If I Was Your Boyfriend

I wake up the next morning feeling completely refreshed. I hadn’t slept like that in weeks. I grab my suitcase from the closet to finish packing for my trip to Stratford, Canada. I toss the pills down into a corner pocket before zipping it up. Once the packing is finished I get into the shower and put on something to wear for the day.

‘So you’re leaving today, huh?’ Dad wonders looking up from his cup of steaming coffee. ‘Off to Canada?’

‘That is correct.’ I nod sitting down at the table too, ‘we’ll be gone for a week.’

‘Maybe we can do something for your birthday when you get back?’

‘I’d love to.’ I agree pouring myself a bowl of cereal.

‘Love to what?’ My mom asks curiously stepping inside of the house with her newspaper.

‘We were just talking about her birthday.’ Dad answers twisting the watch on his wrist.

‘Oh she does have a birthday coming up.’ My mom answers with the slightest smirk, ‘I almost forgot.’

‘Ha ha.’ I look up from the floating cereal in my bowl.

…

‘Call as soon as you land.’ My mom wraps her arms around me in LAX.

‘I will.’

‘And leave your phone on at all times.’ Dad adds in setting my suitcase down on the floor. ‘Most importantly stay safe.’

‘She’s in good hands.’ Justin comes out of nowhere to snake his arms around my waist, ‘I’ll take good care of her.’

‘We know you will.’ My mom smiles as she touches Justin’s tattooed arm.

‘We’ll see you two in a week.’

‘Not a day later.’ Justin smiles shaking my dad’s hand, ‘it was great to see you again.’

‘Likewise. Safe travels.’

‘Thank you sir.’

Justin and I say goodbye once more before walking to our terminal. Justin carries my bags even though I insist on carrying them myself. We find our seats on the plane not long after waiting in line. Justin wraps an arm around my shoulder as he holds my hand with his own. I lean my head on shoulder beginning to close my eyes.

‘I love you so much.’ Justin stiffs out a smile laugh, ‘you’re everything to me, and did you know that?’

‘Yes, I did. Do you know how much you mean to me?’

‘How much?’ Justin presses his lips to my forehead.

‘Very much.’

‘Are you ready for your birthday?’

‘Yes. Are you going to tell me what we’re doing for my birthday?’

‘You know me better than that.’ Justin murmurs messing with my hair. ‘I am not one who gives away surprises.’

During the flight Justin and I watch a movie provided by the airline while he talked about Stratford and everything we’d see while we were there. I eventually fell asleep hearing him talk about all of his childhood friends and things they did growing up.

‘Hey, beautiful.’ Justin’s voice soothes as he runs his hand up and down my arm, ‘Wake up.’

I look outside the window into the darkness of Canada. I grab Justin’s hand and follow him off of the plane. For once it wasn’t crowded or filled with paps. Just people casually walking around. People wave from a distance but they don’t rush towards us. Stratford Municipal Airport was written across the wall.

‘Welcome to Stratford baby.’ Justin wraps his arm around my shoulder as we walk over to the baggage claim section.

‘Justy! Crissy!’ Jazzy’s small voice calls out as she runs towards us with Jaxon right behind her.

‘Jaz! Jax!’ Justin gets the widest smile across his face as he scoops them up into his arms.

‘Guys! I told you to wait.’ Jeremy jogs behind his children. ‘Hey son. And Chrissy, you look beautiful as ever.’ Jeremy extends his arms for a warm embrace.

‘So good to see you again.’ I return the gesture, ‘Thank you for having me.’

‘Anytime.’ Jeremy grabs my luggage as Justin grabs Jaxon’s hand.

‘Come on Jaz.’ I smile bending down to pick up the small girl. ‘You’ve gotten so big.’

‘I’m six now!’ she beams holding up her tiny fingers.

‘Wow! You’re getting so old on me! Next you’ll be tossing all of your dolls away.’ I tease hiking her up higher in my arms.

‘Never!’ Jazzy’s mouth was formed into a small O.

‘Are you going to let me play with your dollies when we get to your house?’

‘Of course.’

‘And have and Jax been taking care of Rocky for us?’

‘Yes.’ She nods her head several times. ‘I missed you and Justy.’

‘I missed you too Jaz, and Jax and your dad.’

Justin briefly turns around to smile at me listening to the conversation I was having with his little sister. I notice people were taking pictures with their phones from afar as we get through the airport. I couldn’t help but spot the differences here than it would be if we had landed in LAX. I climb into the backseat after strapping Jaxon and Jazymn in their car seats while Justin sits up front. Soon we were outside of Justin’s dad’s house and going inside to get changed for dinner.

‘We’re going to your grandparents for dinner?’

‘That is correct.’ Justin pulls his shirt over his head revealing the large cross on his chest. ‘I’ve definitely missed the cooking.’

‘I haven’t seen them since we were in Hawaii.’

‘Yeah, it’s been a while.’ Justin begins to button up his dress shirt.

‘I’m going to get dressed in the bathroom and come right back.’

‘Aw come on.’ Justin whines with a devilish grin, ‘you don’t have to go in the other room.’

‘I think I do.’ I laugh grabbing a dress from the top of my suitcase and scurrying out of the room.

I slip into my dress and pull my hair up out of my face into a ponytail.

‘Is this dress okay for dinner?’

‘It is amazing.’ Justin assures me with a kiss on my cheek, ‘but then again you look amazing in everything.’

‘Thank you.’ I smile wrapping my arms around his neck as I let my fingers dance in his hair, ‘thank you for this.’

‘For what?’ Justin briefly pulls back to study my eyes.

‘For getting me out of California. I really needed this.’

‘Remember what I told you in Italy?’

‘What did you tell me?’

‘I said just tell me whenever you want to leave LA, that’s all you have to do, tell me and we’ll go anywhere you want. Just you and me.’

‘I love you.’

‘I love you Chris.’ Justin gives me a tight squeeze before releasing me. ‘Now let’s go eat something before I pass out.’

‘Sounds good.’ I laugh in return following him downstairs. ‘Rocky!!’ I nearly run down the stairs to scoop Rocky up. He whines happily as Justin leans down to stroke his fur. ‘I missed you so much.’

‘Looks like he’s grown so much!’ Justin blinks looking at Rocky, ‘how long has he been gone?’

‘Too long.’ I take a quick picture of him on the new phone that needed more pictures.

‘We’ll be back soon and I’m going to buy you the biggest burger in Stratford.’ Justin laughs standing onto his feet and pulling me up with him.

We walk out and get into the car then Jeremy drives to Bruce and Diane’s house not too far from his own.

‘Don’t be nervous.’ Justin whispers intertwining his fingers with mine.

‘I’m not-…’ I sigh feeling my feet come to a stop, ‘It’s just that I haven’t seen them since, you know.’

Justin’s brown eyes were filled with compassion and sympathy. His uses his hand to cup my cheek directing my eyes to his.

‘They know, they understand.’ He assures me leaving a kiss on my lips, ‘I’m right here.’ I hold Justin’s hand in between my two as Jeremy rings the doorbell. ‘You’re okay. Everything is going to be fine. We’re among family and they already love you.’

‘Okay.’ I nod following him through the doorway.

‘Chrissy!’ Diane extends her arms out to me, ‘how are you my dear?’

‘I’m good. Thanks for having me for dinner.’

‘Of course we’d have you.’ Bruce gives me a tight squeeze while Justin closes the door. ‘It’s been too long.’

‘Yes it is has.’ I agree going to sit down at the table with Justin.

Under the table Justin runs his hand on my thigh comfortingly. After awhile he rests his thigh leaving it there as everyone begins to sit down for dinner. Dinner went by smoothly and everyone goes into the den to sit around and catch up. Justin and I share a recliner in the corner of the room.

‘I have to ask, this man hasn’t been caught has he?’ Bruce asks awkwardly and all eyes fall on me.

‘No.’ Justin answers and I feel him move closer to me in the chair as if that was possible.

From the looks on their faces everyone in the room pitied me. They felt sorry for me and what I went through. Justin’s body tensed up uncomfortably and I hated it. Suddenly he was walking faster, looking over his shoulder again. We were back there.

‘I’ll be right back.’ I slid out of the backroom and go into the bathroom to close the door.

I place my hands on each side of the sink and stare at the mirror in front of me. Everyone acted like Carter would appear again; one day and a part of me felt the same. That he was on the sidelines, waiting and scheming his next master plot. I take the small pill from my cardigan’s pocket and pop it into my mouth. With a few slow breaths I sit down on the toilet seat waiting for the pill to ease my anxiety.

‘Baby?’ Justin knocks on the other side of the door, ‘can I come in?’

‘It’s open.’

Justin comes in and kneels down in front of me holding my hands.

‘Are you okay?’

‘Yes.’

‘I’m sorry about that. I thought we’d steer clear of that topic tonight.’

‘It’s okay.’

‘I love you, you know that right?’

‘Yes.’ I repeat putting on my bravest smile for Justin.