If I Was Your Boyfriend
one hundred-forty six.
‘You two have a great trip, all right?’ Jeff stands in front of Justin and I as we stand in the busy LAX terminal.
‘Thank you, sir.’ Justin nods politely, like the complete gentleman.
‘Call as soon as you land, okay?’ my mom points her narrow finger at me before wrapping me up for a hug.
‘I will. I promise.’ I laugh grabbing a hold of my suitcase, ‘I love you both! Bye.’
‘We love you!’ they wave as Justin and I hurry over to catch our seats.
Justin sits beside me on his iPad listening to some of the songs he’s written lately. He has his bright blue Dre Beats wrapped under his chin as he nods his head to the beat.
‘You’re staring.’ He points out, showing signs of an evident smile. ‘What’s up?’
‘I don’t know. You’re being so quiet.’ I shrug, ‘and into your own little world right now.’
‘I’m sorry.’ He smiles at me taking the headphones down and placing them onto his lap. ‘What do you want to talk about?’
‘Are you going to put out another album soon?’
‘Yeah, I’m working on it. I just need to find the time to actually be in the studio that’s the problem. I want to get back in there but all of my team is just telling me to take a break.’
‘You say that like it’s a bad thing.’ I laugh looking up into his deep brown eyes. ‘They want you to relax – how dare they?’
‘Yeah, I get they’re looking out for my well being and all that stuff but the studio’s is somewhat my sanctuary. That’s where I go to let it all out and be okay with it. The studio has no judgment or expectations; it’s just free game. You know? It’s where I feel the most comfortable.’
‘Well tell your team that.’
‘I’ve tried. They still think it’s too soon for me. I was thinking about doing some stuff on my own. Bring in my own people.’
‘Yes men?’
‘Not, yes men. Okay, men.’ He taunts with a small laugh, ‘I just need people around me that aren’t walking over eggshells when they’re around me.’
‘But isn’t it nice that they care enough about you to be concerned?’
‘Don’t get me wrong. I can handle concerned, I get concerned. However, I hate the hesitation. I hate that they’re second-guessing my abilities. As a songwriter, this is what we do. We take our problems, our experiences, our heartbreak, our love and we write about it. This is why people listen to music because they can relate to it. I just feel like I’m missing out on some of the best writing of my life.’ Justin suddenly sighs heavily resting his forehead on my shoulder, ‘I’m sorry; I’m rambling and complaining. Forgive me. I just don’t what to do or what I need to be doing, help me.’
‘You’re not.’ I assure him kissing his temple, ‘I think you should do whatever it is you want to do. I want you to do everything that your heart desires because you deserve it. I just want you to be happy and if getting back in the studio is what’s going to make you happy – go for it babe.’
‘I am so thankful for you, you know that right? I love you so much. So so much. You are everything to me.’
‘Aren’t I so lucky?’
‘I’m serious. You are the love of my life and I could never find anyone that could come close to you.’
‘Where is all this coming from?’
‘From my heart.’ He replies kissing each of my hands, ‘I’m just realizing that you are everything that I could ever asked for. It’s crazy, I just feel like I’m so blessed to have the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with at such a young age.’
‘You could really see yourself with Chrissy Thorton for the rest of your life?’
‘I couldn’t imagine spending it with anyone else.’ He nods pressing his forehead to mine, ‘I love you.’
‘And I love you.’
‘I think we owe Instagram a new picture.’
‘It’s been a while.’
Justin’s Point of View
@JustinBieber: on our way to NYC for a secret meeting (;
‘I love it.’ Chrissy smiles at my post peering over my shoulder.
‘Me too.’
For the remainder of the flight Chrissy and I watch the very first Rocky since it happened to be the only movie I had on my iPad.
‘All I can think about right now is Rocky.’ She sighs with a frown, ‘I miss him so much.’
‘I know what you mean. At least he’s at my mom’s getting spoiled with attention.’
‘I know I just feel guilty since we went out and got him and we never see him.’
‘Okay, how about we start bringing him everywhere again? We’ll swap days if you still want to be at your moms.’
‘I was actually thinking about moving back to the apartment, if that’s okay with you.’
‘Of course its okay with me. I’ve missed you being there.’
‘What do you miss the most?’
‘I’m torn in between falling asleep beside you or waking up to you every morning. They’re both the favorite part of my day.’
‘How did I get the greatest boyfriend in the whole entire world?’
If only she knew…
I was putting on a straight face for Chrissy but my mind was only on the cryptic message I received earlier today. “Tell her or I will” – it had to be from Selena. It just had to be. What else could it be about? The only question I had was: would she actually tell Chrissy what happened between the two of us? Of course she would. What would she have to lose? I couldn’t help but think about what she said right before I was kicked out by her mom. “I hope she never looks at you again” – this is what she always wanted and I fell right into the trap. I look down at Chrissy, wearing the ring that symbolized my love and promises to her. I threw it all out the window yet again. Intoxicated or not. She was never going to forgive me once I told her. I just wasn’t ready to lose her. She was going to hate me forever. I had to tell her. As soon as we landed in New York.
…
‘It’s so good to be back in New York!’ Chrissy beams as we walk through JFK, ‘so many good memories.’
‘Yeah, lots.’
‘Is everything okay?’ she wonders turning to look at me as we walk to baggage claim.
‘I just really need to talk to you.’
‘Okay. What’s up?’
‘Chrissy!’ Nikki calls out flagging me down with Chloe, ‘Justin – long time.’
‘Hi.’ She thrills hugging each of them, ‘I’ve missed you both so much!’
‘So sorry to rush you two but the director’s waiting right now!’
‘Great, I’ll go now! We’ll have that talk afterwards, okay?’
‘Okay.’ I nod with a sigh taking her hand for what may be the last time.
…
Chrissy’s Point of View
‘It would be my honor to have you on a movie for me.’ The director, Nicholas Weber shakes my hand after I read some of the script for a romantic comedy. ‘I’ll just talk to it more with your manager.’
‘Thank you so much. This is going to be incredible.’
‘I can’t wait to work with you.’
I practically run out of the room to send in Nikki and Chloe while I tell Justin the great news. I fall into his arms as he lifts me into the air. People were looking at us but in that moment I didn’t care. I think one lady took out her iPhone and took a few pictures of us.
‘I got the job!’
‘I am so proud of you, Chrissy! You deserve it so much.’
‘Thank you!’
Justin sets me down before walking into the corner of the room. He presses his head against the wall as he shoulders shook uncontrollably.
‘Babe?’ I whisper walking over to him, ‘Is everything okay?’
‘No…’ he croaks not facing me, ‘I screwed up Chris.’
‘What happened?’
‘Maybe we need to go somewhere more private?’
‘All right.’ I agree following him down the hall to an empty bathroom.
Justin’s Point of View
Chrissy stands there with wet eyes shaking her head repeatedly. I didn’t know if she was going to slap me or throw up.
‘I am so sorry Chrissy.’ I wipe my eyes looking down at her.
‘Don’t.’ she squeaks, ‘don’t you dare touch me.’
I wait for Chrissy to scream at me, slap me, or even throw a ring at me but it never happens. She just shakes her head, eyes clouded with disappointment.
‘I trusted you. Again. You screwed me over. Again. You lied to my face. Again.’ She tries to stay strong but her voice fails her instantly.
With that she pushes her way out of the bathroom not looking back at me. This reaction was way worse than anything she could’ve ever thrown at me. Way worse.
Chrissy’s Point of View
My mind was racing so fast as I rushed through the crowded building. Different voices were calling my name but I didn’t care in that moment. I shove the door open, falling out in the busy streets of upper New York City.
‘Chrissy Thorton, any comment on the upcoming trial?’
‘Chrissy Thorton, when’s the apparent wedding?’
‘When are you going to address the pregnancy rumors?’
‘Where is Justin?’
‘Is it true that you and Justin are expecting your first child together at such a young age?’
‘I have no comment. Excuse me.’ I hiss shoving my way through the crowd.
‘Hey, watch out!’ someone calls as a bike messenger nearly collides with my body, ‘that was close.’ Some guy speaks with a warm smile as he releases me.
‘Thank you, sir.’ Justin nods politely, like the complete gentleman.
‘Call as soon as you land, okay?’ my mom points her narrow finger at me before wrapping me up for a hug.
‘I will. I promise.’ I laugh grabbing a hold of my suitcase, ‘I love you both! Bye.’
‘We love you!’ they wave as Justin and I hurry over to catch our seats.
Justin sits beside me on his iPad listening to some of the songs he’s written lately. He has his bright blue Dre Beats wrapped under his chin as he nods his head to the beat.
‘You’re staring.’ He points out, showing signs of an evident smile. ‘What’s up?’
‘I don’t know. You’re being so quiet.’ I shrug, ‘and into your own little world right now.’
‘I’m sorry.’ He smiles at me taking the headphones down and placing them onto his lap. ‘What do you want to talk about?’
‘Are you going to put out another album soon?’
‘Yeah, I’m working on it. I just need to find the time to actually be in the studio that’s the problem. I want to get back in there but all of my team is just telling me to take a break.’
‘You say that like it’s a bad thing.’ I laugh looking up into his deep brown eyes. ‘They want you to relax – how dare they?’
‘Yeah, I get they’re looking out for my well being and all that stuff but the studio’s is somewhat my sanctuary. That’s where I go to let it all out and be okay with it. The studio has no judgment or expectations; it’s just free game. You know? It’s where I feel the most comfortable.’
‘Well tell your team that.’
‘I’ve tried. They still think it’s too soon for me. I was thinking about doing some stuff on my own. Bring in my own people.’
‘Yes men?’
‘Not, yes men. Okay, men.’ He taunts with a small laugh, ‘I just need people around me that aren’t walking over eggshells when they’re around me.’
‘But isn’t it nice that they care enough about you to be concerned?’
‘Don’t get me wrong. I can handle concerned, I get concerned. However, I hate the hesitation. I hate that they’re second-guessing my abilities. As a songwriter, this is what we do. We take our problems, our experiences, our heartbreak, our love and we write about it. This is why people listen to music because they can relate to it. I just feel like I’m missing out on some of the best writing of my life.’ Justin suddenly sighs heavily resting his forehead on my shoulder, ‘I’m sorry; I’m rambling and complaining. Forgive me. I just don’t what to do or what I need to be doing, help me.’
‘You’re not.’ I assure him kissing his temple, ‘I think you should do whatever it is you want to do. I want you to do everything that your heart desires because you deserve it. I just want you to be happy and if getting back in the studio is what’s going to make you happy – go for it babe.’
‘I am so thankful for you, you know that right? I love you so much. So so much. You are everything to me.’
‘Aren’t I so lucky?’
‘I’m serious. You are the love of my life and I could never find anyone that could come close to you.’
‘Where is all this coming from?’
‘From my heart.’ He replies kissing each of my hands, ‘I’m just realizing that you are everything that I could ever asked for. It’s crazy, I just feel like I’m so blessed to have the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with at such a young age.’
‘You could really see yourself with Chrissy Thorton for the rest of your life?’
‘I couldn’t imagine spending it with anyone else.’ He nods pressing his forehead to mine, ‘I love you.’
‘And I love you.’
‘I think we owe Instagram a new picture.’
‘It’s been a while.’
Justin’s Point of View
@JustinBieber: on our way to NYC for a secret meeting (;
‘I love it.’ Chrissy smiles at my post peering over my shoulder.
‘Me too.’
For the remainder of the flight Chrissy and I watch the very first Rocky since it happened to be the only movie I had on my iPad.
‘All I can think about right now is Rocky.’ She sighs with a frown, ‘I miss him so much.’
‘I know what you mean. At least he’s at my mom’s getting spoiled with attention.’
‘I know I just feel guilty since we went out and got him and we never see him.’
‘Okay, how about we start bringing him everywhere again? We’ll swap days if you still want to be at your moms.’
‘I was actually thinking about moving back to the apartment, if that’s okay with you.’
‘Of course its okay with me. I’ve missed you being there.’
‘What do you miss the most?’
‘I’m torn in between falling asleep beside you or waking up to you every morning. They’re both the favorite part of my day.’
‘How did I get the greatest boyfriend in the whole entire world?’
If only she knew…
I was putting on a straight face for Chrissy but my mind was only on the cryptic message I received earlier today. “Tell her or I will” – it had to be from Selena. It just had to be. What else could it be about? The only question I had was: would she actually tell Chrissy what happened between the two of us? Of course she would. What would she have to lose? I couldn’t help but think about what she said right before I was kicked out by her mom. “I hope she never looks at you again” – this is what she always wanted and I fell right into the trap. I look down at Chrissy, wearing the ring that symbolized my love and promises to her. I threw it all out the window yet again. Intoxicated or not. She was never going to forgive me once I told her. I just wasn’t ready to lose her. She was going to hate me forever. I had to tell her. As soon as we landed in New York.
…
‘It’s so good to be back in New York!’ Chrissy beams as we walk through JFK, ‘so many good memories.’
‘Yeah, lots.’
‘Is everything okay?’ she wonders turning to look at me as we walk to baggage claim.
‘I just really need to talk to you.’
‘Okay. What’s up?’
‘Chrissy!’ Nikki calls out flagging me down with Chloe, ‘Justin – long time.’
‘Hi.’ She thrills hugging each of them, ‘I’ve missed you both so much!’
‘So sorry to rush you two but the director’s waiting right now!’
‘Great, I’ll go now! We’ll have that talk afterwards, okay?’
‘Okay.’ I nod with a sigh taking her hand for what may be the last time.
…
Chrissy’s Point of View
‘It would be my honor to have you on a movie for me.’ The director, Nicholas Weber shakes my hand after I read some of the script for a romantic comedy. ‘I’ll just talk to it more with your manager.’
‘Thank you so much. This is going to be incredible.’
‘I can’t wait to work with you.’
I practically run out of the room to send in Nikki and Chloe while I tell Justin the great news. I fall into his arms as he lifts me into the air. People were looking at us but in that moment I didn’t care. I think one lady took out her iPhone and took a few pictures of us.
‘I got the job!’
‘I am so proud of you, Chrissy! You deserve it so much.’
‘Thank you!’
Justin sets me down before walking into the corner of the room. He presses his head against the wall as he shoulders shook uncontrollably.
‘Babe?’ I whisper walking over to him, ‘Is everything okay?’
‘No…’ he croaks not facing me, ‘I screwed up Chris.’
‘What happened?’
‘Maybe we need to go somewhere more private?’
‘All right.’ I agree following him down the hall to an empty bathroom.
Justin’s Point of View
Chrissy stands there with wet eyes shaking her head repeatedly. I didn’t know if she was going to slap me or throw up.
‘I am so sorry Chrissy.’ I wipe my eyes looking down at her.
‘Don’t.’ she squeaks, ‘don’t you dare touch me.’
I wait for Chrissy to scream at me, slap me, or even throw a ring at me but it never happens. She just shakes her head, eyes clouded with disappointment.
‘I trusted you. Again. You screwed me over. Again. You lied to my face. Again.’ She tries to stay strong but her voice fails her instantly.
With that she pushes her way out of the bathroom not looking back at me. This reaction was way worse than anything she could’ve ever thrown at me. Way worse.
Chrissy’s Point of View
My mind was racing so fast as I rushed through the crowded building. Different voices were calling my name but I didn’t care in that moment. I shove the door open, falling out in the busy streets of upper New York City.
‘Chrissy Thorton, any comment on the upcoming trial?’
‘Chrissy Thorton, when’s the apparent wedding?’
‘When are you going to address the pregnancy rumors?’
‘Where is Justin?’
‘Is it true that you and Justin are expecting your first child together at such a young age?’
‘I have no comment. Excuse me.’ I hiss shoving my way through the crowd.
‘Hey, watch out!’ someone calls as a bike messenger nearly collides with my body, ‘that was close.’ Some guy speaks with a warm smile as he releases me.