If You Are Reading This, I Am Dead.

"If You Are Reading This, I Am Dead"

My finger traced over the freshly written words. My hand writing was scratchy, and not very legible, but for what could possible be the beginning of the world's longest suicide note, who really did give a fuck?

Of course, in a way this isn't a suicide note. Its just a journal, right? Thats not a suicide note. It's just something to keep me busy for a year. Something to keep my mind clear before the big day.

I picked up my pencil, flipped over the page, and pressed it against the clean white surface.

"Hello. I don't know who is going to be reading this yet. All I know is that today is a special day. I realized today that I'm only going to spend one more day on this earth. Today I realized that next year, I am going to blow up the school."

I paused, and put down the pencil. Blow up the school? Well, yes, I wanted to blow it up. But who knows how I would do that? Bombs are expensive.... and dangerous to make. All I know was I want to kill pretty much all the people in the school.

Yeah, blowing up the school would be a stretch.

I picked my pencil back up and scratched out the words 'blow up', but then tore the entire page out.

I mean, I guess if I'm going to do this I should write exactly whats on my mind. I mean, Nelly, or even Max could be reading this one day. I would want them to know everything, even though I might tell Max what I was planning to do. After all, I would need some help, but telling Nelly was out of the question. I cared about her too much. I wouldn't want to drag her into this.

I stared at the blank page. I could tell time was going by, and soon Max would be over to work on that project for school.

That stupid, fucking school.

Quickly and raged I wrote my first journal entry, my first part of my suicide note.

"Hello. This isn't really a suicide note. Just a bit of my thoughts. Today is the day that I decided what I wanted to do with my life. Today is the day I decided I want to blow up my school. Today is the day I decided I want to kill everyone I know, everyone who has ever said any fucking shit about me, who's never cared and never will.

Today is January 5th, 2008.

Today I was pushed too fucking far.

I was in chem class sitting next to Max, my best friend, my closest pal, and we were watching a video on sex cells.

Someone in the back screamed out, "Hey, I bet we know whose never going to need to know about any of those!"

The whole class turned to me and started to laugh.

Who gives a fuck about them? In a year they'll all be dead.

If you are reading this, you know what I'm talking about."

I shut my new journal, pleased with what I wrote.

In a year, this will be all thats left of me, right?