If I Was Your Boyfriend

one hundred fifty-seven.

Chrissy’s Point of View

The minimalistic clock on the wall ticks with each passing second, annoyingly tapping at me. I take a deep sigh standing up from the sofa which was still covered in plastic next to the brown boxes begging to be touched. I’m sure to set the newly installed alarm before heading out of my apartment. I slip into the empty gold elevator and smash the sleek button with my thumb. The elevator glides down with ease as it always did.

‘Good morning, Miss. Thorton.’ Harmon, the doorman smiles brightly at me as I stand out front waiting for my car to be brought to the main entrance. ‘Any special plans today?’

‘Not today, Harmon. Just going to run a few errands.’ I reply in return happily, ‘much traffic today?’

‘Well, it is the weekend before the Thanksgiving so the streets appear to be chaotic so please do be careful.’ He politely speaks as the valet opens my car door so I can slide in.

It was mid-afternoon in Los Angeles and cars were bumper-to-bumper for blocks. I turn on the radio only to be greeted by my ex-boyfriend’s voice again. It was near-impossible to get in the car or turn on the TV the last couple of weeks and not hear Justin’s What Do You Mean. There were billboards and celebrity filled videos everywhere. He was definitely going all out with this album. I remembered sitting in the studio with him for hours while he perfected each song. We’d listen for hours and hours while he’d scratch his notepad until the pen was drained. Most nights we would stay so late that I would end up falling asleep on the smooth leather sofa where I would eventually wake up back at the apartment with Justin snoring beside me. He gave this album his all and I was glad that he was getting the recognition for it. He deserved it, especially after the last few months he had. The car’s audio lets out a loud ring breaking into my thoughts as I was driving.

‘Hello?’

‘Hey, Chrissy.’ Chloe, my manager chimes into the line happily, ‘great news – you’re nominated for a People’s Choice Award for Where Everything Happens. I just got the call and they definitely want you there to present as well.’

‘That is incredible!’ I gasp gripping the steering wheel with excitement, ‘I cannot believe that People’s Choice wants me on their stage even if it is for thirty seconds.’

‘Believe it! I told them that I would call back with your decision, so – are you in?’

‘Of course I’m in! Tell them that I would be honored and thrilled to come!’

‘Will do, talk to you soon with the details.’

With that we each say our goodbyes before hanging up. I come to a stop in front of Whole Foods before grabbing a shopping cart to head into the store. I definitely needed to stock my empty cabinets in the kitchen. The trash can was weighed down with takeout containers and empty McDonalds sacks. With the help of the list on my phone I snake through the aisles filing the cart with enough food to last for the next week.

‘I’m sorry to bother you but my daughter would really love a picture if you don’t mind,’ a dark haired woman stands in front of me with her tiny daughter peering from behind her legs, ‘do you have time?’

‘Always for someone as cute as this. What’s your name sweetheart?’

‘Camille.’ She peeps with an innocent smile, still clutching onto her mother’s leg.

I crouch down to get eye level with tiny Camille wrapping my arms around her for a quick picture. Camille squeals with excitement rushing over to her mom to study the picture. Camille’s mother thanks me repeatedly as I wave goodbye before heading down a different aisle. As I’m unloading all of my sacks into the trunk of my car my phone dings signaling a new text message. I stare at the familiar set of numbers that was no longer saved into my contacts. Justin.

I’m releasing a new song later on today, it’s about you and us so I just wanted to give you a head’s up. I didn’t want you to be sidetracked by it. – Justin.

I send a quick reply back thanking him for telling me ahead of time before tossing my phone down into my bag. I hated that our conversations were so formal now. There wasn’t any small chat that I grew to love. Just simple and extremely awkward hello’s. Justin and I rarely talked in the last few months – when we did it was only about Rocky, who was spending time with Justin for the next few weeks then I would get him. When I make it back to my apartment the valet quickly helps me with my groceries before going to park my car.

‘Welcome back, Miss. Thorton.’ Harmon stands at the door to greet me as always, ‘I hope you had a wonderful day.’

‘I did, Harmon – thank you.’

As soon as put everything in its place, the emptiness waves over me without a second of hesitation. I sit down slowly on the sofa allowing my head to fall against the soft pillows. I remember how things used to be when Justin and I lived together. Rocky’s paws pattering quickly against the cool tile and wood flooring. Justin’s passionate shouts as he bounced on the sofa watching his favorite hockey team play. Our laughs filled the apartment while we would take turns cooking each other dinner. His snores in the bed beside me, his ink-stained arm hooked tightly around my waist while we slept. I couldn’t help but log onto the Twitter and instantly search Justin’s name. I hesitantly click on the blue link attached to the tweet about a new song entitled Sorry.

You gotta go and get angry at all of my honesty.
You know I try but I don’t do too well with apologizes.
I hope I don’t run out of time, can someone call a referee?
Cause I just need one more shot at forgiveness.
I know you know that I made those mistakes maybe once or twice.
By once or twice, I mean maybe a couple hundred times.
So let me, oh let me, redeem, oh redeem myself tonight.
Cause I just need one more shot at second chances.
Is it too late now to say sorry?
Cause I’m missing more than just your body.
Is it too late now to say sorry?
Yeah I know that I let you down.
Is it too late to say that I’m sorry now?

Before Justin could even make it to the second verse I press the pause button on my phone before setting it down. I thought I was ready to hear Justin sing about our relationship. A harsh lump sits at the bottom of throat as I fight to keep my chin sturdy. Despite my better judgment I go onto Google and search Justin’s name just to see what he had been up to since our breakup. Immediately, pictures surface of him with the same girl who was around as we fell apart. Feeling sick to my stomach, I throw my phone across the room. The fragile material shattered into pieces as it crashed to the ground.

Justin’s Point of View

I sit up in bed, pulling a pair of sweat pants on before searching for my phone. The girl beside me in bed rolls over, noticing my absence. Chrissy had sent a message back thanking me for the heads up about Sorry coming out. I glance back at the bare girl in bed wrapped up in my sheets where Chrissy used to be. I unlock my phone revealing Chrissy, as my home screen. I couldn’t bring myself to change it even though she rightfully ended things months ago.

‘Jay,’ she calls sending a chill down my spine, ‘what’s wrong?’

‘Nothing.’ I reply harshly still recovering from her nickname for me.

‘Well come back to bed.’ She speaks throwing her hair to over shoulder to pat the empty space beside her seductively.

I sigh, mentally dragging myself back to bed.