If I Was Your Boyfriend

I sit there in silence for a solid few minutes trying to figure out what just happened. From the window, I could see Justin walking into the venue with the help of the security. I hurry to throw on one of my t shirts and a pair of jeans then rush towards the front of the bus.

‘What is going on?!’

‘He knows and he’s pissed.’ Scooter murmurs, keeping his eyes towards the door.

‘I told you this would happen!’ I blurt, throwing my head back with frustration. ‘I asked not to be involved.’

Knowing that I just lied in Justin’s face, I think it would be best to let him cool off. Just about every single argument we’ve had was about someone not telling the full truth. I leave Scooter in the front to go drown in my own thoughts in private.

Really missing our talks and tiny Bonnie right now – Chrissy.

We’re missing you too! A much needed sit down when you get back to LA? – Danielle.

I wouldn’t miss it. – Chrissy.

After debating with myself, I finally step off of the bus to go into the arena. A few fans wave as I make my way into the venue. I come to a stop, facing Justin’s wooden door to his dressing room. I raise my hand to knock before dropping it. Should I knock? No, knocking would be completely weird.

‘Hey, Chrissy. Are you looking for Justin?’ One of the usual crew members wonders.

‘Yeah, is he in his dressing room?’

‘No you just missed him. He decided to do an early sound check.’

‘Alright, thanks. I’ll just wait for him in here then.’

I slip into Justin’s dressing room only to find myself pacing back and forth. I run my clammy hands over my shorts, ever so often glancing into the mirror. I didn’t know why I was so nervous, I just was. My throat was tight and my stomach was in thousands of knots. Even the beyond comfortable sofa couldn’t ease my nerves. My heart pounds hearing Justin’s voice echoing in the hall. I stand to my feet as the door twists open.

‘Chrissy,’ Justin starts not bothering to look at me, ‘what are you doing in here?’

‘Please don’t push me away,’ I plead, ‘I know that I screwed up and I know that I should’ve said something sooner. I’m so sorry.’

‘Why Chris? You and I both know the amount of shit we’ve been through and how it’s all been because of keeping things from each other.’ He rants as he wanders to the other side of the room, still not meeting my eyes.

‘I know, Justin. I know. There’s nothing that I can say that makes lying to you okay. Believe me, I wanted to tell you but Scooter was looking out for your best interest. He didn’t want you to be distracted.’

‘But I am your boyfriend, Chris – you should be siding with me not Scooter.’

‘I’m not on his side!’

‘Um Justin,’ His stylist pops her head in the door, ‘I hate to interrupt but I wanted you to try on a few more things so we can see what needs be altered.’

‘I’ll be right there.’ He pinches the bridge of his nose finally making eye contact with me, ‘I really can’t do this right here and right now – I’ll see you when I’m finished.’

Justin’s Point of View

The second I shut the door to my dressing room, I regretted every second of my conversation with Chrissy. I wasn’t expecting her to be in the room so I didn’t exactly have time to plan what I wanted to say. Truth is, I wasn’t even mad at her. I didn’t know who I was mad at. Probably at Jayde. Not even her, at myself. I caused all of this. I anxiously bounce around trying clothes on over and over.

‘Almost done.’ Rita, my stylist this tour muses sensing my lack of patience.

‘Thank you Rita. I don’t know what I’d do without you.’ I smile once I’m finished.

‘Neither do I.’ She calls as I rush out of the room.

When I make it back to the dressing room, Chrissy was gone. I guess I couldn’t expect her to stay after all that. I pull my phone from my pockets and press her name under my contacts.

‘Come on, come on.’ I mutter to myself as it rings already walking towards the bus.

‘Hey.’ She answers just as it was about to go to voice mail.

‘Hey, I just finished and I really wanted to talk to you about earlier. Do you want to go get some lunch or something in the city?’

‘That sounds good.’ She agrees, ‘Just let me feed Rocky.’

‘Alright.’ I hang up the moment I step onto the bus.

Scooter was gone and I was thankful. I didn’t want to face him, not right now. I couldn’t even bring myself to go into the back room with Chrissy and Rocky. My foot bounces nervously while I glance down the hall.

‘Bye Rock. Be good.’ I hear before she closes the door behind her and heads down the hall. ‘Have you been waiting long?’

‘Not really. I just came on not too long ago.’ I lift my shoulders before dropping them and leading the way off the bus.

I hold the door open for her before slipping into the SUV. The car ride was too quiet as she stared out the window. I glance over every so often, waiting to get out just so I can talk to her without the driver eavesdropping. The car finally comes to a stop in the heart of the city with plenty of places around.

‘This is good.’ I call, already unfastening my seat belt.

Chrissy grabs her purse and slides out of the car onto the street next to me. Before I could even shut the door I hear several gasps and shrieks. Out of habit, I place a protective hand on Chrissy guiding her down the street. People walk quickly along side us with their phones shoved out without so much as a “hello”

‘Excuse us.’ I feel my grip tighten on her waist. ‘What do you feel like eating?’

‘There’s a pizza place right there. It smells so good.’ She smiles and I laugh at her enthusiasm.

The owner of the pizzeria thankfully closes the door once we make it in from the people. From the menu board, I could see the iPhones still pointed in our direction. I lean my head on her shoulder, snaking my arms around her pulling her into me.

‘Jay,’ She starts, not turning to face me.

‘Uh huh?’

‘I’m so sorry.’ Even though she didn’t look at me, I could hear the oncoming tears in her voice, ‘I didn’t mean to betray your trust and I never want to hurt you.’

‘I’m sorry for blowing up back there.’

‘It’s like you said, we’ve been through so much and I’m always getting on you about telling the truth. I’m sorry.’

‘Hey,’ I whisper, pulling her around and into my arms. ‘We’re okay. Remember, we weren’t going to let anyone, including Jayde get in between us. Do you remember that?’

‘I remember.’ She nods, not lifting her face from my shirt.

‘So, after the show tonight, we’re flying back to LA with Scooter to end this whole thing she has going. I have two days off before I have to be in Portland so we’ll just make it a quick trip.’

‘Okay.’ She agrees after awhile.

‘We’re okay, Chris.’ I repeat with a soft laugh, running my hands up and down her arms.

…

Chrissy’s Point of View

As planned, as soon as the show was over instead of rushing to the bus we hurry out with Scooter and Rocky to a white van with heavily tinted windows. Neither Justin or Scooter says a word, still awkward from earlier. Justin silently reaches over and places a hand on my thigh, drawing tiny circles. I offer him a smile, before gazing back out the window. We’re okay. It’ll all be over soon. I think to myself as we come to a slow stop in front of the airfield. The driver gets out and opens up the door to let us out.

‘Perks of getting a private plane.’ He grins while pulling me to the plane, holding Rocky.

Rocky sits on Justin’s lap on top of my legs already drifting off to sleep. Scooter sits on the other side of the plane, messing around with his phone.

‘Have you talked to him since this morning?’

‘No, I’ll talk to him about everything once this is over.’ He looks up from his laptop.

‘What are you thinking about?’

‘In twenty-four hours, my life is either going to stay the same or everything’s going to be completely different. I just don’t how ready I am for that, I guess.’

‘Whatever happens, I’m here, okay?’

He simply nods, I’m not sure if he fully believed me. I remember our talk a few weeks back when we went to meet Jayde. Justin looked over at me, with furrowed eyebrows wondering if I would stay him, if Jayde was pregnant with his child. I assured him that nothing would come in between the two of us. Not after Selena, not after Carter, or anyone else – nothing would break us up again. I decide to spend the night at Justin’s house with him instead of going back to the apartment.

‘You were quiet on the plane and in the car, everything okay?’

‘Ask me in the morning.’ He offers a weak smile before giving me a kiss and pulling the sheets over his head.

…

The driver stops at a medical office outside of LA, limiting our chances of getting caught by paparazzi. Scooter was in the lobby when we get inside of the building. I sit in one of the free leather chairs, glancing at the clock on the wall. Jayde was late, again.

‘Where is she?’ Justin paces back and forth, ‘I mean, if the kid is mine, wouldn’t she be running in here to rub my face in her test results? I just don’t understand why she’s dragging this out as long as possible.’

‘She’ll be here. I made sure of it.’ Scooter attempts to calm Justin down.

‘Like you made sure of it a week ago?’ He snaps in return keeping his deep brown eyes on the glass door.

An uncomfortable silence falls over the room as Scooter clears his throat nervously. Justin had been on edge all morning, anxiously biting his nails and rocking on the heel of his sneakers.

‘Finally.’ Justin breathes as Jayde strolls into the room.

A hand carefully placed on her round stomach. She stares from me to Justin before heading over to Scooter. She mutters something to him along the lines of, “I’m here, let’s get it over with”. Justin follows her to the door, standing there until the doctor signals her to follow him.

‘Here we go.’ Justin gives my hand a squeeze, sitting in the empty chair next to me.