Shattered Reflections

The cold crisp air brought a shiver through Matt’s body; the black hoody gave come comfort against the slight breeze. Jimmy’s loud boisterous laughter broker Matt out of his daze, turning around he watched as Jimmy hang off Brian laughing at whatever they were talking about. Shaking his head Matt turned his attention back the night sky, countless stars shined out the endless black shy. So many theories to what the stars that shone so brightly meant to be gods from afar, fallen heroes throughout the history of mankind and dreams of people or signs of hope for those that believe in fate. Matt believed that the stars were signs from beyond their galaxies despite how he thought that life could throw curveballs and throw one’s life upside down. But things for Matt and his friends were going great, they established themselves as a rock band and they got their first album out which was a huge plus for them. They even recruited the little shit head that always came when they had practiced when Matt Wendt dropped from their band.

They also have a wonderful manager, Larry Jacobson a man that took a risk and gave them a chance to expand their music to the world. High School was over but that didn’t mean they would just leave everything that they held close to their heart. Like the old spot in the park where they come together late in the night to just relax or just get pissed ass drunk from a stressful day. That’s where they were all at now, drinking and smoking together and just being so care free.

Even though his friends were enjoying themselves, Matt just wanted some peace and quiet for a bit so without saying anything Matt ventured off leaving his friends to their crazy antics. During the day the park was pretty decent place to be but when it goes dark, the once safe park turned into another place. But for Matt it was piece of cake for him, he has been walking these parts since he was little kid and if anybody should jump, he knew how to defend himself. As he was nearing the playground, the sound of sniffling caught his attention. Diverting from his original plan to walk in silence, Matt slowly made his way the swing set that was set adjacent to the children’s playground.

A lone figure sat on the seat, their back turned toward Matt with their shoulder shaking and quiet sobs coming from the figure. Curiosity got the better of Matt, walking closer to the person crying and seeing their face was a complete shock for Matt. It was none other than Danni Carlson, the girl he despised since the moment she landed a punch on him. But this wasn’t the same girl that was emotionless toward him, from what he could see was a broken girl. His hate for her dulled over the time and with the band taking off, Matt forgot about her for a time. From what he could remember during his last year in high school, Danni wasn’t too much of a social butterfly but he knew that she would hang out with Jimmy and she kept her home life a secret; not even Jimmy could get a peek from her.

“You alright?” Danni snapped her head when she heard someone from behind her, startling her.

Quickly she wiped away her tears though her face stung and Matt was surprised to see a hand mark on her cheek and four scratches on the other cheek. Upon a closer look, Matt could see that Danni had been roughed up. Her hair was disheveled, parts of her clothes her torn and he could clearly see the curves she tried to hide with the baggy clothes that she wore each day during their time in high school.

“Yeah, I just had an accident, nothing to worry about.” Danni said as she cleared her throat hoping that Matt wouldn’t question her anymore but Matt didn’t believe her.

“Okay look we both came off on the wrong foot when we first met but I am sorry for calling you a bitch. But I know something is wrong so I am going to wait until you tell me because I’m not going to leave until you do.” Matt said in a tone that left no room for any arguments. “I know that you didn’t get roughed when you had an accident, I can clearly see the hand print on your cheek and the scratched on the other.”

Silence enveloped the both of them; a sniffle here and there, Matt took his place on the swing next to Danni, patiently waiting for her to talk.

“Before we moved here, we had life in New York everything was perfect. My mom wasn’t so loose in the head and my dad actually cared for once. But that all changed when my twin brother died.” Danni said while keeping her gaze on the ground away from Matt’s surprised look.

“You had a twin brother?”

“Yeah I did. His name was Daniel James Carlson. It was actually the whole reason why my mom and I moved to California in the first place, the second being is because my father is a total asshole. Um Daniel I guess the type that you can just instantly become friends with and though he was quiet too. We looked very much alike and our parents would get us mixed up with one another but we didn’t mind too much. We were going to celebrate our seventeenth but Daniel got a called from one of his friends, inviting him to a party that they set up for him but he didn’t want to go except I told him so he could have fun.”

Matt sat there in silence, listening to Danni tell her secret about her brother. It was shocked to find out that she had a twin and things don’t seem like paradise at home with her mother.

“I should have told him to stay and not go to the party.” Danni choked back a sob that was forcing its way through her throat. “Then maybe he wouldn’t have been in the same car as his friend that was hit by a dumpster truck that morning.”

“Don’t dumpster truck usually go below fifty in the city?” questioned Matt, setting both of his hands on the chain that held the swing up.

“They’re supposed to but the guys that were on job were fucking around and they thought that it would be fun to see who could finish their route faster. They claimed they didn’t see the small blue car when they got to stop light but I think its total bullshit.” Danni wiped away the tears that fell from her eyes, still trying to salvage her composure. “My dad didn’t believe it so he sued the company and left us behind in the dust.”

“When we got the news that Daniel died in the ER later that morning my mom completely lost it, she had a complete meltdown and she was catatonic for six months. She finally snapped out of it when she saw me dressed in Daniel’s old clothes, it’s like she just snapped out of the daze she was in but the only problem was that she only saw Daniel and not me. It hurt at first but I realized how happy my mom was thinking that my brother was still and he didn’t die in that accident.” Danni didn’t notice that Matt moved his left hand until he enveloped her right hand, squeezing it to bring some comfort to her.

“What did your dad say when he saw you dressed like your brother?” questioned Matt.

“He didn’t give shit; he was too fucking his new toy since he couldn’t get any from my mom and taking care of her kids. He didn’t realize what was going until my mom threw the divorce papers in his face and he finally saw me, he just looked at with so much sadness, at that moment that pissed me off so bad that I stopped talking to him. I ignored all his calls, tore up his letter before my mom could see them because I just know she would have another breakdown. And since she got custody of me, my dad could take it away when he reveals that my mom is unstable and unfit to provide for me. So I started to dress in Daniel’s clothes and my mom became her old self but my dad still tried to get me stop stringing my mom along but I never listened to him.”

“So what happened between you and your mom? Because from the look of your face, it seems that something went down between the both of you.” Said Matt, rubbing his thump on the upside of her hand, sending small shivers through Danni’s body, wakening some of the emotions that she long buried when her brother died and her family fell apart.

“It was just like every night, my mom makes dinner for me, calls me down and she asks me how was my day, the usual until she told me about the anniversary of my death. She got used to seeing my brother that she thought it was me that was killed in that accident and something just snapped inside me that I couldn’t play along anymore. So I told her the truth, I even showed her real evidence and she fucking thought I was joking! She realized when I didn’t say ‘joking’ and I didn’t laugh.” Danni’s voices quivered as she got closer to explaining the marks on her face and how disarray her clothes are.

“Then she started crying so badly and then started screaming at me, like it was my fault that her son was gone forever. She slapped me twice while screaming at me, calling a liar about how Daniel was gone and he wasn’t coming home. She began to hyperventilate so I tried to calm her down but she lashed out at me, and that’s how I got these scratches on my other cheek. She completely lost it, grabbed my shirt and started to yank me around just screaming and crying, blaming me that my brother was gone.” Danni was crying when she got the last word out. “I didn’t know what to do so I just got up and away from my mom and ran out the back door!”

Matt got off the swing and got in front of her, pulling her off the swing she was on and pulling her into a warm embrace. All tied that connected them before, the incident that went down when they first encounter one another was gone from the mind, nothing was left for Matt except to comfort this broken girl that lived a lie for her mother. She kept her own personality, her identity a secret so she wouldn’t lose her mother but in doing so, she was killing a bit of herself especially when her mother referred to her as her decreased brother.

“Hey look at me.” Matt grabbed Danni’s face with both of his hands, forcing her to look at him in the eyes, tears dripping from her eyes, her nose red from blow them and her cheeks were raw from the constant rubbing.

“You did the right thing by telling the truth to your mother. She has been the living a delusion since your brother died, she used her as a replacement for her decreased son. If she can’t handle the truth then she doesn’t fucking deserve you as a daughter because you put your life on hold for her.” Matt gently wiped the fallen tears away not wanting to irritate her skin anymore.

“To honest I don’t see anything relating to your brother though I may be biased but what I see now doesn’t compare what your mother is missing out on. Despite the wrong foot we came off on, you radiant a bright shine that can’t be smother by the image you try to cover yourself in. You don’t need to hide who you really are anymore; you can stop being Daniel and finally live your life as Danni.” Matt said, soothing Danni’s cries.

“But of start living as Danni, I’ll be letting go of brother for good, dressing like him was the only thing that kept me close to him. I can’t just let him go like that, every time I dress in his clothes every day, it’s a reminder that he existed in this world!” Danni cried out. Matt’s heart twisted a bit, hearing how distressed Danni is by thinking of letting go of what keeps her close to her deceased brother but she had realize the longer clings to the idea of living in her twin’s shadow, she’ll never live her own life.

“He did exist, the proof is the memories you shared with him, the good and the bad. He still remains in your heart and nobody can take that away from you, not your or your father. Don’t you think he would want you like your own life, experience things that he didn’t get the chance too?” questioned Matt, bringing in his embrace once more.

Danni was silent, with the quivering breathing, her body shivering from not only the cold but the emotions that ran rampart through her body. Letting Matt’s words set in, Danni came to realize that she was not only smearing her brother’s memory but what he wanted for her. Before he died, he would always push Danni to do things and always encouraged her to do best. More silently made their down her face, the sobs came more quietly as she wrapped her arms around Matt’s torso in a tight grip. Matt didn’t know what compelled him to do next but seeing Danni slowly accept his explaining, her pulled back a bit and planted a soft and tender kiss on her forehead.

They remained in the tight, until Danni’s body gave into the exhausted and fell asleep against Matt, her arms still wrapped tightly around his muscular torso. Sometime losing a loved one can make us do things, things that we believe would keep that deceased one alive in one way or another but the right thing is too move forward and not dwell on the past.