You Are My Addiction
Flashback
"Dad!" I yelled, taking in the events unfolding in front of me. There were cops here. Why were there cops here? "Don't touch him!" I tried to run after them, to get them to stop taking him away, but someone was holding me back and I couldn't break free.
"Look after your mom!" He shouted back over his shoulder. The officers continued to drag him away, not patient enough to let him say goodbye. "I love you!" I looked over my shoulder at who was holding me back and realized it was my mom, her face frozen with shock and confusion. Why was she doing this? Why was she letting them take him away?
"Let go of him! Let GO!" I continued to shout even after they had left the house and I knew they couldn't hear me anymore. I kept trying to break free but my mom wouldn't let me go; I was twelve years old and couldn't measure up to her strength. "Bring him back!" I cried, sinking to the floor. My mom kept her arms around me and we cried together. I didn't know why they were taking him away but I knew that he wouldn't be back for a while. I needed my dad. How could they just take him away like that?
I was crying so hard for so long and then suddenly I wasn't anymore. I was filled with rage and I couldn't take it. I looked up at my mom, tears still falling down her cheeks and dropping to the floor like rain drops, and I suddenly hated her for letting them do that to my dad. I hated her for not trying to stop them and for not getting any answers. I think she knew it too because her eyes met mine with a pained expression on them, for my dad and also because of the way I was looking at her. I felt something poke me from below and looked down at my mom's stomach. Lily was two weeks away from being born and now my dad wouldn't be able to see it. I tore myself away from my mom's arms and stomped out of the room.
She tried to talk to me that night but I wouldn't listen to her. I wasn't going to sit there and let this strange woman, a woman that would let somebody take away my father, talk to me. I wasn't allowed to go with her to his court hearing later on which I also blamed her for. I felt helpless and lonely. My dad and I hung out all the time and without him I didn't know what to do with myself. Months passed and I still wouldn't speak to her but by then I was allowed to visit my dad at the prison once a week. My dad wouldn't tell me why he was there and my mom hardly talked about it at all. She brought Lily to see him right after she was born, but that was one of the only times he got to see her that year.
His year in there dragged on and I just wanted him back. I wanted somebody to throw around a baseball with and to teach me how to ride an atv. I slowly started talking to my mom again and eventually I was able to forgive her, though I knew now that there was nothing she needed to be forgiven for. What was she supposed to do when a bunch of cops showed up at her door and started taking her husband away? Fight them? When I look back on the way she handled it now, I admire her strength.
When his year was up, my mom, Lily, and I waited for him on the other side of the fence. Lily was barely a year but already she was signing words and beginning to take tiny steps. I think out of everything that my dad regrets, he regrets not being there for Lily's first year the most. He went over to Lily first and burst into tears. It was the first and only time I had ever seen my dad cry and I felt a lump rise in my throat. He was back, my dad was back!
"Bring him back!" Was what went through my mind at that moment. How it felt like my heart was ripping out of my chest and my body was collapsing in on itself. How the thought of living my life without my dad was the worst feeling I had ever experienced. But he was back now and I felt the biggest wave of relief wash over me as he pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my head, saying "I love you, I love you, I love you, my brave man" over and over again.
"Look after your mom!" He shouted back over his shoulder. The officers continued to drag him away, not patient enough to let him say goodbye. "I love you!" I looked over my shoulder at who was holding me back and realized it was my mom, her face frozen with shock and confusion. Why was she doing this? Why was she letting them take him away?
"Let go of him! Let GO!" I continued to shout even after they had left the house and I knew they couldn't hear me anymore. I kept trying to break free but my mom wouldn't let me go; I was twelve years old and couldn't measure up to her strength. "Bring him back!" I cried, sinking to the floor. My mom kept her arms around me and we cried together. I didn't know why they were taking him away but I knew that he wouldn't be back for a while. I needed my dad. How could they just take him away like that?
I was crying so hard for so long and then suddenly I wasn't anymore. I was filled with rage and I couldn't take it. I looked up at my mom, tears still falling down her cheeks and dropping to the floor like rain drops, and I suddenly hated her for letting them do that to my dad. I hated her for not trying to stop them and for not getting any answers. I think she knew it too because her eyes met mine with a pained expression on them, for my dad and also because of the way I was looking at her. I felt something poke me from below and looked down at my mom's stomach. Lily was two weeks away from being born and now my dad wouldn't be able to see it. I tore myself away from my mom's arms and stomped out of the room.
She tried to talk to me that night but I wouldn't listen to her. I wasn't going to sit there and let this strange woman, a woman that would let somebody take away my father, talk to me. I wasn't allowed to go with her to his court hearing later on which I also blamed her for. I felt helpless and lonely. My dad and I hung out all the time and without him I didn't know what to do with myself. Months passed and I still wouldn't speak to her but by then I was allowed to visit my dad at the prison once a week. My dad wouldn't tell me why he was there and my mom hardly talked about it at all. She brought Lily to see him right after she was born, but that was one of the only times he got to see her that year.
His year in there dragged on and I just wanted him back. I wanted somebody to throw around a baseball with and to teach me how to ride an atv. I slowly started talking to my mom again and eventually I was able to forgive her, though I knew now that there was nothing she needed to be forgiven for. What was she supposed to do when a bunch of cops showed up at her door and started taking her husband away? Fight them? When I look back on the way she handled it now, I admire her strength.
When his year was up, my mom, Lily, and I waited for him on the other side of the fence. Lily was barely a year but already she was signing words and beginning to take tiny steps. I think out of everything that my dad regrets, he regrets not being there for Lily's first year the most. He went over to Lily first and burst into tears. It was the first and only time I had ever seen my dad cry and I felt a lump rise in my throat. He was back, my dad was back!
"Bring him back!" Was what went through my mind at that moment. How it felt like my heart was ripping out of my chest and my body was collapsing in on itself. How the thought of living my life without my dad was the worst feeling I had ever experienced. But he was back now and I felt the biggest wave of relief wash over me as he pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my head, saying "I love you, I love you, I love you, my brave man" over and over again.
♠ ♠ ♠
It's a very short chapter, but I wanted this to be on it's own and not a continuous thing.