If I Was Your Boyfriend

I sit in the hotel room, drowning amongst my own thoughts. My throat was dry and tight as the salty tears ran down my face. I rise to my feet and open the suitcase before throwing all of my things in it. I couldn’t believe he was gone. He was actually gone. Justin left me. All alone in London. I try to play back everything that was said but my mind couldn’t process it all.

“Selena had a miscarriage” Justin informs me through a drunken slur.

He sits on the bed holding his head in his shaking hands as he curses under his breath. I remember standing there trying to find the right words to say to him but he rejects each and every one of them. I ask how he knew but he just snaps in return.

“Don’t act stupid Chrissy.” He groans growing more and more frustrated and annoyed with me.

He tells me that he doesn’t know all the details because Selena never got the chance to share them with him. Selena stopped her confession, as I grew close to them backstage. Justin blamed me.

“It’s all your fault. You had to show up right when she was opening her mouth. Couldn’t you have just sat in your seat and waited for me.”

I hated how Justin was acted but I was afraid to set him off even more. He complains for about half an hour longer before finally getting up and throwing all of his things across the room. He tells me that he’s going back to LA to be with her. I wanted to protest but it wouldn’t do any good. I stand there and I watch as he stumbles out of the room dragging the large suitcase behind him. I watch from the hotel’s window as he crawls into a back of a blacked out van before it drives away.

‘Hey, Chrissy.’ Ryan comes in the room looking around with confused eyes, ‘I got your text. What’s going on?’

‘He left.’ I reply through a sniffle of sadness.

‘Where’d he go?! I thought you said he was pretty out of it.’

‘He was. He could barely form a full sentence or stand on his own feet. I just watched him get into a van.’

‘How does he plan on getting on a plane if he’s clearly drunk?’

‘He could easily get onto a private plane. They won’t care what he’s doing on it as long as he pays once the flight’s over.’

‘What happened with him tonight anyway?’

I open my mouth just to close it again. I didn’t know the full story and neither did Justin so I bite my tongue about Selena’s secret confession at the fashion show.

‘I don’t know.’ I finish throwing my clothes into my suitcase then zip it up, ‘I think that I should go back to LA so I can be with him right now. He’s obviously hurting and needs someone more than he knows.’

‘It’s five in the morning and you clearly haven’t slept all night. Just sleep and if you still feel the same way Nichole and I will take you to the airport later on.’

‘I really need to be there for him Ryan.’

‘If he’s as bad as you say he is right now then I honestly don’t think it would do any good. I’ve been around Justin when he’s drunk and it’s not a good thing to see.’

‘Okay.’ I give in sitting across the side of the bed, ‘I’m sorry for waking you up.’

‘Don’t be. I just wish I would’ve got here sooner – maybe I could’ve got him to sleep it off. I’m gonna go back to the room and see if I can get him to answer his phone.’

‘Good luck with that.’ I stiff out an exasperated laugh, ‘I’ve tried all night long.’

‘Goodnight Chrissy.’

‘Goodnight Ryan.’

Ryan closes the door behind himself before going back to his room. I lie in the bed staring at the ceiling. There were so many thoughts spiraling my head right now I thought I was going to explode. Justin was on his way back to LA and so was Selena. He was going to meet her to find out what went wrong. I couldn’t help but wonder what made Selena keep this hidden from him for so long and what made it all come out tonight. Another part of me just hoped that Justin got on the plane and back to LA in one piece. A small part of me waited for him to sober up enough where I could sit down and tell him his words weren’t okay. All of me wished that I could hold him close and tell him that I was here for him. I turn off the light and climb into my bed cradling my phone in my hands waiting for a text from Justin.

I know that you’re upset right now and I know that there’s nothing I can say that can comfort you right now. I have no idea what you’re feeling or what’s going through your mind. I understand that you have to be there for her and for yourself right now. I get it. I just wanted to let you know that I’m here for you whenever you feel like you’re ready to talk. I love you so much and I only want what’s best for you. Please call me once you land in LA. – Chrissy.

I wait impatiently as my phone reads delivered. I ended up finally falling asleep after several attempts. The next morning I practically fall out of my bed to check my phone. There weren’t any new messages or missed calls from Justin. I decide to take a shower and get ready to go to the airport. I get to the door to see Ryan waiting patiently.

‘Hey?’ I question pulling the large suitcase out of the room behind me.

‘Hey.’ He breathes out rushed, ‘I was just wondering if you were wanting to get breakfast or something.’

‘That does sound nice right about now but I really should be getting to the airport.’

‘Come on, just a quick bite before you go.’

I give in once again and follow Ryan down to his room to get Nichole. The three of us get in a car and go to one of the best cafes in the city. It was two hours later when Ryan was suggesting that we go see some of the sites together. Nichole steps away to make a phone call leaving the two of us there.

‘Okay, what gives?’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘I’m talking about you stalling all day long. What happened to you taking me to the airport this morning?’

‘I’m not stalling.’

‘Yeah you are. We sat at that café for two hours and now you have us walking around in circles.’

‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’ Ryan’s eyes are focused on his sneakers.

‘Ryan, what are you hiding from me?’

Justin’s Point of View

‘Justin?’ Selena’s mom questions standing in the doorway with wide eyes, ‘You don’t look so well.’

‘Is she here?’

‘Yes, she’s upstairs. Come in. Can I get you anything, like a glass of water?’

‘No.’ I shake my head rushing towards the stairs.

I sobered up a lot on the plane ride but the stairs still had me feeling a little wobbly. I push the door open without even thinking. Selena stands up from her bed clearly shocked to see me right now.

‘Justin? What are you doing here?’

‘I’m going to sit down. Right here.’ I point at the familiar chair running a hand through my messy hair, ‘and you’re going to tell me everything. From start to finish.’

Chrissy’s Point of View

‘He asked you to keep me in London?’ I exclaim glaring at Ryan’s phone.

Justin sent Ryan a text early this morning asking him to keep me busy. It wasn’t even asking. It was a few short words demanding that he didn’t let me out his sight or the city.

‘Can someone please tell me what’s going on? You two are acting so strange. Does this have something to do with Selena at the fashion show?’

‘I need to go.’

‘Where are you going?’ Ryan questions calling after me.

‘I’m going back to LA, Ryan.’

‘Chrissy, you can’t.’

‘Yes I can and that’s exactly what I’m about to do.’

Ryan doesn’t bother trying to stop me as I hurry off to hotel to get my things and find Justin. I just hope that I wasn’t too late.