially. I told Santana and Brittany in advance because Mr. Schue was currently out in the audience of the auditorium telling the other Glee Clubbers, including my now enemy sister, what had gone on.

“Well now that you all know what Steph and her sister have been up to...” Mr. Schue said and the stage lights flicked on revealing me standing center stage with Santana on my right and Brit on my left with mics in hand. “Please welcome Val for her audition piece for the Glee Club.”

Some kids, like Steph, Rachel and Girl Asian glared at me, while others didn’t know that to do so they clapped silently, but Artie smiled at me and clapped. and Quinn encouragingly smiled too. The music started and I tapped my thigh in rhythm as I counted for my entry.

I slowly brought the mic to my lips, and closed my eyes, envisioning myself in my room, alone.

This is the end,
Hold your breath and count to ten.
Feel the Earth move, and then
Hear my heart burst again.
For this is the end.
I’ve drowned and dreamt this moment,
So overdue, I owe them.
Swept away, I’m stolen.

I popped my eyes open and took a step forward, closer to the kids that were judging my every move. Finding each of the flaws in both my appearance, my voice and my performance.

Let the skyfall.
When it crumbles,
We will stand tall, face it all together.
Let the skyfall.
When it crumbles,
We will stand tall, face it all together,
At skyfall, at skyfall.

I flicked my eyes to look at Stephanie, who I could see was staring straight at me, her anger had faded, I could see that much. I looked forward again, trying my hardest not to focus on the other faces watching me, picking me apart.

Skyfall is where we start,
A thousand miles and poles apart.
Where worlds collide and days are dark.
You may have my number,
You can take my name,
But you’ll never have my heart.

At this point Santana and Brittany stepped back in line with me and sang the echos along with my lead. The sounds bounced and dances around the theater.

Let the skyfall.
When it crumbles,
We will stand tall, face it all together.
Let the skyfall.
When it crumbles,
We will stand tall, face it all together,
At skyfall.

As Brittany and Santana sang their chorus of echoes I tried to read the faces of the people before me but all but two were blank. One of the two faces belonged to Artie, his smile was so big I thought his face was going to crack. The other was Steph’s, she was looking at me with what looked like a mixture of guilt, anger, hurt and pride. I think.

Where you go, I go.
What you see, I see.
I know I’d never be me
Without the security
Of your loving arms
Keeping me from harm.
Put your hand in my hand and we’ll stand.

For some bizarre reason I began to have tears in my eyes as I looked at the faces of my sister and boyfriend. Steph had tears in her eyes too and Artie had on a smile so proud it made my heart swell. This song was for them. I knew that when I chose it, but to know or to at least think they knew that it was for them made it that much better.

Let the skyfall.
When it crumbles,
We will stand tall, face it all together.

I took another step out from the line as I belted out the last bit of the song. I didn’t let the tears escape but my eyes were definitely watery.

Let the skyfall.
When it crumbles,
We will stand tall, face it all together
At skyfall.
Let the skyfall,
We will stand tall at skyfall.
Ooh

There was a beat of silence after the music stopped. Then it happened. All except Artie, silently stood, turned and left. No applause, no nothing, they just... left. Artie stayed there with a grin on his face and motioned for me to come down to him. Santana, Brittany and Mr. Schue left so it was only the two of us as he took my hands in his own.

“You left them speechless,” he pulled me in for a passionate kiss, “You’re amazing.”