If I Was Your Boyfriend
one hundred fifty-five.
I throw my stuff together into one of my overnight bags before scrambling to book the next available flight to Arizona. The trip to LAX was excruciatingly long due to the heavy L.A. traffic.
‘Are you sure you don’t need me to go?’ my mom asks for the umpteenth time as we finally make it to the departure area.
‘It’s okay, really.’ I assure her as the security approaches the car to escort me inside, ‘I understand that you have things that you need to take care of here. I promise to call with updates.’
‘I love you Chrissy.’
‘Love you too mom, bye.’
Two large members of LAX’s security help me get inside of the building and out of sight from the paparazzi. I ignored their burning questions about Justin’s arrest and the fate of our relationship. Even though we moved fast I’m sure they got their share of photos to go sell to some tabloid. I check in then go through the detailed security check then waited for the announcer to call out my flight information. As I’m waiting I could see a small group of people each taking candids from afar. Finally, the announcer called for all of those going to Arizona. The flight is not even two hours long but today it felt like we were in the air forever. There were so many theories and assumptions running through my mind. The moment I touch down in Arizona I jump into the first available taxi and have them drop me off at the hospital where my dad was staying.
‘Hi I’m looking for my dad. Last name Thorton.’ I flash my driver’s license to the woman behind the counter for a brief second.
‘Room 211.’ She points down the large dim-lit hallway.
I use a shaky hand to turn the doorknob of my dad’s room. I didn’t know what to expect or what condition he’d be in but I wasn’t prepared for this. My usual upbeat, strong father was stuck in the small hospital bed wrapped with different tubes. He wore a loose sky blue hospital gown as he lightly snored clenching the white sheets. I drop my bags nearly falling to my knees next to his bed. He moves uncomfortably in the bed before slowly opening his eyes.
‘Sweetheart,’ he clears his throat as he sits up with a small grunt, ‘you made it. When’d you get in?’
‘Just now. I came immediately from the airport.’
‘And how was your flight?’
‘Dad please. I don’t want to have small talk with you until I know what’s going on? What is all of this? Are you si- are you sick?’
‘Come here, I just wanna look at you and hold you.’ He moves over in his bed allowing me to climb inside beside him like I did when I was little. ‘I love you so much.’
‘I love you too dad. Why are you in here?’
‘I’m not well, Chrissy. I haven’t been for a while now. I thought that I had every thing taken care of so I wouldn’t have to bother you with this but now the doc’s given me an estimation so I can’t put it off any longer.’
‘An e-estimation? What do you mean an estimation?’
‘In this life things are never planned. They never go out how we would like them to but we take the blows and we keep moving. That’s how it works. That is what makes us human. There’s nothing else they can do for me except keep me comfortable which I’m starting to come to terms with.’
‘Daddy…’ I start but my voice fails me, I couldn’t hold it in any longer.
I sit there, face buried in my dad’s hospital gown and break down into a full on emotional as-seen-in-movies sobs. It felt like a two hundred ton train plowed right into me, shattering every single bone in my body leaving me there breathless. I rocked back and forth uncontrollably never wanting to let my dad out of my grasp. He comes just as unraveled as I am while telling me that it’s going to be okay. My dad was dying and he wanted me to believe that every thing was going to be okay. Nothing would ever be okay again.
Justin’s Point of View
‘JUSTIN ANY COMMENT ABOUT YOUR NIGHT BEHIND BARS?’
‘JUSTIN ANY COMMENT ABOUT THE RUMOR THAT YOU AND CHRISSY ARE OVER?’
‘JUSTIN IS IT TRUE THAT YOU COULD BE YEARS MONTHS IN PRISON?
‘JUSTIN HOW IS CHRISSY? ARE YOU ALONE NOW?
‘JUSTIN IS IT TRUE THAT CHRISSY MOVED ALL OF HER THINGS OUT OF YOUR APARTMENT?’
‘JUSTIN HOW WAS LIFE IN JAIL?’
‘JUSTIN ANY WORD TO YOUR BELIEBERS?’
I ignored all of their idiotic questions, most of them wanting to get a rise of out me to air all over TMZ. I make sure to lock my car as I climb out of it. With the help of two new bodyguards I was able to make it into Palm Thai Restaurant. Chrissy and I came here more than a handful of times together. Every time we came she would make me order something new and different so we could try every thing on their menu. Every time it was amazing. I’ve never been here without Chrissy. She would either come inside with me holding me close or she would wait in the car and text me while I was inside. I decide on what to get just as my phone starts ringing. Chrissy? I immediately answer the phone and carefully bring it to my ear.
‘Hello?’
‘I need you.’ Her voice is laced with pain that shattered what was left of me.
‘What’s the matter?’
‘I don’t want to say on the phone. I’m in Arizona and I can’t do this without you. I just need you to be here – just to be with me.’
‘I’m there.’ I rush out of the line and outside where the bodyguards were waiting, ‘Text me the address and I’ll be there the second I can.’
As I’m swerving in and out of lanes I call up Alfredo and ask him to watch Rocky for me just until I can find the courage to ask my mom or at least until I can figure out what’s going on. I haven’t heard Chrissy that upset in a long time and she was in Arizona so I have no idea what I’m going to be walking into. I run inside the apartment to see that Alfredo had already picked up Rocky. I grab a few shirts and a couple pair of jeans along with some other essentials before I was out the door. A couple of hours later I was walking through the nearly empty Arizona airport. Understandable seeing how it was a little past midnight.
just landed. are you at your dads? – Justin.
no im at the hospital – Chrissy.
The hospital. Instantly my stomach drops to my feet, thinking the worst. All Chrissy said was that she needed me and that she couldn’t tell me over the phone. The ride to the hospital came before I could mentally prepare myself for the outcome. When I make to the second floor Chrissy is leaning against the wall nibbling on her thumbnail.
‘Chris?’ I question once I get close to see the tears on her cheeks, ‘Are you okay? What’s the matter?’
‘My dad has ten months to live.’
‘Are you sure you don’t need me to go?’ my mom asks for the umpteenth time as we finally make it to the departure area.
‘It’s okay, really.’ I assure her as the security approaches the car to escort me inside, ‘I understand that you have things that you need to take care of here. I promise to call with updates.’
‘I love you Chrissy.’
‘Love you too mom, bye.’
Two large members of LAX’s security help me get inside of the building and out of sight from the paparazzi. I ignored their burning questions about Justin’s arrest and the fate of our relationship. Even though we moved fast I’m sure they got their share of photos to go sell to some tabloid. I check in then go through the detailed security check then waited for the announcer to call out my flight information. As I’m waiting I could see a small group of people each taking candids from afar. Finally, the announcer called for all of those going to Arizona. The flight is not even two hours long but today it felt like we were in the air forever. There were so many theories and assumptions running through my mind. The moment I touch down in Arizona I jump into the first available taxi and have them drop me off at the hospital where my dad was staying.
‘Hi I’m looking for my dad. Last name Thorton.’ I flash my driver’s license to the woman behind the counter for a brief second.
‘Room 211.’ She points down the large dim-lit hallway.
I use a shaky hand to turn the doorknob of my dad’s room. I didn’t know what to expect or what condition he’d be in but I wasn’t prepared for this. My usual upbeat, strong father was stuck in the small hospital bed wrapped with different tubes. He wore a loose sky blue hospital gown as he lightly snored clenching the white sheets. I drop my bags nearly falling to my knees next to his bed. He moves uncomfortably in the bed before slowly opening his eyes.
‘Sweetheart,’ he clears his throat as he sits up with a small grunt, ‘you made it. When’d you get in?’
‘Just now. I came immediately from the airport.’
‘And how was your flight?’
‘Dad please. I don’t want to have small talk with you until I know what’s going on? What is all of this? Are you si- are you sick?’
‘Come here, I just wanna look at you and hold you.’ He moves over in his bed allowing me to climb inside beside him like I did when I was little. ‘I love you so much.’
‘I love you too dad. Why are you in here?’
‘I’m not well, Chrissy. I haven’t been for a while now. I thought that I had every thing taken care of so I wouldn’t have to bother you with this but now the doc’s given me an estimation so I can’t put it off any longer.’
‘An e-estimation? What do you mean an estimation?’
‘In this life things are never planned. They never go out how we would like them to but we take the blows and we keep moving. That’s how it works. That is what makes us human. There’s nothing else they can do for me except keep me comfortable which I’m starting to come to terms with.’
‘Daddy…’ I start but my voice fails me, I couldn’t hold it in any longer.
I sit there, face buried in my dad’s hospital gown and break down into a full on emotional as-seen-in-movies sobs. It felt like a two hundred ton train plowed right into me, shattering every single bone in my body leaving me there breathless. I rocked back and forth uncontrollably never wanting to let my dad out of my grasp. He comes just as unraveled as I am while telling me that it’s going to be okay. My dad was dying and he wanted me to believe that every thing was going to be okay. Nothing would ever be okay again.
Justin’s Point of View
‘JUSTIN ANY COMMENT ABOUT YOUR NIGHT BEHIND BARS?’
‘JUSTIN ANY COMMENT ABOUT THE RUMOR THAT YOU AND CHRISSY ARE OVER?’
‘JUSTIN IS IT TRUE THAT YOU COULD BE YEARS MONTHS IN PRISON?
‘JUSTIN HOW IS CHRISSY? ARE YOU ALONE NOW?
‘JUSTIN IS IT TRUE THAT CHRISSY MOVED ALL OF HER THINGS OUT OF YOUR APARTMENT?’
‘JUSTIN HOW WAS LIFE IN JAIL?’
‘JUSTIN ANY WORD TO YOUR BELIEBERS?’
I ignored all of their idiotic questions, most of them wanting to get a rise of out me to air all over TMZ. I make sure to lock my car as I climb out of it. With the help of two new bodyguards I was able to make it into Palm Thai Restaurant. Chrissy and I came here more than a handful of times together. Every time we came she would make me order something new and different so we could try every thing on their menu. Every time it was amazing. I’ve never been here without Chrissy. She would either come inside with me holding me close or she would wait in the car and text me while I was inside. I decide on what to get just as my phone starts ringing. Chrissy? I immediately answer the phone and carefully bring it to my ear.
‘Hello?’
‘I need you.’ Her voice is laced with pain that shattered what was left of me.
‘What’s the matter?’
‘I don’t want to say on the phone. I’m in Arizona and I can’t do this without you. I just need you to be here – just to be with me.’
‘I’m there.’ I rush out of the line and outside where the bodyguards were waiting, ‘Text me the address and I’ll be there the second I can.’
As I’m swerving in and out of lanes I call up Alfredo and ask him to watch Rocky for me just until I can find the courage to ask my mom or at least until I can figure out what’s going on. I haven’t heard Chrissy that upset in a long time and she was in Arizona so I have no idea what I’m going to be walking into. I run inside the apartment to see that Alfredo had already picked up Rocky. I grab a few shirts and a couple pair of jeans along with some other essentials before I was out the door. A couple of hours later I was walking through the nearly empty Arizona airport. Understandable seeing how it was a little past midnight.
just landed. are you at your dads? – Justin.
no im at the hospital – Chrissy.
The hospital. Instantly my stomach drops to my feet, thinking the worst. All Chrissy said was that she needed me and that she couldn’t tell me over the phone. The ride to the hospital came before I could mentally prepare myself for the outcome. When I make to the second floor Chrissy is leaning against the wall nibbling on her thumbnail.
‘Chris?’ I question once I get close to see the tears on her cheeks, ‘Are you okay? What’s the matter?’
‘My dad has ten months to live.’