If I Was Your Boyfriend

I’m not sure what expectations I had going into this sleepover with Danielle, who was sound asleep in my bed. A naturally protective hand was placed on her belly. I have to admit that Dani went in strong as she’s done at past sleepovers but there’s that thing with pregnant people and sleep. In the past, she’s always made fun of me for falling asleep so early. 10:54 p.m. – oh how the tables have turned. My mom and Jeff were in their room for the night, exhausted from another day of wedding planning. With the three of them being out cold I was in this alone. If Justin and I were talking right now we would be in the middle of our typical meaningless conversations. I’d probably be sitting right beside him. He wouldn’t care if I had Dani over for a night. Instead, I’m lying silently in the room that suddenly seems so small. I pull out my phone to reread the message that Justin sent me a couple of hours ago.

Don’t feel obligated to talk to me right now. I’m just showing you that I’m done with this for good. I don’t like who I am with it and I hate the thought of disappointing you and my family. I’m sorry for the words I said. I didn’t mean any of it. I hope that you’re okay and I didn’t hurt you again. I love you so much. – Justin.

Along with the text was a picture of the weed floating in the toilet. Even though I didn’t reply I was proud of Justin. He admitted his mistakes and kicked his habit. If only it was going to be that easy. I knew that he was going to need some form of help and support with getting rid of the urges. He was going to need me. Just like I needed him with Carter and he was there through all of it. He shed blood for me on more than one occasion so the least I could do is be there for him now. I don’t remember what time I fell asleep or how I ended up on the floor hugging a throw pillow.

‘Good morning,’ Danielle singsongs, ‘What on Earth are you doing down there?’

‘I have no idea.’ I groan rolling over on the hard floor.

‘Girls, there’s breakfast in here!’ Jeff gives the wood three hard knocks before his footsteps trot off into the other direction.

Danielle wastes no time dragging herself and her baby from the bed and sliding to the door. I grab my phone from its charger and hurry out behind her.

‘I know you’re eating for two but don’t fall down the stairs to get into the kitchen.’ I tease as the two of us go into the kitchen.

‘Did you two have fun last night?’ Jeff inquires from the living room as he watches the game.

‘Yes.’ Dani and I call out in unison piling up our plates before flopping down at the kitchen table. ‘Where’s mom?’

‘She had a meeting this morning but she should be back in a bit.’

As I open my mouth a phone call from my dad interrupts me. He’s called me a couple of times since I’ve been back from New York and honestly I’ve been avoiding him. My mom is right there, in the same city, in my face while my dad on the other hand has a state line that separates us. I might not be able to dodge her burning questions about Justin and New York but I can definitely try to avoid my dad’s.

‘Answer it,’ Dani nods her head towards the phone, ‘what’s the worst that can happen?’

‘I haven’t been up for a good ten minutes I really can’t have this conversation with him right now. I’ll call him later.’

Danielle doesn’t look convinced but she decides to drop it anyway. For that, I was thankful. Soon Garrett came by to pick up Danielle while Jeff headed to work, leaving me alone, again. I pick up my phone to call Justin before putting it back down again. Do not call him. Would a few minutes be so terrible? Do not call him. You can just say hi. Do not call him. Don’t you care enough to see how he’s doing? I battled with my subconscious back and forth before tossing the phone onto the sofa. That was another conversation that I wasn’t emotionally prepared for either. My phone buzzes against the sofa’s material causing my heart to nearly leap from my chest. Unfortunately it wasn’t Justin, it was Aiden. The last I talked to Aiden he suggested that the two of us go out and he would drop the current charges against Justin. Aiden assured me that it would just be as friends but Justin would never forgive me. Even if we weren’t exactly on the best of terms right now, I was still loyal to him.

‘I seriously hope that this is work related…’ I answer sitting down on the sofa.

‘You could say that. I was just calling to see how my costar was doing since the fiasco here in New York.’

‘I’m fine, Aiden. Thanks. Is that all?’

‘Not so fast,’ a short laugh cuts into the receiver, ‘Are you trying to rush me off the phone?’

‘I just have a lot going on right now so I’m not really in the position to hold long conversations.’

‘All right, all right. I get it. Will you just at least answer me this?’

‘Answer what?’

‘Have you given any thought to my suggestion?’

‘Goodbye Aiden.’

With that I hang up the phone before he could say anything else. I pull out my laptop to do something I haven’t done in a while, communicate with the fans.

@ChrissyThorton: Hi everyone! It’s been awhile so how about a Q&A for the next hour? Tweet questions using #AskChrissy

Within minutes questions were pouring in. I decided to stray away from the ones involving Carter, Aiden, the arrest, and anything else that was negative.

“Where’s Justin” was a very popular one.

@ChrissyThorton: J is at home, taking it easy and laying low. I know he appreciates all of ur support/love. Continue to give it to him when he needs it the most.

“Where’s Rocky”

@ChrissyThorton: Rocky is with Justin for those who’re asking!

“How far along is Danielle”

@ChrissyThorton: about six months! soooo excited to spoil her little one!

“When will you start filming for the new movie?”

@ChrissyThorton: we should start in a couple of months! Cant wait to start!

I answer a few more questions before signing off for today. My mom comes into the house dropping her bags. She stares at me long enough where I could see the growing tears in her eyes.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘Where’s your phone, Chrissy?’

‘Right here, why? What’s going on?’

‘Your dad’s been trying to call you.’

‘I didn’t really want to explain the situation to another person. I was just about to call him back.’

‘He’s in the hospital.’

‘Wait what?’ My stomach instantly drops to my feet with panic, ‘W-what’s wrong?’

‘I need to let him tell you that. Please just call your father.’

I do as I’m told and dial my dad with a shaky hand. He answers sounding tired and weak, something I haven’t heard from him before.

‘Daddy?’ I croak, feeling like my throat was closing in quick.

‘I’m here sweetheart.’ His voice soothes quietly into the phone, ‘I’m here.’

‘Are you okay?’

‘Define “okay” sweetheart. This isn’t exactly a conversation that I want to have with my daughter over the phone. Or anyone for that matter.’

‘I want to see you.’

‘I want to see you too. I’m not exactly up to fly right now.’

‘I’ll come to you, now.’

I ignore his protests as I book a flight from my laptop. He was rambling on about “not dropping everything for him” or at least that’s some of what I heard. I say goodbye to my dad and tell him that I would be there soon. I didn’t know what my dad was going to tell me but I knew that it wasn’t going to be good.