If I Was Your Boyfriend

‘I told you no one beats the champ.’ Justin lets out a laugh walking beside me opening the door to AMF Lanes. We ended up spending the entire afternoon bowling, Justin and I winning the first game then the guys decided to have a rematch with just the three of them. Justin won again.

‘You won by one point on that second game!’ Garrett defends while Ryan laughs.

‘One point, one second, they’re all very important in the competition world my friend.’

‘Shut up already.’ Ryan pipes in. ‘You only one that first round because Chrissy hitting those last few strikes.’

‘No matter what either of you say – I beat both of you. As predicted.’ Justin’s hand swung back and forth, fingers spaced. I desperately wanted to reach out my fingers and slip them between his. He walks me to my car and stands in front of me.

‘I had a good time.’ He says with his usual grin.

‘I did too.’ I agree rocking back and forth on the heel of my boots.

‘You’ve gotten really good with those strikes too.’

‘Only because you showed me the proper way to roll a ball.’

‘Make fun if you will but I’ve taught you everything you know.’

‘Whatever you say.’

‘Will you two get back together already?’ Danielle calls out loudly.

‘Yeah!’ several different voices chime in unison.

‘I’m not the one you guys need to talk to.’ Justin points a finger at me with a smirk.

‘Come on Chrissy.’ Ryan urges.

‘Gotta give the people what they want.’

‘You’re so funny.’ I smile in response.

‘Do you feel like having company?’ Justin says, slightly answering my thoughts.

‘I’d love some.’ I agree placing the keys into his palm.

‘Ryan!’ he calls out as he throws his keys across the hood of the car, ‘I’m going over Chrissy’s for a little while.’

Ryan shoots him a sly smirk before climbing into the Range Rover with Nichole. Garrett and Daniele follow them out of the parking lot before Justin started the car. I sit in the passenger seat lying back in the chair. The drive to my house was quiet and comforting. Justin pulls in behind Jeff’s car and kills the engine.

‘Mom, I’m back. Justin’s here.’

‘Justin! You’ve been gone for so long.’ My mom emerges from the kitchen drying her hands on a washcloth. ‘Don’t stay away like that anymore.’

‘I won’t.’ Justin promises following me upstairs to my room. ‘So where was this guy at?’

‘Right there.’ I point out moving the curtains out of our way. ‘Standing there.’

‘And Jeff was just asleep on the sofa?’ Justin raises an eyebrow as he takes his shoes off to lie in the bed.

‘Yeah, I don’t remember him being there when I came home.’ I do the same and lie beside him. ‘When I came down there he was.’

Justin makes a noise under his breath, seeming skeptical.

‘It couldn’t have been him.’ I answer his wandering mind, ‘Justin, its Jeff.’

‘I didn’t say anything.’ He uses his elbow to prop himself up.

‘You were thinking it.’

‘You were too.’ He glances at the opened door before he lowers his tone. ‘I mean you come home last night and the sofa was empty. See someone outside and go down there to see Jeff “asleep”? It seems a little weird to me.’

‘Don’t go there.’ I shake my head several times, ‘Isabelle’s one thing but my parents both cant be with two wackos.’

‘Yeah you’re probably right.’ Justin says unconvinced but agrees anyway.

‘I didn’t get any sleep last night.’ I rub my heavy eyelids.

‘Just close your eyes for a few minutes then and I’ll wake you up.’

‘Okay.’ It comes out through a long yawn, ‘twenty minutes.’

‘Twenty minutes.’ Justin agrees.

…

When I wake the room was dark and I could hear the faint sounds from the television downstairs.

‘Justin you said twenty minutes.’ I mutter sitting up in the bed to see Justin fast asleep beside me. ‘Wake up.’ I laugh shaking his body.

‘No.’ he stiffs out a raspy laugh.

‘Well I wanted to have dinner but suit yourself. I’ll be back when I’m finished.’

‘Wait up.’ Justin hurries down the hall behind me.

‘Look who finally decided to wake up.’ Jeff’s voice echoes off the wall.

‘Yeah, I didn’t know just how tired I was. I was supposed to wake her two hours ago.’ Justin says grabbing a hold of my wrist.

‘I’ve been setting up the security system for the last two hours myself. Don’t worry Chrissy we’ll definitely see if anyone comes around here again. We’ll have em right on tape for the police.’

‘Good. It’s strange how someone would even just stand around in someone’s backyard that late at night.’ Justin chimes in.

I was glad he did. The theory of Jeff being in the backyard last night made my skin crawl.

‘Yeah, that’s what I thought too. They didn’t try to steal anything; they were just apparently standing there. Chrissy I hope your eyes weren’t misleading you.’ Jeff laughs to him, ‘well with all the work I put in on that today.’

‘I’m sure they didn’t.’ Justin moves his hand from my wrist and slips his fingers through mine.

‘Where’s mom?’ I attempt to change the subject.

‘She’s packing.’ Jeff answers, ‘it’s just going to be you and me for a few days because she has that conference in Dallas tomorrow.’

‘That’s right.’ I reply giving Justin’s hand the slightest squeeze.

‘I’m thinking takeout.’ Jeff laugh goes through my ears sending me chills.

You have officially lost your mind. What interest does Jeff take in standing around the backyard at night? People aren’t always who they same. Isabelle. Tracey. Jess. Nicholas. I’ve been slapped in the face by so many people that I’ve diagnosed myself with whiplash. But this is Jeff. Jeff is engaged to your mom. They are planning a June wedding, remember? He’s going to be your stepdad. Just like Isabelle’s my stepmom? Jeff is nothing like Isabelle.

‘There’s some chicken casserole in there from tonight, if you want any.’ Jeff says before facing the TV.

I grab Justin and I a bowl from the cabinet and make our food. We sit down at the table side by side; I don’t think we could get any closer if we tried.

‘Can your mom just make one big pan of this and send over to me?’ Justin laughs as he devours his food.

‘I’ll ask her.’ I laugh along with him twirling the fork between my fingers. ‘One of us will need to get Rocky from Roman’s tomorrow.’ I remind him.

Rocky had been with Pattie’s boyfriend Roman since we left for Verona nearly a week ago. Sure Roman loves dogs and doesn’t mind having Rocky over but still.

‘I can do it.’ He volunteers, ‘and just bring him by here or he can stay with me for a few days however you want to do it.’

‘Remember when he stayed at the apartment and would only leave if we were going out of town or something? Now he’s back to the you get him for a few days and I get him for a few days like when you were touring and I was filming.’

‘Yeah and those days were torture.’ Justin says to himself but loud enough that I caught what he said.

‘Yes they were.’ I agree catching him off guard.

Once we finished with our food, I grab my keys to drop Justin off at the apartment. As I open the passenger’s side door a folded piece of paper falls from the door. I climb into the car as I unfold the paper.

‘What’s that?’ Justin asks backing out of the driveway.

‘Nothing.’ I answer staring at the scribbled words on the crisp piece of paper.

Day or night, I’ll wait.

Near or far, I’ll wait.

Rain or shine, I’ll wait.

Being without you is what I most truly hate.

Be patient and you’ll see –

You and I together, pure fate.

The mere lines shook me to the core. My heart pounded so fast and loud, I started thing Justin would hear it. I read and reread the cryptic note until the words are burned into my head.

‘I don’t know Chris – I just don’t like the idea of you being alone with him for the next few days.’ Justin clears his throat not taking his eyes off of the road.

‘We don’t know anything for sure.’ I say trying to convince Justin and myself.

‘Yeah we don’t know anything.’ He drops the subject, and I’m grateful.

‘Someone’s going to be twenty in two days.’ I sing-song looking over at him. ‘What do you want?’

‘You’ve given me everything I could ever ask for already so nothing.’ He replies.

‘I am getting you something and you’re going to like it.’

‘Yes ma’am.’ He teases continuing to keep his eyes forward.

The ride to Justin’s apartment came too quickly for me to process how to tell him about the note.

‘Come inside for a little.’ Justin says locking my car doors.

‘Okay.’ I slip the note down into my back pocket and follow him inside.

Nichole and Ryan were sitting on the sofa, his arm wrapped around her as she leans into him.

‘Did you ask her?’ Justin mouths over to Ryan while Nichole keeps her eyes on the TV with an evident smile on her face.

‘Yeah. She said yes.’ Ryan puts a victorious fist in the air as did Justin.

Justin leads me up to the bedroom we once shared and opens the door. There were sneakers everywhere and shirts scattered around the place. His PlayStation 4 sat on the floor with several tangled cords.

‘Sorry about the mess. When Ryan and I get together it isn’t pretty.’

‘I can see that.’ I laugh sitting down on the edge of the bed.

The last time I sat on this bed was when I packed up my stuff without looking back. The room seemed to be exactly the same despite Ryan and Justin’s mess and my lack of items. Justin looks around appearing to think the same thing. I haven’t stepped foot in this apartment in so long. We spent an hour watching the end of some movie that we didn’t know what was going on or any of the people in it. Ryan and Nichole were asleep on the sofa when we came downstairs.

‘They’re so cute when they’re sleeping.’ He laughs opening the front door. ‘Drive safe.’

‘I’ll call you when I make it.’ I close the door and start the car up.

I roll down the window allowing Justin to lean in the car. He uses his arms to support his chin in the window.

‘Goodnight Justin.’

‘Sweet dreams.’ He responds leaning forward in the car to kiss my head.

When I get home I see Jeff isn’t in the living room like last night. Maybe Justin and I were off about him.