Please Save Me

The river of red ran slowly down my fingers and dripped messily onto the carpet. My head was too heavy to hold up so I let it hang, resting my eyes on the growing lake. The red lake, compared to the 'oh-so white' carpet of the living room. A brilliant, yet depressing contrast.

It shouldn't have happened again.

But it did.

I barely flinched at the sound of a door slamming in the distance. There was a nest of bees in my head. Getting louder and louder, not going away until I succumbed to their will. But it was okay - I liked the fact that they made me forget everything; even if only for a little while.

I could hear voices, painted with the tones of surprise, anger and desperation as they found where the walls were stained from where I'd used them to help me make my escape. I gave a maniacal smile as I began to hear them discover the stains on the floor.

Footsteps graced my ears. I knew who it was even before they'd stopped. Even before I heard the sharp intake of breath as the eyes registered the sight before them; what had happened.

What I'd done.

"Dammit, Cammie! I thought you’d stopped! You promised me!"

The statue that was my body sat there on the sofa, unresponsive.

The footsteps squeaked like mice as they turned away and made their way back to the rest of the voices. I could hear them speaking; occasionally a raised voice would reach my ears, slipping past the swarm of angry bees who were threatening to attack at any moment.

I put my hands over my ears and began rocking my body back and forth. Anything, I'll do anything, I silently screamed in my head. Please! Just take my memories away!!

Take away the smell of fear, the taste of pain and the sound of death.

Yes, death has a sound.

It's called silence.

Cool hands wrapped around my wrists and pulled them away from my ears.

"Cammie," the voice said. I hadn't heard him come back.

When I was unresponsive, he sighed and I felt a tingling sensation on my fingers. I looked down to see them being gently cleaned off by a damp cloth. The silence hung between us, heavy, like a closed curtain. Until finally, it was pulled open.

"I don't know why you insist on doing this to yourself." The hands began to work on my fingers. "Why do you keep scaring me? Why, Cammie, why? I want to help you - we all do, you know that. Especially Andy. It hurts him to see you like this. And it hurts me too. But we can't help you if you keep on pushing us away and doing this. Please…"

The last word was a plea. A cry for help. Funny. I should be the one asking for help. Not him. He had it all.

The hands tried to work on my face. They couldn't though, until I lifted my head. I wouldn't do it. I didn't want to look into his eyes, stained with sadness whenever they looked at me. I couldn't take it, seeing those beautiful blue-grey eyes like that. I'm not worth it.

But soft, calloused fingers found my chin, those fingers that could do anything - write a poem, play an instrument, anything - those fingers found my chin and lifted my head.

There they were. Those grey oceans, filling with unshed tears. I wish they would stop. I wish they would turn blue, the way they did when he was happy. They only ever went grey when he was angry. Or in this case, sad.

"Why do you care so much?" I didn’t realise that I'd spoken until the words had left my mouth.

He just looked at me. Moonlight shone through gaps in the curtains, highlighting his head of brown, shaggy curls. He opened his mouth to answer me and I saw the slight imperfection that I loved; slightly crooked front teeth. It made me realise that he was still human, for all his perfections.

Before he could say anything though, a voice called out to him.

"Rom!"

Upon hearing his name, those grey eyes focused on the boy in the doorway. I was thankful for his interruption - the penetrating gaze of those crystal clear eyes made me feel so hopeless.

I tried to focus on the newcomer but gave in when the buzzing noise started again. It was worse than before. But as long as I felt something, anything...

Words were exchanged between Rom and the boy - I'd forgotten his name in my drunken-like stupor - but I didn't hear or acknowledge them. The buzzing in my head grew louder; my eyelids grew heavy and I felt so tired. Maybe, if I just laid down...

"Cammie!"

His voice cut through the buzzing and I opened my eyes, annoyed.

"Cammie listen to me - whatever you do, keep your eyes open! Dammit, Will! Where's Andy?"

Will, I thought as I stared at Rom's grey eyes groggily. That's his name. And Andy... Did he mean my brother?

Will left the room quickly.

The adrenaline and shock was starting to wear off, and even in my current state, I could feel my wrists and arms begin to burn with pain. I gasped.

Rom laid me down on the sofa and knelt beside me, smoothing hair back from my forehead and trying to keep me from grabbing at my arms. White mist was beginning to form in my vision. I was vaguely aware of Rom talking to me and others entering the room. Obviously Will was back.

"Shit, Cammie! You've gone too far this time! What the fuck were you thinking?!?!" That must be Andy, I thought. My big bro has finally arrived to take care of me, I added sarcastically.

"Dude, calm down! I've called an ambulance, their on their way." I frowned. A new voice had entered the scene. And what a scene it must have been.

"Calm down?!? How can I fucking calm down? That's my sister in case you haven't noticed!!"

By this time, Rom had moved from talking into something else. I couldn't quite make out what it was; his mouth and words were disjointed. Then a couple of words broke through the buzzing barrier inside my head:

"If you carry on this way..."

Singing. Rom was singing to me.

Helena, My Chemical Romance. I loved that song. I loved Rom's voice. I loved that song when Rom sang it.

I closed my eyes again as the paramedics rushed into the room and began working on my tired body. I was too out of it to care that I was being touched by strangers. All the while Andy still argued with the other voice while Will tried to calm them both down.

But Rom kept singing.

As I faded off into unconsciousness, his voice was the last thing I heard.

"It feels as though she’s thrown it all away, she won't last another day..."