Don't Go.

I stared into the ocean of white, lost in my thoughts. The icy wind blew mercilessly on my face, reddening my cheeks and nose, and snow swirled around me, making it almost impossible to see anything unless it was right in front of you.

I blinked. Snow, I thought blankly.

Danny loved snow.

I remembered how his face lit up every time he realized it was snowing, and how he ran out and started laughing and spinning around in circles. I particularly recalled that time he took hold of my hand and dragged me out with him, that twinkle in his eyes, like a kid on Christmas.

"Jamie, Jamie, it's snowing!" he'd smile breathlessly. "Isn't it beautiful?" Then he'd laugh again and throw his arms around my neck, and I'd look into his grey eyes and kiss him, arms around each other while the snow fell on us. I remembered every little detail - the snowflakes landing on his hair and clinging to his eyelashes, his warm breath on my face, forming water vapor in the icy air and mingling with mine. I remembered the warmth that radiated from his skin, and how his hands were always warm no matter what, so he'd take my frozen fingers in his to protect them from the stinging wind.

I remembered so much more than you'd expect me to. But every little triviality, no matter how insignificant it seemed, of the time I'd spent with Danny was permanently ingrained into my mind.

Because, as they say, you never really realize what you have until you lose it.

I shoved those thoughts away from my mind. Of course I'd realized what I had. Back then, I cherished every single second I got to spend with him. When we didn't have a class together, I'd spend the entire period biting my nails and staring at the clock anxiously. Whenever I was grounded, or when my parents managed to drag me away for a holiday, I wouldn't feel complete again until I was back home in his arms. We were completely joined at the hip, never leaving each other's side. We even sneaked into each other's houses at night and slept together - no, not in the way you'd think. Everything felt better when he was around, as cliché as it sounds, and there was something magical about falling asleep with him. I was certain nothing would ever hurt me in Danny's arms.

Then I'd tilt my head back so I was facing him and smile sleepily at him, and he'd return the smile lovingly, his eyes brimming with tenderness. He'd kiss my hair, but that alone was never enough, and I always ended up raising my lips to meet his in a gentle kiss. I used to fall asleep with his taste still in my mouth. And if we were at my house - which was most of the time, since I knew his parents didn't approve of me - he'd wake up next to me too. Those mornings were complete bliss. I'd smell his scent and feel his warm arms around me, and then my eyelids would flutter open and I be looking straight into his beautifully captivating grey eyes, and even though I was definitely not a morning person, it always managed to put a smile on my face.

There were no worries about my parents finding us, either. In fact, both they and Alex, my older brother, were perfectly aware of the fact that Danny spent most of his nights here. But my parents turned a blind eye towards us, and I took this as a sign that they trusted us completely, and Alex was always as supportive as you could get towards our relationship. None of them would have dreamed of giving us away to Danny's parents. His sister, Ashley, covered up for him at home. She, too, seemed very understanding, and in fact, whenever she saw us together she'd giggle and say how "cute" we were.

But the best night of all had been the one at the beach.

He'd told me we were going somewhere that afternoon, but refused to say anything else. So when the final bell rang at school, I let him lead me in an entirely unfamiliar direction. The walk was longer than I'd expected, but every time I asked Danny if we were there yet, he just smiled mischievously and raised a finger to his lips.

I'd have been getting pretty fed up with the situation, if it weren't for the fact that I knew Danny, and I knew whatever surprise he'd planned for me would be amazing. And I was right.

But even then, I was in for the shock of my life when we finally emerged into the tiny - but breathtakingly beautiful - beach. We lived right next to the sea, but we only ever visited the beach in summer, and at that time of the year it was packed with people. But this one was perfect. I'd never even heard about it before, even better, because it meant there were next to no chances of anyone interrupting us.

And it was all so perfect that I couldn't help myself from leaping onto Danny and kissing him fiercely, very nearly tackling him. He laughed and held me closer, murmuring into my ear, "So, d'you like it?"

"Yes," I replied breathlessly. "Yes, Danny, it's absolutely perfect. Thank you so much. You're the best boyfriend ever."

He kissed me again, even more passionately than before. "And there'll be nobody here to ruin the moment."

Of course, he was right. I was pretty sure nobody knew this beach anyway, and besides, it was February. No one went to the beach in the middle of winter. So we'd have it to ourselves all night long.

He'd even made a picnic for us, making me grin from ear to ear at the cuteness of it all, and when we'd finished eating I sat in his lap and we watched the sun go down, like we were in one of those cheesy movies his sister was always watching. I closed my eyes, leaned my head against his chest and listened to his heartbeat. And I just felt so complete that I blurted it out. The three words I'd never told anyone before.

"I love you."

And as I said it, I realized I'd been in love with the boy holding me for a long time. It was just that, when you were fifteen, you didn't think about that kind of thing. It seemed too permanent, too binding. But right now, there was absolutely no doubt that I was totally and completely in love with Danny, no matter what the consequences might be. You'd have thought maybe I was scared at the thought of being so tied to someone, but I wasn't. Not at all. And the most blissfully perfect moment of my life was completed as he whispered his next words into my ear.

"I love you too, Jamie."

And that same night was the first time we made love.

We did it right there, on the beach. And nobody will ever be able to take the memories away from me, his touch, so gentle and full of tenderness, the loving words whispered into my ear. He held me as I fell asleep, but this time was so different from all the others, having shared so much more than we'd ever imagined we would.

That night, lying in his arms, I'd been foolish enough to think that all this would last forever. It certainly seemed so at the time. But I learned the hard way that you can't rely on anything in life, and what's given to you can be taken away just as quickly. Back then, I never really realized the importance of cherishing each and every moment you have, because everything is just so fragile that it only takes a little push to make everything you hold dear shatter into pieces before your very eyes.

And the boy who I confessed my love to that night, the boy who I lost my virginity to, who knew me inside and out and who was closer to me than I'd ever dreamed of letting anyone get, was taken from me before I even realized it.

Because Danny was dead.

That's it. Dead. Gone. Disappeared from my life, like he'd never been a part of it. But nobody, not even me, could erase the memories. And they haunted me every night because really, isn't that what memories are for?

"Jamie?"

I was ripped from my thoughts by somebody murmuring my name into my ear, and I knew who it was right away.

This time it wasn't my imagination. I was sure of it. No, it was real.

It was Danny's voice.