If I Was Your Boyfriend

I watch silently as Justin was bound up and takes a beating from Carter. Carter hits and kicks him over and over again. Each time with more power and force. I push on the door but it doesn’t open. Justin’s head begins to droop as he reaches the point where he couldn’t possibly take another hit.

“STOP!” I beg banging on the door trying to get inside, “STOP IT.”

‘Chrissy!’ My dad shakes me to consciousness. ‘It’s okay. You’re at home and you’re safe.’

‘Another nightmare.’ I sigh sitting up in my bed to look at the clock. 3:47 A.M. ‘I’m sorry I woke you up again.’

‘I thought they stopped.’ My mom says softly as she hovers in the doorway.

‘They did, for a few days.’

‘Maybe it’s time you call up Dr. Luft.’ Dad suggests patting my back.

Dr. Luft was my therapist that I could talk about the recent events with. My parents have been urging me to go since I left the hospital.

‘Okay.’ I finally give in and hear my mom’s sigh with relief in the door. ‘I’m sorry for waking you up again.’

‘Don’t apologize.’ Dad grabs a hold of my hand. ‘We’re here for you.’

‘Are you going to be okay?’ Mom wonders curiously stepping beside the bed.

‘I’m fine, I’m just going to go back to bed now.’

‘Alright, we’re across the hall if you need us.’

‘Okay.’

I watch as they walk out of the room and close the door behind them. For the rest of the night I sit in the bed watching old episodes of Gossip Girl. The next morning I shower and get dressed to go to Dr. Luft.

‘Hey, are you okay? You don’t look so well.’ My mom begins to stand from the kitchen table.

‘I’m just tired.’ I sigh grabbing my purse from the back of the chair. ‘Going to Dr. Luft.’

‘Maybe one of us should drive you.’ Dad calls from the living room. ‘Or Paul could stop by.’

‘No, I’m fine. Really.’

I head out to the garage and climb inside my car for the first time in weeks. My parents watch me as I pull out of the driveway and out onto the street. The drive to Dr. Luft’s office was short and simple.

‘Chrissy, it’s been a while. How are you?’

‘I’m okay.’

‘I can almost guarantee that you’ve been saying that a lot lately.’ Dr. Luft eyes me with knowing eyes, ‘but you know it is perfect okay to not be okay.’

‘I know.’

‘So, again, how are you?’

‘Scared. Anxious. They haven’t found the man who’s been trying to keep me as some sick prize. I wake up in the middle of the night, screaming because of these nightmares. They’re so real. It feels like its all happening, like he’s actually there. I’m tired and putting on this brave face for everyone is stressing me out.’

‘Who’s asking you to put on a brave face? Your family and friends will understand if you’re hurting. You went through something very traumatic and you shouldn’t have to keep it bottled inside.’

‘I don’t want to be pitied or coddled. My parents are already walking on egg shells around me and when I’m with my friends they always ask about it.’

‘What about your boyfriend? How is he doing?’

‘I haven’t seen him much. I’ve been keeping my distance from him while he spends time with his family. His dad went back to Canada yesterday and he wanted to spend the day with me but I told him I wasn’t feeling too good. I don’t know. Most of my dreams have something to do with him, he’s always getting hurt and I don’t want that to happen.’

‘Have you told him this?’

‘No, I don’t want him to worry about me more than he already does. When we’re together, he’s looking over his shoulder. He doesn’t think I notice but I do. He’s stressed out just as much as I am if not more. They still haven’t found his car or Carter. He won’t be able to breathe until they do, or at least that’s what he says.’

‘Are you still enjoying the life that you’re able to live?’

‘I honestly haven’t left my house lately.’

‘You should let this keep you inside. How about you go on a date night with your boyfriend? You could go to dinner or go see a movie.’

‘He’s planning a trip to Canada for him and me, my birthday’s coming up so he wants to spend it with me. He thinks it’ll be good to get out of LA for a week or so.’

‘I think that is a great idea. Go out and have fun. Relax.’

‘I could relax if I actually got some sleep.’

‘I am going to write you a prescription for Diazepam, it is going to help with the anxiety as well as help you sleep at night.’ Dr. Luft grabs the pad from the table and begins scribbling down onto it. ‘I want you to call me whenever you need to talk and I want you to know that things are going to get better.’

‘Thank you.’ I slip the white piece of paper down into my purse.

‘Go on your trip and have a great time.’

‘Thanks again.’ I say before leaving.

Justin’s Point of View

‘Mr. Bieber, we found your car.’ Officer Holbrook informs me on the phone.

‘Great, where is it?’

‘It’s being impounded now just so we could have our men check inside of it.’

‘Is there any damage?’

‘No besides some blood on the steering wheel and gearshift. The keys are missing and the door was unlocked.’

‘Any sign of Carter?’

‘Not yet, but the car wasn’t too far from where Chrissy was struck.’

‘So there’s nothing stopping him from coming back and trying it all over again?’

‘We have a team of officers watching both of your houses as well as your families houses. Carter’s ran out of material with his picture plastered around the country. If he goes anywhere, we’ll know.’

‘I hope so.’

‘I’ll be in touch about your car.’

‘Thanks.’ I hang the phone up and sit back down on the floor in front of my suitcase.

I was taking Chrissy to Canada with me so she could get away from busy LA. If things go according to plan then we would be heading out tomorrow night and staying there for a little over a week. Here birthday was coming up so I still had to work on that while I keep her distracted long enough for things to fall into the place. The night of my party Chrissy told me all she wanted was to spend the day with me and that’s exactly what we were going to do. I just hope she would be in the party mood with every thing that’s been happening lately.

Hey taking Chrissy to Canada tomorrow. Are you and Danielle still going to show up? – Justin.

Yeah Danielle’s going over Chrissy’s house now to pack the extra bag while she’s gone. Does she expect anything? – Garrett.

Not a thing. She thinks we’re going to Canada for a couple of days and that’s it. – Justin.

Haha nice. Safe travels bro. See you when we get there. – Garrett.

See you then bro – Justin.

Everything good on your end? – Justin.

Everything’s great here. Waiting for you guys to come – Ryan.

We’ll be there before you know it. – Justin.

After texting Garrett and Ryan I decide to call Chrissy over to buy Danielle some time. Chrissy arrives about twenty minutes later and slowly makes her way out of her car. I hurry out of the apartment to meet her halfway before scooping her up into my arms. I kiss her repeatedly before letting her feet touch the apartment’s floor.

‘What was that for?’ she smiles at me.

‘Just because I love you.’

‘I love you too Justin.’

‘It feels like I haven’t seen you in ages.’

‘It feels like that for me too.’ Chrissy replies but her eyes don’t follow her words.

‘What’s the matter Chris?’

‘I’m just ready to get out LA.’

‘Oh that’s right, someone’s birthday is in a week.’

‘Whose?’ she says with a small smile.

‘I believe you are turning twenty.’

‘That reminds me.’ Chrissy hurries out of the door before I could object.

I head over to the door to watch Chrissy bring out a big glossy red bag from her trunk.

‘Happy Late Birthday.’ She hands me the bag and closes the apartment door then follows me to the sofa.

‘Can’t wait to see what it is.’ I remove all of the thin tissue paper and place it aside.

I pull out some leather material and unfold it eagerly. The material was this motorcycle jacket. All over the jacket where these different patches and designs. My lion tattoo was on the arm. My last name was written across the back in thick red letters. The Canadian flag was on the front pocket.

‘Chrissy…’ I pause with a smile I couldn’t hold back, ‘this is amazing. I love it.’

‘I was hoping you would.’

‘I can’t believe it. You designed this?’

‘Yes, yes I did.’ Chrissy places an arm around my shoulder, ‘I figured you could wear it on the days you ride your bike.’

‘Best gift I got for my twentieth.’ I pull the jacket on my arms to feel it out.

‘There’s a card in there too.’

I bend over in the bag to get the batman card out of it.

‘Batman?’ I stiff out a laugh as I raise my eyebrow.

‘Yes.’ She giggles leaning on my back.

‘Dear, Jay…’ I start but Chrissy places a hand over my mouth.

‘Please don’t read it out loud.’

‘Fine.’ I kiss the palm of her hand before looking back at the card.

Dear Jay, you’re 20!! I am so glad and proud to say that I have you not only as a friend but also as an amazing boyfriend. People will talk and make accusations about what they think you are every day but they don’t know you. If they did they would see your beautiful heart and soul. They would see just how incredible you are and how insanely hilarious you are. You make me want to be a better person by just being around you. Words cannot begin to express just how much I love you. You’ve shown me things in this life that I never thought were imaginable. You showed me how to life everyday courageously and how to love fearlessly. I could never write down just how much I love you but I am going to try everyday to show you. Happy Birthday babe. With all my love, Chrissy.

I look over to Chrissy as she watches eagerly waiting for me to finish reading the card.

‘I love you, so much.’ I lean over to kiss her cheek, ‘thank you.’

‘You’re welcome.’

‘Now how on Earth am I supposed to compete with these on your birthday?’

‘By just being there.’ She assures me.

Chrissy’s Point of View

It was four in the morning when I woke up, restless. My heart pounded so loud that I swore it was bound to leap from my chest any second now. I look at the bottle of pills on my dresser that seemed so far away. I sit up in the bed and reach for the bottle before taking one out.

‘Here’s to a good night’s sleep.’