If I Was Your Boyfriend

The car ride to the court house was agonizingly silent. I had to repeatedly glance over to see if Justin was still there. He was unusually quiet this morning. Nerves, I’m guessing. Dozens of people stood outside waiting to catch a glimpse of anything really. Some fans huddled together near the barricade holding up signs of support.

Stay strong Chrissy!

I had been repeating those exact three lines all morning to myself. I was about to be face-to-face with Carter. The last thing I wanted was for him to think he broke me, that he won. I knew that I needed to stand there unnerved for the prosecution, Justin, and more importantly myself. Carter may have tainted months of my life but he didn’t have all the power. Not even some of it. With my testimony today, I could make sure that he never hurt anyone again.

‘Are you okay?’ Justin whispers, cupping his arm around my waist as he walked up the tall staircase.

‘I think so.’ I offer him a supportive smile.

The case’s prosecutor, Mark waited with our families near the entrance of the court room. Danielle and Garrett sat on the glossy wooden bench listening attentively. Scooter, Chloe, and Nikki all huddled together near by.

‘Hey everyone.’ Justin speaks first and I’m glad he does. ‘I hope you’re all ready to put this behind us like I am.’

Pattie wraps her arms around her much bigger son, rubbing his back. My mom stands in between Jeff and my dad, holding it all together for the most part. Everyone in our inner circle was stressing out about the trial just as much as Justin and I were.

‘Chris, how are you?’ My dad inquires causing all eyes to fall on me. ‘You seem pretty quiet.’

‘Like Justin said - just ready to put this behind us, finally.’ I reply looking up at Justin who was patting my back comfortingly. I almost laughed aloud at the amount of times Justin and I thought we were finally putting Carter behind us.

‘Okay, Chrissy… It’s just like we practiced.’ Mark lifts his briefcase up pulling the court room’s door open. ‘I’m gonna ask you some simple questions and then the defense will get their chance. Remember, they’re trying to make his phony insanity plea stick so they’re gonna try to rattle you. Try not to take their arguments personal. They’re just trying to win.’

‘Okay.’ I nod, wishing I could take anyone around me up to the stand when I go.

Before I knew it, we were all sitting along the first two rows in the court room. Spectators and reporters filled the room, some even standing. All pressed tightly together. The side door opens and all eyes focus on it. Carter was dressed in a suit that hung a little too big as he was carefully escorted to the table with his lawyer. We make eye contact causing him to send me a loud kiss from across the room. Justin’s hands grip the side of the wooden bench as his jaw tightens. Reporters gasp and quickly jot down words in their notepads, since phones weren’t allowed. I move closer to Justin for security and support as he pulls me under his arm. The judge strides slowly to his tall seat with his bright red folder tucked under his arm.

‘Good morning everyone,’ He allows us to sit with a motion of his hand, ‘As expected - it’s a full house today. I will not have my court room turned into a reality show or some sort of twisted spectacle. I will not tolerate outbursts for or against any side. We will listen quietly and carefully to each person. If anyone should object to this, I’ll hold you in contempt without warning. I will now bring the jury in so we can get started.’ The judge lectures as the bailiff opens another side door for the group of jurors. 9 women. 3 men. Each juror silently finds their place and sits down ever so often glancing at me as well as Justin. First Mark gives his opening statements and then it was Carter’s lawyer’s turn. I stopped paying attention once he tried to place all of the blame on Carter’s high school bullies.

‘I would like to call Chrissy Thorton up to the stand.’ Mark gives me a quick, supportive nod towards the chair next to the judge.

I glance at Justin who gives my hand a tight squeeze before giving me a slight push. The walk towards the stand felt like one of the longest of my life. My palms feel warm and slippery as I slowly sit in the fancy leather chair. After raising my right hand and reciting the typical oath I often hear on reruns of Law and Order.

‘So Miss. Thorton, can you describe your relationship with former Los Angeles police officer Larry Carter for the court today?’ Mark starts off nice and easy as we practiced.

‘Yes,’ I peep before scooting forward towards the microphone, ‘I first met Carter when he responded to a call my mom made. He was in my yard the night before.’

‘Objection!’ Carter’s lawyer calls from the table, ‘Miss. Thorton previously stated that she did not see the individual who was in her backyard that night.’

‘Sorry, he’s right.’ I find Justin in the crowded room, desperately trying to feel at ease. He offers me an it’s okay silently with the motion of his lips. ‘I didn’t see who it was that night. I just assumed after everything that happened it was Carter.’

‘Can you elaborate more on what exactly happened with Mr. Carter?’ Mark wonders walking towards the table, leaning against it.

‘Well, I first started getting these anonymous messages - handwritten. They were the rhymes, threatening me and my boyfriend. They would say things like “we’ll be together” or imply that my boyfriend, Justin was somehow an obstacle that needed to be removed. He even went so far as to steal a motorcycle jacket and my dog in retaliation. I didn't actually know that it was Carter until I received a message from a private investigator that I hired, after he was ran off the road by him. When Carter knew that I was on to him, he chased me into the woods and broke my phone so I couldn’t call for help. I don’t remember much between that and waking up in a shed, he knocked me out.’ I pause as Mark bends over pulling out poster-sized photos.

I squint as he walks over to jury. The shed. I hadn’t seen it since Justin and I made our escape nearly two years ago. An uneasy feeling rests in the pit of my stomach as Mark shows the jurors the photos. Several sympathetic eyes fall towards me.

‘This is where he kept you, correct? Away from your friends, family, and loved ones.’

‘Yes.’ I try to ease my breathing as Carter leans forward in his chair studying me.

Mark then retreats to the table once again. In a giant plastic bag he pulls out a rusty chain and places it in front of me. My mom audibly gasps placing a hand on her mouth. Jeff throws an arm around her to bring her close. Even Justin looked like he was going to be sick - or jump on Carter any minute.

‘Does this look familiar to you?’ Mark questions as I focus in on the cold metal in front of me.

‘It’s what he chained me up with, in the shed.’ I gulp allowing my fingers to graze over the material. ‘I was shackled by my ankles with it.’ Suddenly, it felt as if my throat was filled with wet cotton balls that I couldn’t swallow. Hold it in. I think to myself, nervously interlacing my fingers amongst themselves. A little while longer. You’re doing great.

‘How many days were you with Carter?’

‘I honestly couldn’t tell you, I didn’t count. The police told me it was a little over five days.’

‘And he didn’t stop after the shed incident, did he?’

‘No, after Carter plowed into me with Justin's car, I thought he was finally gone. He followed us to Canada and tried to run us off the highway, then he cornered me in a local store in Stratford. That’s where he held a gun to me and Justin. Just when I finally thought I had peace and control over my life again, he was released on bail. He had someone help him track me all the way in Paris, gave me some kind of sick nightgown and a bear with a camera hidden within the eye. He set off an explosion inside of the hotel we were staying at. Then to outdo himself, he was waiting in our apartment when we got back to LA. He had my brother, sisters, and stepmom tied up. That was the second time he held a gun to my face, threatening the lives of my loved ones. I know that this sounds wild and imaginative, almost like something you’d read in a unbelievable book online somewhere. You’d think to yourself that there’s no way that all of this could have happened and the insane amount of plot holes that don’t hold water. This is my life and apart of my story, unfortunately.’

‘How would you describe the emotional and psychological toll this has taken on you?’

‘I still have nightmares when I’m alone in my bed some nights. There could be times when I’m out in public and there’s a car that goes a little too slow or a person that gets a little close, I can feel myself about to have an anxiety attack. Part of me constantly wonders could this bogus insanity plea actually hold up and Carter decide to pay me one final visit months from now. I don’t want to give him another chance to hurt me or the people I care about so that’s why I’m here, shaking in this chair to share my story for the very first time publicly to a room full of strangers.’

‘Nothing further your honor.’ Mark nods his head before returning to the table.

I wipe my hands against my dress as Carter’s lawyer pushes his chair back to stand in front of me. Carter happily leans forward in his seat almost like he knew exactly what was about to happen.

‘Miss. Thorton, first - I just want to apologize the pain you have had to endure today by repeating your story. I want to ask you a little bit more about your experience with Larry Carter, if that’s okay.’

‘Sure.’

‘Alright, how would you describe the state of Mr. Carter during your time with him?’

‘Psychotic.’ I shift over uncomfortably trying to escape Carter’s gaze.

‘Did you ever feel like you were in immediate danger when with Mr. Carter?’

‘I did, constantly.’

‘But in your time with Mr. Carter he never physically harmed you, correct?’

‘No, I guess not.’ I mutter running a hand over the goosebumps on my arm.

‘You guess not,’ Carter’s lawyer nods walking over to the jury, ‘Isn’t true that Mr. Carter provided you with food, clothes, and a place to shower during your time with him?’

‘He also held me against my will.’

‘Your honor, please advise Miss. Thorton to answer only the questions asked of her.’

‘Miss. Thorton, please answer the question.’

‘He did, although the “clothes” that you refer to were thin, lace night gowns. I wasn’t dressing up to go along with whatever sick fantasy Carter had planned.’

‘Sick, psychotic. It’s interesting when you use those words to define Mr. Carter. Would you agree that he isn’t as sane as let’s say, you or me?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Come on Miss. Thorton, you just described Larry Carter as “sick” and “psychotic” in less than 10 minutes and now you say you don’t know if he’s sane?’

Justin’s brown eyes stare at me attentively, almost as if he was ready to run up and take my spot for me. Meanwhile, Mark runs a hand through his dark hair before rummaging through his briefcase. I glance at Carter as he cockily stretches back in his seat with his arms behind his head. Carter 1. Chrissy 0