Please Save Me

“Hey, sorry to interrupt you guys, but the nurse…” Andy trailed off as he took in the scene from where he was standing in the doorway. Me, with my eyes red from crying sitting on the bed by myself; Rom in his chair glaring at me.

“Its fine, I was just about to leave anyway,” he said, getting up out of the chair and walking over to Andy without looking at me.

“Wait, what? Where are you going? What’s going on?” Andy asked, confused. I knew he would expect an explanation from me, but he wasn’t going to get one.

“Home. To get cleaned up and sleep. Because it looks like I’m not needed, or wanted here anymore.” He paused on his way out. “As for what’s going on? Why don’t you ask your little sister over there?” And then he was gone. I could hear the others outside calling his name and trying to question him further, but it was no use. Rom had left. And I was the one who had sent him away.

“Cammie…” Andy began, but was interrupted when a doctor and nurse with a clipboard walked into the room.

“Hello, Ms. Scott, I’m Dr. Green. I’m just here to make sure you’re feeling okay and everything’s on the right track…” and with that, I zoned out, going back to my usual, robotic-like, unresponsive state.

***

The kept me in hospital for two more days. The ride home was a quiet one, with James driving me home. Rom had yet to tell the others what had happened, and I was dreading our next encounter.

The boys – minus Rom – and Sarah held a kind of welcome-home party for me. It wasn’t the best party that I’d ever been to; the only people who seemed to be enjoying themselves were Andy and James, surprisingly, both of which were drunk. Sarah sat next to me, laughing and rolling her eyes at her boyfriend’s crazy antics. James put on a song and Andy’s eyes immediately lit up in his drunken haze. He rushed awkwardly into his bedroom as a guitar riff began to play, and came out a few seconds later; his skinny leg jeans replaced by leggings with a flower print on them. I do not want to know where he got those from, I thought, raising my eyebrows. Beside me, Sarah fell back onto the couch in silent hysterics.

“Oh, God,” she said. “Where the hell did those come from?”

James began to giggle hysterically. “Put the jacket on, put the jacket on!!” he managed in between spurts of laughter, giving my brother an old bomber jacket. Andy slipped it on and tried, but failing spectacularly, to do a Michael Jackson impersonation, spinning around and grabbing his crotch. I took that as my cue to leave.

Walking into the kitchen, I heard the first verse of Electric Six’s ‘Gay Bar’ start, and more giggles and laughter from James and Sarah. I poured myself a glass of water, and turned around, almost running into Will who was shaking from laughter.

“I swear, your brother is so funny when he’s drunk!” he said, almost doubled up.

“Great, what’s he doing now?” I asked dryly as I stuck my head back into the living room (cleaned up from my escapades earlier in the week) and saw Andy now wearing my black fedora, walking up and down in front of the sofa striking poses, as if he were a model, and singing along to Gay Bar.

“YOU!” he shouted, pointing at James. “I wanna take you to a gay bar! I wanna take you to a gay bar, gay bar, GAY BAR!!!!” James, smiling coyling and giggling like a teenage girl, got up and began to dance with Andy, taking a swig from a beer bottle in his hand.

“Honestly, it’s so funny to see James act all gay when he’s drunk,” said Will from behind me. “We should film him sometime, then show him when he’s sober. He’d freak out; it’d be hilarious!!!” I snorted. I could only imagine James’ reaction. I had to admit though, it would be pretty funny.

“Well, I’m gonna turn in for the night. I’ll see you in the morning Cammie,” he said, giving me a smile before side-stepping a slow-dancing James and Andy. Really, I had no idea you could slow dance to this song, but there you go. They’ve found a way to do it.

“GAY BAR, GAY BAR!” they shouted, Andy smacking James on the butt. The song finished, leaving them both pouting.

“Awww, no fair! It finished!!!” whined Andy, looking like he was about to cry.

“Don’t worry Andy-Pandy, we can just put it on again!” said James, stroking his hair.

“Yay!!!” Andy screamed, jumping up and down like a five year old and clapping his hands together. I stifled my laughter. “Put it back on, Jamesy-Wamesy!”

Sarah had just come out of the bathroom. She caught my eye, and all of a sudden I couldn’t hold it back in anymore. I threw my head back and laughed. Jamesy-Wamesy? She joined in.

“Sorry to break up the party, boys,” she said. “But I think you’ve had enough gay-antics for one night!”

“Saaaaaaaarah!” Andy cried, noticing her standing next to me. He stumbled towards her with his arms out and placed a sloppy kiss on her face. She grimaced.

“Beer breath. Okay, come with me, mister…” she dragged him off to his bedroom. I could still hear him giggling and carrying on through the door.

James stood there rather forlornly.

“Come on, you,” I said, putting his arm around my shoulder. “Let’s get you to your room, too.” I headed down the corridor towards his room, staggering slightly under his weight. From Will’s room came the noises and lights you would normally expect from a TV set; Rom’s room across the hall was in darkness, but I could hear him moving around quietly. I sighed. I haven’t been in a room with him for more than five minutes ever since that day at the hospital. He’d been avoiding me. I didn’t blame him; I would avoid me too.

We reached James’s room at the end of the corridor and I opened the door and flicked on the lights. I heaved James onto his bed, and pulled the covers over his fully-dressed body. Within seconds he was snoring. Turning off the lights, I closed the door and went back to my own room, which was opposite Will’s and next to Rom’s.

I walked in and shut the door, leaning against it and sighing. I just didn’t know what to do about the situation with Rom. Everyone knew something had happened between us; they just didn’t know what. I glanced across at the posters and photos above my desk in the corner. Each one of them showed smiling, laughing people, either before or after that night.

Some of the pictures were of my parents. I walked over and picked up a framed photograph that I kept of them on the desk. I slowly traced over their faces with a finger. They were good people; they didn’t deserve what had happened to them. One of the pictures tacked up on the wall caught my eye. It was of me and the guys, just after I’d first moved in. We were celebrating Will’s birthday. All of them had a smile on their face except for me; I sat and looked into the camera, a serious look on my face. Next to me in the photo, sat Rom, looking at me with a cheeky grin on his face, blue eyes sparkling. I felt a tear slide down my face. Why did I have to go and fuck everything up? It was my fault; all of it. My fault that he wasn’t talking to me, my fault that my parents died that night…

Oh shit… I gasped as I dropped the frame, glass shattering into pieces. I heard a door open and close, then Will’s voice said.

“Cammie, is everything ok in there?”

“Ah, fine, I just dropped a picture frame!” I called back softly.

“Ok then, good night.”

“’Night,” I began trying to gather all the pieces in a pile, moving to put them in my bin underneath the desk. A sharp edge sliced my finger and blood began to flow from the wound. Blood… I flashed back to my parents bodies on the ground and the amount of blood surrounding them.

No! I fell to the ground, hitting the desk on the way and clutching my head. No, get out, out! I don’t want you in my head! Out!
But the floodgates opened and the memories came.

A gun shot.

My mother, my beautiful mother, lying dead on the ground.

My strong, stubborn father, his brains decorating the kitchen tiles.

Boss turned to me. “What say you, beautiful?”

Out, get out! I was on my knees, heaving and retching, barely aware of Will yelling out to Rom for help on the other side of the door.

“Shall I let Spider have his way?”

That smile, I hated that evil smile. The way he looked straight into my eyes while he was–

“Cammie!” they were on the ground beside me, Rom and Will. Will grabbed my hands from where they’d begun to dig into my bandages and I was aware of red stains beginning to show through. Red. Like blood. Like-

“Cam, look at me. Look at me!” Rom, he was kneeling in front of me. His hands held my face and forced me to stare into his eyes. Those clear, blue eyes. So unlike the brown eyes of –

“I’ll teach you a lesson; show you who’s Boss around here!”

I cried out and tried to wrench my hands free from Will’s grip, trying to cover my ears; I didn’t want to hear it, I didn’t want it to happen. All I wanted was for them to be out of my head and to leave me alone.

Fox wound my hair around his finger. Spider smirked. And Boss, well he just-

Rom, still holding my face with his hands, pulled me to his body, moving an arm to wrap around me and sliding the one left on my face to the back of my neck. Will still held my arms.

“Some people fight, some people fall,” he began softly, singing in my ear. My sobbing began to get quieter. “Other’s pretend, they don’t care at all.”

My skin crawled; he unbuttoned my shirt further. I wanted desperately for him to stop, for him to leave the house and never come back. His hand reached for his pant-zipper.

“If you want to fight, I’ll stand right beside you.”

Rom’s voice cut through my memories, a bright light on a cloudy night. I held onto it and it guided me safely out of my living nightmares. I came back to the soft carpet, Rom’s voice and heard my ragged breaths filling the void of silence.

“The day that you fall, I’ll be right behind you. To pick up the pieces,” Rom continued singing until my shaking and sobbing began to gradually disappear.

“If you don’t believe me, then just look into my eyes.” I looked up into the grey-blue orbs he called eyes, knowing at that moment that I had been wrong to push Rom away in the hospital. He was right; no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get through this on my own. I needed help from him and the rest of the guys. And I knew, after this, that he would be willing to offer it.

“’Cause the heart never lies,” He finished softly, looking down at me in the dim light.

Will slowly breathed out, relaxing and shifting his position on the floor. He touched his hand to my lower back and began rubbing slow, light circles, helping to calm me down further, but also trying not to threaten me at the same time.

And that’s how we stayed for a while longer.

A comfortable silence enveloped us; no-one wanted to be the one to break it. I breathed out heavily. I knew that the time had come to tell the full story of what had happened that night. But unlike the hospital, I wasn’t scared that they would treat me differently, or try and act the hero with me, pretending that everything would be ok and that it hadn’t happened. Because it did. But no matter what they thought, or how they reacted, I knew it would be okay.

Because I trusted them.