Glass Heart

Walking down the long sidewalk that led through Tony’s extensive lawn and away from his front door felt like the most torturous hike Scarlett had ever taken. Chest stinging with upset and sorrow, Scarlett’s hands were trembling with an emotion she couldn’t quite describe. Physical ailments were popping up left and right in ways they’d never before manifested. Was it heartache doing these things to her? Perhaps the sorrow of being betrayed? Or the misery that came with her embarrassment? It wasn’t just the shame she was feeling, there was something far more complex happening within her body. None of those words felt right.

Shaking her head so her hair would hide her profile from the large windows of the beautiful mansion she’d once found refuge in, Scarlett glanced up at the towering building that somehow seemed menacing. Stopping at the end of the long driveway of what she’d once thought was a symbol of wealth, beauty and technological advancement now cast a shadow over her life and taunted her. A mixture of feelings overwhelmed her. First she felt like a fool for having gotten into such a dramatic situation, then she felt ashamed for having become what she’d tried so hard not to be, and then she felt sad and lonely because despite it all she still wanted to wake up from a bad dream and find Tony lying next to her with some smart ass remark about having naughty dreams of him.

She hesitated to take her next step that would lead away from the property and considered what she was leaving behind. Tony had always been more than her target or the next job even when she’d been trying to convince herself otherwise. When she’d arrived there she’d been on a mission for revenge and had turned her life upside down to get it. Instead she’d found the first person in her life who had made her feel comfortable and happy. Choking on emotion in the back of her throat, she suddenly turned away and rushed down the street as quickly as her bare feet would carry her.

The house that she’d almost considered a home seemed to taunt and mock her as she stepped further away. While she knew it was in her head and it was the same place she’d been welcome in the day before, it plagued her thoughts. Hand over her mouth to stifle any pitiful sounds that might escape, clasping at her flesh, she concentrated on keeping the overwhelming hurt from manifesting into tears and sobbing.

Scarlett wasn’t the type for tears; at least that was what she kept reminding herself of over and over again over the past few days. Yet in her chest she felt the grip of anxiety on her heart, squeezing and strangling so tightly that she was losing the usually impeccable resolve she had been so proud of. The painful sting of tears threatened her eyes and she kept blinking them away in hopes the warm feeling in her face would fade and leave her with nothing but the anger she knew she should be experiencing. Even at her most terrifying moments, Scarlett had never felt this out of control.

Tony had said terrible things to her. If it had been a handful of weeks prior that he’d said them she would’ve laughed them off and put him in his place. It wasn’t like she’d never been called awful names before. But after the romantic moments they’d shared together, the words had been more like knives. He’d taken her already fragile trust and ground it to pieces then tossed it to the ground only to stomp on the very little that was left.

Scarlett should have been damn angry and yet when she stopped to think about what had transpired she simply wanted to hold a pillow and sob until she fell asleep. It wouldn’t make her weak to sit and cry, she was only human after all, but she didn’t think she’d benefit from shedding tears over Tony Stark. He was a womanizer and she’d known it from the beginning. She had just never expected him to go to such lengths to humiliate her. Even as the thoughts flitted through her mind she couldn’t believe them. Tony wasn’t the man she’d read about. If she could see past the anger he’d shown her she knew there was something more. But the hurt was overwhelming the logical side of her mind.

Cursing she suddenly stumbled forward on the sidewalk at the bottom of the hill as she stepped on a particularly pointy rock. As much as her foot was now throbbing it offered her a slight distraction from her mutinous thoughts. Hopping around comically on her left foot Scarlett managed to regain her balance a few seconds later and once the pain had stopped pulsing through the pad of her foot she gingerly placed it back down on the ground. She hadn’t bothered with shoes or much of anything before she’d left Tony’s house and now realized what a rash decision that had been. She should’ve gone upstairs and at least grabbed shoes and her laptop.

But the opportunity had past and she wasn’t going to turn back to Tony’s house ever again. It was Stark’s house, she reminded herself. Tony had been the man she trusted in spite of how desperately she had tried not to. Stark, on the other hand, was the man she had been after, the man she knew from the papers and the same man who had broken her heart.

Glancing around Scarlett found the nearest street lamp and leaned against it so she could look at her feet to see the damage done. On the pad of her foot, a sharp jagged rock was pressed into her skin drawing the tiniest bit of blood. The bottoms of her feet were discolored from walking on the sidewalk for so long.

Pulling the pointed rock that had stuck in her foot slowly out of her skin with a soft sound of discomfort she tossed it aside and then leaned her head against the lamp all the while keeping her foot propped up on her toes so the sore spot would remain elevated. Closing her eyes Scarlett tried to focus on what to do next and where to go. There could be no dwelling on the past few weeks, only a way forward. It was the only thing she could think to do to keep from breaking down and crying against the lamp post. One look behind her and Scarlett knew she had to keep walking before her head would be cleared enough to find a solution. The beautiful mansion sat at the top of the hill, still staring at her and condemning her for becoming everything she’d fought so hard not to be.

Testing her sore foot she placed it down again on the sidewalk when she realized it wouldn’t give under her weight and continued away from the Stark house. She’d walk into Malibu and find a place to clear her head where she couldn’t see the mansion. Her foot still annoyingly pained, she continued to travel.

The ache in her foot turned out to be a blessing in disguise as it provided a distraction from the depression dwelling in her mind and growing by the second. Before she knew it, she was in the busy streets of the beautiful town of Malibu. She couldn’t help but be reminded of the first night she went out with Tony and the panic attack she’d had when brought into the crowd near the club he’d tried to impress her with. Once again surrounded by people mingling through the streets Scarlett didn’t feel the panic at all. Apparently the post traumatic stress she’d experienced was fading out. Though Scarlett didn’t feel like she blended in anymore as she had always tried to due to the nature of her career.

Instead she felt singled out. Scarlett felt completely and utterly alone and not in a good way. What was so wrong with being by herself? It was something she’d been okay with since she’d left home at an early age in her youth. Being alone had always been a comfort for her. Her thoughts had never betrayed her the way they were now. Somehow, she’d gotten used to having Tony around and to having someone to joke with. Even if they weren’t saying anything, Tony had put on some music for them to listen to so they could work. The silence had even been nice between them. But now, even with the background noise of the somewhat busy street to keep her company, Scarlett felt lost and alone. Folding her arms over her chest, she felt cold even though the weather was relatively mild for that time of year.

Continuing through the city she stopped at a park and found a bench to sit on. The park was mostly empty, considering that the sky was growing darker by the second with clouds that threatened rain. Even the weather seemed glummer than usual that day. Scarlett had always liked the rainy weather, mostly because it had provided a distraction while she worked. People were always a little hastier and sloppier on rainy days. Snow was even better, humanity didn’t handle that very well. But now the clouds seemed to reflect her mood. Plus she’d be stuck in the rain with nowhere to go and no damn shoes.

The thought of going back to her old life seemed unnatural and out of place. Could she really go back to being a ruthless spy? It terrified her to think that it might not be a possibility. Sometime during the last two weeks, Scarlett had wanted to be more than that. Taking her seat, Scarlett rested her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. Before she could figure out her next move she had to calm down. Despite the long walk and the soreness in her foot that was now throbbing, her heart was still pumping with adrenaline from the fight with Tony.

Not that it had been much of a fight. She hadn’t tried very hard to defend herself against his harsh words. When it came down to it, she hadn’t believed it was happening. The anger she’d once reserved for Tony had faded completely. But now that she was abandoned by him, the fuel for rage was slowly returning. Despite it all, Scarlett knew she could never really hate Tony even if she tried. Her thoughts kept drifting back to the pictures he’d kept of her smiling and the videos of her sleeping. Maybe somewhere amidst his anger, he’d hidden his real motives for his attitude. Unfortunately Tony had done a very good job of hiding his true feelings that morning.

How had things gotten so out of hand? Leaning back on the wooden park bench, she let the cool grass sooth her sore feet. She’d have to get shoes somewhere along the line before she destroyed her feet entirely. How far had she walked? She had no idea, but it had been a few hours. If nothing else, Scarlett could still access her bank accounts so she could purchase whatever she needed once she figured out a plan.

Maybe Tony breaking her heart early on in their short lived relationship had been for the best. What had she been thinking with that anyway? Scarlett didn’t know how to settle down. There was no part of her that was going to be good at being a dedicated lover. For a fleeting moment she’d considered that her bond with Tony was so strong that the rest of the relationship would come naturally for them both and they’d work through their inexperience together. Now that she’d been thrown out of his Malibu mansion and had time to clear her head she knew it wasn’t meant to be.

If that was the case, why did she still feel so sad? The thought of having gotten out of the water before she sank should’ve been comforting. Instead she wanted desperately to drown. It wasn’t like she’d physically been injured or assaulted so why couldn’t she swallow the frustration and hurt like she’d done in the past when things hadn’t gone her way?

She’d been cold and calculated for so long that she was almost ashamed that she was emotionally wounded. The heartache would fade with time, she just had to keep reminding herself to nurse the wound. Reaching to touch her chest Scarlett winced when she felt the raised skin in the shape of the reactor that had irritated her skin the first time she’d made love to Tony. With time, that scar would fade too and she’d forget all about it. Eventually it’d be a memory she could be proud to have gotten past.

This was a lesson Scarlett had to learn in order to move forward. The last twenty or so years she’d spent following a path and a very defined one at that. She had always taken one job after another and had rarely taken a break in between. It was inevitable that with such a tedious schedule that taking a break, even if it had been a guise, had caused her trouble. Scarlett had never taken a vacation in the past and if she had, it’d been because of a job. How many times had she fought with Scott about working while they were supposed to be taking a break? It had always felt selfish to Scarlett to lie around and waste the day in luxury when she could’ve been working. Then again, Scarlett had never had anything pleasant to do while she’d been lying around.

She was a junkie in some ways. Without work, danger, adrenaline and a purpose she grew stir crazy, destructive and confused. Her decision to stay with Tony instead of continuing to pursue MedCo had been the first non-work related and most selfish decision she’d ever made in her life. Never before had she done something so incredibly self serving and now the universe was throwing it back in her face to teach her a lesson.

Fate was something Scarlett didn’t necessarily believe in. She couldn’t believe in it. If fate existed then hers was a sad one and she couldn’t accept that. Life was of her own making. Everything had always been in her control and when things spun out of her control was when it got messy. Her job in Afghanistan, taking the job at MedCo, losing Scott, messing around with Stark; these things had all done her nothing but harm. Maybe she wasn’t meant for anything other than what she’d already had. Hadn’t working those jobs made her happy? Scarlett considered this and wondered if she was actually familiar with what happiness really meant. When she took away her job what did she really have? She didn’t even have shoes at the moment.

Glancing down at her feet, she pushed the conflicting thoughts to the back of her mind. She kept track of the people who walked past without raising her gaze from the blades of grass. It was an old habit that she wasn’t sure she’d ever get rid of. Noticing people, their nuances, and their demeanor had been important to her survival but now it seemed annoying when she wanted to be left alone. No matter what she tried, she couldn’t stop noticing who was around her at all times, her points of escape and where the best places to hide would be in case of an emergency.

While she doubted MedCo would show up while she was moping in a park in Malibu unpredictably, she could never be too careful. They’d taken every other opportunity to come at her when she stepped out of the Stark mansion, so who knew if they were watching the house or not. Closing her eyes and listening to the fading footsteps on the opposite end of the park of some strangers taking their dog for a walk, she realized she didn’t care if she was found.

Let MedCo come. Let them take her away. She’d deal with that better than she could deal with the romantic nightmare she’d gotten into with Stark. Danger she could handle. The fear of death she could handle. But having her heart broken? That was a totally new ball game for her. Head against the back of the bench, Scarlett glanced at the trees overhead and sighed heavily. What would she do now that she wasn’t welcome in Stark’s house? She couldn’t work on the energy project anymore so her technical expertise would be going to waste.

Scott was alive, so there was that if she couldn’t think of anything else. But in the end, Scarlett had realized that she hadn’t much missed him despite her apparently misplaced guilt. Her nightmares had opened her eyes to how destructive and unhealthy the relationship with him had been. He wanted something she couldn’t give him and she’d required someone who would’ve supported her despite the danger she got into on a regular basis. Ultimately Scott had wanted her because she was smarter than him and pretty and that wasn’t the basis for a relationship. They weren’t compatible and no amount of changing would force them to be happy together. From what Scarlett could gather about relationships, they usually didn’t require a person to redefine themselves to make them work.

If she had to change who she was to be loved, then it wasn’t worth it in the first place. While Scarlett thought love was mostly a fairy tale and unrealistic, she knew it was supposed to be unconditional. With Scott there had been nothing but conditions.

Was that why she’d thought things would work out with Stark? They were both so incredibly destructive that they had often contributed to the other’s issues and had resolved them together seamlessly. Having to shake Stark once again from her mind Scarlett cursed and ran her fingers through her hair. It’d be a long time before she could get Tony out of her mind, if she could completely. She’d never been so connected to another person in every way before and she wasn’t sure she’d ever stop thinking of him.

It didn’t matter. She had to remind herself over and over that no matter how they had clicked, no matter how explosive their kissing and lovemaking had been, their story was over and she had to move on. The book was closed and there was no sequel.

As it started to drizzle and the rain wet her cheeks, she knew what she had to do. The fog lifted from her mind and her purpose sat beneath it waiting for her. It was what she should’ve done in the first place instead of giving into Tony’s allure. She had to return to Africa and put a stop to MedCo’s destruction. She would never get the chance to live properly with them on her tail constantly. It was time for her to take the offensive and stop waiting for them to come for her. Scarlett would have to find them and give them exactly what they were obviously begging for.

MedCo would regret pursuing her. They would regret keeping her captive for weeks and they would most certainly regret replicating the plans she’d built under duress. It was the perfect distraction for her sorrow. While she was getting over what happened with Tony she would channel her anger and pain into her hunt for those who had put her in this situation in the first place.

Standing up, Scarlett mentally started to make a list of what she needed to do. She’d search for flights to several different places, eventually leading up to Africa. It was unlikely that MedCo was still located in South Africa where she’d been held but she would have to return there to speak with Scott in the hospital and to investigate the remains of the building where she’d been held. Any clues she found there would be better than starting from scratch. She had learned years ago to never take direct flights when avoiding being pursued. She’d change aliases in another country and make her way from there in attempts to throw anyone following her off her scent.

But first and foremost, Scarlett needed money and she needed to get out of Malibu. Standing up, she walked out of the park and toward the closest bank. She’d be able to hack an ATM easily until she could get her personal items returned to her at some point. On top of that she’d need another computer, a global phone, and some clothes.

Perhaps she’d pretend the last month spent with Tony had never happened at least until she was okay to think about it again. So, the few tears she’d shed finally dried, Scarlett started toward the bank and then the train station on the south side of Malibu where she would ultimately purchase a ticket to Los Angeles. Once there she would find a hotel, obtain the items required for her trip and then buy her plane tickets in the morning at the airport.

Scarlett would leave Malibu behind. She would leave Tony, Jarvis and Pepper far behind. And most importantly she would abandon what she’d thought was destined to be love for the rest of her days. Her resolve was strong but the feeling of hurt and upset still hung miserably like a rock in the pit of her stomach.

Not that it mattered, Scarlett had always been very good at pretending.

Scotch burned Tony’s throat as he swallowed the remainder of his glass in one gulp. He had his feet up on the dashboard of the hotrod that Scarlett had dented during their first night together in the mansion and was sitting amongst a mess of broken machinery and smashed prototypes. Once he’d calmed his anger enough to stop smashing things, which had only happened when he realized he had run out of things to break that were small enough for him to lift, he had taken to his alcohol again. What else could he do, given the situation?

Looking at the half empty bottle he’d started on, Tony felt sick to his stomach but not because of how much he’d had to drink. Even the damn alcohol reminded him of the woman he’d just thrown out of his house. Everything he looked at seemed to remind him of her in some way and he simply couldn’t shake the feeling.

The lab looked like someone had broken in and taken a sledgehammer to everything he owned. But Tony didn’t care. He was angry and upset. Scarlett broke his heart! He had told her that he loved her and she had thought it was an attempt at getting out of a mistake he’d made.

And a stupid mistake at that! Why did she care so much that he’d made their relationship public? Now he’d have to go on record saying that he was just kidding anyway considering that she’d walked out on him. No, she hadn’t walked out. Tony had kicked her out and with some force. At least he thought he did. What he’d done in anger was a blur of hurt and frustration and had been done in the heat of the moment.

Throwing the bottle of scotch out onto the concrete floor he heard it smash and the liquid splatter across the ground. Scotch wouldn’t help him anymore. All it seemed to do was remind him of the nights they’d spent drinking together and how he’d held Scarlett in his lap as she’d so tenderly cleaned his wound. From there his thoughts went to the soft touch of the chiffon gown he’d bought for her that night.

He could still practically feel the silk of her skin and taste the saline sweat dripping down her neck from when they made love. Cursing again, Tony smashed his head repeatedly against the cushioned seat in his hotrod. It didn’t hurt much but it helped him stop thinking, once again, about what he’d screwed up and thrown away. Smashing his hand against the steering wheel, Tony honked the horn of the hot rod repeatedly until the frustration finally melted out of him. Ultimately he wound up with his head leaning against the horn, the loud beep echoing through the half destroyed laboratory. Once the impression of the horn against his head started to ache he knew he had to move.

Lifting his head up, Tony realized that there was no level of booze that was going to fix what he’d done. Once again, his usual back up plan for when things got bad had failed him completely. He’d broken his pattern of destruction and wasn’t sure how to move forward. Looking down at his hands he saw his knuckles bloodied and his fingers scraped up from the path of broken electronics strewn about the room.

He didn’t care. What did it matter anyway that he was bloody or had destroyed thousands of dollars worth of equipment? Where did he go from there? He’d kicked the problem out hadn’t he? So, in theory he should be feeling better and ready to throw himself into his work. What had he been working on before she’d so rudely interrupted his life? The energy project, of course and locating the weapons that had been illegally obtained from his company.

“Oh, right.” Tony grimaced as he stepped carefully out of his car. The floor was covered with broken bits of glass and metal which he stepped artfully around. It wasn’t the first time he’d destroyed his lab in anger and it most certainly wouldn’t be his last. In fact, it was such a frequent occurrence for entire rooms to be destroyed in his home that he was sure the contractor he’d been hiring to rebuild for years had Tony Stark for his only client. He couldn’t work on the energy project again without going through the legal nonsense of getting Scarlett’s name removed from the project after having gone through the trouble of getting it added on in the first place.

But then again, the converter had been Scarlett’s damn idea and design so he’d have to get her consent to continue using it. If Pepper hadn’t thought of that possibility before she’d gotten Scarlett to sign paperwork, he’d have to find a way to get in touch with her to move forward with it. And more than anything, Tony wanted an excuse to get back in touch with Scarlett. Walking over to the couch at the far end of the room, seemingly one of the only things untouched in the place, Tony sat down and held his hand over his eyes.

It didn’t feel right to work on the energy project without Scarlett even if he’d gotten the proper permissions. She’d practically been his inspiration for everything over the last three weeks. Every meeting he’d gone to, every plan he’d made for the next phases of the project he’d had her in the back of his mind telling him that he was a good man and any decision he made she trusted would be the best. Never before had a woman so influenced him in his creations. It had been invigorating. But now that Scarlett was gone, the thought of her constantly on his mind was more like a plague.

“Hey, Jarvis?” Tony’s voice sounded odd to his own ears. It was raspy, like he hadn’t talked in days so he cleared his throat. He’d done a lot of nonsensical yelling while he’d destroyed his possessions and guessed that it’d made his throat raw. Scotch probably hadn’t helped the situation. Still, it didn’t seem to matter that he’d hurt himself in the process.

“Are you done breaking things then, sir?” If Tony didn’t know better he would’ve thought Jarvis sounded bitter and angry. Sometimes he’d regretted creating an artificially intelligent service system.

“For now,” Tony grimaced. He couldn’t think about the mess he’d made in the garage just yet. It wasn’t like he’d be the one to clean it up anyway. Pepper would take care of it for him. Pepper always took care of it for him. He’d almost forgotten that over the last few weeks when Scarlett had been taking care of him instead. And she’d done it without being paid or asked to. Granted, it wasn’t exactly the same but he wondered why she would do that if she hadn’t loved him.

“Should I contact Miss Potts to start the clean up?” Jarvis still sounded distant and irritated with his owner.

“Not yet.” Tony glanced down at his bloody hands. He wasn’t ready for Pepper to yell at him for what he’d done. Plus he wasn’t ready to apologize to her either. If he recalled properly, and he was sure he did, he’d said some nasty things to her as well before she’d run out of the room after Scarlett. Sometimes, despite his genius and despite his addictive and charming personality, he didn’t understand social interactions. Put something electronic broken in front of him and he could fix it hands down without a problem. There was always a way to fix an object he’d broken. For example, his laboratory would be as good as new by the end of the week despite the chaos he’d created inside of it. All it required was some money and the right help.

But what he’d done to Pepper wouldn’t be as easy to repair as his stuff was. He’d say he was sorry but she’d still be nasty to him for a few days until the whole thing had blown over as she always was. What did she care what he’d said to Scarlett, anyway? She didn’t even like Scarlett! How many times had he been told to get rid of her and she was no good by his assistant and now she was going to be mad at him for doing exactly what he’d been asked to do. People didn’t make sense, especially women. They were so complicated. It seemed like every time he thought he was doing the right thing, he’d somehow screwed it up again.

Then there was Scarlett. He understood her better than he understood most women, but she had still managed to confuse the hell out of him. What chance was there that she would ever forgive him for the awful things he’d said and done? What did men usually do in these situations? Maybe he would have to watch a few chick flicks with Pepper to better understand how to fix these sorts of problems.

Was he supposed to buy flowers? A pretty dress? A stuffed animal? He could afford just about anything to try and buy her forgiveness but something told Tony that money wasn’t going to make up for the hurt he’d caused. Part of him was glad that money wouldn’t fix it. Scarlett had been one of the first women who hadn’t thought his money was a very big deal. In fact, she’d often told him what a selfish ass he was for spending it so frivolously.

“Then what is it I can do for you?” Jarvis finally spoke, the irritation in his voice still evident.

“I don’t like the disdain in your voice right now, Jarvis.” Tony attempted to joke with the computer, but fell flat. He didn’t feel much like joking at the moment.

“We all have deal with things we don’t like very much, sir.” Jarvis responded haughtily much to Tony’s surprise. Wide eyed and staring ahead of him, Tony chose to ignore his computer’s snarky remark and cracked his neck by leaning it from side to side.

“Can you replay what happened earlier for me?”

“I would rather not.” Jarvis didn’t follow orders, once again.

“Look, I need you to replay the damn thing. I was seeing red, I don’t remember the asinine things I said. Not entirely at least.” Tony sighed heavily. “I just remember I was a real dick.” He muttered under his breath. Jarvis seemed convinced by these words and a holographic screen appeared in front of Tony, replaying the scene from the moment Scarlett had tried to get into the laboratory that he’d locked her out of.

He’d completely alienated her from the moment she’d woken up that morning. Not only had he chosen to break her trust, but he’d done it in a way that had made her feel unwelcome in his home. Maybe if he’d just broken her trust he’d have been able to earn it back a little easier. Leaning forward and shaking out his sore left hand, Tony watched the playback of the video in front of him.

Of course she hadn’t believed him when he told her that he loved her. He’d shifted gears so quickly that the only one in the room that knew the truth was him and perhaps Jarvis. His computer seemed to know much more about what was happening in his heart than Tony did. Then Tony hid his eyes behind his hands as he listened to the rant he’d gone on and on with after Scarlett hadn’t responded to him the way he’d hoped. The guilt he’d felt for not telling her about Scott had manifested in all the wrong ways.

If he’d just told her flat out what he’d found she might not have freaked out. And there she was, even then, trying to tell him that she didn’t want Scott. Instead of listening he’d just yelled and yelled at her and called her all sorts of awful names that he had rarely used outside of drunken arguments.

The video stopped after he’d screamed at Pepper and Scarlett had practically run out of the room in terror.

“Pause, rewind.” Tony waved his hand in front of the screen to control the video. “Stop there. Zoom in.” Using his bloodied hands, he stretched the screen so he could get a better look at Scarlett’s face. He’d never seen her like that before and he’d spend a good chunk of his free time staring at her. What was happening to her at that moment? Were there tears in her eyes threatening to escape?

Not only had he broken her trust, which he was now sure she didn’t hand over lightly, he’d broken her damn heart. How was he supposed to fix that? He’d had everything he wanted for a few hours and threw it away because of some stupid insecurities and conflicting feelings. He saw the moment where things had gone horribly wrong and had chosen to ignore it and make it worse. If he had just stopped to look into her eyes maybe he would’ve seen how his words had ripped into her like a knife.

“Damn.” Tony wiped the screen away from his vision and it disappeared entirely. Leaning his head in his hands he sat lost in thought, trying to decide what he should do next. Going after her was something that kept popping into his mind but it seemed pointless. She’d never forgive him for what he’d done but then again he wasn’t sure he could give up that easily on her. Tony was stubborn and even though he wasn’t good at apologizing or even admitting that he was wrong, he didn’t easily give up the things he wanted.

Was what he’d said to her in that brief moment true? He was sure it was. For once there were no second thoughts or doubts about that one feeling he had for her. Tony loved her. He loved her and there was no more denying it. Now that he’d come to terms with the realization he was glad for it. It didn’t scare him to be in love. In fact it was a relief to know that he could feel such a thing. He was starting to wonder if he’d been capable of anything more than lust. Considering how damn good he was at lust, love was something completely new and was actually pretty exciting. Well, for a brief moment it had been exciting until he realized the woman he was in love with was likely never going to trust him again.

He’d always thought that love would be incredibly hard, but now that he knew what it was, it didn’t seem like it. It made sense to him and he hadn’t had to change his life around for someone either as he’d always expected to have to do. Everything had happened so naturally that now that Scarlett wasn’t in the house he felt lonely. He’d gotten used to having her around for even the simpler things and now that he sat alone in his mess with bloody knuckles and the after taste of bitter scotch on his lips, he felt terrible.

His house would never be the same without her. His life would never be the same.

“Tony?” Pepper’s voice sounded cautious at the other end of the room. The glass panes along the hallway had been broken thanks to his tantrum earlier in the day and Pepper was stepping cautiously through the broken glass, a clear look of displeasure on her face. Apparently she did not approve of the mess that he’d made in his fit of anger. Once again, Tony didn’t care. It was his stuff and if he wanted to break it then no one had any room to complain.

Tony wasn’t sure he was ready to apologize to Pepper yet. Apologizing to her didn’t seem very important. He’d just let the love of his life walk away. No, he’d thrown her out after humiliating and embarrassing her. Somehow he’d managed to use everything he knew about her to destroy her. His chest was hurting more and more by the minute. The reactor burned annoyingly and he banged the back of his beat up hand against the metal.

“Oh, damnit,” Tony whispered instead of responding to Pepper, placing a hand to his forehead again. Pepper continued through the mess in the room and made her way over to Tony now that she was sure his anger had faded and he had long since stopped throwing things. Tony felt the couch sink next to him as Pepper sat down. Much to his surprise, she didn’t yell at him and she didn’t scold him. Instead she placed a gentle and comforting hand on his shoulder and sighed.

“What did you do, Tony?” There was a level of concern in her voice that Tony hadn’t expected. Turning to look at her curiously and letting his hands hang down at his sides, he decided there was no reason to keep up appearances in front of his assistant. She’d already seen him at his worst, so what was the point of saving face?

“I fucked up.” Tony moistened his lips and wiped his hand over his face again nervously before gritting his teeth and inhaling sharply.

“Yeah, that I figured out on my own.” Pepper grabbed his hand away from his face and started wiping away the caked up blood from the scrapes he’d created while he’d had his fit of anger. “You didn’t mean all of that stuff you said, did you?”

“No, of course I didn’t,” Tony muttered. “I was upset and I just kept talking when I should’ve just shut up. It was like angry, hateful vomit and I just kept spewing.”

“Gross.” Pepper winced, hoping to relieve her friend’s stress by being at least a tiny bit playful. When it didn’t work, Pepper continued to work on his hands. She knew if she didn’t do it, then it would go untended to. What worried her most was that Tony couldn’t even joke with her.

“You don’t have to do that. You should probably break my nose or something actually. I mean… don’t because that would be wrong and I’d fire you but…” Tony drifted off, the corner of his mouth turning up in a smile but quickly falling into the same look of misery he’d worn for most of the day.

“It’s okay, Tony.” Pepper smiled slightly. “I knew something was wrong with you when I heard you yelling. Come on, you think I don’t notice that stuff by now? Last time I missed when you were drowning and practically begging me for help and that won’t ever happen again.”

“There’s a reason you make the big money here.” Tony grumbled, hunched forward with his eyes closed. Pepper chuckled and patted Tony on the back before starting to clean at his hands again. The two sat in uncomfortable silence until Jarvis whirred to life and brought up a screen with some text on it.

“Sir, Miss Damien has purchased a train ticket to Los Angeles International Airport.” Jarvis announced overhead without provocation. “The reservation is in her name and will be leaving shortly. There are no flights booked under the same name.”

“Why does that matter? I didn’t ask you to look for that.” Tony blinked his eyes open and tugged his sore hands away from Pepper who tried not to look annoyed that he wasn’t letting her help him.

“Because you have to stop her from leaving,” Jarvis spoke clearly but didn’t follow up with any further reasons.

“I’ll be damned if my virtual butler is in love.” Tony glanced over at Pepper. “Can he do that? He isn’t supposed to be able to tell me what to do.”

“He’s right though.” Pepper avoided eye contact with Tony. It was clear she still didn’t approve of the relationship but she knew somehow that it was what would make Tony happy and that was something she wanted to see.

“Jarvis is right? So now you’re both telling me what to do?”

“You have to after her, Tony.” Pepper nodded resolutely. After what she’d watched that morning, she had no doubts in her mind.

“Why?” Tony sounded desperate for a reason.

“Because I have never heard you tell anyone you loved them before.” Pepper was smiling and Tony whined in annoyance.

“Why did you have to be around for that part?” Tony pouted and wiped his hand over his mouth again.

“It was sweet.” Pepper couldn’t hide her smile.

“Yeah, right up until the moment where she rejected the hell out of me.”

“She didn’t reject you, Tony. You confused her.” Pepper laughed, trying to reason with her friend.

“It doesn’t matter, Pepper.” Tony rolled his shoulders and glanced over at the spot built into his laboratory that the Mark armor would assemble when he summoned it to. Was he seriously considering going after her?

“Why doesn’t it matter?”

“You saw what I did to her. She’s never going to forgive me after that. I wouldn’t forgive me if I were her.” Tony looked away from the only clean spot in the garage and groaned in misery.

“You forgave her for breaking your trust, against my better judgment if you recall.” Pepper reminded him.

“That was different.” Tony glanced at the spot where he’d cornered Scarlett and practically screamed at her until she’d run up the stairs. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to forget about that. Maybe he’d redesign his lab to try and avoid reliving it every time he looked at the door.

“How so?” Pepper scoffed in disbelief. “She manipulated you, used you, stole your things and then expected you to get her out of jail. That seems just as bad to me.”

“No, first of all she thought I was the one who nearly killed her and she didn’t want me to get her out of jail. The only reason I even knew she was there was because of Jarvis.” Tony hung his head again. “She asked me not to tell people we were together last night. I got nervous. Her ex didn’t die like she’d assumed and I thought maybe she’d want to go back to him when she found out or maybe she was ashamed to be with me given my reputation. It’s stupid but… it built up.”

“Tony, you do realize why she didn’t want to tell people right?” Pepper furrowed her brow but smiled, partially amused.

“No, I’m still confused by that actually.” Tony furrowed his brow and placed a hand to his temple. “Jarvis, I need aspirin or something. My head is killing me…”

“She was scared, too. You geniuses sometimes… you don’t see what’s right in front of you.” Pepper laughed and then got up to get Tony a bottle of water while Jarvis brought him down aspirin as requested. “She didn’t want to jinx what was happening with you by turning it into every other media disaster your love life has been. And she’s probably scared that you’ll get hurt by those creeps still after her.”

“Oh, damnit!” Tony cursed again, smashing his hand on the couch and then shaking it when it stung in pain. “MedCo! What the hell is wrong with me? Why didn’t I think of that? It’s so obvious… oh damn…”

“Again, sometimes you geniuses don’t get it.” Pepper was smiling at him, hoping that her words had made some impact at long last. “You were scared of losing someone you love.”

“That worked out really well, didn’t it?” Tony rolled his eyes and swallowed the aspirin followed by an unnecessarily large gulp of water then flopped back against the couch and pouted.

“Don’t get comfortable, you have work to do.” Pepper got up from the couch. “And so do I. This place is a disaster. We have to put a punching bag or something down here because you can’t keep doing this Tony. Eventually you’re going to destroy this beyond repair.”

“That’s not a bad idea. The punching bag thing that is. I don’t like the idea of destroying it beyond repair.” Tony watched Pepper starting to straighten things up but didn’t move from his spot on the couch. “What work do I have to do?”

“You know already what you have to do, don’t play dumb.”

“Why would she forgive me? It’s a waste of time.”

“Because she loves you too, Tony.” Pepper stopped after she picked up Tony’s desk chair. “Why else would she have been so hurt?”

Tony stared at Pepper and thought about it. When he’d watched the video playing back of what happened he’d seen the hurt in her eyes and heard the distress in her voice. She had trusted him and he’d never considered why. Maybe it was as hard for her to admit she was in love as it was for him. Getting up from his spot on the couch, he dusted off his jeans and then started toward the only clear part of the floor in his laboratory.

“Jarvis?”

“Yes, sir.” The computerized butler sounded hopeful.

“It’s time to suit up.”